years ago, my brother-in-law, approached his wife and told her he was letting go. they had been married for many years and out of the blue he told her it was over. he is a good man and i love him dearly, but he had been fighting demons for a long time and decided that an end was inevitable.
i was in the midst of nursing my pops at the time and felt like i had to do something. but how do you "do" anything when dealing with others. people get to choose what they choose. you don't have to like it or agree with it, but it can affect you and those you love, none-the-less.
i chose to pray my heart out. with each and every nursing session, i prayed for this marriage. i prayed that my dear brother-in-law would find clarity. i prayed for God to cement what had been united in matrimony. i prayed for my niece and my nephews that they would be protected. i prayed for my sister and all that she was having to endure. it was an odd time.
and as life would have it, my pops was in for the long haul. she nursed through the night for the better part of a year. i imagine that i might have been miffed by this, but for the fact that i had committed my nursing sessions to a very specific prayer. somehow, the prayer time for my sister, made me tolerate the lengthy nursing sessions more. in fact, i rather savored them. when pops would cry out to be fed in the wee hours, i ran to her side because i knew it was special time between my God and i.
through months and months of praying, i witnessed God speak into my heart. there were days that i felt prompted to encourage and support my sister. there were days where i felt God call me to reach outside of myself and connect with my brother-in-law. there were days when i felt peace and there were days when i felt turmoil. there were moments of hope and moments of despair. but one thing remained constant.
i always felt like God was drawing me in. in spite of the difficult nature of those prayer sessions, He never left me. He whispered into my heart. He gave me peace and He taught me so much about why intercessory prayer (praying on the behalf of another) is valued in His kingdom.
you see, we don't have to do life alone. i think so many of us think that we do. but the truth is, community and "family" and love births itself in those moments where we take on anther's burden. i didn't have to feel like my sister's divorce was mine to participate in. but i did. and while i can't say that i even understand her pain a tiny bit, i know that God spoke to me boldly through this era.
in spite of my sister's willingness to forgive and hold on and move forward, her hubs did not feel the same. he needed to sow his wild oats. he gave way to his demons and he let go.
it crushed me to witness this firsthand. i wanted God to redeem this marriage and to honor the vows that my sister remained committed to.
and as time unfolded it revealed to me the greatness of the gift that God has given us in free will. it is such a difficult thing to understand, but it is one of the most amazing aspects of the Kingdom of Heaven. through this time, i learned so much about a God that chooses us, but longs for us to choose Him. it is hard to say this, but in spite of my sister's pain, i wouldn't change this experience because of all that God cemented in my heart about relationships and two way streets and free will.
i have been praying in earnest for my sister since that time. i have watched her go through a divorce and choose to be an amazing woman with each and every step. in spite of the pain, she always chose selflessness. words just can't depict what she did. she surrendered self and through each step chose grace and love. when all things in a human calls for anger, she chose not to give in to the temptation. when one might show up at the table with a feistiness, she chose calm. she asked questions. she loved lavishly and she put her children at the front always.
if i were in her shoes, i always imagined showdowns and lawyers and fights. that was never her reality. she always picked respect, the high-road and love.
and i sat back in awe.
it wasn't always easy. there were many times when anger and frustration tried to grab hold of her. but her faith was strong. her conviction was solid and her love for Jesus always was the cream that rose to the top.
last fall, my sister told me about a friend that had contacted her through Facebook. i'll admit, i was a little skeptical. but just as soon as my earthly cynicism began to take hold, i felt God sweep in with a peace.
"tasha, do you trust me? do you believe that i have a plan for those that choose me and love me and serve me?" (do you notice a theme here in my faith walk? i am pretty sure God gets tired of these little chats with me, but He never shows it. He just keeps pressing in and holding my hand.)
it's a difficult question when the cards are stacked against that belief.
but i do believe.
God has been so good for so long. history would tell me that God is full of surprises. the Jesus that i love didn't come to die on a cross so that we would always suffer, but He came so that we would experience joy. the road isn't always an easy one. in fact, most often it is difficult. but redemption is true and pure and from heaven.
and so i prayed. early on in the relationship, i found myself begging God to not let my sister get hurt.
i should probably interject here that my sister is 7 years older than i. finding myself in a situation where little old me was worried about older and wiser her was new. it was odd. it was out of body. and yet, it was also part of what i felt God was using to define me. as a younger sister of three, there are so many moment where you feel like you lack value and don't add meaning. God used this prayer experience to teach me that my prayers matter. regardless of who you are, He cares. He listens. He understands.
He answers.
do you know that? do you feel that?
sometimes the answers to prayers are not what you would expect. often they are not what you might anticipate. but that doesn't make them less "good".
you see, God knows the whole story. He weaves a tapestry that extends beyond our imagination. He brings people in and lets them participate (through prayer or encouragement or observation) to His plan. and then He reveals it and we are blessed with the opportunity of being a part of the story.
heather, my sister, married her mark this week.
mark (the Facebook contact and 4th grade first kiss) was reaching out to my sister. he had been through his own story and felt like God was prompting him to make contact with heather. it turns out that the two of them were a romance/love story made for the movies. they were a match made and designed by the heavens and after years and years, get to have their happy ending.
it is difficult to write a conclusion here. but from where i sit, i see a God that allowed me to pray. He sought my heart and invited me into a painful story to watch how His redemption brings joy and happiness and new beginnings.
and i'm not saying that divorce brings happy endings.
but when God walks each day with you, when you surrender to His plan, restoration is possible. love is to be expected and old things can be made new.
to my sister: i adore you. i have since i was a little girl and thought that you were the brightest, shiniest of stars. you have never disappointed.
to my brent (my first brother-in-law): you are a good man. cleave yourself to Christ and you will find that emptiness brings fullness.
and to my newbie, mark: be the man of God that you are, embrace the "trinity" of marriage and i am certain that both of you will have hearts full of smiles and peace. life will have bumps and hurdles, but with God as your guide will always be worth the journey. (from what i know about you, i am preaching to the choir here.) thank you for reaching out to her. thank you for honoring the sanctity of marriage and i look forward to years and years of joy with you in our lives. and thank you for choosing togetherness and God's plan for my max, maclane and willsie to join your Smith and Ella Mae on this journey with Christ. i love you all already.
hugs.
smooches.
and may God write out His peaceful, happy, blessed beyond measure happy ending...
and to my Father: thank you for using this personal story to demonstrate to me who You are. in spite of the moments where i doubted You, You gave me conviction. You have shown me patience. You have shown me love. You have shown me community and the value of stepping into someone else's life. You have taught me that you are the master of timing and You have taught me that You are sovereign. and above all else, You have given me a glimpse into the beautiful mystery of prayer. my life is forever changed and i am filled with gratitude.
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