race day

on friday night i was driving home from livermore and listening to the radio. as i pulled into my driveway, i was moved to tears by a song. i'll come back to that later.

saturday morning was very exciting. i awoke early, ate the recommended peanut butter toast, enjoyed my allotted cup o' joe, took in a decent amount of electrolyte enhanced water, double and triple checked to be sure i had everything that i needed, and then sat on my front porch a few minutes before keri was to pick me up. i sat there as the dark was turning to day and gave it all over to God. those minutes were precious to me and set the tone for the day.


we arrived at quarry lakes regional park (after a few wrong turns which may have been my fault) but thanks to my former oakland police department driver (seriously, read between the lines here) we made it on time, white knuckles and all.

we made our way to the registration table and picked up our race packets. this was a highlight for both of us. since this was our first race, pinning our numbers on was rather fun. getting our race t-shirt held some excitement.

once we were numbered up, we perused the sponsor tents, stretched a little, made a final potty run and then circled around the stage. they made some sponsor announcements, welcomed everyone and then called all of the cancer survivors to the center of the circle. they surrounded these women with a pink ribbon. the mc then went around the circle where each survivor said their name and the amount of time that they have been a survivor. one by one, each woman publicly proclaimed their survival. some of the women were timid, others proud, and others too emotional to speak- they ran the full range from "survivor for two months" to "survivor for 35 years". it was beautiful. the crowd circling them cheered for each woman and celebrated in their fight with this ugly disease. each woman was then handed a white dove.

and on the count, each survivor released their dove. individuals from all ages and walks of life, unified together by the victory that they could claim in fighting this battle and united by the joy that the word "survivor" brings. the doves took flight.

they flew out of each hand separate and then formed together in the sky. they danced for us for a few minutes- flying together in the air to the left and then circling back to the right. it was beautiful and emotional. wind beneath my wings bellowed out of the speakers. it was difficult to keep dry eyes. i thought about my sister and each of these women. i am eager for the day when she gets to declare "survivor".

and then each participant made their way to the start. there were 10k runners, 5k runners, 10k walkers and 5k walkers- teams that participated together and individuals showing their support for cancer survivors alone. the setting was tranquil. the track for 10k runners was two loops around the quarry. mountains burst up from the earth in the background. the sun was bright and warm. keri and i were ready. we took off from the starting pad faster than usual and slowly found our comfortable pace. keeping with our regular pattern, we slowly began a meaningful conversation. we felt good.

as we rounded the quarry to finish the first half of the race, i started to feel the burn. i laughed as i mentioned to keri that i hoped stacy remembered that time she spit on me when we were kids. i was starting to feel the heat of the day and began to doubt if i could go the distance. and then we crested a tiny hill where scott, e, d, and p were cheering for us. it gave me the motivation that i needed to keep going.

and after we passed, d did a little bit of running herself. every night that i run she asks if she can come. it is sweet. i guess she wanted to get her own taste of the race.

a mile into that loop, we started to feel invigorated. we went at a faster pace than we usually do, and kept trying to slow ourselves down a little bit. but it was difficult. the excitement was pressing in and the finish was getting closer. towards the end we were blowing by some other runners and walkers, with the big balloon arch in sight. running across that finish pad felt amazing. knowing that we had raised a pretty penny (to date $1530 and the donations are still rolling in, praise God) for my sister made me euphoric! for those of you that prayed- thank you! those prayers were felt and sustained us through this run. for those of you that "chipped in"- i don't even have words. keri and i running would have been worth nothing if it had not been for the generous support of so many of you beloved friends. i am in awe at your generosity! thank you from the bottom of my heart. being supported in this way and being able to support my sister in this way brings me to my knees with gratitude.

crossing that finish brought back that song that i heard on friday night. it wasn't the first time i heard it, but i'll think of this race and of the support you've shown each and every time i hear it from this point forward (it's playing as you read)...

...but it's all you need. and Love will hold us together, make us a shelter to weather the storm and i'll be my brother's keeper so the whole world will know that we're not alone. it's waiting for you. knocking at your door. in a moment of truth when your heart hits the floor. and your on your knees- and Love will hold us together, make us a shelter to weather the storm and i'll be my brother's keeper so the whole world will know that we're not alone. this is the first day of the rest of your life. this is the first day of the rest of your life. 'cause even in the dark you can still see The Light. it's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright. Love will hold us together, make us a shelter to weather the storm. and i'll be my brother's keeper so the whole world will know that we're not alone.

i thought about my sister. i can't make this cancer thing go away. i'm not sure that i want to because the beauty that i see it bring- through friends that have made her meals, held her hands when she was low, sat next to her in the chemo chair, loved on her with gifts, conversations, cards and helped with house cleaning... well, that? that's beauty. that's being "your brother's keeper"- stepping in and being Love. none of us can stop the journey, but man, watching people make it a little bit easier? wow! that points me towards heaven.

and then we were greeted by these sweet faces who celebrated with us and cheered on our accomplishment. it was wonderful!

