earth day musings

it is a week past earth day... but i haven't forgotten it. i'll start with a little update on our earth friendly (or unfriendly) habits:

i continue to struggle with my remembering of those dang reusable bags. it's not that i don't have enough! i have a bag filled with bags. i remember them some of time, but not all of the time. it drives me bongos. once upon a time i forced my forgetful self to carry whatever it was that i was buying when i forgot. these days, i take the bags and growl at myself a bit. i tried an incentive for the kiddos- a quarter for every time they reminded me to put them in the car. apparently, quarters are the new penny because they don't seem to be doing the trick either. i'm going to continue to work on this.

cutting down on our use of plastic and paper products has been a success. thanks to my own momma, i now possess more kitchen wash cloths than a girl knows what to do with. i have been using them for hand-wiping instead of the dreaded paper towel. since i have so many, i don't have to worry about running out before i can get a fresh load of laundry in the machine. thanks to my reusable lunch bags, we cut down on a bunch of those being waisted and added to land fills daily. i still keep some in my pantry and use them on occasion, but it's a step in the right direction.

we have issues with those earth friendly light bulbs... i just don't dig the color of light that they produce and am not a fan of the recycling process that they entail. i know everyone is behind them, but they just don't make sense to me. convince me- i want to like them.

i've also spent the better part of the last year freecyling things (http://www.freecyle.org/). i have given away every box that we used to move (twice), baby items that we no longer have use for and that wouldn't sell for more than 20 buckaroos, bed frames, cribs, extra luggage, books... the list is endless. if you don't freecyle, i encourage you to do so. you post the item (no picture) and then wait for peeps who want it. within minutes of posting i usually have a taker. we email to arrange pick-up and then i leave it on my porch with their name on the item. i have also been the recipient of some items- curtain rods, a brass bed frame (for real- it's gorge and in the garage waiting for the next crib jumper), books... that might be it. the items i've taken from others are things i wouldn't buy but have been happy to receive. it keeps a lot of stuff from going to waste.

my newest love is a website called http://www.thredup.com/ in a nutshell, you post boxes of baby gear- typically clothing and sell a $10.95 box (usps flat rate box) for $5. for $15 bucks a person can buy a box full of items. they are typically grouped based on size... for example, "mostly t's 4t". you pay the $15 bucks and you get a box full of sized 4t t-shirts. the "seller" posts a brief description of what the box contains (no pictures needed) and you buy base on your needs. this is genius for my family. d and p have closets full of hand-me-downs from big sister. the trouble is that for some reason, i keep finding that each bin of used goodies is lacking in one area. at age 3 , e had a tendency to spill on her shirts, rendering a lot of tops useless. at age 4, she was into elastic waist pants... d's into dresses. you get the point. this site is a good "fill in the gaps" sort of place. and you can post too. if you are not down with a random box- no worries. just get rid of your own stuff here. instead of giving it away, you get five smackers for each box you sell.

lastly- and this isn't a new thing, i'm in love with the re purposing of objects. i have an old secretary that was one man's junk- this man's treasure. i have a few dressers that we might have smuggled from our previous seller and painted to make them beautiful (the yellow dresser in my guest room is one of these objects). i love messing with the old and making it new.

as i was contemplating my earth day post, my friend dawn sent me a link to this zero waste shop in berkley (of course it's in berkley- ha). she suggested we go together but the trash to treasure girl in me couldn't wait- i hopped in the car the very first chance i had (not so eco friendly)... and i'll go back as soon as she and i can coordinate a time that works.

and so here you have urban ore:

my gps took me to this big 'ole warehouse. it's huge.


they utilize every piece of real estate they have... the outside was filled with...

toilets. yep! you need one? they've got it. seats, bowls, the toppers for the back... every kind! they also had windows a plenty- new, vintage, frames... hundreds of each. i was in shock. you proceed to the interior of this big grey building and you'll find rows upon rows of doors- interior, exterior, modern, victorian... you get the point.

and then you sort of meander through and find a plethora of "trash"... waiting to become one man's treasure.

d was a fan of this pink version of the golden gate bridge.

i stumbled upon this little treasure- a record that made me think of my dad. immediately i pictured him dancing in my kitchen on a saturday morning while i step-mom cooked breakfast. i love those visual stimulants for memory lane. good times.

p was enthralled by some pink doggies hanging high in the vaults. there was a lot of woof woofing and giggling.

back to when we entered the warehouse- d mentioned that it was pretty stinky. yep! the entire place smells like cat urine. it was less than shocking when we stumbled upon this little creature a few rows in. (ick! the smell not the cat herself. she was rather pleasant.)

d tried out for head majorette while i told her stories of her nana who was on the team in high school. it was good times to see.

and throughout the joint there were reminders of why you were there (putting up with the stinky).

we went home with two chairs for the dining room that we have been working on. i will be removing the nasty cushions and reupholstering them before they make a move out of the garage, thank you very much... but a good find none-the-less.

and if you don't live in the east bay? well have no fear! you can help the good 'ole mother earth in a similar fashion in a town near you. my experience is that the kane county flea market is a similar treasure trove. i've also googled flea markets all over the country. there are a ton of them!

and so- to wrap it all up, here's my point... if you can go to a little extra effort to find the stuff you need from a person that no longer needs it... jackpot! if you have stuff you no longer need, find someone who can make use of it! the wee bit of extra effort is way worth it and the character that your home (or the takers home) can gain is awesome. do it. do not delay.

our mother will thank you!

a box and a prayer

i told you last year that my garden produced ONE tomato. granted- my garden was a sad container garden that might have longed for a tad bit more water than it was getting, but no matter how you slice it one tomato is a sad state.

the second week into our new home, i began to plot out and come up with a garden design for our new space. after two years of success in chicago, i was not willing to let another one tomato summer occur (holding my breath a little as i type that). i did a lot of internet searches, book reading etc. and came up with a new plan. what i landed on was totally new to me (in spite of the fact that my friend used this same method in munster, in... i swear when she told me about it i had NO IDEA what she was talking about. i just smiled, nodded and coveted her beautiful garden. true story.).

