7 months

a certain popsicle is 7 months old today. and the times they are a changing! this girl is on the fast track to mobility. she sees her sisters moving and shaking and she wants to be in on the action. and so in the past month, she has gone from a slither/slide to a full on crawl. she has also decided that she prefers being vertical to horizontal. in the past week or so she has been standing up, using anything and everything to pull up on. i actual witnessed her pull herself up on her sisters closed bedroom door. really! she heard e in there playing and she wanted to get in. it was a combination of talent and determination that was priceless to watch. as i watch her and e form this little bond, i can only imagine that a certain momma might have done the same as a wee girl on the quest to get in on the action of HER biggest sister.

and e? well, she adores her baby sister. she holds her, plays with her, cuddles her, and sucks thumbs with her. those two, they are kindred spirits. they have so much in common it is silly. i don't know how it will play out in their relationship, but they are bonded in ways that i can't even describe.

our sweet muffin, at 7 months weighs in at 18 pounds. she has grown out of her "bucket" and is now in a regular rear facing car seat. she has mostly outgrown her 6 month clothing, but the 6-12 month stuff is on the big side. she loves to swing at the park and spends a lot of time investigating toys she finds on the floor- you know, by eating them. she is eating all kinds of foods these days- her newest fave is organic o's. she also has a little hobby of crawling under the table after lunch and trying to chomp on d's crumbs. it is an interesting routine as i try to sweep things up as quickly as i can before she eats the leftovers off of the floor. d thinks it's hysterical which might be motivating for her to drop more things on the floor. ahh, our life is, at the very least, interesting with three little girlies under foot.

it has its moments, but we are delighted by our little "sorority".

one thing that i had been hoping would clear up in the past month has not. sleep. while p has the daytime double napping down, she seems to want to eat more and more each night. currently, she is on a three feed night schedule and is waking earlier than either of the other two ever did, in spite of a similar bedtime. i keep saying that i am going to crack down and cut out one of the feeds, but the truth is, in the past month i have been too tired. and i just keep wishing that it happens naturally... but in spite of the tired i've also been using those nighttime feedings to love on her and to pray for people in my life. in some ways, i cherish that time with her and with God. and in other ways, i long for a full nights sleep.

keep growing, sweet p. i am amazed by you and feel like you are such good therapy to this momma's soul.

i heart italy

8 years ago, my hubby took the illinois bar exam. it's funny how time passes and your memories fade of things that were less than pleasant. as we re walked this path, preparing for the california bar exam, some of the memories began to re-enter our minds. suddenly, something that we hadn't thought about in years became very vivid. we had forgotten how hard it had been.

that was before kids and jobs and... well a whole lot of stuff. so naturally, this time it was even harder. i won't try to sugar coat any of it. the past three months have been an incredible challenge. at times, i felt like i was suffocating from the weight of it all.

but today is a new day, sister!

8 years ago, he took the exam in july. the exam ended on thursday and early in the morning on saturday we headed to the airport... for a three week trip to italy and austria. it was heavenly.

i so wish that i had a little envelope with tickets to milan to hand my hubby when he walked in the door yesterday. but as i said, this time we have kiddos, jobs, and a whole different bag of responsibility.

so instead, we had this for dinner last night.

mmmm.... i could almost close my eyes and smell the oil paint from the artists in florence, hear the water from venice and smell the salt of the italian riviera... you know after blocking out the chatter from an infant, the "i do" of a buggy, and the details of the day from a delightful 5 year old.

yes, it was a little different this time. but as i've said before, this is our life and with the good, the bad and the hard, and i wouldn't have it any other way.

yummo

i know that buying produce out of season is totally taboo. but i just couldn't resist. i was at the market and saw this beautiful box of heirloom tomatoes from mexico (it's not that far, i live in california now... or at least that's the rationale i gave myself). i had to have them. right next to them was a bursting pack of basil. my carbon footprint might be way off for the day, but my eyes and tastebuds were in pure caprese heaven.

