stacy

i will start with this... i don't want to do this anymore. writing about my life is difficult and at many points since the start of blogging has felt, well, pointless. who cares about my life and why in the world does anyone want to read about the stuff that hits my brain? but each time i feel that way, each time i think about pulling the plug and stopping the sharing of the hard truths of life, God pulls me back and whispers in my ear to go forward. (this is a part one of a many part series, i am certain.)

my sister has cancer.

three times over the past two years i have found myself in the office of a doctor having lumps in my own breasts checked for cancer. three times, i have been given a bill of clean health. praise God! but back in may my sister was not given the same diagnosis. that has been hard for me and i have to keep refraining from asking why this has to be part of her story. God's big enough for that question, but i've learned over time that the better question is, "God, how are you going to use this for your glory?" i stand confident knowing that he will.

i should tell you a little about my sister. we didn't grow up digging each other so much. in fact, we had a tumultuous relationship. there were periods where we didn't speak. but back in the summer of 1997 a lot changed. i was engaged to a boy that lived in camp hill, pa. i was young and very much thought i was in love. and as it would happen, my sister moved to the neighboring town. i lived in my boyfriend's town for the summer and spent a lot of time with my sister, who was lonely, new to the area and at home with her newborn preemie (my beloved nephew benjamin).

it's funny as i look back on that time now and think about the relevance of that relationship in my life. i've asked God a few times about why in the world i went through that engagement and breakup and its purpose to my life story. today, the answer became clear to me.

that summer was a very challenging period of my life. i was living alone in an apartment, working opposite schedules of my boyfriend, working two jobs and never seeing the person i wanted to be with. as it turns out, i spent a lot of my time with my sister. over the course of that summer, she and i embarked on the journey of friendship. we would play cards, play with my nephew and chat.

towards the end of the summer, my relationship with my fiance ended. it was painful. but my sister was there to help me begin the process of piecing my life back together. i went back to school for my fall semester of student teaching and then graduated in december. somewhere between august and december, my sister and her husband invited me to come live with them. it's odd how it happened and at the time sort of felt like a cop-out move on my part. but i went anyway because i was sort of hoping that by being in close proximity to my ex we might be able to work things out. if you had said that was the reason i went back then, i would have told you that you were wrong. but looking back, that was the reason. and it was easy. i had two jobs that i could go back to, a place to live with my sister and the ability to restore a relationship that i wasn't convinced was over.

and so in january of 1998, i moved into my sister's home with her husband and my nephew. i lived there until the day that i moved to atlanta in august. through those eight months, i began to KNOW my sister and for the first time in my life, i enjoyed being with her in ways that i hadn't imagined were possible. (that might be hard to read as most siblings feel some sort of connection- but our journey was different and is way too much to unpack on this blog.)

after living with her, after an adult opportunity to really get to know her, i fell in love. she supported me while i was a hot mess. she didn't judge the decisions that i was making (in spite of the fact that anyone could have). she just loved me through it and was there for me. she supported me and listened as i tried to sort out my situation. for the first time in our relationship, i leaned on her and knew that she would not let me fall. in fact, it was her that encouraged me to take flight by moving to atlanta and following my passions. that road led to my beautiful husband, and in so many ways i have my sister to thank for that.

somewhere between pa and atlanta, i set my course in a different direction and got back on track to a normal productive life. my sister was with me through it all.

at the time that i moved to atlanta, my sister moved to the burbs of philly. she was pregnant with my second nephew, seth and her husband was embarking on a career path change. she proceeded to have six babies. for most of them, i was there by her side to help with her family, meet the new babe, and celebrate with her. the birth of my sisters fourth baby is especially memorable to me. my nephew was given a diagnosis of trisomy 18 at 21 weeks. at that time, i was living in chicago, far removed from my life in camp hill. in fact, i was engaged to my hubby and planning our october wedding. my sisters path and nephews diagnosis rattled me. it rattled me so much that i set out to do whatever it took to be present for his birth. God freed up some time in my life so that i was able to be there for his birth, several parts of his life, and the celebration of his death (celebration is a funny word to write- but it was! when God called that beautiful little boy home, i saw Christ in amazing ways that would write His love on my heart in ways that are undeniable, hard, and true.)

my mind gets blurred at this point- but i need to tell you, that if it weren't for my relationship with my sister, having had her been there for me in so many stages of my life, i don't know how i would face today.

as i said, i have often wondered where that engagement plays out in my story. i've asked God a million times, "why did that have to part of my story? couldn't i have just met the wonderful husband that i have today without having had walked through that other part? couldn't God just have given me scott without having this "failure" relationship as part of my history?"

he could have. i say that with certainty. but as i look back on it today, years later, i find myself thankful. because without it, i would not know my sister for the woman, mother, christian, friend that she truly is. if i had not said "yes" to the man that would not end up being the perfect man for me, i would not have the relationship that i have with my sister today. as she walks her cancer journey, i would not be intimately connected with her. i would not love her with the unconditional love, all encompassing love that i truly have for her. we would always be sisters, but the relationship would never be a part of my soul in the way that it is. it was in this realization that it became clear- this is how God used that part of my life for His glory. i know that without that era in my life, i wouldn't be bonded with her as i am today. i praise Him for that and for the fact that our relationship has even further blossomed over the years. i know that this bond we have between us brings glory to Him. He desires for us to be in unity and only He could have known how being in the same location at the same time could rewrite the path that my sister and i were on. He took it from broken and restored it. i am forever thankful.