scott took a few pictures- on a side note, selecting the best "sweaty post 10k run picture" to put up on the web for the world to see was an interesting moment. here we are in our full stinky glory. vanity is out the window.

oh, and those hats? well that's a cute story. remember that drive home from livermore on friday night? the one where i heard the song? yeah, i was on my home picking up those hats. i wanted to find a way to "bring my sister to the race". i found a place that could make me some cute hats- problem though. their vinyl printing machine was having some problems. they could have just called and said that they couldn't do it. instead, they offered to bejewel them with another machine. problem with that was that the bejewel machine was having some issues too. when i went to pick up the hats, i discovered two young girls doing them by hand. it was a friday night and i felt really bad. it took them over three hours to hand make these adorable caps that say "the betties". as i stood there watching them finish up, i apologized and thanked them profusely. as it turned out, girl one was cheerful as she knew the abbreviated version of why we needed the hats from my phone order. she shared with me that her grandma and aunt were both survivors. she was sweet and encouraged me in the run. girl two looked a little less thrilled with the way she was spending her friday night. we got to talking and i told her about the race and my sister. after a few minutes i noticed white bracelet on her wrist.

me: does that say "i love boobies"?

girl: YES! my family has had its share of exposure to breast cancer, too. i'm glad i learned your story. it makes me happy to know these are for a good cause.

pause.

girl: is your sister's name betty?

and then i told the gals about "the betties"- about how my sister blogged about her weekly fillings and had coined the name in an effort to talk about her implants tastefully. they both almost fell off of their work stools. they asked for post-race pictures and wanted to know the final amount raised. oh, and as i stood there i noticed that hat's done by hand went for the fee of $30/hour... i was guessing i would just have to pay for it. she rang up my total-

girl: $12 please.

me: what???

i tried to make her charge me more. i didn't want to pay $30/hour but for the love of pete, they had been placing gems by hand all night. but the girl insisted. the hats i had ordered over the phone were $6 a piece and that was all she was going to let me pay. (hey God? thank you!)

i'm headed there this week with some pictures.

oh, and keri, girl! i don't know even know what to say! your friendship is a gift, your support in this has been amazing, and if it weren't for you and you're "can do" heart i am certain that i'd still be sitting on my comfy sofa each night. wanna run on monday?

the day before the race

tomorrow is the hers breast cancer race that i am running to raise funds for my sister. i feel good- strong, ready, energized, a little bit nervous and a lot excited.

i've been praying a lot this week about the fundraiser component of the race. i long to stand in complete surrender-

an interjection with a little story:

for christmas last year, i bought my hubby a garmin running watch. it comes complete with a foot pod, heart monitor and watch. the three pieces work together to compile the details of your running life- the heart monitor... well it monitors your heart rate silly, the watch holds your data for each run- it is more technology than i can even understand (time, rate, average heart rate/run... as i said, way more than i even understand, and the foot pod- well that little device is stinkin' amazing. it logs each step. after your run you can plug a little data stick into your computer and it uploads your run information. you can graph it, chart it, again, do way more than i even know.

i "borrowed" this little contraption from my hubby who stopped running a few weeks before christmas (and by borrowed i mean, good luck getting it back babe).

it is fascinating and unbelievably helpful. by getting a grip on my heart rate i have been able to find my "sweet spot". when i run too fast, i tire easily. but when i run at the perfect rate (easily found by looking at my wrist) i can go much longer and still feel energized. that's good stuff, right?

the foot pod is what blows my little mind. when you upload the information into your computer you can sync it with google earth. google earth then maps out your steps. seriously. you can look at a map and see exactly where each foot landed on the pavement. one foot in front of the other- but if you dodge and land a little to the right (say, to avoid some less than pleasant remainders from a four legged friend) it shows that too (the steps, not the remainders). it marks each and every step that i take. amazing.

as i have been using this run after run and uploading my stats every couple days, my head has been spinning. i've been trying to figure it all out. i've been sifting through the data and looking for ways to improve. it's mind boggling.

through this past week, i've also been doing a lot of praying about the fund raising component of all of this (as i said at the beginning). i've been asking God to show me the number that He has in mind for me to raise. i've been daily giving it to Him and asking Him to bring forth people to provide that number (whatever that number is). daily, there have been donations. it has been beautiful to see friends and strangers give so generously. i am in awe of a gracious God.

this week, i started to see a parallel between that foot pod and the God whom i love. He knows each and every step that i am to take. He knows each and every step that my sister will take. He uploaded it to google earth long before we were born. He knows. rest on that for a minute. it's mind blowing. this journey is unfolding before my eyes and before my sister's eyes day by day, but God? He knows all the "stats", all the "data", each step already. He sees her need and He's meeting it. He knows what her bills look like, what her treatment looks like, what her fear might look like, what sort of support she needs, the encouragement that will sustain her... He knows it all. already. He doesn't need it uploaded. it's already there waiting to unfold. it unfolds through you and i- the hands and feet of a Jesus that is living, real and very much full of love for each and every one of us.

i rest in that today. it makes my heart rejoice knowing that in this trial (and every trial that is to come), He knows. praise God! and in the surrender- in the giving it to Him, i can be free of worry, or fear, or doubt. the "is this enough God" is removed. and i can walk forward in faith that He has it covered.