i promise to try and resist the lure of the tomato for the next few months. sorry world, but it was delish.

welcome!

just pretty, that's all. startling, really. enjoyable. easy on the eye. mesmerizing. smile inducing. spring.

d bug the toddler of the world

today is a new day! d woke up looking and feeling remarkably better and her blood draw proved it. her levels are still lower than normal, but the doctor is confident that we are out of the woods on the dehydration issue. praise God!



we will continue with some tests to check for a bacterial infection that could trigger a seizure if it exists and also follow up with a neurologist for some other testing, but we can breathe a bit easier knowing that a hospitalization is not in our immediate future.



and so today we feel a bit more refreshed. i would also like to point out that our second babe is again a rock star. she went in to her blood draw knowing what to expect and still did not shed a single tear. so long as a lollipop was in her future, she was game for anything. amazing! she was also adamant that she not have a brown band aid like she did yesterday, so this momma was happy to stock her handbag with some barbies and doras to keep a smile on her little face. one dora later and d was all smiles. ah- my sweet, opinionated delaney!

and i was worried about the bewitching hour!?!

just a few short hours ago (really- less than 8) i was enjoying some sweet moments with sweet p and commenting on what our little dinnertime scene might look like. i anticipated a harried afternoon. but who knew what this day had in store for me?

without getting into the nitty gritty details of it all (i know- gasp- tasha, not sharing all the details???) i'll just say that this day has been a doozie.

it began with an early morning wake-up from poppy. as p was going down for her morning nap, d finally woke up. she was in a bad state. from the get-go i could tell something was wrong. within minutes my little babe melted and ended up having a seizure. 911 was called, paramedics spent some time in our living room, we spent quite a bit of time in the doctor's office, blood was drawn, stool samples taken... it was an ordeal. there was talk about admitting her for dehydration- but they were baffled because she was eating and drinking. long story short- we aren't sure what to make of it all.

our little muffin appears "sick" but is absent of a fever. this rules out a febrile seizure. so now we stand with another blood draw tomorrow, a possibility of a delayed hospitalization and an appointment to be scheduled with a neurologist. some of her levels were low and it left our doctor confused. the good news is that our doctor seems to be on top of things and we feel like we are in good hands.


and through it all, our little d kept a smile on her face (for the most part)- she didn't even cry when they drew blood! seriously, she is a trooper.

we are trying not to worry unnecessarily, but we are a little confused. it doesn't all add up.

and so tonight, d is in her bed and all seems fine. just like it did last night at this time. if you are the praying type, would you lift our little d up?

and while you are on your knees, if you wouldn't mind praying for my hubby, the bar exam is tuesday and thursday.

thanks,
t

early riser

less that 12 hours after our household has recovered from the stomach flu, poppy's bottom tooth began to pop through the surface. as a result, my little babe woke up at 5:50 today... and didn't want to go back to sleep. i will be honest, i almost lost it. i felt like i needed sleep so badly and this was not in the plan. can a girl get a break around here? the answer appears to be no. and so instead of loosing it, i decided to embrace it. and so for two hours this morning (while my other two beautiful babes slept in) i loved on sweet p.

isn't she cute? i just adore the little faces she makes. they are unique and wonderful and a teeny tiny glimpse into the girl she will be. and while i woke up without an ounce of gratitude. a few hours later (and a cup or two of coffee), this momma is thankful for an early riser. but don't get any crazy ideas, poppy. let's make this a "once in a while" date.

and just to keep things real... i am not certain that i will feel this same way at around 4:00 this afternoon when she will inevitably be fussy because of her early rising. so i posted these pictures of her cute little mug. you know, to get me through the bewitching hour of the day.

soosie snatching

and on a lighter note...

i introduce p

enjoying

what belongs to d.

difficult

so, two posts ago i mentioned that one of the reasons that people had no idea where my head space was had to do with my difficult in the midst of so many other people's difficult.

let me explain and further those thoughts.

for me, what we are going through is best described as difficult. nothing in our current existence is easy, natural, routine or even totally comfortable for that matter. every day is something new. whether it is something as simple as finding the post office or something as complex as our finding a long term housing plan, one thing rings true. each and everything that we are doing is part of change. and while i am not adverse to change, it is well, difficult. i am no longer just a one man show- we are a five man brigade and with that comes a lot of different responses to this change. and that is difficult.

