one of those days cont'd

ok, so my heart was singing a hallelujah. i was rejoicing that God showed up in a REAL way, that was meaningful to ME (totally demonstrating to this momma that the God of my heart is LIVING and PERSONAL- i love it when that happens!) but... that doesn't mean that i was less tired, missing my friends, longing for this bar exam to be over... etc. i need to say that, because i think that so often we think that God will just show up and whisk us out of or troubles. and while i would have loved a pair of ruby red shoes to transport me back to kansas (or in my case, chicago), God doesn't usually work like that.



while my circumstances didn't change, my attitude towards them totally did. and i am near certain that God did that for a reason. He was carefully, intentionally preparing my heart...



for what you may ask?



well, on sunday morning i sat down in the sanctuary of our church. i had a to-do list that was pretty lengthy to prepare for super-bowl company. but i was looking forward to worshiping God.

and then God gave me the message that He was preparing my heart for...

God longs for me to find joy in my suffering.

Ouch.

but this heart, that God had prepared by letting me experience the suffering (the melt down moment HAD to happen), see Him in it (the rainbow in the jack-in-the box), now had to turn and find joy in the fact that God is in fact God. that He is in control. that each moment of my life is part of His plan... and that He wants me to be joyful.

and that brought me to my knees. if the israelites, in the middle of the wilderness could worship their Father under the leadership of moses, than so could i.

and so today. i am joyful. praise God!

and as i embraced joy, i also had to seek forgiveness because the fact of the matter is that my heart has been "barely holding on" rather than "joyful" for quite some time.