every year, on my birthday, my momma made me lemon meringue pie. year after year she would ask what i wanted and year after year i would request that yummy pie. it's an odd choice for a child, i'll admit, but i loved it in every way. my momma never said a word about it and just went to the task of making the crust, the filling and whipping that meringue. she did it with a smile on her face.
it wasn't until years later that i realized that lemon meringue pie is no small undertaking. in fact, it is (for this non-baker) on the labor intensive side.
somewhere in the courtship phase, scott and i discussed birthdays from the past. we shared stories of our favorite memories and what the celebrations of various years looked like... the best birthday, the worst birthday, the funniest, and the traditions that went along with them. scott secretly took notes. i don't know that for sure, but based on the various ways he has celebrated me throughout the years, i am betting that there is a secret notebook somewhere with how to get it right.
i say this because he goes out of his way to get it right. year after year, he surprises me with something that i didn't even know i wanted or something that i have been wanting forever… he is an amazing gift giver. he pays attention to me and he knows me well… sometimes it even feels like he knows me better than i know myself.
and every year, since the year we wed, scott has made me pie. this is how i learned what a pain in the tush it is to make the lemon meringue pie. i have watched him for eleven years perfect the pie. in year one, the filling didn't set correctly. in year two he wasn't happy with his crust (again… non-baker over here… i'll take whatever you give me). in year three the meringue was too sticky. year five we had a new oven and he had to go back to the drawing board. about three years ago, he perfected the pie. it was amazeballs!
i told him that he could retire the pie tradition. i felt uncomfortable having him go to such great lengths to celebrate me. he works hard. we have three kids. life itself is busy. he didn't need to continue adding "make lemon meringue pie" to his list of things to do.
but because he is who is, he would not give it up. he claimed to like making my pie each year (in spite of the fact that the entire casa buser except little old me despises lemon pie). and so he continued.
this year, i had absolutely no expectation for pie. we were headed off the chi-town for my b-day and i just assumed that there would be no pie. in fact, i didn't even think about it… until the weekend before we left i came home from running errands to pie remnants of pie dough in the sink. could he possibly be making my birthday pie?
yes! yes, he was. and so the sunday before our trip (about a week before my actual birthday) scott surprised me with a family birthday celebration. the kids had each selected a gift for momma, they took me out to dinner and they lit the candles in my eleventh scott-made birthday pie. it was amazing. what made it even more special was the fact that for the first year ever our lemon tree had ripened in time for the making of the pie. usually, the tree ripens in the first week of december, but this year, my birthday pie was made with meyers grown in the buser orchard (if you can call one tree in the backyard an orchard…).
the predicament arose the next morning. after the birthday celebration, the buser posse was headed out of town and there was half a pan of pie in the ice box. momma could not let daddy's efforts go into the trash bin. what to do… what to do?
i sent a quick message to my gal pals telling them that someone had to swing by and grab the pie. it could not go to waste. it was too yummy and too much love had been poured into it. i was leaving it on the porch and someone MUST grab it. dawn heard the call and responded. she was in for a piece. i insisted she take the whole (half remaining) pie. i could not have a pie on my porch for a week. take it, girl! and so dawn grabbed the pie.
several hours later, there were more responses for pie. i giggled when i listened to my messages in chicago to discover that the pie had traveled the town. dawn grabbed the pie and passed it off to amy. amy ate her slice in a parking lot with a plastic fork from the grocery store because she couldn't wait.
shanon and katie both ran neck and neck for the last chunk of pie. shanon almost got it but katie was able to get to the pie sooner. and katie finished it off (on a week with the hubs out of town- hands down, she needed pie!) with her three little ladies and one fork.
it was the flat-stanley of pies! it was the sisterhood of the traveling pants pie! we all giggled about the pie and celebrated the various hand-offs. and miles away in chicago, i smiled. i love these girlies and their respect for my hub's pie made me happy.
but why does suburban momma write about pie? this is a blog for the girlies, after all.
and here is why…
to my girlies (and anyone else who might need this tip),
marry a man who will make you pie. it doesn't actually have to be pie. it's a metaphor, really.
what i am actually saying is this: when you choose the man who you will do life with, make sure he is the kind of man that will notice you. make sure he will care enough about you to want to know your life stories and that he will go to lengths to remember them and act on them as he loves you. marriage is a whole lot of hard. it is compromise and negotiations. it is the meshing of two different backgrounds, life stories, goals, dreams, visions of the future. there will be rough patches and moments when you want to call a time out. but if you choose the man who loves you well, respects your past, honors your values, finds ways to make you feel treasured… and makes you pie even when he hates pie and has to work hard to pull it off… that is a man who will make the journey an amazing ride. and when he messes up from time to time (because he most certainly will), remember all the "pies" he has made you. your treasure trove of "times he rocked it" will be huge and you can draw on those moments when he isn't hitting it out of the park and is batting zero to remind you of who he really is.
and as for you… be the wife that makes the "pie". everything i have just told you about your dad- be that for your husband. work hard to find the things that bring him joy and plant those things in your life. it is hard, as i mentioned before. there will be days when you don't want to work hard and days when you have little left to give. dig deep. find ways to be the "pie giver" whenever you can. and don't grumble while you're doing it. do it with joy and a heart of love. i swear, it makes the pie taste all the better.
love,
momma
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