today as i spoke with her, talked to family members that are by her side, and ached for her, i became clear of two things. the first is that God wants me to tell my story. he prompted me several years back to share my cancer scare on this very blog. i don't know why or how or the relevance of that in my life just yet, but i know it will unfold with time. i speculate that it could have something to do with the compassion that God stirred in me as i sat in that waiting room or the gentle reminder that we just don't know what the girl next to us is going through... when someone is rude at the till in the grocery store, or we get a honk in traffic... we just don't know their reality. it's easy to be fussed with others, but we just don't know what they face as they travel through the day. the human condition is a complicated thing and it would do us all a bit of good to just throw grace at the world with reckless abandon. i'm still fleshing this one out, but these are just a few thoughts that are floating between my ears today.

the second is that God uses everything in our lives for a purpose. nothing is irrelevant. nothing is not part of His plan. being engaged and having that engagement end was difficult beyond words, but the glimmer of light that emerged was a relationship that i could not have placed value on back then but see clearly today. as i think of my sister's cancer, i stand confident that it has purpose. the beauty of my sister is that i know she'll embrace it. me... i would have done some feet stomping and some fist pounding worrying about why, but her? she's not like that. she takes what looks like lemons to many and lets God make the most tasty lemonade you have ever experienced. the best part? she means it.

do you believe that life has purpose? do you know that God works even through the biggest trials in amazing ways? he does. i promise you that if you let Him, he can make tasty lemonade out of your life's lemons, too. and as much as i wish my sister didn't have to walk this path, as much as i want to have answers and know why this is part of her story, i stand confident knowing that He will bring forth fruit from it.

as i've been lingering in my thoughts, God directed me to 1 corinthians chapter 2 (vs. 6-13)...

we, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it's not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God's wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of His purposes. you don't find it lying around on the surface. it's not the latest message, but more like the oldest- what God determined as the way to bring out His best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. the experts of our day haven't a clue about what this eternal plan is. if they had, they wouldn't have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. that's why we have this scripture text:

no one's ever seen or heard anything like this,

never so much imagined anything quite like it-

what God has arranged for those who love him.

but you've seen and heard it because God by His spirit has brought it all out into the open before you. the Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. who ever knows what you're thinking and planning except yourself? the same with God- except that He not only knows what he's thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that He is giving us. we don't have to rely on the world's guesses and opinions. we didn't learn this by reading books or going to school, we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we're passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.

and so, while i considered pushing the "delete" button on this 'lil 'ol blog 'o mine, i have come to see that this is also part of my story. by sharing the hard that my family is experiencing, i hope that you see Jesus in a personal way. i pray that is true.

if you'd like to see a glimpse of how God is working in my sister, i'd like to invite you to follow her blog and see for yourself. it brings me to my knees on a daily basis.

jet plane (part III)

if you are just tuning in, you can catch up with this story line here and here. and for those of you that have been following along, you didn't think this story was over did you?

i'm skipping way ahead, now, but i think that it is aptly timed. this portion has two pertinent events. the first is that back in may (while my momma was visiting) we found OUR HOUSE. after a year of looking exclusively in the tri-valley our eyes landed on the property that fit all of our criteria... 4 bedrooms? check. some updates? check. area that could be designated as an office/playroom? check. yard? check... we walked into the showing and couldn't find any reason to not write an offer. on paper and in person, it had everything that we were looking for. and so we told our realtor that we were ready to write an offer. we looked at comps, we looked at the listing price, we considered our budget and we wrote an offer.

and it was accepted.

scott and i were both in disbelief. could it be that our journey towards "home" was finally coming to an end? and then in the days that followed, we learned that it was not to be. while it all looked good at first glance, the inspections revealed that there were a lot of potential problems. while our flesh wanted us to walk forward, our God sense kept telling us that we were to walk away. it was a challenging moment. on the part of my husband, i feel like he wants to provide for us. i think it is fair to say that when (and if) we buy a home, it will be the culmination of that. going back to renting after years of owning feels a bit like going backwards. for me, i have felt like the moment that we buy we can finally feel "at home". i long to scrutinize chips of paint and decorate the girlies rooms. i yearn for something that is "mine" and that i can put my stamp on. but as i walked through writing an offer, examining the reports, and mentally preparing to buy a home, i kept feeling nudged by God. i constantly was reminded that nothing in this world is "mine" and that the only stamp that i need is His stamp of approval. and at the end of the day, it just didn't feel like we had that. again, just like the first offer on our home in la grange, it felt like we were trying to force something that wasn't in God's plan for us. at the end of the day, i was reminded that "home" and "mine" are of the flesh. we have been provided for- for the love of pete, we live in a rental home that we saw four pictures of on-line- and it more than meets our needs.

if we had bought that house, we would have closed on june 30th. as the day approached, i kept feeling gratitude mount in my heart. it is amazing how much it hurt to walk away from that deal and then just a short time later, how relieved i was that we did. i am thankful.

the second pertinent event is that flight we missed a year ago last may. remember that? it's funny, but after we got home we kept thinking about it. on one hand, they told us that we couldn't get on the flight because our bag wouldn't make it. according to post-911 standards, all passengers must ride with their baggage. but if you recall, our bag ended up going ahead without us on the flight we weren't on.

we called the airline when we returned to chicago to discuss this with them and see what might be done about it. immediately, we were issued a credit towards a future flight.

and that brings us to the present. tomorrow, miss e and her momma (moi) will be traveling to chicago. i get chills as i type those words. we are headed to a week filled with lots of time with amazing friends. and that is all possible because a.) we missed our flight last may on a house hunting trip to pleasanton and b.) because we didn't close on a house on june 30th.

