God sounds like...

a while ago our church did a series titled, "God sounds like".  they went through different genres of music and paralleled the composition style of the music to characteristics of God (i'm having a hard time describing it so i'm going to go ahead and stick with that description). 

i kept waiting for the hip-hop / pop music week.  it didn't happen.  don't get me wrong.  the series was way good, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a wee bit disappointed. 

it got me thinking...  and listening to the radio with a bit of intentionality.  if God were to be captured by a hip-hop / pop song, which song would it be?  at first look, i realized that my kids shouldn't be listening to the radio without some serious adult supervision.  there's a ton of songs that have catchy choruses and toe tapping beats that are downright raunchy when you fully listen to the lyrics. 

but i didn't want to give up in my quest. 

here's what i've come up with...  God sounds a lot like bruno mars (grenade).  go ahead, take a listen.  i'll be right here when you return.

 

anyone got my back on this one?  isn't it fair to say that Jesus is a lot like the dude that bruno sings about?  bruno's dude is catching grenades and jumping in front of trains and all he's asking in return is that this girl give him all of her love.  not too much to ask, right?  that's what my man Jesus wants from us too.  He died (on a cross not by a bullet in the brain but on a very real cross... and either way you arrive at the same ending) for us and asks us to love him in return.  He asks us to die for Him, too.  not a physical death but a death from self in exchange for a lifetime in heaven.  not such a bad trade if you think about it. 

the first lines of the song are...

easy come, easy go that's just how you live.  oh, take take take it all but you never give.

i've been thinking of that line a great deal over the past few months.  grace based faith is important for many reasons but it can't just end there.  we can't just take what God has given to us and leave it at that.  we are called to action. 

what does that look like?  sometimes i get caught up in the grander things that God calls some of us to do.  but i think our calling, in its simplest form, produces things like

spending time with Him

in prayer

in His word

in worship (even through a bruno mars song)

it can be a patience with the irritatingly slow lady at the gas station

a kind smile to the momma who's babes are having a meltdown in the grocery checkout

being present in the life of someone going through the challenges life has thrown at them...

the opportunities are endless.

and i must admit, i often miss the mark and don't answer the call of the Holy Spirit to step out of myself and be the girl that gives. 

and so for me, sometimes God sounds like grenade by bruno mars.

but the good news is that the lyrics in my song change.   so can yours.  we all get to choose today to follow a different path.  we get to choose Him and to love Him and to live in a way where we don't just take His grace but answer the call that we hear deep within our hearts.  we get to give back in response to this unbelievable sacrifice made on our behalf.

the end. 

p at age 2

my p is following in the footsteps of her big sister d.  she is full of adventure.  short on fear.  constantly seeking giggles.  searching for thrills.  she makes the other moms at the park gasp.  she usually has dirty toes.  her hair is perpetually in her eyes.  and she brings much joy (and exhaustion) to my days.





my dad's really old

in july i had the privilege of celebrating my dad's 70th birthday- he didn't actually turn 70 until september but he's difficult like that.  you have to surprise the guy way ahead of time to get one past him. i made the trip to ny under the mask of attending an old friends wedding in the town where i grew up- not sure how he bought it as i haven't been back there in a bazillion years, but he did.  i spent the day before the party hanging out with the family and some close friends of my dad.  on saturday morning he went off for a golf extravaganza not having a clue what was to come.  when he arrived home from golf, he was greeted in the street by all of his family and tons of his life-long friends.  it was beautiful.  i loved looking around and seeing all of these people that he has done life with.  by now, you know that i value relationships a great deal.  friendships mean a lot to me.  i owe this value to my dear old dad.  attending the party were friends he has had from every part of his life.  there were peeps from his childhood, golf buddies, pals from before he had kids, pals from his years in marcellus and pals from his current hood that have become family.  and each person in attendance celebrated the man that he is- a man of relationships, a man of humor, a man of adventure. 

with siblings strung across the united states, it is a rare day for all of us to be together.  i cherish the brief time that we all had to be together.  it was lovely to hang out with them and share conversations, stories and old family videos. 





i have some pretty amazing siblings.  my brother lives in austin and is going to school and working for a really cool company.  stacy is a homeschooling momma with 5 kiddos in her "school"- that makes me tired to even think about, a leader of her women's ministry at her church, and the caretaker for my momma.  heather is a proud momma of 3, a fashionista, cabi consultant and closet auditor.  and my littlest sister, amanda is steps away from getting her masters and about to start pa school.  it makes me proud to think about all of them.  each one is beautiful and accomplished in such unique ways.



i went to sleep on saturday night on an aerobed on the floor of our guest room.  billy was at the foot of my mattress on the floor and heather and amanda were sharing the queen bed.  stacy and her fam were just down the hall in one direction and my dad and smom were just down the hall in the other direction. 