BUT...

right now, there is a lot of difficult going on the world. there are people loosing jobs, people struggling with their marriage, people dealing with death and illness. i am in the spot where i am surrounded by all of the above (as my guess is, so are you).

when i look at my own circumstances and then i look at other people's circumstances, i find it hard to claim my difficult. i find it hard to talk to someone that is trying to figure out how they will pay their mortgage when it feels like my difficult isn't quite on the same par. somehow, sleep training my baby or being alone every saturday without my husband doesn't feel quite so bad.

"quite so bad"... that's the part that hasn't been sitting well with me.

the conclusion that i am coming to is that, for some reason, we try to quantify our challenges and then line them up in order of easiest to hardest. i have found myself measuring my challenges in relationship to other people's and sort of feeling like i "have no room to complain".

"have no room to complain"- totally true. as i said in my last post, i have been convicted that God longs for each of us to embrace joy. even in the suffering.

BUT (another all caps big 'ol but here)...

he does allow each and every one of us to endure trials (our own version of difficult). it is mentioned in scripture over and over and over again. it's going to happen. and that is true regardless of the God you worship, the friends you have, the town you live in etc. difficult is a part of life.

and so i've been wondering... does it do anybody any good if we just put our heads down and try to power through without "burdening" anybody with our troubles.

i don't think it does. and here is why.

if we act as if we don't want to bother so and so because they are dealing with such and such and keep our problems to ourselves, then the "difficult" isn't really worth it.

you see, i believe that we were called to live in community. and as a member of community, we are called to "do life together". that can look a lot of different ways. but regardless of the image that it creates in your head, i think it means that we are to share our lives together.

well, what does "share our lives" look like? i think that it means we are honest with each other. we tell our community members how we really are. we don't hide our true selves. we verbalize our struggles. we celebrate our accomplishments. we seek advice. we accept appropriate advice. we talk about our difficult. even when we feel like we don't have it "quite so bad". if it is difficult to you, then it is worth sharing and putting out there in the light.

now that doesn't mean complaining and carrying your "difficult" around like a bag of bricks.

in fact, to me, it is just the opposite. by sharing the hard stuff- talking about it we actually can make our loads lighter. we can seek comfort in the fact that those in our community might have pertinent advice on the topic or at the very least, they can encourage you through the "difficult". and you can do the same for them.

i have a friend who is going through the most challenging experience right now and they are not hiding it. they are sharing it. i hope that my words encourage them. i know that by receiving the details i have been more focused in my prayer. i am invested in their challenge and want to walk with them as they walk through this. i know that i may have little to offer, but sometimes just a listening ear is the greatest gift.

at the same time, i am learning so much from them. as they share their hardest challenge, i have seen the most beautiful transformation. i am watching this friend cling to the cross in the most amazing ways. i have watched how Jesus has reached down and kissed them over and over again with His love- even in what seems to be unbearable. it is beautiful and life changing for me to see. it makes me want more of my saviour.

in sharing in the walk with my friend, i am also gleaning so much for my own walk. i am facing my own "difficult" in new ways because of their example (and not because they told me what to do, but because through their "difficult" i saw what to do).

and i'd also like to point out that through the sharing, compassion is born. it is good to be on the giving end of compassion but it is just as valuable to be on the receiving end. if we hide, put on our pretty little face and go out into the world (or our community) and pretend it's all good, then we miss out on what life is really all about.

