but there are a few other "yes" responses that i am thankful i gave in this lifetime. i'm pretty certain that my "yes" to west virginia university hits the list as does the yes to my bff about moving to atlanta. they were the beginning "yes's" that directed me to scott and they are both filled with moments where i experienced joy, growth, maturity, laughter and personal accomplishment.
wvu was the first place where i learned how to fail. and in the process i learned how to pick myself up again and move forward. i had been told i was a strong person by my friend's mom throughout high school but i didn't really know it for myself. it was in college where i learned that i did indeed have strength and i also discovered that i had vision. i remember that as soon as i figured out what i wanted to do with my time in college, my entire academic life changed. i went from being a laissez faire, insecure student to feeling like a human with intellectual contributions. it was life changing.
after college my bestie invited me to move to atlanta where she had moved the year prior. there wasn't a real solid reason to go but there wasn't anything holding me back. i said, "sure", and i loaded up my pontiac sunbird and moved to atlanta without a secure job and without a place to live. there were some dicey days, but in the process i learned that living in the moment and taking risks is very important.
there are some other "yes" moments that also contribute to the making and development of me- saying "yes" to a teaching job at kipp, saying "yes" to Jesus (the most important "yes" i've ever said), saying "yes" to chicago... so many important "yes" moments. but this post isn't about those "yes's".
this post is about saying "yes" to california. i can remember the day that the idea was tossed around like an unrealistic joke, funny to imagine but never something we would authentically consider. and then at some point it morphed into this thing that we did consider. there were so many phases of the process and this was one of the first "yes" responses that didn't come quick or with conviction. this "yes" was slow and over time, pulled back and then pushed forward time repeatedly. because the process was so long, embracing the reality of it all was hard. it felt like something that we would do some time, maybe. and it felt this way right up until the moment that the packers arrived and i moved myself into a hotel with my three children. i can remember sitting at the curb in my rental mini-van watching my sequoia being loaded onto a flatbed and seeing moving men walking in and out of my house with their furniture pads, while watching our neighbor zoey walk to school for the first day of kindergarten. my heart sunk and i wasn't sure that anything felt right.
(this snap was taken right before i said goodbye and got into the car to leave for the airport. i thought i would die as i watched my e say goodbye to jen's p- besties since birth.)
today marks six years. yep. we moved our crazy family of five via airplane on september 11th, 2009. and six years later i can earnestly say that i have no regrets. i miss my chicago life, but i am also keenly aware that life isn't static. what i remember isn't and wouldn't be a reality if we were transported back there today. life is fluid. it moves. and being willing to let yourself lose control and roll with the current is a valuable gift.
i miss people. i want to go to dinner with my favorite couple friends, do birthday parties with the babies i watched come to life in this world, flesh out the mundane parts of life as it unfolds in real time over a cup of coffee, wrap my arms around my people and support those who have experienced loss, and so much more. yet, i realize that in my absence, others have stepped in and now stand in the place where i once stood. there are moments where this made me sad, wishing i could be there in the flesh for the trials and joys of this life- me not someone else. however, my perspective has changed over time, also fluid.
you see, slowly, relationships developed here for me. gently, one person at a time, i found my life filled with hand holders and cheerleaders, people who bring the laughter, people who wipe the tears... right here in my new circle.
and six years later, my heart is spilling out of my chest with joy and gratitude for how this "yes" was the right answer to the question that we were presented with.
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