nighty night

a few months ago, i told you about this and then i sort of left you hanging...

or so you thought.

what really happened was this: we had to wait a few weeks so as not to reward the girl's bed hopping habit. and then when i finally decided which bed direction i was going in, i realized that there was a little bit of order and wait involved. wowza- somehow, the summer passed and that brings us to today.


today? what's so special about today, you ask. i'll tell you. today, my little d FINALLY got the above mentioned bed that we ordered a few weeks back. in fact, she got the TWO beds that we ordered several weeks ago. two beds? yes, two beds. we wanted to be prepared when a certain p decides to take the jump. living like the boy scouts over here- be prepared!

or maybe it's more like- fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. which ever one you think is best, we're rockin' it out.

what's that thing towards the top of her door? oh, that.

yeah, that's a sneaky little apparatus they sell at your local baby store- apparently we are the target marketing audience. apparently, we aren't the only family in the nation with an escape artist two year old who isn't swayed by sticker charts, candy, "angry mommy", "sweet mommy", prizes, spankings, stern suggestions, loving appeals, or jedi mind tricks. apparently, some kids need an exterior door locker... and since we made the $9.99 investment, we're thinking about getting our monies worth. we might just leave it on until she leaves for college because if keeping her in her room at age two is this hard, well, i shudder to think what it will look like at 16.

and d, well she thought she was the cat's pajamas! or the man in the moon, or the dog's bark (i made that one up), or the bees knees... well, you get my drift here. she was happy.

don't let the bed bugs bite!

"tox"

on wednesday night i had a giant sized melt-down. i'm not sure if that is the right word to describe it, but as a mom of three young girls, it's the word that comes to mind.

basically, my sister was to start her first chemo treatment the following day (thursday). scott was at a work function, three babes were tucked into bed and the gravity of my sister's situation hit my heart. i was praying and reading scripture, lifting her up to the only one that i know that holds her cards and knows how this story turns out. as i prayed, i kept thinking about the treatment- she's going to have to get sick in an effort to get better. i hate this for her. and somewhere in my time with God, tears began to fall... and fall... and fall. it's happened a few times since her diagnosis, but wednesday night was by far the worst. as i write that, i don't want to give the wrong impression.

i believe that she is "destined" to walk this path. i believe that she is giving the most amazing testimony to our creator as she does so. seriously, take a minute and check out her head space. she is right where she needs to be, and she is impacting lives as she rests in the hands of the great physician.

after my giant tear-fest, i came to the realization that i know to be true. God loves her, he trusts she will be obedient as she walks this path, and He is using her to impact people. through her trial, she is showing others that God is good (even in the midst of bad) and that faith is beautiful, for it is the true way that we get to feel the love our Father has for us. when we need to trust Him with each moment, He shows Himself to be pure, loving, compassionate, strong. i could go on and on.

on thursday morning, i was on facebook reading through some status updates. as i scrolled down the page, my heart stopped at these images:

i knew right away what they were snaps of- they were of a marker on my high school grounds. the marker was placed after my dear friend jon died tragically in a car accident. this moment is monumental in my life.

jon was my boyfriend of three very short months. our relationship changed my life. he died driving down a road too fast, loosing control of his car. i tempted fate so many times as a newly licensed driver down that same road, going as fast as my mom's car could go trying to figure it all out (not the smartest way to deal with grief, right?). there wasn't an answer to the question that i was asking- the "why him" remained.

but years later, i can look back and see how it changed me- how God uses bad to develop good.

jon was a young man of faith. he believed in God, in salvation, in repentance of sin, in embracing the cross. we talked about it a lot and it was sort of weird for me. while i went to church and believed the bible to be true, i didn't really translate that into my life.

as i marched into my twenties, with my faith pushed beneath the surface, i kept thinking of him. i kept thinking about how i was letting his testimony die by not embracing the cross. eventually, with the help of the Holy Spirit, Christ emerged triumphant in my life.