one of those days cont'd

ok, so my heart was singing a hallelujah. i was rejoicing that God showed up in a REAL way, that was meaningful to ME (totally demonstrating to this momma that the God of my heart is LIVING and PERSONAL- i love it when that happens!) but... that doesn't mean that i was less tired, missing my friends, longing for this bar exam to be over... etc. i need to say that, because i think that so often we think that God will just show up and whisk us out of or troubles. and while i would have loved a pair of ruby red shoes to transport me back to kansas (or in my case, chicago), God doesn't usually work like that.



while my circumstances didn't change, my attitude towards them totally did. and i am near certain that God did that for a reason. He was carefully, intentionally preparing my heart...



for what you may ask?



well, on sunday morning i sat down in the sanctuary of our church. i had a to-do list that was pretty lengthy to prepare for super-bowl company. but i was looking forward to worshiping God.

and then God gave me the message that He was preparing my heart for...

God longs for me to find joy in my suffering.

Ouch.

but this heart, that God had prepared by letting me experience the suffering (the melt down moment HAD to happen), see Him in it (the rainbow in the jack-in-the box), now had to turn and find joy in the fact that God is in fact God. that He is in control. that each moment of my life is part of His plan... and that He wants me to be joyful.

and that brought me to my knees. if the israelites, in the middle of the wilderness could worship their Father under the leadership of moses, than so could i.

and so today. i am joyful. praise God!

and as i embraced joy, i also had to seek forgiveness because the fact of the matter is that my heart has been "barely holding on" rather than "joyful" for quite some time.

one of those days

a friend of mine told me this week how amazed she was at how well we were doing this whole "move to california" thing. man, was she wrong. and it got me thinking- what i am i selling that would lead people to believe that?

for the most part, i've been trying really hard to keep this ship sailing. from the moment that i walked out the door in la grange, i have been very close to the edge. i've wanted to bawl my eyes out, stomp my feet, pound my fists, move my stuff back into my house and take back my life... but it's hard to really embrace that when you KNOW that you are where God wants you. i am also very aware that throwing that tantrum wouldn't do a bit of good.

side bar: i love a lot of things about our new life. i know that God has huge plans for us. but for the most part, the past two years have been really hard. (man, i sound like a broken record!) i also know that this is part of our story. going backwards is not an option.

and so i choose to embrace the present. it is a choice. some days i am better at it than others.

today... not so much.



on friday nights, i have been going to bed with a pit in my stomach. scott has been in class for the past 8 weekends. i know that i am on my own. the kids sense it and each and every friday night has been a bad night for sleeping in our house. this week was no different. each of my girls was up multiple times in the night last night... e had bad dreams, d was coughing and couldn't find her soosie, p needed to nurse an extra time. and so on saturday morning, this momma was tired. after p's early morning feeding, i willed everyone to sleep in late. but that didn't happen. in fact, the opposite happened. each girlie was wide awake and ready to go exceptionally early. and because each of them had not slept well, they were all exceptionally cranky. including me.


we went through our saturday morning ritual, with me trying to muster a smile and turn this day around. we went on our regular saturday morning trip to the doughnut shop (with d whining, e angry because d was bugging her (no pun intended), and p crying to get out of her car seat. it was a mess. again, i willed everyone to just get it together and found myself watching the clock until nap time.


they continued to fight all morning. e and d just couldn't get along and kept exchanging mean remarks to one another. p didn't take a good morning nap, and momma was trying desperately to clean the house for company on sunday. lunchtime wasn't any better... there were crying babes all over the place. one didn't like their lunch. one spilled their drink. one wanted to be held. i was barely hanging on. scott called at his lunch break and i tried my best to put on my happy face... " everything's fine here, honey. how are you holding up?"... very much aware that none of this is any sort of picnic for him (but i'm also pretty certain they won't be calling out my name at the academy awards this year for best actress!).


nap time came and i got the two little babes to bed and e playing with barbies in her room. after finishing some cleaning, i sat down on the couch to breathe. i knew that if the babes took an "average" nap, i would have about 20 minutes to regroup. not really as much time as i thought i needed, but it would have to do. almost immediately, p began to scream and d was shouting for me to come get her. e was already out of her "rest" and playing at the table. not quite what i was going for...


