D bugs the not so much a baby anymore of the world

way back when delaney was little, i began calling her buggy.  i don't know where it came from, it's just one of those mommy nicknames that comes out of nowhere.  and it stuck.  much to my husband's dismay.

eventually, buggy morphed into d bugs.

one day on facebook i posted a picture and captioned it, d bugs the baby of the world.

which also stuck.

and so my little delaney is often called, "d bugs the baby of the world", in her special moments.

she was a great baby.  easy in every way.

this week i sent that baby girl off into the world.

kindergarten.

i tried to write about it several times last week and the words just wouldn't come out.

when scott and i walked her to school on that first day (last monday), he became misty eyed as she marched into the classroom glancing over her shoulder to flash us that "d bugs" smile and give a little wave.  daddy cracked first, so momma had to stay strong.

you can't have two weepy parents in the kindergarten lot.  it just isn't right and quite frankly, i've told myself for years that i'm not the "cry on the first day" sort of mom.

except i am.

shhh..

don't tell the girls.

i put on my brave face and tell them that this is what strong girls do.  they march off to school and into the doors and embrace the world.  i try to teach them to be bold.  to get dirty.  to play hard.  to share joy with the world and to celebrate the beauty all around them.

i don't talk much about fear.

that, we look in the face head on and tell it to back off.  it has no place in our lives.

except, right before my d cast me her brilliant smile and coy little wave, i saw this

and all i felt was fear.

and when i came home and tried to mark the entrance into kindergarten via this blog, the words just wouldn't come out.

i don't do "fear" well.  but fear is what i felt.  and this is what i wanted to say...

dear new teacher, 
d bugs the baby of the world is special.  extra special.  she is strong and independent, but fragile.  she won't show you her breakable side, but it is there.  speak kindly to her for her heart takes in the words that you give her and she mulls them and processes them and let's them penetrate.  kindness goes far, but harshness breaks her.  

she loves compliments and validation.  she needs it.  it stamps her with approval to be good and she is fueled by it.  if you love her and appreciate her, she will flourish.  but if you don't, she will wilt.  you won't see her wilt, for remember, she is strong.  but inside she will be crushed and the recovery process is long.  you can't undo damages to the heart.  they stick to her like glue.

she is filled with joy.  it bubbles out of her and spills onto the world. encourage this.  inspire this.  notice this.  her smile will warm your soul.  she can light up the world with the sparkle in her eyes.  find things that bring forth this sparkle.  let her shine.

she is always trying to catch her older sister.  in an effort to do so, she will fool you sometimes.  she puts on a big front and acts like she's got it all under control.  sometimes she does.  sometimes she doesn't.  notice her.  don't let her skim by on her just her smile.  make sure she learns and absorbs and pushes herself academically.  like i said, she'll try and fool you a bit because she just wants to be in 4th grade.  

let her giggle.  let her ask questions.  help her make friends.  protect her.  hug her.  smile at her often.  to you, she is one of 30.  to me, she is my d bugs the baby of the world.  

kindly,
a momma who isn't quite ready to let this one go

these words just wouldn't come this week.  it took me until this weekend, when we went to the beach and saw that she was still my same old buggy, for the words to free themselves from my fear.

and when i saw her catching sand crabs...

i knew my girl was going to be ok.  she puts up a good front.  she always, always does.

but this

was a sign to me that she is going to be just fine.