diary of a suburban momma: waterworks

yesterday morning i received an email that turned a switch in me that i didn't realize was going to switch. the switch was that of waterworks within me.

here is part of the email:

"i had my last co-op duty on monday and wanted to express my gratitude towards all of you and your children. i really looked forward to my co-op days this year and getting to know all of your children was a true blessing for me. learning about God's love from the little theologians in training was often a heartwarming and eye opening experience. every one of them was so precious in his/her own unique way. thank you for sharing your 'spiritual phermones' with me in my continuing journey of motherhood."

tears.

god is so good. my fingers can't really find the keys on the keyboard as i try and type this because i have goosebumps as i reflect on this truth. and who would have known how this story would evolve... God did. i did not.

i'll explain.

when we first moved here, i was attending mops at a local church. if my memory is accurate, the second meeting featured a speaker from a local preschool. she came and shared some discipline tips for moms of little ones. it was a good talk and appropriate for me at the time (d was about to enter the terrible twos and p was right behind, nipping at her heels). at the end of the talk the mops leader mentioned that the speaker was the director of a local preschool and that there were pamphlets in the back if we wanted more information.

it was in that moment that i heard the voice of God. when this happens, you tend to remember it. i heard God whisper in my heart, "this is your school." "you are going to take the two littles here. get a pamphlet."

being new to the area, i hadn't given a moments thought to preschool. it was at least a year away and i was still in the middle of unpacking boxes and finding the local grocery stores. but i left the meeting and went home to google the school. it was the exact opposite of the preschool that i had chosen for e in chicago. i lean more towards a curriculum based school and this was play based. and i wasn't really thinking i was going to be able to swing a co-op school with three muffins. it felt like a lot to juggle. maybe i had just heard God incorrectly.

i dismissed thinking about preschool and went back to focus on more pressing issues at hand.

fast forward a year, the time had come to start the hunt for the place that would be our school. i went back to the pamphlet that i had tucked away. was this really my school? i googled curriculum based schools in the area and came up with one website that looked promising. i went to the website and fell in love. and then i saw the monthly rates. oy. it was doable for one year, but when p joined the preschool party a year later, it wouldn't be an option. i didn't see much point in choosing a preschool for one year and so i went back to the pamphlet. and i asked God if He was sure (because God is so indecisive... giggle).

He said He was sure.

and so i signed my d up for that preschool from the mops meeting.

if you had told me then what i know now, i wouldn't have had a doubt in the world. it has been a tough juggle having two littles in a co-op preschool, there is no doubt. i haven't had much time to myself this past year. our available time slot for my two littles was afternoon. it was hard. i'd drop off d and p and then go to pick up e. there were times that i grumbled about this. i looked at people around me with "alone time" and felt envious. i am not proud of that. i just want to be honest. sometimes when we follow God, we don't always do it with a joyful heart. i have had to battle internally with this a bit over the past nine months.

it has also forced me to ask others for help. i am not good at this. but on those days when i was co-oping someone would have to take e for me. i am ever so grateful for a few momma friends that have stepped in and been willing to pick up my girl and keep her for the overlap of time. they've always said it was no big deal, but to me it was a lifesaver. and i love how even through this little thing... asking for help, God has used this experience to grow me. self-reliant isn't all that it is cracked up to be and i am learning the benefit of leaning on others, as challenging as it is for me.

on friday, my beautiful preschool director held our final chapel for the year. it will be the last one for d.

tears.

and as i sat there, amidst the beautiful chaos of preschoolers, sitting with some cherished new momma friends, i realized exactly why God had called me there.

kelly led those littles in worship singing, "clap your hands and sing to the Lord, hallelu hallelu hallelujah." and they all did their hula motions and giggled together as they praised God. they sang, "my God is so big" and practiced their sign language skills as they remembered that God is their friend, shield, provider and giver of good gifts.

and i melted. because i know that the Truth is written on my d's heart. i can stand confident that it is there, deep within her. it is part of her formation and as a wee little one, she chose to follow Him. as she grows, the desires of her heart could change or stray or take a turn. but i stand confident that this foundation will always be there calling her back.

and i wanted to grab hands with the girlie that wrote the email and the girlie sitting next to me and the girlie across the room... and hug them fiercely because they have been a ray of sunlight in my life. and God KNEW the plans that He had for me and exactly how they would unfold. He knew that just like my d and p needed this experience, so did their momma.

and then we went to the carnival where bubbles the clown talked about God's creation while she made them butterflies and flowers and doggies...

and the only hiccup in the night was when my e declared that she was a vegetarian in the food line. i might have had a mini-mom melt down while juggling 4 girlies, 4 plates, 4 requests, 4 drinks.... but we found veggie burgers and moved past that quickly. giggle.