so what did i land on, you ask? it is the square foot garden method. it involves a super special soil mix, a raised square foot planter box, a special square foot grid and some seeds. sounds simple, right?

it is! it is so simple and i am in garden love! i set my hubby to building a while back and he made me a lovely box for my garden. and then it rained. and rained. and rained.

i'm serious. i think it rained for the entire month of february and most of march. somewhere in the middle of march we had a little dry spell and so into the soil went my seeds. i whispered sweet garden dreams into their ears as i planted them because I WILL NOT, i repeat, WILL NOT have another one tomato summer.


and apparently, the seeds listened to my stern plea. just one week later, little sprouts started bursting forth from their darkness into the sunlight.

and now, a few weeks later... voila! my seeds they are a'growin! i have such hope that in just a few short weeks i will be harvesting all sorts of green goodness.

and for good measure, i canceled my veggie box that i have loved so much for the past year. i mean, who needs it? i have such high hopes that i can deliver my own box of goodness right here through my brand new, ever so healthy, square foot garden.

fresh & easy: the suburban momma review

a new little market opened up a few towns north of us. i met a gal this weekend who described herself as a "food snob" and said she really liked it. so, today, since it was raining cats and dogs for the millionth day in row and a certain momma was going stir crazy... we headed up to above mentioned new store for a little activity.

the store is called fresh and easy (it'll be sweeping the country in no time flat so don't worry your pretty little head). in the words of e, it is a cross between trader joe's and whole paycheck (with a little safeway mixed in... that's wegmans for you east coasters). anywho, it was divine. it is small like both trader and whole but has a good blend of yummy eats. i'll take you on the verbal walk through.

when you walk in you are met by a small floral department. it is small in size but has pretty reasonable prices and lower end (but stunning flowers). i think they had some daffies in a dozen bundle for a buck ninety nine. then you get to produce land- it is very much like the trader (packaged, not loose) but they have a 24 hour farm to store policy. essentially, everything they sell hits the shelves on a rapid time table. the items we purchased from the produce section also came dated (they stand by that 24 hour thing by putting it into print). i am a fan of transparency, so this works for me. they also indicate the city where the produce was grown and have a commitment to local. that means that they get what you need from the closest supplier who follows their farming criteria. we bought some nectarines in a 4 pack. all 4 were bruise free upon arrival home and two of them sat in the fridge for over a week without spoiling.

next was a ready made section. they had all sorts of boxed meals that were marked "no preservatives, no additives, no growth hormones etc. we tried out some soup (broccoli cheddar = delish), kiddo spaghetti and meatballs (two thumbs up from e and d) and some breaded chicken with mashed taters (with hidden peas and corn mixed in)... 1 1/2 thumbs according to my girls. i think they didn't like the breading, but upon interior inspection it looked like quality white meat rather than some of the pressed stuff you find on the interiors of those nasty nuggets.

then you have a meat/cheese/dairy aisle. i found things like flap meat (which was wonderful with a little homemade chimichurri sauce), chicken thighs for under $2 bucks a pound, ribs, all sorts of fresh looking fish etc. as for the cheese/dairy side... i didn't get a great inspection in as there was some kiddo melt-down issues, but it didn't look like a ton of selection but did appear to have some great prices. we opted for some yogurt squeeze tubes (d is obsessed with those) and they were about 60 cents less than safeway. not bad.

you then have a bunch of aisles of dry goods and canned goods. great prices on things like garbanzo beans, pearled barley, rice, olive oil (all sorts of organic selection by country- we went with italian extra virgin but they also had spanish and a variety of press styles). i was a fan. to further my excitement, they also sell the usual suspects that are the most popular from the traditional local grocery in your hood- they have cheerios, kids gummies, rice krispy treats etc. you know, the things that just can't be imitated without loosing the exact thing that makes you want them in the first place. i respect this. if i want cheerios, i want the real thing (or at least p does... she doesn't accept substitutes). this makes shopping easier. you don't have to add in an extra trip for those hard to imitate items.

there is a small bakery selection and then a big frozen section. we tried some shrimp skewer appetizers, two pizzas and some fruit for smoothies. all great prices. all great flavor.

lastly, smack dab in the middle of the store was a large wine section. with the three in tow i didn't feel super comfy spending a ton of time surrounded by glass bottles, but i did do a quick tour and grabbed a bottle of $5.99 pinot noir. i felt like pinot would be a good test of the cheaper stuff. if a $5.99 bottle was any good then it spoke well about their selection (or else i just got lucky). above mentioned bottle was actually just fine- drinkable, some good fruit notes and affordable.

then we got to the checkout. all of the lanes are self-checkout, self-bag. it was a bit irritating with such a large load and so many pint sized helpers, but the staff was right there with assistance to speed this momma up and offer some help. overall, this part was a downer for me. while i like self-checkout a lot, not everybody was designed for its use. i can see this being a problem down the line for this new find, but i think the good in this place far outweighs this little hiccup at the end.

oh, and that picture of those cupcakes? who could resist. i dragged the girls out in a rainstorm, daddy was at a work function, and momma needed a little bribery to get them back home. they were wonderful!

if this post piqued your interest and you're a local, have no fear. a p-town opening is just around the corner! i can't wait.

lest you think i was missing in action...

nope, not missing! just enjoying the season...

i had such high hopes of rhyming out this post to the tune of the 12 days of christmas. regrettably, my clever thoughts have ceased. currently, i am just happily pooped from all this celebrating.



we've had a very busy, action packed month. i think it is fair to say, we've been engaged in this joyous holiday season.