the weirdest thing overcame me as i tried to sleep.  i was giddy.  i can't really remember the last time that we were all under the same roof of my father's home, tucked into our beds together.  most families experience this their entire life, but for me this is an unusual occurrence.  i didn't want to close my eyes and drift off into dreamland because i just wanted to savor the moment. 

while this was very much a wonderful way to celebrate my daddy, it was just as memorable for me.  i will replay scenes from this weekend for years to come and will not soon forget the incredible feeling of togetherness. 

i am grateful.  thanks, dad, for a reason to assemble.  you are one of kind and i love you so very much.

a bunny and a grandma

i would like to go on record saying that my grandmother is the most amazing woman i have ever known.  i know a lot of pretty cool women, but she takes the cake and always has.  i had the privilege of hosting her and my father for a visit (i promise to write more about the rest of the trip soon), but today i want to highlight this particular part.  mostly, because my dad asked me to post these pics and i thought they were lost forever in my cell phone that fell apart in my hands on friday.  lucky for me, i had them stored in my camera and not my phone. 

gigi, as she is called by my girls, thought it was a hoot that we had a leash for our pet rabbits.  in fact, i think she thought it was a hoot that we had pet rabbits in the first place.  she wanted to be sure we captured her "walking the bunny" so she could show her gal pals and daughters. 

so here you have it:  gigi walking the bunny.  named lucy.  who we thought was a girl.  but have reason to suspect might be a boy.  oy!  (i'll keep you posted on that one.)

 and may i just highlight that gigi is going to be 92 in november.  have you ever seen such a sassy dresser?  i mean really, she has on boot cut jeans and is ever so stylish!  i just wanted to point that out because...  well, my gigi is pretty amazing.  but she's not just amazing for her outward stuff...  she shared with me some pretty cool tips on life.

one of the things that i will hold onto is her attitude about life.  our conversation began with me asking her what she believed was the greatest invention in her lifetime.  i wanted to know what changed her life the most and impacted her directly.  she answered it with, "well, the airplane was pretty amazing but it didn't change my life right away.  flying was so expensive and as a girl, i didn't fly until much later in life.  i think it was the television or the radio.  it was a family activity and maybe even a neighborhood activity.  you didn't watch or listen alone.  you would invite friends over and share a program together and it also helped you to be connected with what was going on in the world."  cool perspective. 

and then i asked her if it was difficult to see all the changes that she has seen in her lifetime.  i asked her if she felt like our world now was a scarier place now than at other times in her life.

her answer was pretty amazing.  she said, "tasha, the world has changed.  it gets bad and then it gets better.  it has highs and it has lows.  at one point you think this is the very worst and how could it possibly get better from here.  and then it gets better.  it's like a pendulum going back and forth between good times and bad.  i always find that it is best to just look forward.  there isn't any benefit to looking back.  sure, it's hard to adapt but life goes forward and if you refuse to move forward with it, it will leave you behind." 

i love that.  i think that as human beings we have a tendency to pine for the past.  we put on our rose colored glasses and trick ourselves into thinking that what we once had was better than what we have now.  i remember as a new mom i had days where i wondered why in the world we would have rocked our "no kids" boat.  we were foot loose and fancy free- not tied to naps or covered in spit up.  and yet, we didn't have our precious e.  sure, being a new mom is hard, but it is in fact better.  sometimes you have to climb out of the dirty nappies to see that (so to speak), but it's true. 

when we moved to california i thought similar thoughts.  i longed for chicago and my home in la grange.  i had moments where sadness took over and i tricked myself into thinking that if i could just go back i would be in glory land.  not true.  glory land is the here and now.  glory land is grabbing a snuggle with p or catching the twinkle in the eyes of d.  it is a quick kiss from my husband or reading with my dear e.  glory land is dinner with my p-town girls or glimpse up at this beautiful california sky.  it isn't absent of pain or frustration.  it isn't perfection but it is what is happening now.  it's showing up.  it's being attentive for the person that needs a smile or a hug.  it's being willing to listen.  it's sharing a meal or a coffee.  it's meeting at the park.  and instead of just "passing the time"  it is engaging with those that you are surrounded by.

i am so grateful for my grandmother.  i cherish her wisdom and am beyond thankful for each and every moment i get to spend with her.  she is wise...  beyond her years. 

(all things in quotes are paraphrases as i remember them.)

