give a little

a few weeks back my littles came to me to present a plan.  p had a piggy bank filled with cash and d had been coveting a giant sized stuffy from rite aid.  p wanted to use her bank to buy her sister the coveted bear.

momma was not on board.

i smelled trouble all over this transaction.  from the jump i felt like p was trying to people please and d was trying to use her big sister charm to get what she wanted.  i said no.  without hesitation.  i was firm.  p could not use her saved up dinero to buy sister something so large (literally and price tag).

both girls went away sad that the plan they had concocted had not flown over with the momma.

and i thought the matter had been put to bed.  tucked in.  lullaby sung.  done.  over.  night-night.

until...

a few days later i was playing a game with pops and mid-turn she asked, "momma, why won't you let me buy delaney the big bear?"

i proceeded to tell her that she was little and didn't understand the value of money.  $79 dollars was A LOT of money.  pops had been saving up for quite some time and eventually she would find something that she wanted to do with her pot.  d had not saved.  if d wanted the bear she could save her own money and buy herself the coveted lice habitat giant stuffy.

pops nodded and said she understood.

a few days passed and p came to me again.  "mom, i want to give d the big bear."

i asked her why.

she went on to say that she loved her sister and she wanted to give her sister something that would make her happy.

quite frankly, i was annoyed.  i was rather certain that d was putting her up to these frequent inquisitions and i didn't like that a sister would use their leverage to get what they wanted.  i began to question p.  "why do you want to give her something so expensive?"  "what happens when you give it to her and she treats you with unkindness?"  "if you give it to her, it becomes HERS.  you won't have the opportunity to take it back."  "it won't mean that she'll play with you."  "it won't mean that she'll owe you something."  "there is no guarantee that she'll ever use her saved up money to buy you something late."  "once you spend it, it's gone."

poppy contemplated my arguments and said she understood.

a few more days passed and little muffin came back to her momma and pled her case.

"momma, i want to GIVE it to delaney.  it's ok if she is mean to me and won't play with me.  i won't try and take it back.  it will be hers and she can do whatever she likes with it.  it will make her happy and she doesn't have a giant sized stuffy.  she wants one and i have the money.  i don't need anything and my money is just sitting in my bank.  i WANT to gift her with this bear."

i called in reinforcement.  "see what daddy has to say, pops."

dad had a similar message to mom's (thank goodness).  and we both finished with, "think about it".

another few days passed and pops came back to the parent panel saying she had thought it over and still wanted to buy the bear.

what's a momma to do?  i put both girls in the car, p with her owl shaped coin purse and d with hope filled eyes and drove the littles to rite-aid.

i was reluctant.  i was certain that this was going to be an epic motherhood fail.  i could hear the arguments that would ensue, with the bear at the center, unfolding in my head.

this was going to be a bad idea.  i was sure of it.

a few weeks have passed and i am eating my motherhood words.  the bear has not elicited any familial incidences.  d is enamored.  p is elated that her actions could evoke so much joy.  and not once has the giant sized bear brought forth any trauma or fracture to the sisterhood.

and i stand back embarrassed.  you see, i brought my adult eyes to the situation.  the questions i asked were fine, but my hesitation did not teach the lessons that embody the values i want my girls to possess.  p's actions of selflessness embody that.  her heart of giving, with no expectation of a return on the investment, speaks volumes.

i anticipated the worst.  but pops, she didn't give a hoot about how her gift was received.  she just wanted to give it.  she had the means.  she knew someone in "need"   desire, and she met that request.  it was sacrificial.  she went without while someone she loved got their dreams met.

d loves her giant sized bear.

pops is cool with being the giver, but she doesn't expect anything in return and hasn't really found much joy or satisfaction in my praise of her selflessness.  just giving the bear was enough.

and momma is the lesson winner.

my adult eyes cloud my vision.  my adult expectations jumble the return.

it is possible to give of one's heart and let one person's sacrifice exceed another person's expectations with joy felt on both ends.

pops is happy to give.  no expectations.  nothing needed in return.  and her heart is happy.

d is happy to receive.  no expectations.  nothing needed to give back.  and her heart is happy.  (easier than the first, but also notable because she didn't get caught up in any of the mess that can come from being the recipient of generosity.)

i have hesitated to write about this because i have honestly been waiting for the other shoe to drop.  but it hasn't.  love and generosity prevail.  sisterhood wins.  unconditional giving is real.  it can get messy, but it doesn't have to.

and maybe, letting love prevail early, creates generous hearts.  i don't know for sure, but i would like to think that poppy has learned lessons about giving with no expectation of receiving  that will carry her forth in this world in ways that i don't even know how to write about.  and i also believe that d will see the effects of this too.

and maybe even ellie.

and me.

and maybe even you.

can we give because someone wants something and we have the means to provide?  with no expectation?  with open hearts?

the giant sized bear has taught me that maybe we all can.