i can remember the last time i visited his grave vividly. i had driven home from atlanta for thanksgiving. on the 14 hour ride home, i listened to amy grant. not sure why that was in my collection at the time, but into the cd player it went. and as i drove, God became more real to me than He ever had before. during that car ride, my heart broke. not in a bad way, but in a way that allowed me to embrace the cross. in a way that caused my life to do a 180 and turn towards living with Him. i knew that up until that point, i had it all wrong. God was so much more than i had ever allowed Him to be or known Him to be- God was real. He wasn't just words on a page- He was relational. He longed for me to talk to Him, to be transformed by Him.

i arrived in winc- embracing that relationship. a few days later i made a trip to the cemetery, which i had done hundreds of times before. but this trip was different. instead of going to the cemetery and being angry at a God who could take this beautiful human being from earth, i went embracing the beauty that God allowed me to see through his life. i was filled with gratitude by this boy who lived what he believed. and i was grateful to have been caught in the rays of His light that were cast around my world through jon. it was my last trip to the cemetery, eleven years ago.

while there, i also had an epiphany. jon isn't there.

he's in heaven. i'm not sure what that looks like, but i believe that it is beautiful and pure. while he is missed by many on earth, God used his life's trial for good. i could see it, for the first time, in my own life. his life pointed me to the cross.

as i looked at these pictures on thursday, i had another aha moment. on the marker the words "these moments immortal" are inscribed. it's taken from a new model army song. i realized as i read them, that in fact, the moments of jon are immortal- let me explain.

his life will go on and on and on- in heaven. not because he was good, but because he was a confessed sinner who embraced forgiveness. and they go on further- they go on in my life. because of his influence and the impact that his death had on me (as well as many other events in my life), i embraced the cross... i would venture to say that there is more than just me. i would venture to guess that other lives are transformed because of his impact and his compass that pointed up.

it got me thinking about my sister, too. it stinks that she has cancer. it blows that she had to sit in that chemo chair and will continue to do so for weeks to come- hair loss, nausea, bone pain, bills, children watching their mom be sick. the whole lot of it is less than ideal- or is it?

i suddenly realized that nobody watching her will walk away the same. some of those people, will see her compass, pointed up, and change the direction of their lives. it might not happen right away, it might be as their experiences add up and they see that they aren't "immortal" and that they want to be. it might happen as they realize that being "good" is never "good enough" on its own.

and so thursday came- chemo treatment and all, and instead of the "really, God?" that was creeping into my thoughts the night before, i embraced "thank you, God."

thank you for my sister. thank you for her faith. thank you that no matter what happens, she's yours. thank you for the strength you give her through your word daily. thank you for her willingness to embrace this horrible cancer thing and write about her journey. thank you for the cross.

i read these words in the book of timothy this week-

therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Saviour Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel... (2 timothy 2: 8-10 to be exact)

i'm not sure that's the direction that new model army was going in as they wrote this song, but i'm pretty sure jon would have liked this translation.

*oh, and that pretty babe in the photos? that's my friends bambina. i love the sequence of snaps- uncovering, an innocent one looking so intently at something that doesn't feel innocent at all, and then the clean, full reveal of the marker. not sure why this speaks to me so much, but there's a lot of powerful stuff just in those little photographs. thanks for sharing these a! they really mean a lot to me.

the business of packing lunches

e beginning first grade also means momma beginning the lunch packing process. i've given a lot of thought to this over the summer. there are a lot of factors to take into consideration, but the one that is the most important to me is the element of waste.


it's easy to go to the grocery story and buy all sorts of "lunch friendly" items that are pre-packaged (like crackers already bagged in snack portions, gummies, lunchables, juce boxes etc.). but the thing that bugs me the most is that while these are easy on the packer, they have negative effects on the planet. while making life easy for one, they make life more difficult for generations to come.


i'm trying to embrace this new task in my sunday through thursday nights, while not leaving a mess for my grandkids to clean up. i looked at hundreds of products out there on the market. there are laptop lunches, lunchbots, easy lunch kits... just to name a few. it seems that everywhere you look these days, new waste free lunch systems are popping up. that's a good thing! i like the direction we are headed in as consumers.