as i prepared for this trip over the past week and packed our bags today, i was overcome with gratitude. it is amazing how in the moment we look at the details and wonder why in the world things could be going so wrong, but when we look back on an event we can see that what looked "so wrong" was part of how God was writing our story.

you see, knowing that i was going to see my bestest girls for a week in july has been such oxygen for my soul. while i am coming to love california... while i am making friends in this wonderful town... while i am being shown ways to serve the kingdom in this place... while i have learned that "home" is wherever God places my family on this side of heaven... i desperately miss my friends. i miss being known. i miss being understood. i long to hang with my girlfriends and curl up in a good conversation about nothing at all in a familiar place. and while i long for that for me, i long for that for e.

and so tonight, on the eve of my departure, i stand in awe of my maker for knowing exactly what i would need a year before i would need it. i praise Him for providing those details that would make this story unfold and am in awe at how he knows me, understand me and loves me right down to the tiniest detail.

bubbles

with d as my babe, i think it is fair to say that life will always be interesting. today, for the second time this week, i discovered our little investigator with a soapy head. i was curious about the soapy head and asked her what might make her do such a thing... twice.

her response...

i not know. it's funny, momma. i'm like the picture. and then she giggled (which as a side note, is one of my favorite sounds in the world. d has a giggle like no other and it makes just about anything that is less than funny immediately funny).

and with a sigh and a smile, i plopped my little bug onto the kitchen counter for a little hair wash, salon style.

i am pretty certain that this might have enhanced the "soapy head" experience for her. earlier this week when she soaped her head (and the better half of our downstairs bathroom) i put her in the tub for a rinse. today, since it was contained to the head and she had just gotten dressed (by herself because that's the way she rolls) i opted for the sink. she was skeptical at first but then became enthralled as the experience unfolded. good news for me: more soapy heads and bathrooms are likely in my future... because i don't already have enough things to clean up. (don't let the sarcasm fool you, i wouldn't want my d any other way.)

and while i washed her head (making my charming hubby take photographs), i thought about two things. first, i contemplated her remark... "like the one in the picture". what was she talking about? i went through and tried to think of the pictures we might have seen over the course of the week. ding, ding, ding! it came to me... as part of my reward (ok, it's really bribery) attempts to keep d in her room for nap time i've been letting her pick out a reward each day after she has a successful nap that doesn't include any alcatraz-like escape strategies. on monday, the reward was a little book about opposites (photographed above). and there you have it, folks. apparently, i am responsible for the head and bathroom soaping experience. i did in fact give her the book. all d did was try to replicate the picture. she just didn't happen to have access to a shower cap like the kid in the photo. not her fault, right?

the second thing i thought about while i rinsed my delightful d's head concerned the soap that my girl used. let me just say, i'm pleased as a peach that my mischievous d chose shaklee's get clean hand soap. it's non-toxic and chemical free. while i'm not a big fan of wasting stuff, it was reassuring that she made such a body-safe choice in her soaping tools (not a tear in spite of the fact that there was a lot of the soapy stuff dripping down her head and into her eyes- not because the hair washer wasn't doing a good job, but because the soap application may have missed the target... or not really have had a target in mind as they were slinging soap around my bathroom and sudsing up... verdict still out on that one).

got "get clean"? i think you should (picture me with a big smile as i shamelessly plug my new found love in shaklee).

our sprinkler

in the heat of the summer we sometimes forget

how fun it is to get all wet

we giggle and laugh as everyone knows

as we run and we jump and get grass in our toes

our sprinkler gives us hours of fun

it keeps us cool from the hot summer sun.

our sprinkler by krystal beaudoin

a mountain revisited

back in april, i took this photo of the girls and blogged about the experience with my momma. you should know that as you read this post.


at the risk of inducing nausea, i will say that everything we are experiencing here in the great golden state is quite new to us. i have spent mere days here prior to taking my boots off (literally- i come from chicago) and calling this place home. i step out my front door on an almost daily basis and stand in awe at the majesty that lies before my eyes. every season has been a new experience. fall was filled with 90 degree days, thanksgiving and christmas were a combination of crisp leaves, bright sunshine and high the 60's. winter was rainy one day and then sunny and warm the next. the spring (due to el nino) was quite wet and chilly with temperatures fluctuating between the 50's and the low 70's. all of this to say, it is like nothing i have ever experienced before.


as winter gave way to spring my eyes constantly delighted in the various hues of green that went up and down, right and left, filled with foliage that was both familiar and unfamiliar (like in the picture above). it was breathtaking.


as i mentioned in my previous post, scott and i spent last weekend in san jose. i greatly enjoyed my drive there. first, it was delightful because i was alone. that doesn't happen often enough these days and when it does i tend to feel footloose and fancy free. second, without a car full of lovely ladies under the age of 6, momma gets to control the dial on the radio. need i say more? but lastly, i enjoyed this drive immensely because it was a new path for me. my eyes were again in awe of what they took in. on all sides i was greeted by the rise of a mountains and the slopes of valleys. it was unpredictable and delightful. some hillsides were dotted with cows, others with palm trees and they would gently roll into valleys holding developments and city centers that these east coast eyes had never seen.


as i marvelled at the beauty, it suddenly dawned on me that most of what i was taking in was brown dotted with green. it was such a strange transition from what the hills looked like just a few month before when my mom was visiting. i kept thinking back to that day when my momma wanted to climb one of our beautiful california hills. i kept wondering what that exact hill looked like right now, late in the month of june.


