i know what you did last summer

several years ago i was putting dishes into the dishwasher and trying to tidy the kitchen while my youngest was supposed to be finishing her dinner.  ever the terrible eater, this became the routine.  i was paying her no mind after giving her the directive of, "you need to eat two bites of chicken and finish your veggie puffs."

yup.  you read that right.  i wasn't even demanding that girlie eat ACTUAL vegetables.  i was merely asking her to eat a Cheetos-like puff that was allegedly constructed from veggies.

and then i went about my business of cleaning up after dinner.  as i did so, PAYING NO MIND to girlie, i overheard her (and witnessed with my very own eyes), the following:

she lifted up the front side of her plate and pushed every single veggie puff under the plate.  the front half of the plate was about 2 inches higher than the back side at this point.  she then, forgetting that i was RIGHT THERE, whispered to the veggie puffs, "you guys hide right there!"

she then shoved the chicken into her mouth and told me that she was finished.

having witnessed the ENTIRE SCENE, i had a choice.

a.)  i could laugh my head off (because it was REALLY funny)

b.)  ask girlie if she was finished with what i had asked her to eat

c.)  let her in on the fact that what she was doing had been witnessed by me and that it was totally unacceptable.

option "A" felt like what I REALLY wanted to do.  it was hysterical that she was whispering to puffs and hiding them under her plate.  but my gut told me that was fostering an appreciation for her sense of defiance (in spite of the fact that IT DID highlight her sense of humor).  option "B" felt like a trap.  i KNEW girlie didn't eat her veggie puffs.  i saw what she had done with them with my own eyes. this was a bad trap- one where my question would lead my girl to lie.  not being a fan of lying, i knew that wasn't the choice for me.

i went with option "C".  it resulted in crying and discipline and a whole heap of "not so fun" parenting moments.  but in spite of the "yuk" that it brought forth in the short-term, it was the right choice.

the "puffs incident" was three years ago.  girlie is a few days shy of celebrating the big 5.

retrospect is an amazing thing.  you see, girlie has a tendency to shirk the truth and evade the immediate crisis.  she loves to play "hide-and-seek" if it will eliminate or  post-pone consequence.

i've been guilty of that myself.

i've been thinking about it a lot lately.  don't we all?  maybe just at times?  avoiding the truth...  avoiding reality...  avoiding repercussion from our actions...  it sounds better in the moment.  it feels better in the decision making part of our brains.  in many senses it is logical.  duh.  who wouldn't want to defer pain to ourselves?  who wouldn't want to defer disappointment to others?  who wouldn't want to hide what is secret and private and unknown when the unknown is unfavorable or dishonest or negative?

in a few days i'm going to write about pops at 5.  i'll let that post be that post.

but today i am writing about something different.

i was listening to my favorite artist and a song stuck me and triggered all of the thoughts in THIS post.

it's titled "if we're honest"

truth is harder than a lie
the dark seems safer than the light
and everyone has a heart that loves to hide
i'm a mess and so are you
we've built walls nobody can get through
yeah, it may be hard, but the best thing we could ever do, ever do...

bring your brokenness and i'll bring mine
'cause love can heal what hurt divides
and mercy's waiting on the the other side'

and as i listen to the lyrics, as i think about myself and my kids and my past...  i know this is true.
i hate lying... now.

but it used to be my go-to reaction.  ick.  i don't want to tell you that.  that sucks.  it makes me look crappy and feel gross.

but it's totally true.

i lied to my mom when i was four about drawing on the wall and writing my name inside of my artwork.  she asked if i did it.  "no" was such an easy answer to roll off of my tongue.

i lied to my high school spanish teacher.  she knew that there was no way i could have written such a stellar research paper.  she asked if i wrote it.  and i sort of did.  i told my friend susan what to write...  i told her in english.  she wrote it in spanish.  not really a lie, right?  my spanish teacher just failed to ask the right question.  not MY fault!

and then something happened.  as i grew, as i realized that lies hurt and lies destroy and lies challenge your credibility, and i began to value truth.

it's all i have.  no matter how painful.  no matter how ugly.  no matter how REAL...  truth matters.  authenticity matters.  lies break down.  truth...  in some strange way...  unites, connects, heals...  it brings value to anything.  even ugly things.

true authenticity is becoming less of the norm and suddenly i find myself seeking it more.

i like the woman who brings truth to the table.  i find her easier to be around.  in spite of the ugly (we all have UGLY), she makes the most sense to me...  because i get her REAL self.  her honesty is welcome in my heart...  i like the person that reveals ALL that she is.  i respect the human that unveils  the deepest and darkest parts of their heart...  their soul...  their background.  it doesn't make me love them less.  it makes me love them more.  much, much more.

don't pretend to be something that you're not
living life afraid of getting caught
there is freedom found when we lay our secrets down...

but the truth is...  that isn't always the case.  even though i, (tasha), may love it and respect it and value it...  truth...  the rest of the world doesn't always.  hidden is sort of a taught behavior.  revealing our true selves isn't always appreciated and respected by "the norm".

but then comes this lyric.  it gets me every time.  because it is true...

...at the cross, at the cross

bring your brokenness, and i'll bring mine
'cause love (God IS Love) can heal what hurt divides
and mercy's waiting on the other side
if we're honest
if we're honest

it would change our lives
it would set us free
it's what we need to be

if we're honest...

and truth melts me and cripples me and brings me to my knees...  God, knows ALL of my crap already.  He knows my insecurities, my lies of elevation, my stories that help me fit in and my stories that i hide.  He knows the whole gig... the entire scene...  the hidden, the embellished, the boasted and the twisted...

and He longs to set us free.

"you guys hide right here"...

it is the beginning of a life that could be hidden...  but it doesn't have to be.  and the freedom that comes from letting "it" be illuminated...  oh man!  what God can do with THAT!!!

and as for me...  in this moment, i am celebrating the women, the people that share with me their truth...  no matter how hard to digest.  i love the friends that i have been surrounded with that lay it all out.

it's true.  THAT friendship can often feel more challenging and vulnerable.  but those are the friendships that I WANT to be a part of.

and as for my girls (because that's what this blog is really about)...  i love your truth!  even when it is hard.  even when it is ugly.  even when it is out of my comprehension.  and the friends that they are making...  oh, my heart sores...  when they get to grapple with the truth of their peers.

truth is much easier to deal with than lies and pseudo-personalities and misconceptions.  there is ALWAYS a way to love a human that is REAL.  THAT love can be hard, for sure.  but it is pure and rich and worth everything.


it really, truly, can set us free.

oh, and mercy...  it is rich and pure and lovely.

check out the link below.  i hope you love it as much as i do.

If We're Honest by Francesca Battistelli