but as is typical for moi, there wasn't a perfect fit. while one looked promising in a few areas, it had a negative for some other factors. i decided to customize and here is what our final system consists of:





we started out with the lunch box that e's aunt merritt gave her last year for her birthday. she used it for snack at kindergarten and i thought that it might be fun to get a new one for first grade. but when i gave it some more thought, i realized that this is not necessary. in fact, it sort of starts a vicious cycle. if we teach our kiddos to take care of things, and the item holds up, then they are in fact contributing to a healthy planet. somehow, if we all start working towards the same goal, we might be able to make reuse "cool" in the cafeteria. but, as is typical, i am getting off track...


the lunchbox came from frecklebox and it is perfect. it is simply an old fashioned tin (lead free) box with a personalized face plate. you can get them in oodles of colors and patterns. for $29, i think this is a great, eco friendly, health friendly (no nasty bpa or phthalates) vessel that has held up and will keep the sandwich from getting squished by the library book (or what-have-you). oh, and i almost forgot to mention that it has a cool magnetic component that allows you to leave little love notes for your babes and words of encouragement to get them through the day.


next, we kept our trusty old sigg water bottle that we've had since e was three. we've added a few more to our collection to be sure we always have clean ones on hand for on-the-go beverage consumption. for lunchbox purposes, we go with a .3L bottle at $17 a pop. like i said, this guy has been in the business of hydrating e for 3 years and counting. it felt steep at the check-out, but in hindsight has been a worthwhile investment. again, it's lacking bpa and phthalates. ours has a little dent in the side from an almost crushing from someones large automobile (won't mention any names here... ahem, moi). aside from that, it's still functioning like a champ- no leaks, no cracks in the lid. good stuff.


to keep with the waste free theme, we're using lunchskins. what are those? well, i'll tell you. they are the most adorable dishwasher safe, reusable sammy and snack bags that this momma could find. we bought one in the sandwich size and 4 in the snack size. i put the food into the bags, velcro them up, and they are good to go. e brings them home, we wash 'em and we're back in business. i bought 4 because i want to have two in the box and two in the wash on any given day. it makes it easier on me the packer and also keeps us in business in the event that a certain first grader accidentally places one in the trash. again, say it with me... bpa, phthalate- free, lead free. good stuff. oh, and if you go with one of the many other brands on the market, just be sure to read what materials they are made of. ours (and some others out there) get high marks for keeping food fresh as well as contained. others on the market (a bunch that i looked at on etsy) were more about containing and less about the freshness factor. that's all good and fine until your organic kettle chips loose their crunch and your cucumber liquid seeps out onto the bread of your turkey wrap (just writing that kind of made me gag in my mouth a little bit). anywho, you get the point.

last but not least, we bought an insulated food jar from crocodile creek. this little number is a gem. its job is to keep things warm or to keep things cool. it can hold anything from gazpacho (ha- as if e would eat that! just daydreaming for a minute.) to spaghetti and meatballs (a more realistic suggestion for our delightfully picky first-born). basically, you fill the sweat proof, double walled container up with your warm (or chilled) food item of choice, screw on the lid and into the lunchbox it goes. this number was $15 bucks at whole foods.

so, if you add it up, for a total of $98 we have ourselves an eco-friendly lunch system. $98???? i already knew the number and it made my mouth drop on the floor for a few minutes...

let me break a few things down for you- you already spend that much money each and every year!

i did a little rough estimating and discovered that the average lunchbox (from target, walmart or a bunch of other random spots) costs $12.00 (and as a bonus comes filled with lead, bpa, phthalates and a bunch of other known carcinogens- but hey, to each as own). those little plastic numbers run about $.20 a bag (you can find them cheaper but you end up paying membership fees and/or shipping fees to get those lower prices = not so low when it is all said and done). on average, you use about 5 of these a day/lunch (snacktime snack, sandwich, carb, veggie and "sweet" item). there are about 180 days in the average u.s. school year, which equals about $180 in plastic bags and that doesn't even factor in the extra amount you spend on pre-packaged snacks and drink boxes. already, you are over the amount that i've spent. and remember, we've used our sigg for three years and counting and our lunchbox for two. i don't even know how to factor that savings into the equation, but it basically reduces our cost/year by 50%.