and so today, i took the girls to that "mountain" and we went for a little hike.



and just as i had suspected, the green had given way to brown dotted with green. the lush foliage of the well watered spring had given way to the sun-dried brown of summer... and it got me thinking about things bigger than a mountain in san ramon, ca.


you see, we are very much like these california hills. when we spend time in The Word, we are like watered fields...


and when we walk away from our daily time with our Father, we wither a bit and become less green and perhaps, more brown.


i can relate. you see, with the start of summer (three girlies non-stop from sun up to sun down 7 days a week) i'm not getting much (if any) time to myself. as i make this transition, i find that the time i meet with my maker is less than i would desire. i've found myself reading my book for my bible study, but not making much time for my Bible itself.


i kind of liken it to talking about someone you care about with a friend, but not actually talking to that friend. you see, i'm reading about my maker through the words of someone else, but not actually meeting with my maker. sure, i have continued with my prayer life. but a prayer life without time in The Bible is a lot like a one sided conversation.

and so today, as i laughed out loud on a hilltop in san ramon, i came to the realization that God is once again gently nudging me... "hey girl, i'm right here. in this california nature i speak to you and point you towards me, but the real way to meet me? pick up your bible, girl! you're just like these hills. when you're in My Word, you're lush and green but when you step back from what i have to say, you wither a bit and get brown around the edges. sure there are dots of green (those lessons you've learned) but there's still a lot of brown that creeps up (the lessons that i was teaching you)."

and so today, i was reminded that to get through this season i need to stay absorbed in Him. to keep my little plants from withering (three bambinas), i need to keep myself from withering. it's funny, but when i came home from our trip i went to my Bible. i am sad to report that in just a short period of time it had accumulated a fine layer of dust.


listen, heavens, i have something to tell you. attention, earth, i've got a mouth full of words. my teaching, let it fall like gentle rain, my words arrive like morning dew, like a sprinkling rain on new grass, like spring showers on the garden. for it's God's name that i'm preaching- respond to the greatness of our God. deutoronomy 32:1-3

give me the summary: explained

last weekend my hubby was in a wedding in san jose (about 30 min. away from where we live). knowing that we would be getting home late, we decided to take advantage of the opportunity and book an overnight sitter. we have two great adult sitters in our new town and were fortunate to have one of them available and agreeable to the proposition of watching our monkeys for a little under 24 hrs. with no family around this is a treat above all treats. i don't think my hubby and i have been alone together since november of '08 and we were in desperate need of a little respite from our daily duties. but i digress...

so my hubby headed off to the wedding festivities in the morning and i followed behind a few hours later leaving my kiddos in very capable hands. i was given strict instructions by my sitter to have fun, not to worry and that she'd text me if she needed me.

after the ceremony, i checked my phone. no messages.

a few hours into the reception, i looked down at my phone to discover that my kidderoos should be safely tucked in bed. i decided to give our sitter a quick text to see if all had gone well and to ensure that they were all snug as a bug.

the reply went something like this...

"um... didn't know d could jump out of her crib!"

my response went something like this...

"me either! yikes!"

apparently our very capable sitter was able to coax miss d to stay in her bed after several attempts of crib jumping and bedroom fleeing.

i crossed my fingers and prayed that this was a one time event and that our mischievous little d, who has an affinity for her bed, would not do this again.

that was not to be. the next day after we returned home, miss d hopped out of her crib over and over and over and over... again. we knew drastic measures needed to be implemented. my hubby was put to the task of removing the crib and i was put to the task of going to babies-r-us to find devices that would keep the crib jumper turned to mattress sleeper in her room.

to my dismay, i had to purchase a door knob device and an outside door locking device.

at bedtime, within moments, our spirited d had learned to dismantle the doorknob device. plan b had to be implemented. we installed the outside door lock which was met with great bouts of crying by our little d. on night one she ended up crying herself to sleep. i later found her in a puddle, sound asleep on her lovie bunny in the middle of her floor.

on day two, we implemented a reward chart and some other short-term incentives. they seem to have done the trick. miss d is now working towards earning a "big-girl bed". she is just a few night-time sleeps and a few naps away from this accomplishment.

it is important for me to say that i had NO IDEA what moms were talking about when they talked about this struggle. our compliant e would never have thought of venturing out of her room, let alone the safe confines of her crib. when we did make the move to a twin bed, she never did this.

it was a good reminder that each child is completely and utterly different. each requires a new and innovative parenting strategy and their own path of discipline.

and just an aside, d's monogrammed pillowcase from her nana is way cuter in person that the photograph that i captured earlier this week. in fact, it is her prized possession as of late.

give me the summary

so, let's switch things up a bit. under the typical blog post guidelines i tell you the story, post a picture or two... yada, yada, yada.

this is a story i don't want to tell... so, why don't you tell it to me. leave a comment that summarizes this photo. i'll fill you in on the real version in a couple of days.

cheers

my dear friend has been anxiously awaiting the news that she and her hubby can go to ethiopia to meet their new baby. they have been waiting for a really long time. she posted a picture of her fridge yesterday because she said that she is often intrigued by the contents. that resonates with me. i often look into my own ice box and consider if what's inside reflects the way that i say we live. i go on record professing to be organic, a foodie of sorts, and a lover of fresh produce. after reading my friends post i opened my fridge to examine it. it's a hot mess! i am in desperate need of a grocery run, but i thought i'd share a glimpse.

my friend also highlighted a bottle of bubbly that she just put on ice for the day they get their big news. it made me smile and secretly wish that i could live nearby (like i once did) to clink glasses with them when that news comes.