i decided to just load everyone up and head out to the grocery store. i knew that it was in our future, and now was just as good a time as any (although it would have been nice to not need to go at all). here is where i made a decision that i would soon regret...



i decided to take the back roads to the grocery store instead of the highway. i have done this once before and saw a neighborhood that i wanted to check out. today, something went awry. we headed in the direction that i knew, but my navigation system went blank. literally blank. it showed the arrow indicating our car, but it was not on a single road. it was just moving along on a blank white screen. hmmm... i thought it might be the rain interfering with the satellite system. that's happened before and restored itself in a matter of minutes, so i wasn't too worried. but it didn't restore itself. an hour later, almost out of gas, we were totally lost in the middle of horse country. i didn't even know that there was horse country. that is how lost we were. i decided to try my cellular navigation system. but something was wrong with that too. it felt like we were caught in the middle of the bermuda triangle... you know, with horses instead of sharks.


and so there i was, minutes before my gas light was about to turn on, with three babes in my car. lost. this momma pulled to the side of the road, tried a few more attempts at getting technology to work to my advantage and then this momma put her head down on the steering wheel and cried her eyes out. i know it wasn't in the best interest of my girls. but i had reached the end of my rope. this tired, lost momma, trying her best at holding it together just one more day, couldn't do it anymore.


now i don't know how we managed to get back on track, but somehow we did. after pulling myself together, apologising to my girlies (who were silent in the back of the car) we found our way. a gas station appeared out of nowhere (in the nick of time), we got directions, and we headed to whole foods. and somehow a situation that was headed way off track, turned itself around.


the grocery trip wasn't our finest. d dropped a glass jar of baby food on the floor, shattering it and spilling food all over her pants. (yes, that call for "clean up in aisle nine" was for me.) but we made it... in spite of the fact that it was busier than Christmas eve. we loaded up the car, each girl with a treat in hand (for enduring their momma's melt down and grocery trip to boot).


we took the highway home (the way i knew). as i exited the highway, i looked up into the sky. right before me was the most magnificent rainbow. it stretched straight up into the sky without an ache and ended behind the jack-in-the-box restaurant. and this momma beamed at my brilliant sign from God, right into the jack-in-the-box, proclaiming that God was with me.


do you remember that rainbow i saw a while back in chicago?

do you remember that chat that i had with my sweet Jesus and blogged about here and here?

while in that moment as my eyes delighted in the rainbow, those memories and those promises came flooding back. the God of my life is with us on this great big journey. i have known this from the beginning, but at each turn when my very human brain begins to doubt, that wonderful Father of mine just beams down on me and gives me the encouragement that i need.

and as i rounded the corner to our house, certain that i could make it another two hours until daddy was expected to arrive home, praising God for knowing me so well and meeting my needs (in spit of how complicated my needs might be)... i saw my hubby's car in the driveway. apparently, class had let out way early and he had been texting me while i was in the grocery store.

and my heart let out a hallelujah, to the God that knows me, loves me, and exceeds my expectations!

and then a few hours later, i revisited that initial question... why is it that my friend (and probably quite a few others are under a total different understanding of my head space... how have i continued to convince people that i've got "move to california" taken care of a wrapped with a bow?

i think it is because i am very aware that my "difficult" comes in the midst of a lot of peoples "difficult"... and i'll be writing more about that soon.

a friday night ritual

many years ago, my dear college friend came to the chicago area to visit her brother, sister-in-law and nieces. to make a get-together easier, i drove the short drive from the city to visit her. at the time, this city slicker did not have suburban living on the brain and had no clue about any of the chicago burbs. but upon arrival, i fell in love. we lunched at this adorable beer garden covered with brightly colored patio umbrellas on a beautiful sunny day. we got coffee on main street and we shoe shopped at a cute little boutique. i went home singing my praises.