at the beginning of the month we participated in our first hanukkah celebration. my friend and babysitter, laura, invited our family to celebrate with her family. we lit the candles, enjoyed good food and played a little game of dreidel. i loved this start to our very celebratory month. it was so beautiful to see this young couple starting to create their own "family" traditions. we were blessed by them and delighted to be invited to share in the miracle of the oil with them.

also early in the month, scott and i traveled to sonoma to visit my dear friend stephanie. she and her husband were vacationing here for a few days and included us in their time away from home. we lunched, tasted wine, enjoyed some fabulous scenery and savored our time together.

and then there was some celebrating to kick off opening day of candy cane lane. gathering with friends, taking in the light displays presented by each home owner on this quaint street, enjoying tasty treats and watching the kiddos get caught up in the excitement of the season was great fun.

e, d and i took in a viewing of the nutcracker at the bankhead theater. watching d observe her first live stage performance was entertaining. it was especially fun to see her recognize the music from her own ballet class (where they've been working on their own little performance). her eyes lit up and she yelled for all of the theater to hear, "momma, that's MY song that I dance to!" e, an old pro at stage performances, but new to the ballet was also in awe. she loved how she could follow along in spite of the lack of words.

and then we took in a super fun holiday party with face painters, balloon artists, performing christmas trees, nutcracker characters and a little seat on santa's lap.

a few days later, i was delightfully entertained by d's rendition of the nutcracker. you can only imagine how much this little lady and a certain momma enjoyed this day. initially, i was a little miffed when the teacher suggested that siblings not attend (pushing me into a babysitter scramble) but after 45 minutes of undivided attention directed at my middle daughter, i became unmiffed. she soaked up the attention, while i enjoyed giving it. note to self, this little muffin needs more time with her momma without any distraction. i forget that sometimes. this was a beautiful reminder.

and then there was a cookie exchange with some of my most favorite people in this pleasant town of pleasanton.

and the celebrations ended with a delightful tea at mops (mothers of preschoolers). it has been a good month so far, and thankfully, the festivities aren't over yet.

belief

and while i'm on a role- i think i should go just one step further towards the truth. (even in the truth, we always tend to hold something back, right?)


lately, i've been in an even bigger struggle (as if mommy induced "less than" isn't enough!). i have been struggling with God.


the moment that stands out as the beginning of this was two years ago on thanksgiving. as you know, my mom was hit by a car. the same mom that is handicapped from a brain aneurysm. the same mom that raised three girls alone. the same mom that lost both of her parents before her twelfth birthday. it messed with my head. i found myself saying, "really, God? couldn't you have protected her from THIS?". i fought through that battle and saw God show up. He revealed Himself through the compassion of nurses, the wisdom of doctors, the love of friends. He even showed up through pat the pilot. and i tucked that morsel of doubt in my pocket and moved on, clinging to a God that i know is real. clinging to a God who is who He said He was. i've seen it with my own eyes.


and then came the selling of our house and pregnancy and a move.... i almost don't even want to talk about it any more. it disturbed me. i kept asking, "God, what's the point in all of this? are you here? any chance you want to jump in and lighten the load?" and then He did. so i tucked my ugly thoughts and feelings right into that little old pocket and moved forward. i clung to His goodness and how He showed up. i even told you about it a few months later.


a few days after my mom was hit by a car, my sister's husband announced he wasn't happy in their marriage. what? you've been married for twenty years and you picked now to share that? after the birth of poppy i spent each and almost every nursing session praying for their marriage. i reached out to my brother-in-law. i begged God to bring him back and restore this commitment of marriage. two years later, they are weeks away from a final divorce decree. it rocks my world. and my heart cries out, "God, do something! show up! fix THIS!"


and then there is cancer. my 38 year old sister, mother of 6, mother who buried her fourth son... "are you kidding me, God????".


and well he's shown up in each and every situation. while He's been present and active, working for good, i would be a liar if i didn't confess that i've been beat down. i've been exhausted. i've been wrecked with doubt.


add that to my momma ADD, and i can promise you it's not a pretty head space. i don't like where my mind goes. it gets ugly.


over the past week, i learned that a dear friend in chicago has been diagnosed with stomach cancer. he's young. he has two kids under the age of 7. his wife is beautiful, compassionate, thoughtful. she's even tempered, patient, and a woman who seeks the kingdom. in fact, she doesn't just seek it, she embodies it. this family doesn't need THIS! and my heart cries out, "oh, God! stop the insanity!"


and that is just the tip of the iceberg. there are people in my life who aren't as open (therefore i won't share their stories) but they are dealing with job loss, foreclosure, sickness, loss, loss, loss...


well, it could feasibly turn a girl of great belief into a girl of great doubt. and yet it doesn't. it reminds me of mark 9. now i'm not a religious scholar, but it speaks to me in its most simplest form.


basically, jesus goes up on a mountain with peter, james and john. before their very eyes, he gets "transfigured"???? transfigured means to become the true nature of the son of God. basically, three dudes saw Him for who He really was. doubt gets washed away. instead of their pal, jesus, they saw Him as King. picture that for a minute. they are his followers. they think he's a great teacher- so much so that they drop everything and join his mission. but they didn't really KNOW. suddenly, they are up on a mountain and it is revealed to them. now, THEY KNOW. and then they get caught up in this little banter about elijah.



verse 12 says this: Jesus replied, "to be sure elijah does come first, and restores all things. why then is it written that the Son of Man must suffer much and be rejected? but i tell you, elijah has come, and they have done to him everything that they wished, just as it is written about him.



He lays it out for them. saying, your timeline is right. you just missed elijah. and now, it's time for me.



from this huge, stunning moment in the lives of three of the disciples, they go to meet the rest. they find them in a huge crowd. the remaining disciples are in the middle of a scene, so to speak. people are up in arms because they are trying to heal this boy but cannot. (annoying right? they've been wandering around with Jesus witnessing healing after healing and then suddenly, they look like fools. they can't heal this dudes kid. and the kid is sick. they want to heal the boy.)