and so, i too, added a bottle of bubbly to my chiller. although we won't get to share in this moment physically, we will in spirit. love you, sweet girl and can't wait until you get that call.

zoom

a picture
is worth

a thousand

words

daughters

fathers be good to your daughters

daughters will love like you do

girls become lovers who turn into mothers

so mothers, be good to your daughters too

fathers be good to your daughters

daughters will love like you do

girls become lovers

who turn into mothers

so mothers,

be good to your daughters too

fathers be good

to your daughters

daughters will love like you do.

i'm so thankful for the way my girlies daddy loves them. they are the apple of his eye and any man would be lucky to be loved the way he loves them.

love you, babe!

don't blink

it is amazing how fast life goes by. if you blink your eyes, you might miss it.

once upon a time there was a two year old that was obsessed with the veggie tales movies. this child was particularly fascinated with larryboy. if you know the story line, larryboy defeats the bad apple and claims victory over temptation. larryboy also happens to be a cucumber. this two year old wanted to watch larryboy over and over and over and over.... you get the idea.

one day the daddy of this two year old discovered a larryboy watch for sale at the jewel/osco around the corner. knowing it would delight his babe, he bought the watch and presented it to his little one. the little one was elated beyond measure. not really understanding the concept of time or having a grasp on the purpose of a watch, this two year old became creative. once the watch was placed onto their adorable chubby wrist, this two year old declared their new name to be larryboy. (apparently, the two year old had decided that this watch was a name changing, superman cape like device that transformed them from charming two year old into the amazing larryboy, defeater of temptation and lover of chocolate.) everywhere that they went, the watch was on the wrist and the name announced HAD to be larryboy. people that had known this child for a lifetime suddenly found that the child no longer responded to their given name and were a little stunned when this precocious toddler announced that the new name they would like to be called was larryboy. the parents of this little one found themselves doing a lot of explaining. while the veggie tales series is known, it isn't THAT well known. and so they would go out into the world. larryboy would announce that they were, in fact, larryboy. the parents would tell a brief little story of how this came to be and people would nod, laugh and try to use the new name (and probably exchanging looks over the heads of the parents).

but like all things with kids, one day it's in and the next day it's out. it was almost as if it had never happened.

a few months passed and the parents were secretly thrilled that larryboy had retired from being a cucumber super hero. they were delighted to have their babe back and a little bit relieved to not have to explain the saga of larryboy countless times a day.

fast forward a few months. this family took a much needed vacation to jamaica. they were greeted by the concierge and taken to their rooms. while walking from the front desk down to their room, some chit chat was exchanged. it was the normal stuff... "where are you from?" "what sort of things do you enjoy doing while on vacation?" etc. and then the lady turned to the almost three year old and asked for their name... there was a pause. there was an indication that the child didn't want to speak and was extremely tired from the hours of travel, but the parents gave the child a gentle nod and encouraged them to share their name with the lady...

"go ahead, honey, tell her your name."

the child hesitated and began to say their name, but suddenly paused. and then out of no where they declared: "larryboy!"

well the jamaican concierge just thought that was a hoot. she laughed out loud, gave larryboy a fist bump, and then looked at the crazy american parents like they had lost their minds. the parents just stood there dumbfounded for they had thought that this name had been retired. and in jamaica, it's difficult to explain the whole veggie tales, bad apple, cucumber, watch that transforms a kiddo into a superhero thing. and so the parents just laughed and nodded and went along with it. for the rest of the week, every time the parents left their room with the toddler, the concierge would pop out and yell, "LARRYBOY! good to see you!"

it's hard to believe that happened over three years ago! i was reminded of this story last week and took a long hard pause. how is it possible that larry boy is now almost six? how is it possible that larryboy (who thankfully goes by HER given name now) has just finished kindergarten? is it really true that the parents of larryboy now find themselves to be the parents of two more precocious children? it has passed in the blink of an eye. but this week, this momma (proud momma of larryboy) found herself at the last day of her sweet baby girl's first year of school watching the infamous larryboy perform for the parents. on sunday, larryboy (aka "e") moved up to the first grade room at church...

here she is, larryboy the singing wonder (and a bunch of other cutie patooties from her class):

note to self: don't blink!

*facebook viewers need to hop on over to http://www.diaryofasuburbanmomma.blogspot.com to view the video

*pause the music player on the right to hear these muffins sing.

every little step i take...

i finally caught these on film. take a look at this cute little button!

**facebookers, hop on over here to view the video. pause the music to hear miss p.

Welcome Home

i was reminded of this song tonight. i love it for so many reasons. i am a visual person and it gives such a good mind picture of the heart. it resonates with me because as much as i like to think that i am making great strides, i've got a whole lot more to "kick to the curb".

isn't shaun's explanation wonderful?

if you are checking this out through facebook, click here to see the clip. don't forget to must the music player on the side.

jet plane (part II)

(this is part two of a "should have been told a way long time ago" series. if you missed part one, you can catch up by clicking here and then come on back for this second installment.)

so we arrived home a little bit weary, but thankful we had gone. when we booked that trip, we assumed that our house would have been under contract by that point. when we booked that trip, we thought we'd have an extra day. when we booked that trip, we thought we might be making an offer... while that trip didn't look at all like we thought, and we still weren't really sure of the purpose of missing that flight in the God scheme of things, we knew we were still in that "open door" period.