for some of you, this post is a snooze. but my hope is that it gets you thinking. if more and more of our families start going in this direction, we'll not only save money but save start saving the planet as well. that's a good thing.

what are you doing for your kids lunch? i'd love to hear your ideas. this is my first year of packing a lunch, so i'm sure i've got a bunch to learn.

fly

i know that i've said this before and i know it has been said by nearly every momma on the plant, but i'm gonna say it again ... where, oh where, did the time go?

if you asked me what i did yesterday, i could respond with "went to the pool, packed lunch for my new first grader, a little laundry..." or just as easily, i could say, "drove my baby girl home from the hospital". i'm serious. there is a part of my brain that feels like the later happened only days ago. (you know, aside from the sleepless nights, circles under my eyes, showerless days... oh wait! i still have all of those... just induced from a different wee one. but you get the point.)

as i entered into the eve of first grade, i became teary. i packed her lunch and ironed her dress, laid out school supplies and packed them neatly into her backpack. while doing so, i reflected a little bit and prayed it would all be fine.

my e woke up early ready to embark on her new journey. she was excited and anxious to get the show on the road.

and here she is in her full first day glory:



as we were snapping these ceremonial pictures, my neighbor drove by with her two babes embarking on the same journey. in fact her wee one is in e's class. as i watched them drive by and wave, my eyes began to mist.



i got into the car and looked into the rear view window and saw my three babes (p's reflection in the second row mirror) and realized that for every day of the past six years, this is some combination of what my eyes have seen. sure, e went to kindergarten last year, but it was only for 3 short hours. i've become accustom to all three chattering in the back seat as we go about our days... as we travel to MOPS, or playgroup, the grocery store, or a little adventure. i wondered what it would be like to just see the two little ones smiling back at me in that rear view mirror. my heart was heavy and i was sad. this ends an era. suddenly, my harried days as a mom of three become changed. growth is good. it is what makes us the people we are to become. and so i chose to embrace that growth, put on my big girl pants and smile for my e who was about to officially begin school full time. sigh. being a mom is hard. you spend your days teaching them and giving them the tools that they need to become independent, but when it's time for that Independence to take flight, you realize that they are in fact becoming grown. the fruit of your labor is on full display. i had no doubt that e would surpass my expectations and that she would fly, as she always does, but my heart was sad.

i wanted to pause. i wanted to rewind life by a day and call her new teacher... she needs to know my e. she needs to know that e is incredibly smart, but humble, not wanting to make others feel bad by showing off her intellect. e is sensitive, easily wounded, but incredibly strong. she holds it all in and puts on her brave face because she wants to meet your expectations. she's scared of automatic flushers and doesn't like to get her hands messy. she wants to be validated and needs to know that you are proud of her. she's an eco girl and cares about the world we live in. the list went on and on in my head.

would this woman, this mrs. wise, know my girl? would she see how special she is and really understand what makes her tick? would she get e in her full, complex, beautiful package?

i hope so.

i reminded myself of my teaching days. i reminded myself that a good teacher sometimes sees even more. i prayed that this mrs. wise would be loving and kind, gentle yet boundary setting. i prayed that my e would love her, would love first grade, and would make new friends.

and then we arrived at school and the first day maylay took over. there were kids and parents everywhere, looking for their line-up spot, saying good-bye to their mums and dads, greeting old friends that they'd missed over the summer. all the while, e had a small smile on her face.

and right before we went in, i snapped this little shot of e and a dear classmate from last year. they're pals and while they won't smother each other, they'll feel safe together. it put my heart at ease. i love this little friend and feel in a small way way like she's one of our bunch- we've spent that much time together.

and then off they went, into the building, hanging up their bags, into their assigned seats... and off their mommas went.

into the world without our first born. and do you know who might have had a more difficult time than this momma? it was little sister d. she didn't know what to do without her bests friend. she melted into a puddle of tears and wanted to go back and get her immediately. it was a hard day around here, and yet good in many ways. remember those wings i was talking about, well, it's time to start giving d her own set. she's been clinging on to her sisters for the past two and a half years (e's always been at school while d napped) so d just doesn't know how to be on her own.

