10k part 2011

this morning i ran in my 2nd annual 10k for breast cancer.  last year, thanks to so much generosity from so many of you, i ran to raise money for my sister.  it was motivating.  with each step, with each mile, i knew that i was taking hard earned money from your wallets in an effort to alleviate some burden on my sister's cancer induced financial strain.  i felt this responsibility to run, to do my best, to "earn" that money for her, so to speak.  it also felt overwhelming and minimal and "not enough".  my sister was in the middle of a fight for her life and i was sweating a little bit, enjoying some time with a friend, and taking in some amazing views found in freemont, ca. 

my siter has spent the better part of the last year "fighting".  she has endured months of chemo, daily radiation, a handful of surgeries, and a very regular schedule of being poked and prodded by a team of doctors.  sounds fun, right?  yeah, i don't think so either.  she's done it with a smile, with a sense of strength, and with a faith in God like i can't describe.  i am not surprised- it's who she's always been.  but it has been inspiring to watch. 

her cancer diagnosis has shaken me a little.  i've asked God a lot of questions about the how's and why's of all of this.  and with His help, i've come to formulate some opinions on the matter.  i'll come back to this in a minute.

today i ran with a dear friend of mine, dawn.  she lost her momma to cancer a few years ago.  i don't think it is a coincidence that our first "real" conversation was about her mom, cancer and their journey.  it happened a few months prior to stacy's diagnosis and i've thought about it so many times since.  i had no idea what was in store for my beloved sister.  and yet, right before i would need it, God placed an amazing woman in my life that would know the journey well.  i also ran with dawn's cousin today, and while i don't know her personally, i do know of how she supported dawn's family by being present at the funeral of dawn's mom.

i ran the first half of the race with these two beautiful women.  we chatted, we sweat, and passed the time.  it was nice.

about half way through the race the 10k runners sort of collided with the 5k walkers.  it was right at the moment where my body was starting to feel the heat and my legs were getting sore...  not so much fun to be dodging through masses of people as you tried to keep up your endurance.  anyhow, in an effort to maintain my sanity, i became separated from dawn and erica.  immediately, i missed the conversation.  but as i let my mind wander.  i began to think about dawn and my sister and a friend in pleasanton who recently began chemo. i also had a few epiphanies.  i never met dawn's mom.  from what i have heard, i really wish i could.  as i though about dawn running for her momma i started to get a little choked up and then i realized something.  in many ways, i've met her.  through the sparkle in dawn's eyes, through her calm voice and her intentional parenting.  i bet i've met her mom through her sense of style and her chic taste in home decor. the list could go on.  i could be wrong and i know it is not even close to meeting dawn's actual momma, but it brought me some comfort.  i also thought about how proud her momma would feel with her daughter and the woman she has become.

i also began to see how for as much as cancer sucks, it also has a few positive outcomes.  in some instances, it can be unifying.  for dawn and i, it was the focus of our first real conversation.  and over the past months, it has motivated us to run regularly.  through that running, we've been blessed with the opportunity to really get to know each other.  dawn and i would have been friends regardless, but i find it interesting that cancer unites us in a different way.  we have another mutual friend who i find this to be true about- and while i would never in a million years wish cancer on anyone and while i can only imagine how much they long for their mommas, i am thankful that we are united by it.  i feel blessed that these two women have been "in my circle" over the past two years and known the path that my sister was walking.  it lightened the load in some ways for me.

now let's get back to what i was saying before.  i've been asking God a lot of questions over this past year and digging into His word to find some of the answers.  one of the conclusions that i have come to is that God does not CAUSE bad things to happen to us.  but He participate in them happening to us.  as i've watched stacy on her journey, i see how her morning time with Him has maintained her strength and kept her focused on the purpose of the journey.  i've seen how God has created a community to lift her up- people have sent her cards on a regular basis, ministered to her family by bringing them dinners, friends have taken turns watching her children on the days when she needed rest, people have sent gifts, left messages on facebook, offered hugs...  it goes on and on and on.  and it inspires me about the good that can be found in the heart of people.  God longs for us to be a community such as this.  He longs for us to walk through the mess of life together and to point one another in the direction of Him.

in hebrews chapter 10 vs. 24-25 it says:
so let's do it - full of belief, confident and presentable inside and out.  let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going.  He always keeps His word.  let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big day approaching.

in romans chapter 12 vs. 9-10 it says this:
love from the center of who you are; don't fake it.  run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.  be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

i love that!  was i just invited to be inventive in encouraging and helping others?  looks like it.  did the bible just tell me to be a good friend who loves deeply?  yep.  was i just encouraged to play second fiddle?  uh-huh.

it's not always easy to do.  putting others before us and fading a little bit into the background sometimes feels counter-culture.  it's hard and it isn't our nature.  but it's what we are really called to do. 

i haven't found an answer for why their is cancer in this very broken and sinful world (although that could be the simplest form of an answer), but i can say with certainty that cancer has this ability to bring light and joy and community into our lives.  it can point us in the direction of heaven.  it can diminish our "me focus" and help us focus on the pain and suffering of those in our world. 

i hate cancer.  but i have found that i love some of the things that it brings to the surface.

so here's to running.  here's to my sister.  here's to dawn and shanon and friendship and sharing life with those we are blessed to be surrounded by.  here's to a God that didn't miss a topic in His teaching and His plan for us to do this thing together.