it was the end of may and we had signed a listing agreement with our realtor until mid-july. that "open door" period was beginning to look a bit more like a cracked open door, but it was still not closed. and so we continued to wait.


just a few days later, we got an offer. it was low. really low. but we thought, "ok God, if you are throwing us a bone here, we want to be willing. help us to see how we can go forward with this offer."


and as the negotiations unfolded, we realized that we would loose our shirts, that our agent was going to have to throw in some stuff that we didn't think was fair (because the buyers demanded that both agents cut some expenses), and we discovered that they wanted us to engage in some unethical real estate practices. that was a closed door for us.


so sadly, we walked away from the offer. lots of people around us kept telling us that the first offer is almost always the best, but we just couldn't move forward knowing that what they wanted us to do was (on their part) not really ethical. it would have been easy to say, "well, that's on them", but neither scott or i felt like God's plan would involve that sort of compromise. we were depressed, and if i'm honest, we were also a little bit relieved. it looked like we were finally at the end of the road. we had just two weeks left on our listing agreement, we were two weeks away from our due date with poppy, and we were ready to be done with this whole ordeal.


and so we just sort of sat back and watched as a tiny crack in the door would inevitable come to a close.


and then we had a showing. turns out, it was a family that had looked at it back when we first listed. turns out, they had just sold their condo in the city. turns out the husband worked with one of scott's best friends. turns out, the wife was the sister of e's best suburban friend's dad. and as cold only happen when God is driving the boat, they made us an offer. it was low, but it was exactly $100 more than our drop-dead bottom price.


coincidence? i don't think so. i think it was more like God giving me the reassurance that my home was going to people that i could feel safe with. you see, my home in la grange was the home that i had hoped to grow old in. slowly, we were making improvements and making it a better piece of property (we bought it as-is and let me reassure you it had a long way to go), turning it from a quaint historic home into OUR home. knowing the connections that we had with these people, i felt like i could let that go. it was the way God provided for my heart.


but He didn't stop there.


the fact that the closing date worked to a tee with my delivery of poppy, the fact that the price settled on was within our assessment of reasonable (not more making us a profit, but not less leaving us without the means to buy again)... those were the ways in which we felt God provided for our needs.


notice, He didn't give us our wants (a return on our investment). for a brief moment that bummed me out, but when i really thought it through it brought a smile to my face. you see, it showed me that God cares about us so much. He cares about the intimate details in our lives and comes through for us. He does this on His time table and He does this in His way.


and while I would have loved to sell with multiple offers, above asking, when we first listed and live in a rental pad in the city just one last time before, that just wasn't in His plan for me.


in retrospect, i can see how special those last months in la grange were to me. i got to spend time with cherished friends, hang at the pool with my usual peeps, and even see one of my best friends finally move into their home just around the corner (that is its own amazing story!). i can also see how important they were for e. as we were in the midst of a lot of transition (house constantly in "showing condition", end of school, not certain if she'd be headed back to preschool or off to kindergarten, saying good-bye to beloved friends, and new baby on the way) that time in our house provided her with the stability that she needed. and never once did she have to miss her sweet little friends and go play city slicker like her momma had secretly (or not so secretly) wanted. right up until the day we left, her little life was as intact as it could be and that was a gift that we did not even know we needed until after we had departed.

i should insert that somewhere between memorial day weekend and that first offer, scott and i resumed a practice that we had neglected for a while. we began to pray together. it was beautiful and perfectly timed how suddenly, in the midst of all this unknown i could cling to my husband and to my Father each evening with a heart praise, confession and requests. and it was another one of those pivotal moments for me. each night as we held hands and went to the feet of Jesus together, i suddenly began to see that the details didn't matter. i began to have a glimpse that the details were far less important (yet still very much taken care of) than the experience God was walking us through.


you see, it became really clear to me in those moments that God cared so much about how we were doing this, rather than what we were doing. it became clear that the journey was way more important than the destination. now i believe that it is God's plan for us to be in pleasanton, but i also believe that he used this journey for far bigger things. it was used to reestablish a marital prayer life and to develop a softness that only comes when you are in the midst of a challenge. it was used to establish a complete dependence on Him and it was used as a way to gently remind me that while i may be blessed with the skill of planning (i can't help but giggle as i write that), my plan is not the plan that matters (gasp). in fact, i learned that doing life with God means laying down your plan because you know that His plan is far better than any plan you could possibly conjure up.


that's a tough one for someone who really enjoys a good plan, and i promise to elaborate on that somewhere down the road. but for now, i can simply say that for me, it is what i know to be true.

preserve (plus a little bonus at checkout)

every once in a while i run across a product that stops me dead in my tracks. few and far between you find the company that is so far ahead of the norm and much closer to where we should be, and when this happens to me it makes me... well, giddy.

today, while doing the weekly grocery run i had one of those giddy, track stopping, few and far between moments.

nothing crazy- i just happened to need a new tooth brush. usually i remember this at the local drug store but the past few runs i have plum forgot. if i had remembered at rite-aid, i would have grabbed for a reach toothbrush, soft with a red handle or maybe green, and been on my way. but today, i remembered this little piece of info at whole foods. having just replaced my kiddos brushes last week at whole foods, and having been pleased with the selection, i made my way to the dental hygiene section to have me a little looksie.