and so this afternoon, as i prepare to run, i am thankful. if you've given this week to my sister, i am humbled by your support. if you feel led to give, please, continue to do so. you can click on the "chip in" box in the top left corner of my blog page.

my race is at 9am tomorrow (pacific time). if you could, pray for me as i run. it is sure to be hot and will be a little different than my normal running conditions. i typically run as the sun sets and the temperatures drop. tomorrow that will be in reverse.

much love and thanks,
tasha

go, girl, go cont'd and a little announcement

if you are just tuning in, you might want to read out of breath and go, girl, go (installment one) first. if not, you can just read this and catch up later...

so there i was running each week in the hopes of loosing my baby belly and in the process, gaining a valuable friend. after the first week or two, i suggested to my running mate that we might consider doing a 10k- heck, she got me to do 3 1/2 miles on that first run. what's a few more miles? i looked into it and we decided to do the livermore grape stomp in october. basically, you run and then at the end celebrate your accomplishment by tasting the fall crush. it sounded good to me- running and then a little wine. i'm down with that- it's one of the perks of living in this fabulous little known wine region here in the tri-valley. my pal and i agreed this was a good fit.

while i was busy running, my sister was busy getting her cancer treatment underway. she was meeting with various oncologists and comparing their recommendations for treatment, she was meeting with surgeons and learning the ropes for what was in store for "the betties" (as she humorously refers to her new but temporary implants), and she was doing a bit of research on alternative treatments.

when my sister had her 4th son and i had e, she and i simultaneously started looking into more natural and homeopathic ways to medicate. we both took our own organic routes in this area, but there were a lot of intersections. frequently, we compared notes. it seemed natural that this would also be part of her cancer journey.

in the early part of the summer, she met with a doctor that specializes in this field. after meeting with him, he confirmed what she already knew in her heart- she needed the chemo. i think that was good news, in spite of the bad that comes with chemotherapy. the other good news is that this doctor specializes in treatments that boost the immune system that chemo tears down. i almost choked when she told me that the preliminary meeting was $500. i really almost choked when she told me that each of these treatments was about $90 a pop and would take place weekly. we started talking about the other bills that come with cancer for an insured patient- it goes something like this... co-pays for each doctors visit ($35/3 times a week), co-pays for surgery (in the hundreds if not thousands), co-pays for the weekly fillings of the betties, co-pays for the implants, and down the road co-pays for radiation- yikes! if my head wasn't spinning before, it certainly was now. and that got me thinking...

how does the average family pay for treatment- traditional or other? as if the strain of the cancer isn't enough, right? on top of that, you get to add this pile of financial stressors right into the mix.

now, i've said before, my sister is a woman of faith. she believes that God will carry her and provide for her needs. her husband believes the same, so i think it is fair to say that this family doesn't get caught up in the worry of it all.

and right then and there, when we stand firm in our faith, we can usually see more clearly how God provides.

as i was thinking about these things day after day, i was still running. somewhere along the way, another friend of mine planted a little seed- "tasha, you should do a breast cancer run". but she didn't stop there- she found one on-line and sent me the link. this 10k was taking place in another town nearby in september (this coming saturday, to be exact). running for wine is good and fine, but running for my sister when i am so far away? i was over the moon. it was a tangible way that i could support her journey. and with that little seed, and with a lot of prayer, and with more running an idea began to bloom.

i could run the 10k and raise funds for my sister. my original plan was to raise funds for her wig- a mom of 5 is best suited for a natural hair wig that could put a pretty sizable dent into the pocketbook. she was fine with this suggestion- reluctant at first, because she didn't want to put a financial strain on people. but after some time and after some prayer she thought it would be a blessing.

simultaneously, my aunt (not knowing my plan) decided to do some fundraising of her own. she sent out an email to my aunts, cousins, siblings and grandmother. true to how God works, God made these people willing participants in my sister's journey. in fact, i think it is fair to say that they were grateful for a channel that would help support my sister in a real way. and so my fam (and my sister's in-laws) all pitched in to pay for most of my sister's new hairpiece.

and while she is beautiful without it (for real! look at the joy in her eyes!), this need has been met.

at that time, i did some more time praying- was there more that God wanted me to do in spite of the fact that this initial need had been met? and i immediately felt like there was- as i thought of her bills that would soon be coming her way, i knew i had to continue with my plan. again, she and i talked about this. we both saw the value of helping her, and we both felt like maybe there is more. it's not concrete at this point, but we both have hopes of doing this for other women down the road. we both felt like you shouldn't have to go this alone- that becoming part of community that surrounds women walking this path is essential.

and so without further ado- an announcement. on saturday, i am running the hers breast cancer 10k in freemont, ca. if you'd like to support my run and help launch this fundraising campaign, i would cherish that support!

you can do so in one of four ways-

1.) pray for this fundraising effort. pray that God would be glorified. pray that my little old legs can run like the wind. and pray for my sister as she walks this road.