several years, a condo and one baby girl later we began to yearn for good schools, grass and a place to teach above mentioned girlie a place to ride a bike. yes, folks, we began to search for a little plot of grass in the burbs. and this my friends is how we came to live in la grange... you know that little town with boutiques on main street (a short walk away from our front door), a coffee shop, and cute shoes to boot.

and to keep the love alive with how i fell in love with our town, we dined at that cute little beer garden every friday night. well, not ever friday night... because there are a handful of months where that sweet little garden is covered in snow... but you get the point.



i loved the ritual. each friday e and i (and then eventually e, d and i) would meet daddy at the train and then go to palmer's for dinner. the fare is less than fancy, but it was always enjoyable. it was a nice ritual. it was predictable. it allowed me to have one day where having no plan for dinner was the norm and it allowed us to start the weekend off with a little bit of good family relaxation.

and on our last trip to palmer's, my heart was nostalgic. i knew i would miss this little life ritual.

of course, we couldn't just let the ritual die- so we reinvented it. now, our new calli ritual is to get sushi take-out from a little spot around the corner. we don't dine out much with three babes under the age of 6 (you remember the thanksgiving "i do" incident, don't you???)... so this works for us right now. and then there's the fact that it is delish!

so tonight, this is what we'll be having for dinner...

our light at the end of the tunnel

a few days ago, my popadoodle turned 6 months old. i know i say this each and every month, but where oh where is the time going? i don't know- i'm too tired to tell you. for the love of pete, i've been saying that she's almost five months all month and then suddenly realized i somehow was a month off. i suppose it is because i want to keep her little forever and ever. but that is not possible, so i shall embrace my big 6 month old muffin.

quite a bit of changes have been going on in the month of january. sweet poppy is officially "crawling". she has her own style of army/crawl/jump on her elbows while pushing with her toes- but move she does. she puts anything and everything into her mouth and is in pure delight as she explores the textures and tastes around her.

speaking of "tastes"- sweet p is now eating food. she eats peas, sweet potatoes, bananas, peaches, strawberries, yogurt, squash and puffs. the eating of puffs has changed my life. sweet p will sit in her highchair and eat puffs for a real long time. she loves them. her "pincher" isn't quite perfected but that girlie knows how to get food to mouth- showing she has a bit of determination in her. making lunch and dinner has become way more enjoyable now that she has discovered this new skill (thank God- it was pretty hairy around here at mealtime).

poppy has also discovered her vocal chords. she is a big fan of practicing her "dadadadadada" sounds (which she sometime does in the direction of her father, making him feel very good) and likes to grunt and yelp to get your attention (as in: "momma, more puffs please. didn't you see i'm all out again?." she also has an abundant supply of giggles and smiles, but usually dons her serious/observant side (much like big sister ellie did at the same age).

also like big sister ellie, she is a thumb sucker (or pointer finger) and has rejected the pacifier completely (although she does get quite delighted upon discovering d's soosies temporarily neglected on the floor). poppy is currently taking 2-3 naps per day and wakes twice to be fed in the night/early morning (but does have some bad nights mixed in). overall, momma is fine with the schedule as it is very typical for a 6 month old girlie. but i won't lie- i am looking forward to "sleeping through the night" (we'll save sleep training for after the bar exam, thank you very much).

another fun part about sweet p is her curiosity. she wants to see anything and everything that is going on around her. if daddy is in the room, she want to know what he is doing. if e and d are playing with something, poppy is right there checking it out.

she is still very much a momma's girl- if momma is in the room, she wants to be near me. but she is also fine for me to leave the room. she has recently transitioned to the infant room at mops, the nursery at church and stays with our wonderful new sitters jackie and laura for a few hours each week. this is a nice break for momma as we have been glued together for the better part of the past six months.

and that's our summary- still no teeth (but lots of signs that they are coming), still no bottle (and lots of signs that she'll never take one), still lots of spit-up... but mostly, lots of smiles.

and here is our little light at the end of the tunnel. happy six months, sweet p, we love you!