and here is what i found:

a pure piece of genius, if i do say so myself.
not much to look at from the wrapper? well, let me fill you in on the ever so awesome details. my friends at preserve (a company that was birthed to help preserve the planet... hence the name) has a deal with stonyfield farms (the yogurt guys) and they also have a recycling bin deal with whole foods locations nation wide where they collect #5 plastics. they then take their collection of #5's and melt them down to make a slew of products. the newest one... the preserve toothbrush that sells for $2.55. well, what's so special about that, one might ask? the little toothbrush comes in a postage paid mailer that allows you to ship your used toothbrush back to the good folks at preserve, where they take your handy dandy #5 and melt it down again into a new toothbrush. pure genius!

not only is it less expensive than the reach i typically buy, but it's a fresh approach to recycling. by keeping the #5's together you run less of a risk of contamination (yes, lots of stuff that you put in your curb side bin never makes it to the recycling process because of the folks that may be a little bit less aware of what is in fact recyclable). while giving a recycled product (#5 yogurt cups and the like) a second life, it goes one step further. it gives it a third, fourth, fifth... life.

they also do the same thing with those brita filters that aren't recyclable in most communities. they do this same thing with razor handles, too. and in case you were wondering, they are bpa free and come in fancy colors.

even better... you can buy a years worth from the website for a mere $13 and the first one comes in a handy recycled case, allowing you to get a new brush every three months. amazing!

could it get better than that? yep! if you enter stony20 in the checkout coupon code box, you can get 20% off. my friend jill discovered this-- seriously, you coupon people are pretty awesome. i didn't even think of looking and if i had thought of it... i wouldn't know where to look. jill, i'm impressed!

so go on... get your picnic plates for your memorial day bbq, your toothbrush and whatever else it is that strikes your fancy... just don't forget to do it while saving 20%!

waking up is hard to do

my little poppy turned 10 months old today. my favorite time with her these days is getting her up out of her bed. sometimes i find her happy and awake, just hanging out. and other times, i have to wake her up in order to pick e up from school in time. either way, she is just a burst of sunshine.

her current milestones are two bottom teeth, a few steps under her belt (i have personally caught her walking a few steps at three different times), a few words (dadda, more, momma, ellie, uh-oh and baba) and finally a mastery of the sippy cup and bottle. she's also digging solids.

she's still very much a momma's girl. you can usually find her under my heals, pulling on my pant leg.

i won't talk about her nighttime routine because it is that depressing, but let's just say this momma is really looking forward to a full nights sleep. it's bound to happen sooner or later, right?

until then, sweet p, i'll just cherish those midnight moments we have together.

*to view the video jump on over to http://www.diaryofasuburbanmomma.blogspot.com

**don't forget to pause the music player on the right.

i'm a leavin' on a jet plane...

exactly one year ago e, scott and i were boarding a plane in chicago to come check out pleasanton for the first time... i've been thinking about it all week and contemplating the mental state i was in last year and the mental state of the present. i've been thinking about our family and how it has changed so much and how we have grown (in number and together). it is an interesting place to be standing. and for so much of this year, i have been more of a soft blogger. as we have gone into this journey, i think i have been more private in our God story than i ever have been before.

i went back today and looked at my old blog and realized that i have never told you a single detail about our move.

i think it's time to change all of that. i should probably start with a correction. i said that it was one year ago that we were boarding a plane. but that isn't exactly how that story shook out. let me explain.

one year ago... to the day, we dropped off baby d at my friend jen's house and headed to o'hare airport. i was a bundle of nerves and excitement. we had committed to moving to pleasanton if our home sold, but we had never stepped foot in the town. there we were, about to bridge that gap for the first time. dropping off d was a bit emotional for me. it was hard to know that we were leaving her so many miles behind as we took these steps, but we knew we had too much ground to cover with a little one. we also knew that it was going to be rough on e, but realized that she was old enough to need to see this new place that was going to be home.

where was i... we headed off to the airport. and somehow traffic that should have a been a little bit bad became parking lot traffic. we tried not to worry. we are the kind of family that gets to the airport with enough time to check in, eat lunch, take a nap, browse through the book store, hike a mountain, read three books that we picked up in the bookstore and still make our flight. (ok- so if i'm honest, "we" aren't really so much as "the kind of family" that does that. the real truth is that is just how my hubby rolls and as his wife i am along for that ride. and he might take a little bit of good natured ribbing for this... or should i say, used to, before this trip.) eventually we parked the car at the airport and realized it was time for a little bit of running.

and so we hustled... to a line that was forever long and just so happened to be the wrong line. after wasting some precious minutes in that wrong line we headed to the right line... where they told us to just take our bag (which was more like the size of a u-haul truck) to the security line. and so we did only to be met by the security people who gave us a "what you talkin' 'bout, willis" kind of look and sent us back to the regular check-in. oh, and did i mention that we had already been in that line? did i mention that it was a million miles long? did i mention that e hadn't had dinner yet, because we were sort of counting on a wee bit of extra time at the airport... to nap, read books and do whatever else it is that those early airport arrivers do?

and here is where the story gets interesting.

scott and i separated. he went back to the line with the bag and i went through security with the girl... you know, to get her a proper dinner.

and it just so happens that our gate was the one that is super far. it also just so happens that our gate is the one that requires you to travel on a mile long underground people mover. somewhere between leaving scott and the gate (underground on the people mover), i looked down at my phone to get a glimpse at the time. and then this pregnant momma almost went into labor... right there on the people mover underground in o'hare airport on my way to pleasanton for the very first time! up until this point i was sort of depending on my better half to keep track of the time and i was pulling my weight by taking care of the girl (plural if you count the one in my belly that was doing a gymnastic routine at that precise moment). and so i began to run. i grabbed e by the hand (who was happily enjoying the neon lights that line the ceiling over the people mover... if you've been to o'hare you know what i'm talking about) and began to bust-a-move. we ran. at one point i picked her up and ran with her in my arms. i was like a track star... you know, nine months pregnant and carrying a four year old and a few carry-on bags to boot.

and we made it! we arrived at the door as they were paging "buser? party of three? united airways is looking for the buser party at their gate.". i ran up and let them know we had arrived and that my husband was on his way... and then tried to catch my breath and avoid giving birth at the gate.

