difficult

so, two posts ago i mentioned that one of the reasons that people had no idea where my head space was had to do with my difficult in the midst of so many other people's difficult.

let me explain and further those thoughts.

for me, what we are going through is best described as difficult. nothing in our current existence is easy, natural, routine or even totally comfortable for that matter. every day is something new. whether it is something as simple as finding the post office or something as complex as our finding a long term housing plan, one thing rings true. each and everything that we are doing is part of change. and while i am not adverse to change, it is well, difficult. i am no longer just a one man show- we are a five man brigade and with that comes a lot of different responses to this change. and that is difficult.

BUT...

right now, there is a lot of difficult going on the world. there are people loosing jobs, people struggling with their marriage, people dealing with death and illness. i am in the spot where i am surrounded by all of the above (as my guess is, so are you).

when i look at my own circumstances and then i look at other people's circumstances, i find it hard to claim my difficult. i find it hard to talk to someone that is trying to figure out how they will pay their mortgage when it feels like my difficult isn't quite on the same par. somehow, sleep training my baby or being alone every saturday without my husband doesn't feel quite so bad.

"quite so bad"... that's the part that hasn't been sitting well with me.

the conclusion that i am coming to is that, for some reason, we try to quantify our challenges and then line them up in order of easiest to hardest. i have found myself measuring my challenges in relationship to other people's and sort of feeling like i "have no room to complain".

"have no room to complain"- totally true. as i said in my last post, i have been convicted that God longs for each of us to embrace joy. even in the suffering.

BUT (another all caps big 'ol but here)...

he does allow each and every one of us to endure trials (our own version of difficult). it is mentioned in scripture over and over and over again. it's going to happen. and that is true regardless of the God you worship, the friends you have, the town you live in etc. difficult is a part of life.

and so i've been wondering... does it do anybody any good if we just put our heads down and try to power through without "burdening" anybody with our troubles.

i don't think it does. and here is why.

if we act as if we don't want to bother so and so because they are dealing with such and such and keep our problems to ourselves, then the "difficult" isn't really worth it.

you see, i believe that we were called to live in community. and as a member of community, we are called to "do life together". that can look a lot of different ways. but regardless of the image that it creates in your head, i think it means that we are to share our lives together.

well, what does "share our lives" look like? i think that it means we are honest with each other. we tell our community members how we really are. we don't hide our true selves. we verbalize our struggles. we celebrate our accomplishments. we seek advice. we accept appropriate advice. we talk about our difficult. even when we feel like we don't have it "quite so bad". if it is difficult to you, then it is worth sharing and putting out there in the light.

now that doesn't mean complaining and carrying your "difficult" around like a bag of bricks.

in fact, to me, it is just the opposite. by sharing the hard stuff- talking about it we actually can make our loads lighter. we can seek comfort in the fact that those in our community might have pertinent advice on the topic or at the very least, they can encourage you through the "difficult". and you can do the same for them.

i have a friend who is going through the most challenging experience right now and they are not hiding it. they are sharing it. i hope that my words encourage them. i know that by receiving the details i have been more focused in my prayer. i am invested in their challenge and want to walk with them as they walk through this. i know that i may have little to offer, but sometimes just a listening ear is the greatest gift.

at the same time, i am learning so much from them. as they share their hardest challenge, i have seen the most beautiful transformation. i am watching this friend cling to the cross in the most amazing ways. i have watched how Jesus has reached down and kissed them over and over again with His love- even in what seems to be unbearable. it is beautiful and life changing for me to see. it makes me want more of my saviour.

in sharing in the walk with my friend, i am also gleaning so much for my own walk. i am facing my own "difficult" in new ways because of their example (and not because they told me what to do, but because through their "difficult" i saw what to do).

and i'd also like to point out that through the sharing, compassion is born. it is good to be on the giving end of compassion but it is just as valuable to be on the receiving end. if we hide, put on our pretty little face and go out into the world (or our community) and pretend it's all good, then we miss out on what life is really all about.