while i'll miss e each and every day this year, i'm looking forward to giving d what e has always had... time to fly.

a need for order

disclaimer: before some nice men packed up all of my belongings into boxes and loaded them onto a truck headed for the grand state of california, my house contained:


a two and a half car garage


a walk-up attic


a basement


AND


a secret basement (seriously, it was a secret. we didn't even really know what it was until we got the keys at closing. it was that secret.)


each of the above spaces were neatly arranged, lined with appropriately labeled blue bins. it was my little slice of organizational heaven.

and then the packers arrived and the trucks (yes, moving to california took us TWO moving trucks because the kind men at bekins grossly underestimated the contents of our home). truck one arrived and emptied the contents of truck one into our cali abode and in about a weeks time we had them mostly unpacked.

and then truck two arrived. and well, you can see what happened here:

it was a giant sized mess. because we thought we would be moving again, we tried to keep as many boxes packed as we could, but as the months passed we kept needing things from the disaster that was our garage. regularly, we'd go out into the great abyss that was our garage and hunt for something... ribbon to wrap a gift, a cookbook that contained a favorite recipe, a much loved board game... or whatever. with each hunt, the garage became more and more of a mess. it was sort of like the bermuda triangle, if you will.

once we came to the conclusion that we might not be moving in the near future (let's face it, it's almost been a year!), we decided that we needed to declare "order". and so this weekend, i went out into the garage and hauled the contents out onto the driveway. it was like a life sized jigsaw puzzle.... contents out, reorganize, contents back in.

while in the process of getting it under control, ellie had a little fun. she recovered her bins of play dough accessories and had fun creating stuff. she also found a box of some favorite books that she used to have in her room. she curled up in a chair and read some of these for a while. it was pretty cute.


but the funniest (and maybe a teensy bit annoying) part of the day occurred as people drove by. within moments of hauling out the bikes, cars began to flock. it took me by surprise at first.

"what are these people stopping for?", i questioned. and then it dawned on me. everybody thought we were having the garage sale of the century. seriously. i kept having to stop and tell people that we were not in fact having a sale, simply cleaning the garage. my explanation was continually met with confused faces. some people just ignored me and kept shopping as if what i was saying couldn't possibly be true, while others were simply disappointed. (apparently i had something they were hoping to buy.)

after about thirty minutes of this (and about 30 cars later), i asked scott to make me a sign. i thought that posting a notice would alleviate the need for verbal explanation and allow my time to be better spent (ahem, cleaning the garage).

the sign, while incredibly clear, did not do the trick. i had to enlist the help of e and d. they were assigned the task of stating that this was "not a garage sale" to anyone that looked like they were about to get out of their car.

it was hysterical. e took the task very seriously and was slightly irritated when people didn't listed and walked onto the drive. (i stepped in at this point and got them back into their cars.) the looks on their faces were priceless. almost everyone that stopped would go back to the sign, read it, and then a grin would wash over their faces.

i guess that they were so eager to find "A" garage sale, that they didn't notice the word "NOT". one by one they'd climb back into their cars and laugh as they drove off in search of the real deal.

and at the end of the day, this is what you can find behind our garage door:

neatly labeled blue bins, some excess furniture that i'm not quite ready to part with, a growing pile of bikes and strollers,

AND

a little bit of floor space. it's not perfect, but it is a wonderful step in the right direction.

barkin' dogs

poppy is a hoot these days. she is so interactive, looking for you to do things that make her laugh. she loves to laugh. and so i find myself doing things that i wouldn't ordinarily do with such intense frequency, in an effort to extract a giggle from her.

well, see for yourself...

a cali garden at the peak of the season

typically, this season is filled with the bounty from my garden. i've shared stories with you of bunnies munching our harvest, shown pictures of my cucs and tomatoes, and talked about the life lessons i glean while tilling the soil. this year... not so much.

my friend dawn sold me on earth boxes. i was all ready to place my order a few months back, and then became unreasonably frugal when i got to the "confirm order" button. i opted to go it on my own with basic patio containers from home depot. bad choice.