2.) click on the "chip in" link (top left-hand corner of my blog page) and make a donation to "the betties". your donation will help cover the costs of my sister's medical treatments. my hope and prayer is that there will be funds left over to help start the support for the next person that God places in our path with breast cancer (we will be activly looking and praying for this component to fall into place with God's perfect timing).

3.) today (and today only) you can also buy a necklace from sarah on etsy (click those words right there and it will direct you to her etsy site). sarah makes necklaces in an effort to raise funds for tons of different charities. today, her sales with raise funds for my sister. if you choose to help in this way, you can purchase any of her regular items (special orders are not included). in the etsy checkout, indicate that you are purchasing on behalf of my sister. sarah will in turn donate 50% of the sales to my sister.

4.) send people via facebook to this page and encourage them to jump in. if you do so today (monday) they can be a part of options 1-4. if you don't get this today, they can still participate by participating in options 1,2 and 4. the more that know, the more that can join me and my sister on this journey.

and i can't just end there... you know me by now, right?

i was in church this morning. i'll confess, i almost didn't go because i felt like i could use the time writing this very post. but i felt like i needed to be there. God was tugging at my heart and i was certain that there was something i needed to hear. well, the sermon this morning was the exact confirmation that my heart needed. the title was "hello my name is____ and i've tried doing this alone". the very core of the message was that in life, we so often try to be self-sufficient. we try to doing it alone. but if you look at the example laid out by paul, we are called to do this together. alone doesn't work. we need to rely on God and we need to rely on the people in our community to support us, encourage us, and propel us forward. my pastor (and good friend) ended the message with this- we need to have someone's hand to hold (a sponsor, if you will) and then we need to sponsor someone else that comes our way (hold their hand and support their journey just like we received support).

and so today, i ask you to grab hands. run with me, support my sister if you are able and don't be shy about reaching out your own hand when you need support.

much love to you today, and thank you.

go, girl, go!

last week i told you about the genesis of my running experience. i told you that i have been running ever since that day about 3 times a week- but as is typically the case with my stories, it doesn't end there.


you see, as i began to run my relationship with my running partner started to unfold. our conversations went more deep and we really started to know one another. and while there is still a lot more to learn, i feel like she is an old friend. it's funny, and i didn't know it on the first day of running, but i was going to need that sort of friend that i could go deep with.


parallel with the onset of my running was the diagnosis of my sister. it was discovered that she had breast cancer at the age of 38. it was determined that she was going to need a double mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation and a whole slew of other things. her life was turned upside down, so to speak.


now it is important for me to remind you of a few things that i have shared over my years of blogging- (if you know these, just disregard. if you don't, then it will help make the picture more clear). my sister is 38. she has six children, one that she surrendered to heaven because of trisomy 18- 5 boys, 1 girl. my sister home schools all 5 of them. my mom lives in my sister's garage (that sounds cruel but i promise it's not- really it is now an in-law suite designed and built specifically for my momma). my sister is also the head of women's ministries at her church, blogs, and carpools three boys to football, attends motocross races with three of her sons, add in ballet for her girlie-girl, guitar lessons for three boys, music classes for the littlest boy, awana, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, carpooling my mom all over the philadelphia burbs, and did i mention laundry (i can't even imagine what those piles would look like if i was running that whirlpool over there)?... just writing it all out makes my head hurt and makes me long for a nap.

anyway, back to june and a cancer diagnosis and her life being turned whoopsi daisy- if you had the opportunity to watch her, you'd know that she didn't miss a beat. she simply grabbed hands with God and said, "ok, God, we're going to do this? you're going to carry me. i'll follow." now i may be simplifying it a bit, but from my daily conversations with her, i can tell you that is pretty much how it went. she struggles just like the rest of us do, but she has stood firm in her belief that God has this covered. he has a plan. he's going to (and has) given her strength for the journey. he's surrounded her with cheerleaders and supporters. he's pulling him into his arms and she in return is falling into that embrace. it is beautiful to watch, but complex.

it's complex for a whole bunch of reasons- it's hard because she is my sister. as i've told you in the past, we were so not close growing up. but as adults? she's my go-to girl. i look up to her and cherish our relationship. the thought of her having to go through this trial- well, it stinks. watching anyone fight cancer is not fun. watching it happen to someone you know and love- that stinks even more.

i also think that when someone is in the midst of a trial you get an interesting close-up at their heart. in the normal day-to-day of life, you see a glimpse, but in a trial there is some form of transparency and vulnerability that is like no other. watching stacy at this time is revealing what i've always known to be true- it's just magnified for the rest of us at the moment... she's firm in her faith, obedient to her maker, true to her beliefs. she's the real deal.

it's also complex because i know the laundry list of things that are on her plate. i also know that i live on the exact opposite side of the country. there are days when i just want to run out the door before scott and hop on a plane to go be by her side (wouldn't he LOVE that!). but the truth is, i have my own laundry list of things on my plate, three of which (e, d, and p) don't really make the cross-country trip super feasible. another truth is that in the grand scheme of things, her needs are being met and there is little i could do to help her.

back to running-
so week after week, my gal-pal and i would run together and week after week i would share what was on my heart. funny how things work, but my running partner is no stranger to cancer. she has watched several family members fight it, too.

regularly on our runs, i was share these difficult truths with her about my sister. each time it was met with the most gentle responses, encouragement, support, understanding. you see this running momma got it. slowly, i began to believe that it wasn't a coincidence that she invited me to run one day out of the blue. it started to look more and more like a divine intersection. you see, i started to believe that God knew what was down the pike for my sister and He knew how it was going to wreck me at times. He knew that i would need a friend that "checked in" with me regularly. He knew that i couldn't carry this alone. and while i take a lot of of it to Him daily, He saw fit to give me that perfect companion who would walk (or in this case "run") this journey with me.