10k part 2011

this morning i ran in my 2nd annual 10k for breast cancer.  last year, thanks to so much generosity from so many of you, i ran to raise money for my sister.  it was motivating.  with each step, with each mile, i knew that i was taking hard earned money from your wallets in an effort to alleviate some burden on my sister's cancer induced financial strain.  i felt this responsibility to run, to do my best, to "earn" that money for her, so to speak.  it also felt overwhelming and minimal and "not enough".  my sister was in the middle of a fight for her life and i was sweating a little bit, enjoying some time with a friend, and taking in some amazing views found in freemont, ca. 

my siter has spent the better part of the last year "fighting".  she has endured months of chemo, daily radiation, a handful of surgeries, and a very regular schedule of being poked and prodded by a team of doctors.  sounds fun, right?  yeah, i don't think so either.  she's done it with a smile, with a sense of strength, and with a faith in God like i can't describe.  i am not surprised- it's who she's always been.  but it has been inspiring to watch. 

her cancer diagnosis has shaken me a little.  i've asked God a lot of questions about the how's and why's of all of this.  and with His help, i've come to formulate some opinions on the matter.  i'll come back to this in a minute.

today i ran with a dear friend of mine, dawn.  she lost her momma to cancer a few years ago.  i don't think it is a coincidence that our first "real" conversation was about her mom, cancer and their journey.  it happened a few months prior to stacy's diagnosis and i've thought about it so many times since.  i had no idea what was in store for my beloved sister.  and yet, right before i would need it, God placed an amazing woman in my life that would know the journey well.  i also ran with dawn's cousin today, and while i don't know her personally, i do know of how she supported dawn's family by being present at the funeral of dawn's mom.

i ran the first half of the race with these two beautiful women.  we chatted, we sweat, and passed the time.  it was nice.

about half way through the race the 10k runners sort of collided with the 5k walkers.  it was right at the moment where my body was starting to feel the heat and my legs were getting sore...  not so much fun to be dodging through masses of people as you tried to keep up your endurance.  anyhow, in an effort to maintain my sanity, i became separated from dawn and erica.  immediately, i missed the conversation.  but as i let my mind wander.  i began to think about dawn and my sister and a friend in pleasanton who recently began chemo. i also had a few epiphanies.  i never met dawn's mom.  from what i have heard, i really wish i could.  as i though about dawn running for her momma i started to get a little choked up and then i realized something.  in many ways, i've met her.  through the sparkle in dawn's eyes, through her calm voice and her intentional parenting.  i bet i've met her mom through her sense of style and her chic taste in home decor. the list could go on.  i could be wrong and i know it is not even close to meeting dawn's actual momma, but it brought me some comfort.  i also thought about how proud her momma would feel with her daughter and the woman she has become.

i also began to see how for as much as cancer sucks, it also has a few positive outcomes.  in some instances, it can be unifying.  for dawn and i, it was the focus of our first real conversation.  and over the past months, it has motivated us to run regularly.  through that running, we've been blessed with the opportunity to really get to know each other.  dawn and i would have been friends regardless, but i find it interesting that cancer unites us in a different way.  we have another mutual friend who i find this to be true about- and while i would never in a million years wish cancer on anyone and while i can only imagine how much they long for their mommas, i am thankful that we are united by it.  i feel blessed that these two women have been "in my circle" over the past two years and known the path that my sister was walking.  it lightened the load in some ways for me.

now let's get back to what i was saying before.  i've been asking God a lot of questions over this past year and digging into His word to find some of the answers.  one of the conclusions that i have come to is that God does not CAUSE bad things to happen to us.  but He participate in them happening to us.  as i've watched stacy on her journey, i see how her morning time with Him has maintained her strength and kept her focused on the purpose of the journey.  i've seen how God has created a community to lift her up- people have sent her cards on a regular basis, ministered to her family by bringing them dinners, friends have taken turns watching her children on the days when she needed rest, people have sent gifts, left messages on facebook, offered hugs...  it goes on and on and on.  and it inspires me about the good that can be found in the heart of people.  God longs for us to be a community such as this.  He longs for us to walk through the mess of life together and to point one another in the direction of Him.

in hebrews chapter 10 vs. 24-25 it says:
so let's do it - full of belief, confident and presentable inside and out.  let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going.  He always keeps His word.  let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big day approaching.

in romans chapter 12 vs. 9-10 it says this:
love from the center of who you are; don't fake it.  run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.  be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

i love that!  was i just invited to be inventive in encouraging and helping others?  looks like it.  did the bible just tell me to be a good friend who loves deeply?  yep.  was i just encouraged to play second fiddle?  uh-huh.

it's not always easy to do.  putting others before us and fading a little bit into the background sometimes feels counter-culture.  it's hard and it isn't our nature.  but it's what we are really called to do. 

i haven't found an answer for why their is cancer in this very broken and sinful world (although that could be the simplest form of an answer), but i can say with certainty that cancer has this ability to bring light and joy and community into our lives.  it can point us in the direction of heaven.  it can diminish our "me focus" and help us focus on the pain and suffering of those in our world. 

i hate cancer.  but i have found that i love some of the things that it brings to the surface.

so here's to running.  here's to my sister.  here's to dawn and shanon and friendship and sharing life with those we are blessed to be surrounded by.  here's to a God that didn't miss a topic in His teaching and His plan for us to do this thing together.