i had no idea how little rain this part of the world gets between may and the present. when i say little, i really mean none. no joke. i don't think that i have seen a rain drop in the last 3 1/2 months. i'm not complaining, well, at least not about the rain. but it has been an interesting learning curve in the gardening department. next year, i'm going with the extra pricey, but bounty guaranteed earth boxes.

this year, my harvest consists of this:
one measly tomato. it had better be good.

all i need is a miracle

i read a book back in june about examining our beliefs. one of the chapters was on miracles.

last week, i was talking to a friend who said that right before her mom passed away she fell into a coma. the doctors told her that it was just a matter of time. unexpectedly, her mom woke from the coma mystifying everyone. my friend said that she had an unreal clarity and spent the next few weeks sharing stories with her family about her life that none of them had heard before. they had thought they were loosing her, and then she went on to live for several more months. she gifted her family with information that would have forever been lost. my friend described it as a miracle.

sunday, the sermon at church was on miracles.

daily, my e keeps asking me about miracles. she's not convinced that the things she is learning about in sunday school are real. she's also thinking that some stuff she sees in the movies might be examples of miracles. it's made for some pretty interesting chats at our house.

"yes, the Bible tells us that Jesus DID feed a lot of people from one tiny lunch and i believe that the Bible is the true word of God."

"no, Jesus didn't give matilda magical powers like a miracle. how do i know? because matilda isn't real. yes, he could give her special powers, but only if she was real. no, i don't think Jesus will give you special powers, not even if you pray really hard."

i guess you could say, i'm surrounded by the topic. i thought about sharing on the topic in june, but somehow moved on to something different. it popped back into my head when my friend mentioned the miracle she saw through her mom, and then yesterday... well, i'm thinking that a few gentle reminders might be worth something! so here you have it... my experience with miracles:

when my mom was nine months pregnant with me, she suffered from a brain aneurysm. it required some extensive surgeries, one that included the removal of part of her frontal lobe. i wasn't around at the time (well, i was, but i don't remember it). the fact that she lived was pretty remarkable, but i think that can be attributed to science. i'm a pretty firm believer in the fact that science comes from God, so her living was certainly a gift. but i won't go on record as calling it a miracle. i'll come back to this a little later.

when i was around the age of ten, my mom and i were visiting some family friends in new england. as was typical for my mom, she insisted on going to church while on vacation. she and i went to a church that she found in the yellow pages. towards the end of the service, they called me and my mom up to the front of the church and laid hands on her. it was rather traumatic for me. i was in a congregation of strangers, standing at the front, while people were laying hands on my handicapped mother and praying. it is vivid in my mind. they prayed for God to heal her and give her back the mobility in her left arm and leg. they begged God to restore her body so that she would be able to walk, run and function again as she once did. they prayed forever! it went on and on, like they were not going to stop until she was healed. while they prayed, i remember the feelings of anger and frustration sweeping over my body. did these people really believe that when we all opened our eyes my mom would be healed? did they think if they prayed for a really long time it was more likely to happen? sure, that would be cool, but i felt like it was cruel because i knew in my heart of hearts that it wouldn't happen. i didn't even believe that it could happen.

years later, my sister gave birth to my nephew joshua. josh was born with trisomy 18, a condition that effects the chromosomes and causes some physical deformities. it is typical for a trisomy 18 baby to die in-utero. in fact, almost all trisomy 18 babies do. the odds are stacked against a live birth. and out of the babies that live, the vast majority die within minutes or hours. josh did not. i was there for his birth, and spent a great portion of the day praying and celebrating the fact that this sweet boy was alive. i remember feeling ecstatic that my sister had time with her newborn son- she was holding him, loving him and sharing this experience with so many friends and family members. as we sat there, savoring each breath that josh took, i felt my posture begin to shift. i had anticipated that he would not live, but there he was, before my eyes living and breathing. my sister's pastor was with us in that room for most of the day. at one point, we all paused to dedicate this sweet baby to God. not knowing what the future held, pastor chris and a room full of people prayed. i remember he started out by just giving thanks that josh had made it. it took me to my knees. all of the odds were against us being in that room, circled around a baby that was alive. and then he continued. he, along with my sister and her husband, handed that baby over to God and surrendered their wishes for him to the plan that God had for His very own child. chris stood there and continued to pray- he acknowledged that God COULD change josh's physical appearance, that God (as king of the universe) had the power to transform this baby, heal each and every chromosome in his body and give him a long life.