*please check in tomorrow, for i have a little announcement to make (monday).

lordy, lordy, i love nordy!

nordy, how do i love thee? let me count the ways.

i have always been a huge fan of the nordstrom and nordstrom rack department store chains. first, there is the team of buyers that get a perfect mix of high quality items with exceptional style and a variety of price points to fit the average shoppers needs. second, there is that amazin' sticker that they put on each and every purchase negating the "hunt for the receipt" if you find yourself in need of a return. seriously, i can't say enough about that nifty sticker and their return policy. ah, if only more stores could get on that train! third, there are the backroom sales like the annual anniversary sale- i love the ease of pre-shopping and then picking up my purchases without the hassle of lines and grabby-gerty shoppers who snatch right out from under you... the cafe, the nursing momma area... i could go on and on and on about my love affair with the great nordy.

and then i discovered this. it catapulted my love affair to a level that even I didn't know existed!

it's the shoe tying class. that's right, folks. you read it right here! nordy offers a shoe tying class for kiddos- free of charge each and every saturday smack dab in their kids shoe department. it even comes with some loot to keep the kiddos motivated, but i'll get to that in a minute.

march yourself to your nearest nordy kiddo shoe department. at the till you'll find a notebook (if it isn't there just ask the nearest nordy expert, who's probably already asked you if you need some help 'cus they are good like that). sign up for a saturday that you and your kiddo have free and then show up on that specific saturday.

the kiddos arrive and in a fun class, learn some catchy rhymes to help them learn how to tie their kicks, or tenny pumps... or whatever you might be callin' them at your house.

it goes like this-

laces everyone- ready, set, tie!

calling all kids. check out these simple clues. when one lace meets the other you can tie your shoes. first, make an x, and hold it on top. put the right lace through the middle and you've got your knot!


think of the bow just like a balloon, hold it at the bottom or it might go zoom!



wrap the other lace around, use your finger like a spool. pull a loop through this hole, you tied the bow- how cool!

they practice and practice and practice, gaining momentum and success as they go. and at the end of the class they get bucket of loot i was talking about... complete with an organic juice box, gummy snacks, a shoe tying card, a lelli kelli lip gloss/eye shadow kit (just what you always wanted!), and a hip digital watch (for reals, we have this exact watch in purple and i paid $22 for it- apparently i got robbed b/c nordy gave it to the shoe tiers for free).

anyway, i told e's friends momma about this and asked if she wanted to sign the girls up together. bonus for me, she did. double bonus for me, she offered to pick up e and take the girls for me. ding, ding, ding! jackpot. my gal pal picked e up this morning- and i tied her shoes for her as she headed out the door. an hour and a half later, e arrived home mostly able to tie her own shoes.

thank you, nordy!

p.s.- if anyone wants to give nordy a heads-up that i'm giving them free publicity on their amazingness right here at diary of a suburban momma, maybe they would like to throw me back a little gift certificate (ahh, wishfull thinking).

salute

this evening i had the joy

of opening my ice box door and going

to the bottom shelf, where i've been chilling something.

if you recall, a few months ago i placed a bottle of bubbly into my chiller. i did so because it looked the it would soon be time to celebrate leslie and jake getting the call from their ethiopian adoption agency. that call would signify that the baby that God had chosen for them was ready to officially begin the journey home.

on friday, leslie and jake got THAT call. they prayed over this sweet baby all weekend and intentionally sought God's will for their family. i have had the joy all weekend, and for the past two years or so to join hands with them in prayer. as they have walked each step of this journey, i have been blessed with the opportunity to lift their needs heavenward and share in the process.

it has been a beautiful process to be a part of. to see their hearts as they walk forward in their calling to adopt a child into their family has been inspiring. they have handled each and every step of this journey with care, love, compassion- sweet leslie and a team of prayer warriors have been praying for this birth mother and this baby girl for well over two years! seriously- watching leslie's heart unfold for this baby girl has been such a gift.

and so tonight, i raise my glass to leslie and jake, oliver and Elihu and the sweet baby girl who gets the joy that this family imparts to all those that they touch. praise be!

salute!