Jesus is irritated. why? because it reveals their disbelief.



He goes to the boy. He talks to the dad...



the boy's dad: but if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.



Jesus: if you can? everything is possible for one who believes.



the boy's dad: i do believe! help me to overcome my unbelief!



that's the part that strikes me. you see, here is God. He's just totally revealed himself to three of the disciples. the full monty, folks. He shows them the whole enchilada. and then He comes down from the mountain and sees the rest of the disciples struggling with their inability to fully believe. insert this dad. a dad who longs for his son to be restored- and in his innocence, in his weakest most pure moment, he cries out for something huge.



help me to overcome my unbelief!



that single sentence speaks volumes to my weary, disheartened soul. God knew i would struggle with THIS! He knew that at times, life would be "too much" and that i would have doubt creeping in, seeping in, clouding over my belief. and He knew, that i could cry out- help me overcome my unbelief!



and He knew that He'd be there, right there in my moments or seasons of unbelief. in spite of the fact that He's shown himself to me over and over and over again (like He'd just shown himself to three of the disciples). it speaks volumes about the patience of the God i love.



the story continues. Jesus heals the boy. we don't know what happens to the boy. we don't know what happens to the dad. but what we do know is that behind closed doors the disciples try to get to the bottom of it with Jesus. "hey, Jesus? what's the deal? why couldn't WE heal him? why couldn't we drive out those demons"



Jesus: this kind can only come out by prayer.



can you picture it? it's my life. i think i know the way. i think i've got the formula. i think i REALLY see who He is. but in reality, i don't really get it. not REALLY. and i get frustrated. i am filled with a fear that i will never reach full sanctification. i begin to doubt.



and then God sweeps in- tasha, you KNOW. I have revealed myself to you before. you KNOW me. and I KNOW you. I know you will have unbelief. and I am there in that, too. seek Me. read My word. PRAY!



and when i embrace that? oh, man! i am right there, back at His feet. and do you know what happens? it is usually in this moment that i see Him, full in His glory, at work- even in the most difficult of moments.



my doubt is transformed over and over again, into belief.

momma induced add

i go through these phases where i don't want to write. i don't mean to suggest that i have nothing to write about (really, people, i'm pretty certain i will never run out of words. i think my hubs might wish that i would when he blows out his birthday candles each year but it will never happen. sigh.) it's just that i have mommy induced add. i start hundreds of posts in my head, sometimes even get half way through writing a post, and by the time i get back to it. poof! i can't even catch the spirit of what i was writing about. my head has moved on.

as a normal (you know, before kids) gal, i tended to be a pretty good planner. i was organized. thoughtful. i paid attention to detail.

insert child number one- i worked part-time (very part-time) for the first two years of e's life. i was an educational consultant/ event planner. i remember days of e playing on the floor while i made business calls from the kitchen table. i was stirring something on the stove, managing a silent wee one, confirming dates/times/payments with the person on the other end of the phone and typing some other document on the laptop. multi-tasking at its best.

by the time d joined the scene, i was a full-time stay-at-home momma living in the burbs. i have a distinct memory of painting furniture while both girls happily played nearby (for those of you with a raised brow- it was non-toxic paint). i also remember planting my entire garden, weeding it, watering it... with the girls playing nicely in the grass.

both of the pictures are nicely painted in my mind. current evidence would indicate that they aren't even close to accurate. but they are the images that linger with me. it's like the edited version of the truth. if i'm honest, someone was probably crying or fighting, or what have you. but in my mind, it was mommy utopia- blissfully enjoying the opportunity to stay home with my girls, while also getting things done. i felt like i was, at the very least, holding it together.

for some reason, these days, that's the exact opposite of how i feel. it seems like at every turn there really is someone crying, someone needing a snack or a diaper change or hitting someone or hurting a sisters feelings... the list goes on and on and on.

i find that on most days my head swirls with all the things that i can't seem to get done. i start to do things, but within moments i'm interrupted and the plan i had goes to the wayside in an attempt to solve the current crisis. and i never get back to the vacuum, laundry, toy bin organizing, email... what have you. and after a while, it starts to mess with your head. if you let it, it starts to rewrite the "you" you used to be and become the "you" that you are. i'm trying not to let it, but there are days that the battle is lost.

i don't have any idea of what all of this means. but i do know what it doesn't mean.

it doesn't mean that i don't have value. it doesn't mean that this is forever. it doesn't mean that the mom on the playlot that looks like she has it all together is better or smarter or more.

it doesn't mean that i am less.

i think that a lot of us mommas (working or stay-at-home) try to play this little game of one-ups-manship. we try to create an image of our utopia (you know, like the one that i'm certain wasn't real but that's the way i remember it in my head). we try to measure up and sometimes, we add a "and then some" to that. i'm guilty of this, more often than i would like to admit.

and if i think about it- i think that is exactly why i like the idea of "community" so much. you see, in my mind, community encompasses those people that you "let in". they don't see a false utopia- they see the real deal. they know that i dropped the "f-bomb" in front of my two year old last week (accidental slip as i tripped over the double doggy pull toy that attacks me from out of nowhere on a daily basis), that i cried at the counter on monday because my friend is going through an enormous struggle that i can't fix, that i get frustrated with the mundane elements of staying at home with my fantastic but ever so challenging three girls. they know that on my best day i still struggle with so many things. and instead of measuring themselves by my worth or image (or lack there of), they come alongside and offer support. they encourage. they sit at the kitchen counter with a pot of coffee (or a bottle of wine) and cheer you on towards your best version of yourself.

moving here in at the beginning of this personal momma crisis has been interesting. i struggle with the fact that it feels like nobody will ever think that i have it together. i struggle with the reality that the days when i was super mom (ha! a girl can pretend, right?) are long gone and the only thing left is a momma that is barely holding on. but it's been interesting. do you know what i've discovered? i've discovered that when you show your real self up front, right off the bat, you find those that are willing to do the same. community shows up. it's real. it's valuable. it's what sustains me. and for that, i am thankful. especially on "those days"- the ones with mommy induced add and all.

