on tuesday of this week i began to encounter a lot of reminders of my nephew, josh, and the path that i watched my sister and her family walk and the path i walked myself. watching a momma bury her babe is painful... when it is a stranger, when it is a friend, when it is your sister... truly painful. it was a sad day and yet there was this lightness within my spirit knowing that God is amazing and out of wreckage He brings forth beauty. He always, always does. sometimes you have to wait for it. but the beauty always comes.
in my remembering, i pulled out the reading that my sister selected for me to read at josh's funeral. it was a passage that had been shared with her as she walked the journey knowing she would be giving up her son prematurely. the reading was filled with truth and brought her comfort as she faced her trials. as i processed the loss this momma was facing on tuesday, this reading continued to bring me comfort.
i could write for days on the lessons that my sister and her family taught me during this difficult period, i could describe the faith that they possess, the posture of surrender that they willingly took, the peace that guarded their hearts... i'm not sure you'd believe me if i told you because it was unimaginable. watching my sister and her family walking deep in the trenches of pain and being carried by the truth of the cross was a profound experience for me. i could go on to tell you how they walked this same path when facing cancer square in the eye. the path was filled with immense pain, but it was also filled with beauty.
what a strange juxtaposition.
pain.
beauty.
God is good. satan and the fall of man... not so much.
on wednesday, i encountered some issues within my home that needed to be dealt with. i was tired and worn down, not really wanting things of this nature to rear up and get in the way.
thursday was met with a different set of obstacles- ones from outside of the home. the process of addressing them was good. healthy. better than expected. but difficult none-the-less.
and then i marched into today.
t.g.i.f.?
not so much.
not so much.
my dear friend (if but for a short time) lost his fight with cancer this morning.
stupid, stupid cancer.
eric leaves behind an amazing wife (i'll write more about her soon) and two beyond amazing children.
it has been a less than awesome week. and i feel like i am in the middle of a fire. i keep thinking about cora's momma (michelle) and little brother and little sister and daddy (whose funeral i attended on tuesday) and picture my friend linda and her two sweet children missing their daddy (that they lost this morning).
i keep picturing eric holding cora in heaven. in my mind he is kissing her forehead and rocking her gently in his arms.
there is nothing- absolutely nothing- in scriptures that validates the image that i just depicted. but for some reason, i keep closing my eyes and imagining it to be true. while i have no idea if it is true of not, i do know that heaven is beautiful and that both eric and cora are experiencing the fullness of that right now.
and all of this has made me think of the reading from josh's funeral 11 years ago. it goes like this:
some time ago, a few ladies met in a certain city to read the scriptures and make them the subject of conversation. while reading the third chapter of malachi, they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse:
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
one lady's opinion of this verse was that it was intended to convey the view of the sanctifying influence of the grace of Christ. she decided to visit a silversmith and report to her group what he said on the subject.
she went accordingly, and without telling the object of her errand begged to know the process of refining silver, which he fully described to her.
but sir, do you sit while the work of the refining is going on?
oh yes, madam, i must sit with my eye steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for the refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured.
the lady at once saw the beauty and the comfort too, of the expression.
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
Christ sees a need to put His children into the furnace; His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us.
our trials do not come at random, for it says in mathew 10:30 that "the very hairs of your head are all numbered".
as the lady from the bible study was leaving the silversmith's shop, the silversmith called her back. he said he had forgotten to mention that the only way he knows when the process of purifying is complete is when he sees his own image reflected in the silver. becoming conformed to the image of Christ is a process. each of us is a work in progress. perhaps you can see that you are more patient, more caring, more peaceful in the midst of adversity. when troubles come, you trust more than you once did and you cling to promises such as:
"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. for those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." (romans 8:28-29)
the "good" is becoming like Jesus. this takes a lifetime. and even then, the process will not be complete until we see Him face to face.
joshua is now in complete perfection, in heaven, face to face with the refiner.
some time ago, a few ladies met in a certain city to read the scriptures and make them the subject of conversation. while reading the third chapter of malachi, they came upon a remarkable expression in the third verse:
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
one lady's opinion of this verse was that it was intended to convey the view of the sanctifying influence of the grace of Christ. she decided to visit a silversmith and report to her group what he said on the subject.
she went accordingly, and without telling the object of her errand begged to know the process of refining silver, which he fully described to her.
but sir, do you sit while the work of the refining is going on?
oh yes, madam, i must sit with my eye steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for the refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be injured.
the lady at once saw the beauty and the comfort too, of the expression.
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."
Christ sees a need to put His children into the furnace; His eye is steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love are both engaged in the best manner for us.
our trials do not come at random, for it says in mathew 10:30 that "the very hairs of your head are all numbered".
as the lady from the bible study was leaving the silversmith's shop, the silversmith called her back. he said he had forgotten to mention that the only way he knows when the process of purifying is complete is when he sees his own image reflected in the silver. becoming conformed to the image of Christ is a process. each of us is a work in progress. perhaps you can see that you are more patient, more caring, more peaceful in the midst of adversity. when troubles come, you trust more than you once did and you cling to promises such as:
"and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. for those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son." (romans 8:28-29)
the "good" is becoming like Jesus. this takes a lifetime. and even then, the process will not be complete until we see Him face to face.
joshua is now in complete perfection, in heaven, face to face with the refiner.
and so is cora.
and so is eric.
and so is eric.
and walking through this week... it is very much like the journey of the silversmith. i feel it. but bigger than me (and way more important) are linda and michelle- two women. two mommas. two children of the one true God- walking through life and presented with "silver experiences". God does not seek to crush them. He seeks to grow them and to know them and to make them more like Him.
and it hurts. but we are not alone in our pain.
this is all raw. maybe unrefined. but it is where i am tonight... thinking of a wife and a momma... that need to be encouraged and loved and carried and celebrated and... refined.
for you, o God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. you brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out into a place of abundance. Psalm 66:10-12
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