and while i thought that i would end this post with that, i can't control the tingles that i feel for this baby girl. i fast forward in my mind and think of her life- her momma is an amazing writer, cook, and newly passionate crafter. she is imaginative and reverent, thoughtful and soft spoken. i can only imagine how that translates into their mother/daughter relationship! i picture this sweet girl making jam with her momma and being the assistant as her momma sews her halloween costume. i picture them telling her stories of ethiopia and incorporating the culture of her birth into the tapestry of her life. i picture her toddling behind her brothers, eating tomatoes off of the vine. i picture her taking to the acoustic guitar and singing vocals for the all boys band that her brothers have formed in their living room. and then i picture her wedding. i picture being there and telling her the story of a momma that prayed. a momma that had faith in the seed God planted in her heart. i picture telling her how six mommas in an email based prayer group covered this girl with prayer (that's a story for another day). and then i picture telling her how we loved her before we knew her and how her sweet life and journey to iowa is part of my journey- how praying alongside her family brought me closer to God. praying is such a mysterious thing, but i stand here tonight (sipping some champagne) praising the God that let's us in on the story and molds our hearts in the process.

out of breath

back in june i was waiting on the playground to pick up e, making small talk with a mom that i was getting to know. she mentioned that she had been running earlier in the day. i mentioned that i was just about to start running to loose my baby pouch (yes, folks a year later i still look about three months preggers). she suggested that we run together. me, ever so naive, thought this was a grand idea. we made plans to run the monday of the following week.


after dinner on monday, i suited up and met her on her front porch. i was a little bit terrified as running with a partner can be a bit challenging- you just don't know if you are a good match until you hit the pavement. and as for me, i've never really run before in my life, so i didn't even know if i was a good match for running period. seriously, ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that tasha doesn't really run.


i should tell you a little bit about my running partner- things that i should have thought of before committing to this little adventure, but didn't. she is a former police officer for the oakland police department. if you know anything about oakland, you know that it has some pretty high crime rates so it is safe to assume that this girl could run. if you know anything about police officers, you know that they go through some pretty intense physical training. again, things i should have thought of BEFORE this little running party. but i didn't.


we began jogging down her street and headed around the corner. as we ran we started to chat. for the first few blocks it was rather manageable. at that moment, i thought i might ask her how far we were going to go. her reply- "oh, about 3 miles."


i almost started to cry. seriously. i am not a runner. i hadn't done any sort of physical work-outs since before my pregnancy with p and those workouts were light jogs on the treadmill, easy weight lifting, and a few sit-ups. but there i was, running, not sure how to get out of this situation. i was sort of wishing that i could fall and twist my ankle or something. i began to have an internal argument with myself...


"you can do this, t! just put your mind to it!"


"no way! i'm going to die right here on the side of the road and we just started."


"you're going to look like a fool. this girl is cool and she'll think you're the biggest looser if you don't go through with it."


"i don't care! i'm fine with being a looser! i really don't like running and there is NO WAY i can go "about three miles"."


the internal conflict continued and the running continued. in a way, it sort of helped to pass the time. as i fought with myself, we continued to chat. our conversation was light, but very enjoyable. it was nice to connect with this woman, to fell like i could be making a friend while getting some good physical exercise. if i was going to loose this weight, this was by far more enjoyable than hanging out at the gym by myself. i kept running and we kept chatting.


at this point, i looked up and realized that we were about to run over the highway- the bridge that crosses the highway has a small incline. this was getting serious. i put my head down and geared up for the hill. i was talking myself into each and every stride that my short legs were taking. as we got to the top of the overpass i lifted my head.


oh, nelly! after a little down hill, there was a GIGANTIC hill that went straight up. i'm serious. this midwestern girl hasn't encountered a hill of this magnitude in quite some time. if you were in the midwest, this would be like a mountain. for real! they just don't have hills like that there. but there was no turning back. and so i powered through the hill and powered through the rest of the run. as we were approaching her street, she made a comment-


"that was actually 3 and half miles."

and with that, i collapsed onto her porch and had a mini heart attack.


and we've been running a few times a week ever since. apparently, i AM a runner. not a very good one. not an enthusiastic one. but a runner none-the-less. oh, and in the process of running, we've become great friends. i still haven't dropped a single pound from my belly, but in the grand scheme of things, i'm not sure i care.

a drive down the coast

on sunday morning, i was like...

a kid in a candy store. let me tell you why.

the city of santa cruz is about an hour from our house in the east bay. monterey is about an hour south of santa cruz along the central coast. if you happen to be from these parts, then forgive my geography lesson. but if you hail from another part of the globe, then this little tip might be of importance. as i've said a billion times before, this east coast girl turned mid-westerner was a little geographically challenged when it came to my california knowledge. even after living here for a year, i find myself breaking out the map regularly to get an understanding of how it all fits together.

on sunday morning the fam woke in our hotel in santa cruz, had a little eats, and then headed down the coast to monterey. just a few miles into our trip, my eyes became amazed. on either side of road, for as far as the eye could see, there was row after row of luscious green crops. after a wee bit, i couldn't resist the urge to grab for my camera. i was in city girl amazement.


after a few minutes of the camera clicking away, my hubby made a sweet and generous suggestion.

"do you want me to pull over for a minute?"