let them eat cake (not just a post title but a real place... you should check it out!)

you may recall this little disaster from p's first birthday. while it was tasty on the tongue, it was not so easy on the eye. it was suggested to me by my mother-in-law's bff that i might consider a cake decorating class at micheal's. not a bad idea!


not willing to accept defeat, i tried again. i made a cake for poppy and our friend gabe a few weeks later. i learned a little from my mistakes, but i had a long way to go.



fast forward to an email from my friend katie. she was perusing the community class schedule from a local community college. she wanted to know if anyone wanted to join her at a holiday cupcake decorating class. yes. YES! i'm ALL in!

and so today, i joined three other friends at let them eat cake in livermore for a three hour cupcake class. (good things come in three, right? right!)

cupcake master sarah (also the proud owner of this uber creative cupcake shop) walked us through cupcakes from start to finish. she taught us how to avoid some of the pitfalls that batter can present, how to make her version of the tastiest butter cream frosting (it was out of this world), and then how to make tons of adorable cupcakes. she was fab! her instructions made sense and were easy to follow, while her creativity was off the charts.


we started our cupcake journey with some spiders. these are chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting (e's favorite). and then you added eyes, legs, a mouth... need i say more. here's katie showing off her first success. isn't this spider amazing?

and over the course of three hours we made trees, snowmen, tom turkey, mini ornaments, ghosts, and webs. i went home with enough sugary concoctions to induce a sugar in all three buser babes.

and isn't that cupcake stand quite nice? i won it. that's right. as an added bonus sarah had a little raffle for all of the participants. i'm thinking e's class will love it at their halloween party.

oh, and my taste testers? e, d, and p were happy to play the role.

i think it is fair to say that girlies likey.

go, girl, go cont'd and a little announcement

if you are just tuning in, you might want to read out of breath and go, girl, go (installment one) first. if not, you can just read this and catch up later...

so there i was running each week in the hopes of loosing my baby belly and in the process, gaining a valuable friend. after the first week or two, i suggested to my running mate that we might consider doing a 10k- heck, she got me to do 3 1/2 miles on that first run. what's a few more miles? i looked into it and we decided to do the livermore grape stomp in october. basically, you run and then at the end celebrate your accomplishment by tasting the fall crush. it sounded good to me- running and then a little wine. i'm down with that- it's one of the perks of living in this fabulous little known wine region here in the tri-valley. my pal and i agreed this was a good fit.

while i was busy running, my sister was busy getting her cancer treatment underway. she was meeting with various oncologists and comparing their recommendations for treatment, she was meeting with surgeons and learning the ropes for what was in store for "the betties" (as she humorously refers to her new but temporary implants), and she was doing a bit of research on alternative treatments.

when my sister had her 4th son and i had e, she and i simultaneously started looking into more natural and homeopathic ways to medicate. we both took our own organic routes in this area, but there were a lot of intersections. frequently, we compared notes. it seemed natural that this would also be part of her cancer journey.

in the early part of the summer, she met with a doctor that specializes in this field. after meeting with him, he confirmed what she already knew in her heart- she needed the chemo. i think that was good news, in spite of the bad that comes with chemotherapy. the other good news is that this doctor specializes in treatments that boost the immune system that chemo tears down. i almost choked when she told me that the preliminary meeting was $500. i really almost choked when she told me that each of these treatments was about $90 a pop and would take place weekly. we started talking about the other bills that come with cancer for an insured patient- it goes something like this... co-pays for each doctors visit ($35/3 times a week), co-pays for surgery (in the hundreds if not thousands), co-pays for the weekly fillings of the betties, co-pays for the implants, and down the road co-pays for radiation- yikes! if my head wasn't spinning before, it certainly was now. and that got me thinking...

how does the average family pay for treatment- traditional or other? as if the strain of the cancer isn't enough, right? on top of that, you get to add this pile of financial stressors right into the mix.

now, i've said before, my sister is a woman of faith. she believes that God will carry her and provide for her needs. her husband believes the same, so i think it is fair to say that this family doesn't get caught up in the worry of it all.

and right then and there, when we stand firm in our faith, we can usually see more clearly how God provides.

as i was thinking about these things day after day, i was still running. somewhere along the way, another friend of mine planted a little seed- "tasha, you should do a breast cancer run". but she didn't stop there- she found one on-line and sent me the link. this 10k was taking place in another town nearby in september (this coming saturday, to be exact). running for wine is good and fine, but running for my sister when i am so far away? i was over the moon. it was a tangible way that i could support her journey. and with that little seed, and with a lot of prayer, and with more running an idea began to bloom.

i could run the 10k and raise funds for my sister. my original plan was to raise funds for her wig- a mom of 5 is best suited for a natural hair wig that could put a pretty sizable dent into the pocketbook. she was fine with this suggestion- reluctant at first, because she didn't want to put a financial strain on people. but after some time and after some prayer she thought it would be a blessing.

simultaneously, my aunt (not knowing my plan) decided to do some fundraising of her own. she sent out an email to my aunts, cousins, siblings and grandmother. true to how God works, God made these people willing participants in my sister's journey. in fact, i think it is fair to say that they were grateful for a channel that would help support my sister in a real way. and so my fam (and my sister's in-laws) all pitched in to pay for most of my sister's new hairpiece.

and while she is beautiful without it (for real! look at the joy in her eyes!), this need has been met.

at that time, i did some more time praying- was there more that God wanted me to do in spite of the fact that this initial need had been met? and i immediately felt like there was- as i thought of her bills that would soon be coming her way, i knew i had to continue with my plan. again, she and i talked about this. we both saw the value of helping her, and we both felt like maybe there is more. it's not concrete at this point, but we both have hopes of doing this for other women down the road. we both felt like you shouldn't have to go this alone- that becoming part of community that surrounds women walking this path is essential.

and so without further ado- an announcement. on saturday, i am running the hers breast cancer 10k in freemont, ca. if you'd like to support my run and help launch this fundraising campaign, i would cherish that support!

you can do so in one of four ways-

1.) pray for this fundraising effort. pray that God would be glorified. pray that my little old legs can run like the wind. and pray for my sister as she walks this road.