...at which point, the lady informed me that we had to get on the plane NOW. apparently a storm was coming in and if they didn't close that door that instant we were not going to be able to take off period. i, like a deer in headlights, slowly made my way to the gate while frantically dialing scott. in my head i thought i could syke her out and lead her to believe that all was well and that we would comply. but... at that moment my hubby was under the neon lights on the million mile long people mover... underground. and if you know anything about being underground, you know that is not a location where you get cellular signals.

his phone was ringing off the hook, i was frantically redialing and the lady was giving me an ultimatum: get on the plane or not, but either way i am closing these doors.

and as she closed the doors this momma began to bawl. now i know that doing so was not in the best interest of e, but this hormonal, preggo, d missing, marathon running momma who can normally keep it together simply lost it. naturally, e followed suit.

cue scott emerging from the neon people mover of doom.

we then found ourselves waiting in lines, getting on standby, waiting in more lines, playing the "preggers moving to california" card (with no positive result), waiting, waiting, finally getting e a proper dinner, waiting and then getting back into the car to go home because we had officially run out of options. somewhere in the middle of this ordeal, scott called another airline and booked three tickets on another airline at another airport for early the next morning. oh, and i forgot to mention, our bag that seemed to be such a big issue made it on the first flight to san francisco.

we arrived home at 10:30 pm (we had left the house to drop off d at 3). we had to do laundry as all of e's clean undergarments were in the bag headed to calli. we had to re-pack and we had to leave for the airport at 4 am. we made some calls to our realtor to reschedule our showings. we called the hotel to cancel the first night. we called the car rental place to cancel and re-book.... and we growled at one another. in fact, it was pretty heated and less than attractive.

i declared in that moment that i was not, in fact, going to the airport the next day. at the start of this journey we had felt very clearly that God had said, "walk through one door at a time. no more. no less. don't get ahead of me and try to plan this all out, just have faith in me that i have a plan for you. i'll show it to you one door at a time." for me, missing that flight looked a lot like a closed door. it was quite difficult to walk through the door when the lady closed it right in the face of me and e, thank you very much. after sharing THAT information with scott, i laid down on the couch... to stop the contractions that were coming at regular intervals.

and as i lay there, i felt God gently bringing a calm to my body. i began to sense that all of my emotion was the result of fear and that we did in fact still have a door to walk through... when all of the flights were booked out of o'hare for the remainder of the holiday weekend, somehow, we were able to get three seats on a plane out of midway. it wasn't the plan we had in place, but it was very much an open door.

train me, God, to walk straight, then i'll follow your true path. put me together, one heart and mind; then, undivided, i'll worship in joyful fear. from the bottom of my heart i thank you, dear Lord; i've never kept secret what you're up to. you've always been great toward me- what love! you snatched me from the brink of disaster! God, these bullies have reared their heads! a gang of thugs is after me- and they don't care a thing about you. but you, o God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. so look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on, save your dear, dear child! make a show of how much you love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, as you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet (psalm 86: 11-17 the message).

and so i got up, i resumed packing, went to bed and got up the next morning to head to the airport. i did this with a somewhat reluctant heart, but with each step, i felt God pushing me onward. and with each nudge, my heart began to soften. and with each softening, i began to truly embrace this particular open door.

our plane landed and we were greeted by the california sun. and that sun warmed me in a way that felt like the Holy Spirit was reaching down and hugging me.

every part of our trip was pretty sucky. we had to pick up our luggage at another airport, scott had a work function on our first night, e lost her dinner at the table as she and i ate together alone in a sidewalk cafe of downtown pleasanton... all over herself and me, every house we looked at made me want to cry with its ugliness, the three that were slightly palatable had offers on them before we reached the ground back in chicago... and our house hadn't even sold yet.

but i can tell you, that weekend marked a change in our journey. it brought a calm to my soul and a reassurance that we should just keep walking forward

one

step

at

a

time.

to be cont'd...

it's official

*if you try to view this on facebook, you won't be able to see the video clip. go to www.diaryofasuburbanmomma.blogspot.com and that problem will be fixed.

*remember to pause the music on the right side so that you can hear.

hidden villa

today we took a little road trip after church

to a little place called hidden villa in los altos hills.

it's a big organic farm, educational center, csa grounds and walking trail site. oh, and they also have a hostile (in case you're interested).

it was pretty wonderful to see chickens lay eggs,

take in the kitschiness that the site had to offer,

and beauty

and pigs.

oh, and did i say beauty?

there was even a cool vintage vibe.

and my girls were delightful.

and we rolled up our pants and played in a creek

which was a lot of fun.

and even sweet poppy became one with the earth

and with some cheese crackers.

and i continued a wonderful weekend with the love of my life.

we even tried to teach e some photography 101 (which required a little bit of ducking and dodging to be sure to be in the frame).

d played in this little grapevine hut in the middle of an organic garden.

it was a wonderful windy day.

and i think we'll go back soon.

p.s. we discovered this little gem on the website www.sfkids.org which is my new fave! they have this amazing calendar for all types of events and locations. just click on a date and you are bound to discover an adventure that meets your fancy.