"do you mind? yes. yes! not yet. here. perfect!"

and before the car could come to a complete stop, i was hopping out and trucking down into the fields. this is what i saw:

row after perfect row of ripening strawberries. i've lived in new york, virginia, georgia and illinois. on almost every strawberry clam shell that i have ever purchased has been the stamp, "grown in california". i shouldn't have been surprised at these rows of succulent red berries, but for some reason i was. for some reason, i never realized how many berry fields it takes to stock the supermarkets of the u.s. with strawberries. but here i was, seeing just a small glimpse of the never ending fields with my own eyes for the first time. i was berry struck!

after a few quick snaps i hopped back into the car and onward we went. suddenly the fields changed and we kept seeing these leafy, green, tall rows of stalks. what could they be? again, my hubby noticed me in agricultural awe. again, he asked if i wanted to stop. hooray!

now, i've told you before that i have a thing for artichokes, so it shouldn't surprise you that i was in heaven when i stepped into the very fields that grow these buttery globes of deliciousness. they are beautiful and surprising. i had no idea that these gems grew on such tall stalks. i had no clue that there was so much foliage necessary to produce just a few chokes. but there they were, right in front of my eyes for me to take in.

aren't they gorgeous? just look at the morning dew dripping off of the compact flower!

and then back into the car we went. it was a heavenly ride. did i mention that i was like a kid in a candy store? well, i wasn't kidding. i enjoyed this ride, indeed.

a few miles down the road we heard a chopper up in the sky. it was out of control. the helicopter would swoop down from the sky and dust the crops with a cloud and then swoop back up into the sky to circle around and do it again. yep- it was a crop duster fighting the pests that wanted to take a little nibble at those beautiful berries and globes. and do you know what? for the first time in my adult life, i sort of began to understand the farmer who uses pesticides. i'm not saying that i'm buying what they're selling, but with that much on the line, one just might opt to protect what they have labored so hard for.

and today, as i perused the plants at whole foods, i almost fell on the sidewalk right there in front of the store! can you guess what i saw? small starter plants of my beloved chokes! and you can bet your bottom dollar that i put two of those organically grown buggers into my buggy. don't hold your breath- if you recall, i haven't had much success at california gardening. but here's to hoping!

d and i planted them straight away into my pathetic containers from home depot. i'll keep you posted. but even as i write this, my taste buds are dreaming of the tasty globes that could possibly come from my own backyard.

santa cruz

we went on a mini-vaca this weekend to santa cruz and monterey. it was just what our family needed. scott has been working so hard this summer- we haven't had much time to just play. and so we did. this mid-western mind (formerly east coast girl) sometimes forgets how close we are to the pacific. i also sometimes forget how much my girls love to play in the ocean. this weekend was a beautiful reminder of both.

it was fantastic- a pure delight for this momma to see her three babes and fabulous hubby frolicking in the icy cold water under the warm rays of the sun.

my sweet p was a hoot. she toted buckets and ate sand the entire time.

e played in the waves and made drip castles.

p might have been trying to dig to china, or locate some buried beach treasure, or maybe she was just looking for sea kelp... whatever she was doing, she sure was enjoying it.

and d? well, she was making sand soup, of course. and chasing after her sister who was waiting for the big wave to come in.

did i mention p toted buckets around all day?

and here is my attempt at getting an adorable family photo. not quite what my eye was hoping to see through the lens of my camera, but it works. it sure is evidence that we had a wonderful time!

i wish for just one moment i could climb inside e's mind as she was sitting cross-legged on the beach. i am certain she was thinking of something that i would cherish, but as she gets older she has become a bit more tight lipped with her thoughts. i guess this is part of her growing older. sigh.

and d- well, she tells me each and every thought that enters into her great big mind. sometimes more than once. here, she's telling me about how she can see her "mirror" in the water. she loved this. she was belly down on the sand wave after wave, watching the sand soak up the water and then dry out again. oh, to be an almost three year old again!

we did lots of other fun stuff, too. we played games and rode rides on the boardwalk, watched sea lions frolic in a marina, had a family slumber party which included some board games- making for a very wonderful and memorable weekend.

what did you do to celebrate labor day?

five, six, pick up sticks

a year ago, i celebrated e's 5th birthday with a trip to american girl in chicago. we went with our dear friends jen and payton- who was also celebrating a the big 5! it was a dreamy day. we ate tea sandwiches and petite fours. we shopped and loved on our little girls who had celebrated each and every birthday together. it was lovely.

another year has passed. my e is now SIX. i realized today that i have shared the birth story of d and p, but not my first born (who was born pre-blogging momma). and so today, i share the story of e.

in true tasha fashion, e's due date came and e's due date went. i was in the middle of teaching summer school and starting the new school year for my KIPPsters. it was hot in my no-air, chicago public school. my feet were so swollen that i had one pair of flip-flops that i could wear. my boss was nice enough to bend the "no open toe shoe rule" and let me keep wearing them (it's the little things right?). with each day i was thankful to have more time to train my replacement teacher, but was also greatly disappointed that i was still not meeting my girl.