2.) click on the "chip in" link (top left-hand corner of my blog page) and make a donation to "the betties". your donation will help cover the costs of my sister's medical treatments. my hope and prayer is that there will be funds left over to help start the support for the next person that God places in our path with breast cancer (we will be activly looking and praying for this component to fall into place with God's perfect timing).

3.) today (and today only) you can also buy a necklace from sarah on etsy (click those words right there and it will direct you to her etsy site). sarah makes necklaces in an effort to raise funds for tons of different charities. today, her sales with raise funds for my sister. if you choose to help in this way, you can purchase any of her regular items (special orders are not included). in the etsy checkout, indicate that you are purchasing on behalf of my sister. sarah will in turn donate 50% of the sales to my sister.

4.) send people via facebook to this page and encourage them to jump in. if you do so today (monday) they can be a part of options 1-4. if you don't get this today, they can still participate by participating in options 1,2 and 4. the more that know, the more that can join me and my sister on this journey.

and i can't just end there... you know me by now, right?

i was in church this morning. i'll confess, i almost didn't go because i felt like i could use the time writing this very post. but i felt like i needed to be there. God was tugging at my heart and i was certain that there was something i needed to hear. well, the sermon this morning was the exact confirmation that my heart needed. the title was "hello my name is____ and i've tried doing this alone". the very core of the message was that in life, we so often try to be self-sufficient. we try to doing it alone. but if you look at the example laid out by paul, we are called to do this together. alone doesn't work. we need to rely on God and we need to rely on the people in our community to support us, encourage us, and propel us forward. my pastor (and good friend) ended the message with this- we need to have someone's hand to hold (a sponsor, if you will) and then we need to sponsor someone else that comes our way (hold their hand and support their journey just like we received support).

and so today, i ask you to grab hands. run with me, support my sister if you are able and don't be shy about reaching out your own hand when you need support.

much love to you today, and thank you.

go, girl, go!

last week i told you about the genesis of my running experience. i told you that i have been running ever since that day about 3 times a week- but as is typically the case with my stories, it doesn't end there.


you see, as i began to run my relationship with my running partner started to unfold. our conversations went more deep and we really started to know one another. and while there is still a lot more to learn, i feel like she is an old friend. it's funny, and i didn't know it on the first day of running, but i was going to need that sort of friend that i could go deep with.


parallel with the onset of my running was the diagnosis of my sister. it was discovered that she had breast cancer at the age of 38. it was determined that she was going to need a double mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation and a whole slew of other things. her life was turned upside down, so to speak.


now it is important for me to remind you of a few things that i have shared over my years of blogging- (if you know these, just disregard. if you don't, then it will help make the picture more clear). my sister is 38. she has six children, one that she surrendered to heaven because of trisomy 18- 5 boys, 1 girl. my sister home schools all 5 of them. my mom lives in my sister's garage (that sounds cruel but i promise it's not- really it is now an in-law suite designed and built specifically for my momma). my sister is also the head of women's ministries at her church, blogs, and carpools three boys to football, attends motocross races with three of her sons, add in ballet for her girlie-girl, guitar lessons for three boys, music classes for the littlest boy, awana, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, carpooling my mom all over the philadelphia burbs, and did i mention laundry (i can't even imagine what those piles would look like if i was running that whirlpool over there)?... just writing it all out makes my head hurt and makes me long for a nap.

anyway, back to june and a cancer diagnosis and her life being turned whoopsi daisy- if you had the opportunity to watch her, you'd know that she didn't miss a beat. she simply grabbed hands with God and said, "ok, God, we're going to do this? you're going to carry me. i'll follow." now i may be simplifying it a bit, but from my daily conversations with her, i can tell you that is pretty much how it went. she struggles just like the rest of us do, but she has stood firm in her belief that God has this covered. he has a plan. he's going to (and has) given her strength for the journey. he's surrounded her with cheerleaders and supporters. he's pulling him into his arms and she in return is falling into that embrace. it is beautiful to watch, but complex.

it's complex for a whole bunch of reasons- it's hard because she is my sister. as i've told you in the past, we were so not close growing up. but as adults? she's my go-to girl. i look up to her and cherish our relationship. the thought of her having to go through this trial- well, it stinks. watching anyone fight cancer is not fun. watching it happen to someone you know and love- that stinks even more.

i also think that when someone is in the midst of a trial you get an interesting close-up at their heart. in the normal day-to-day of life, you see a glimpse, but in a trial there is some form of transparency and vulnerability that is like no other. watching stacy at this time is revealing what i've always known to be true- it's just magnified for the rest of us at the moment... she's firm in her faith, obedient to her maker, true to her beliefs. she's the real deal.

it's also complex because i know the laundry list of things that are on her plate. i also know that i live on the exact opposite side of the country. there are days when i just want to run out the door before scott and hop on a plane to go be by her side (wouldn't he LOVE that!). but the truth is, i have my own laundry list of things on my plate, three of which (e, d, and p) don't really make the cross-country trip super feasible. another truth is that in the grand scheme of things, her needs are being met and there is little i could do to help her.

back to running-
so week after week, my gal-pal and i would run together and week after week i would share what was on my heart. funny how things work, but my running partner is no stranger to cancer. she has watched several family members fight it, too.

regularly on our runs, i was share these difficult truths with her about my sister. each time it was met with the most gentle responses, encouragement, support, understanding. you see this running momma got it. slowly, i began to believe that it wasn't a coincidence that she invited me to run one day out of the blue. it started to look more and more like a divine intersection. you see, i started to believe that God knew what was down the pike for my sister and He knew how it was going to wreck me at times. He knew that i would need a friend that "checked in" with me regularly. He knew that i couldn't carry this alone. and while i take a lot of of it to Him daily, He saw fit to give me that perfect companion who would walk (or in this case "run") this journey with me.