it took my breath away. i remembered that moment, years back, standing in front of the strange congregation in new england. suddenly, for the first time in my life, i believed that what pastor chris was praying was true. God could do that, if He so chose. it was a life changing experience, because while i didn't expect God to do that, i knew for the first time that He could. chris's prayer was not a lengthy one, it simply asserted that He believed in a God that held the power to do so. and when i opened my eyes, there was not even a tiny tinge of disappointment that josh was just as he was when we began praying. what did change though, was my heart. it cemented in me a new belief, that if God is who He says He is (and i believe He is), then God holds the power to do the unbelievable.

on thanksgiving day of 2008, my mom was hit by a car while walking down the street. the car hit her from behind and she fell backwards onto the vehicle, hitting her head on both the car and then again on the sidewalk. when taken to the er, it was pretty apparent that she would not survive the hit and maintain brain function. the doctors kept waiting to see what would happen. from the scans, they could see that her brain was bleeding severely and they assumed they were going to have to go in and surgically drain the pool of blood (which is typical for head injuries of this magnitude). she kept bleeding, but with each scan, the doctors were amazed that her head wasn't swelling beyond what it could hold. after a day or two, the head neurosurgeon made a statement that stunned my sisters and i. he said that her head had the room to hold the blood because of the frontal lobe portion that had been removed 33 years prior (when she was pregnant with me).

it was a miracle. if this accident had happened to you or i, we wouldn't make it. but because it happened to my momma, who happened to loose a part of her frontal lobe years ago, she made it.

if you had said that my mom having part of her frontal lobe removed was a miracle with three young kids to care for, i would have told you that you were certifiably crazy. but there i was, 33 years later, looking at my mom who was coming back to life. by the grace of God, through a surgery years prior, He was showing me how His hand works and that His ways are not our ways. He was showing me that all things have purpose and that we can't always see how the story is going to end. it is sometimes beyond our ability to see.

God knows the whole story. He has each of us in his palm and He is the author of our book.

we can ask God for the ending that we would like, but when we surrender and stop asking why, we get the ending that He deems best for reasons that aren't always clear to us. He can give us the miracle, even today.

i think that often, we get so mad when He doesn't give us the ending we want, when we don't "get our miracle". but slowly, day by day, i'm learning that because our vision is short sighted (focused on the now), we miss what might be our miracle. if God had restored my mom in front of that congregation to her full self before the aneurysm, she wouldn't have had a missing frontal lobe years later. sure, she would have had her miracle but that miracle would have led to her death years later. getting a "no" on the miracle front, was part of how God was writing her story. and it was also part of Him writing mine.

and so, if you ask me about what i believe, it's pretty simple. i believe that giving your life to God means letting Him be the King and ruler of the earth. we are to praise Him, when He grants the miracle (because He can) AND when He doesn't (because He really does know how the story ends). i believe that God performed miracles back in the days of moses and that He performs them in the here and now.

and that's my two cents. what do YOU believe?

slumber party 2010!

my dear friend kristie (you remember, my friend who finally moved to la grange about one month before we moved away) is visiting from chicago. it is sort of funny, actually. her sister, marcy (on the right) just moved to our town from boston. we've been hanging out periodically since they arrived and have fallen in love with their family.

we've spent the weekend hanging out together... six adults and 8 kids between the ages of 7 and 3 months. we shared in-and-out burgers together on friday, caravaned into the city yesterday (yes, all 14 of us!), grilled out together last night,

and shared some sitters to get a grown-up night out tonight. it was a pretty fabulous weekend. i of course love spending time with both of these families, but it was also especially fun to see these two sisters (who i know independently) interact together.

and now, these three munchkins are having a slumber party. as i post this (at 11:15 pacific time), they are still whispering together in the dark.

oh, and they finally got that peace sign picture they were working on a few weeks ago. not as cool as the "floating hands in the hot tub" that they were originally going for, but it will have to do.