labor day weekend arrived and i was at the end of my rope. i was scheduled to be induced on the wednesday following the holiday weekend. on sunday, i had a teeny tiny water leak. i wasn't sure, but i thought this was the day. scott and i called the doctor and headed to triage. in triage, they did an assessment and determined that i was NOT in labor. after two hours of observation, with no contractions, they sent me home. scott and i left the hospital disappointed- we had thought we were finally going to get to hold our new baby. instead, we headed to scott's dad for a holiday cook-out in naperville. it was a nice way to pass the time. scott's dad, jill, lindsay and some other family members took good care of me, while i sat in an armchair not really able to move (for reals- i was that big and swollen).

the next morning- at around 7am, my water broke for real. i took a shower, had a waffle, double checked the bag that had been packed for weeks and made my way to northwestern. we settled into our labor room without much fuss. it was very relaxed, very calm, and very exciting. we listened to my birthing mix, chatted, and waited.

the nurse kept coming in to look at my contractions on the monitor. funny thing- i didn't feel a one. she kept asking me what my pain scale was and each time my answer was zero. she'd kind of give me a funny look and then leave. i thought i had this labor thing (on labor day) in the bag.

at around noon, the doctor showed up and checked me. she realized at this time that while i was "contracting", i wasn't making any progress. she decided to release the rest of my bag of waters and start me on pitocin. that was the end of the "chill" labor.

almost immediately, things went from zero to holy toledo. it was insane. it was out of control. contractions kept coming fast and furious and the pain was intense. i had imagined a labor that was free of meds, and suddenly i was begging for an epidural. at around 2:30, my wish was granted.

the rest of the afternoon went back to chill. the epidural apparently took because i was back to feeling blissful. at around 7, the nurse came in and said things were complete. scott and i were shocked! i was feeling no pain, so the realization that the time had finally come was crazy. yet, there we were, getting ready to push.

i wasn't the best pusher.

there were lots of people yelling at me, and i was tired and frustrated. after three hours of this, my doctor looked at me and said i had one more shot before a c-section.

to say that i was disturbed is an understatement. i had gone into this situation thinking that i was going to do it naturally. there i was, with pitocin, epidural and now one push (which is really a three push sequence) away from a c-section. it was bases loaded in the bottom of the ninth for me.

i will interject at this point with a tiny detail- i am not really sure how i thought that i was going to go the route i had mapped out in my head as we hadn't done any natural birthing prep. note to new moms out there- i highly recommend bradley classes and a douala. those two things made all the difference with the d and p. rookie mistake.

back to e. i was NOT going to push for three hours and then end up with a c-section. sure, it happens for lots of reasons, but i wasn't going to let it happen because i wasn't pushing well. i committed at that moment to get this girlie OUT.

i guess that is all it took. three pushes later, my babe was in my arms.

she was beautiful. i can remember watching her dad (who was sitting next to my bed) hold his baby girl. she was staring up at him with her beautiful wide open eyes, battling a case of hiccups. it was a sweet moment. she had experienced hiccups in my belly so many times during my pregnancy. suddenly, there she was out in the world where i could see her doing what i could only feel for months.

the moment is etched into my mind for so many reasons. we walked through those hospital doors as two married people, and suddenly i was sitting there watching this girl that i had grown- my daughter- stare into the eyes of her daddy. he handed her to me after a while and i just kept snuggling her, kissing her head, realizing that i was a momma. it was amazing and life changing.

that girl has rocked my world for six years. three and a half of those years it was just she and i every day. we had so much fun together! we would go on adventures, play with friends and just explore the world together. she was there when we bought our first condo, when we sold our first condo, when we bought our first house, welcomed d into the world, welcomed p into the world, sold our first house, and moved to california.

it's crazy how things have changed and how now i am a momma of a gymnastics loving, story writing, budding artist, book reading first grader. oh my!

i love you sweet e. you've changed my life dear girl- opened my eyes to the beautiful world of motherhood. it is truly a joy to be your momma.

happy birthday, ellie girl. how did you become six so fast?

it's raining men... i mean pears

i may not have a garden this year (unless you count my tomato as a garden... ), but i have fruit trees my friends. we knew they were there- but we had no idea that they actually grew yummy, edible fruit.


we harvested a big bowl of nectarines last week. i thought i was going to share with some friends, but before i could make my deliveries, we ate them all up. greedy, i know.

today, i harvested the asian pears. it's crazy, but there are so many up in the tree that i can't reach! going to have to think about that and come up with a solution that doesn't involve a broken leg. but for now, we've got enough to keep this family of five satisfied. i don't know much about the asian pear, but we're game for finding out about this lovely fruit.

well, at least one of my subjects is game.

she thought it was funny that as i climbed the ladder and picked pears, more pears fell from the sky. no joke- it was raining pears. you'd pull one off and then a few minutes later three more would fall. really, it was more like "sacrificed" because as they hit the ground they would smash open. i'm thinking we'll play out front until the tree thins out a bit. it's a bit risky out back for the noggin.

you might want to eat these asian pears- they are yummy. but as for me, i want to eat that girl! what can i say? i'm a momma in love.