*please check in tomorrow, for i have a little announcement to make (monday).

lordy, lordy, i love nordy!

nordy, how do i love thee? let me count the ways.

i have always been a huge fan of the nordstrom and nordstrom rack department store chains. first, there is the team of buyers that get a perfect mix of high quality items with exceptional style and a variety of price points to fit the average shoppers needs. second, there is that amazin' sticker that they put on each and every purchase negating the "hunt for the receipt" if you find yourself in need of a return. seriously, i can't say enough about that nifty sticker and their return policy. ah, if only more stores could get on that train! third, there are the backroom sales like the annual anniversary sale- i love the ease of pre-shopping and then picking up my purchases without the hassle of lines and grabby-gerty shoppers who snatch right out from under you... the cafe, the nursing momma area... i could go on and on and on about my love affair with the great nordy.

and then i discovered this. it catapulted my love affair to a level that even I didn't know existed!

it's the shoe tying class. that's right, folks. you read it right here! nordy offers a shoe tying class for kiddos- free of charge each and every saturday smack dab in their kids shoe department. it even comes with some loot to keep the kiddos motivated, but i'll get to that in a minute.

march yourself to your nearest nordy kiddo shoe department. at the till you'll find a notebook (if it isn't there just ask the nearest nordy expert, who's probably already asked you if you need some help 'cus they are good like that). sign up for a saturday that you and your kiddo have free and then show up on that specific saturday.

the kiddos arrive and in a fun class, learn some catchy rhymes to help them learn how to tie their kicks, or tenny pumps... or whatever you might be callin' them at your house.

it goes like this-

laces everyone- ready, set, tie!

calling all kids. check out these simple clues. when one lace meets the other you can tie your shoes. first, make an x, and hold it on top. put the right lace through the middle and you've got your knot!


think of the bow just like a balloon, hold it at the bottom or it might go zoom!



wrap the other lace around, use your finger like a spool. pull a loop through this hole, you tied the bow- how cool!

they practice and practice and practice, gaining momentum and success as they go. and at the end of the class they get bucket of loot i was talking about... complete with an organic juice box, gummy snacks, a shoe tying card, a lelli kelli lip gloss/eye shadow kit (just what you always wanted!), and a hip digital watch (for reals, we have this exact watch in purple and i paid $22 for it- apparently i got robbed b/c nordy gave it to the shoe tiers for free).

anyway, i told e's friends momma about this and asked if she wanted to sign the girls up together. bonus for me, she did. double bonus for me, she offered to pick up e and take the girls for me. ding, ding, ding! jackpot. my gal pal picked e up this morning- and i tied her shoes for her as she headed out the door. an hour and a half later, e arrived home mostly able to tie her own shoes.

thank you, nordy!

p.s.- if anyone wants to give nordy a heads-up that i'm giving them free publicity on their amazingness right here at diary of a suburban momma, maybe they would like to throw me back a little gift certificate (ahh, wishfull thinking).

salute

this evening i had the joy

of opening my ice box door and going

to the bottom shelf, where i've been chilling something.

if you recall, a few months ago i placed a bottle of bubbly into my chiller. i did so because it looked the it would soon be time to celebrate leslie and jake getting the call from their ethiopian adoption agency. that call would signify that the baby that God had chosen for them was ready to officially begin the journey home.

on friday, leslie and jake got THAT call. they prayed over this sweet baby all weekend and intentionally sought God's will for their family. i have had the joy all weekend, and for the past two years or so to join hands with them in prayer. as they have walked each step of this journey, i have been blessed with the opportunity to lift their needs heavenward and share in the process.

it has been a beautiful process to be a part of. to see their hearts as they walk forward in their calling to adopt a child into their family has been inspiring. they have handled each and every step of this journey with care, love, compassion- sweet leslie and a team of prayer warriors have been praying for this birth mother and this baby girl for well over two years! seriously- watching leslie's heart unfold for this baby girl has been such a gift.

and so tonight, i raise my glass to leslie and jake, oliver and Elihu and the sweet baby girl who gets the joy that this family imparts to all those that they touch. praise be!

salute!

and while i thought that i would end this post with that, i can't control the tingles that i feel for this baby girl. i fast forward in my mind and think of her life- her momma is an amazing writer, cook, and newly passionate crafter. she is imaginative and reverent, thoughtful and soft spoken. i can only imagine how that translates into their mother/daughter relationship! i picture this sweet girl making jam with her momma and being the assistant as her momma sews her halloween costume. i picture them telling her stories of ethiopia and incorporating the culture of her birth into the tapestry of her life. i picture her toddling behind her brothers, eating tomatoes off of the vine. i picture her taking to the acoustic guitar and singing vocals for the all boys band that her brothers have formed in their living room. and then i picture her wedding. i picture being there and telling her the story of a momma that prayed. a momma that had faith in the seed God planted in her heart. i picture telling her how six mommas in an email based prayer group covered this girl with prayer (that's a story for another day). and then i picture telling her how we loved her before we knew her and how her sweet life and journey to iowa is part of my journey- how praying alongside her family brought me closer to God. praying is such a mysterious thing, but i stand here tonight (sipping some champagne) praising the God that let's us in on the story and molds our hearts in the process.

out of breath

back in june i was waiting on the playground to pick up e, making small talk with a mom that i was getting to know. she mentioned that she had been running earlier in the day. i mentioned that i was just about to start running to loose my baby pouch (yes, folks a year later i still look about three months preggers). she suggested that we run together. me, ever so naive, thought this was a grand idea. we made plans to run the monday of the following week.


