high speed dubbing mode

when i was in middle school i was obsessed with making mix tapes.  the love affair with my tape recorder carried well into my high-school years.  i have vivid memories of scoring my first double cassette recorder which allowed me to reproduce my mix-tapes for a friend at rapid speed.  the wheels would spin and the whir would fill the air.  to me, it was the sound of anticipation.

if you've read suburban momma more than once, you most likely know that i am a wee bit obsessed with lyrics.  the words to the music tend to speak to me and the vocals linger in my head long after the last note is played.

i have a bad memory and can't remember the artist or the album, but the lyrics roll around in my brain and come out at random times.  i have a terrible singing voice, but the one inside of me lies to my ears and pretends that it can hang with the musical talents of many a pop culture star.

as i heard those four wheels spinning around during my youth, the anticipation of the music that would result made me excited.  i couldn't wait for the tape to reach the end and for the music to finally fill the air.  i loved seeing how the songs would flow together and create a mood from the combination of lyrics and artists, compiled together to form a soundtrack.

none of that matters.  but all of it is true.

today, i had this crazy reality.  it is tuesday.  part of the week is behind me.  part of the week is before me.  i looked at my calendar to examine the elements that lay before me and mentally filed them into my brain.  chances are i will miss something, or have to look back at the schedule.  but one thing is certain.

before i can blink, friday will be upon me and all the things that i am anticipating today will behind me. no matter what.  i can't stop it.

week after week it keeps happening this way.

life is on high speed dubbing mode.

and i can't slow it down.

i blink my eyes and poppy is two inches taller, ellie is talking about boys and delaney is developing an Independence that i didn't see coming.  my littles are growing up- babyhood is gone and elementary life is my new reality.

i held a newborn today and i had this acute sensation that i would blink and she would be five.

life is like that.  it goes by fast.

there isn't much that we can do to change the speed.  no matter how hard we try, life just continues going by.  minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.

as i observed this on this random tuesday, i realized that while i can't change the speed, while the pace will continue to be at high speed dubbing rate, i want to enjoy the compilation.

i hope that down the road i will remember the melody- the hum of the girlies playing in the backyard, the bickering over chores, the chatter as we bathe them and get them ready for bed, the homework and the laundry and the carpools and the play dates.  the family dinners, vacations, conversations, car pools, questions, dance parties, arguments...  i hope that each and every component  of our lives will blend into the best mix tape ever.

i long for a mix of praise, silly songs, ballads, worship and all-out jams.

and i hope that in the mind of my girls, the sound of their lives goes platinum.