after dinner on monday, i suited up and met her on her front porch. i was a little bit terrified as running with a partner can be a bit challenging- you just don't know if you are a good match until you hit the pavement. and as for me, i've never really run before in my life, so i didn't even know if i was a good match for running period. seriously, ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that tasha doesn't really run.


i should tell you a little bit about my running partner- things that i should have thought of before committing to this little adventure, but didn't. she is a former police officer for the oakland police department. if you know anything about oakland, you know that it has some pretty high crime rates so it is safe to assume that this girl could run. if you know anything about police officers, you know that they go through some pretty intense physical training. again, things i should have thought of BEFORE this little running party. but i didn't.


we began jogging down her street and headed around the corner. as we ran we started to chat. for the first few blocks it was rather manageable. at that moment, i thought i might ask her how far we were going to go. her reply- "oh, about 3 miles."


i almost started to cry. seriously. i am not a runner. i hadn't done any sort of physical work-outs since before my pregnancy with p and those workouts were light jogs on the treadmill, easy weight lifting, and a few sit-ups. but there i was, running, not sure how to get out of this situation. i was sort of wishing that i could fall and twist my ankle or something. i began to have an internal argument with myself...


"you can do this, t! just put your mind to it!"


"no way! i'm going to die right here on the side of the road and we just started."


"you're going to look like a fool. this girl is cool and she'll think you're the biggest looser if you don't go through with it."


"i don't care! i'm fine with being a looser! i really don't like running and there is NO WAY i can go "about three miles"."


the internal conflict continued and the running continued. in a way, it sort of helped to pass the time. as i fought with myself, we continued to chat. our conversation was light, but very enjoyable. it was nice to connect with this woman, to fell like i could be making a friend while getting some good physical exercise. if i was going to loose this weight, this was by far more enjoyable than hanging out at the gym by myself. i kept running and we kept chatting.


at this point, i looked up and realized that we were about to run over the highway- the bridge that crosses the highway has a small incline. this was getting serious. i put my head down and geared up for the hill. i was talking myself into each and every stride that my short legs were taking. as we got to the top of the overpass i lifted my head.


oh, nelly! after a little down hill, there was a GIGANTIC hill that went straight up. i'm serious. this midwestern girl hasn't encountered a hill of this magnitude in quite some time. if you were in the midwest, this would be like a mountain. for real! they just don't have hills like that there. but there was no turning back. and so i powered through the hill and powered through the rest of the run. as we were approaching her street, she made a comment-


"that was actually 3 and half miles."

and with that, i collapsed onto her porch and had a mini heart attack.


and we've been running a few times a week ever since. apparently, i AM a runner. not a very good one. not an enthusiastic one. but a runner none-the-less. oh, and in the process of running, we've become great friends. i still haven't dropped a single pound from my belly, but in the grand scheme of things, i'm not sure i care.

a drive down the coast

on sunday morning, i was like...

a kid in a candy store. let me tell you why.

the city of santa cruz is about an hour from our house in the east bay. monterey is about an hour south of santa cruz along the central coast. if you happen to be from these parts, then forgive my geography lesson. but if you hail from another part of the globe, then this little tip might be of importance. as i've said a billion times before, this east coast girl turned mid-westerner was a little geographically challenged when it came to my california knowledge. even after living here for a year, i find myself breaking out the map regularly to get an understanding of how it all fits together.

on sunday morning the fam woke in our hotel in santa cruz, had a little eats, and then headed down the coast to monterey. just a few miles into our trip, my eyes became amazed. on either side of road, for as far as the eye could see, there was row after row of luscious green crops. after a wee bit, i couldn't resist the urge to grab for my camera. i was in city girl amazement.


after a few minutes of the camera clicking away, my hubby made a sweet and generous suggestion.

"do you want me to pull over for a minute?"

"do you mind? yes. yes! not yet. here. perfect!"

and before the car could come to a complete stop, i was hopping out and trucking down into the fields. this is what i saw:

row after perfect row of ripening strawberries. i've lived in new york, virginia, georgia and illinois. on almost every strawberry clam shell that i have ever purchased has been the stamp, "grown in california". i shouldn't have been surprised at these rows of succulent red berries, but for some reason i was. for some reason, i never realized how many berry fields it takes to stock the supermarkets of the u.s. with strawberries. but here i was, seeing just a small glimpse of the never ending fields with my own eyes for the first time. i was berry struck!

after a few quick snaps i hopped back into the car and onward we went. suddenly the fields changed and we kept seeing these leafy, green, tall rows of stalks. what could they be? again, my hubby noticed me in agricultural awe. again, he asked if i wanted to stop. hooray!

now, i've told you before that i have a thing for artichokes, so it shouldn't surprise you that i was in heaven when i stepped into the very fields that grow these buttery globes of deliciousness. they are beautiful and surprising. i had no idea that these gems grew on such tall stalks. i had no clue that there was so much foliage necessary to produce just a few chokes. but there they were, right in front of my eyes for me to take in.

aren't they gorgeous? just look at the morning dew dripping off of the compact flower!

and then back into the car we went. it was a heavenly ride. did i mention that i was like a kid in a candy store? well, i wasn't kidding. i enjoyed this ride, indeed.

a few miles down the road we heard a chopper up in the sky. it was out of control. the helicopter would swoop down from the sky and dust the crops with a cloud and then swoop back up into the sky to circle around and do it again. yep- it was a crop duster fighting the pests that wanted to take a little nibble at those beautiful berries and globes. and do you know what? for the first time in my adult life, i sort of began to understand the farmer who uses pesticides. i'm not saying that i'm buying what they're selling, but with that much on the line, one just might opt to protect what they have labored so hard for.

and today, as i perused the plants at whole foods, i almost fell on the sidewalk right there in front of the store! can you guess what i saw? small starter plants of my beloved chokes! and you can bet your bottom dollar that i put two of those organically grown buggers into my buggy. don't hold your breath- if you recall, i haven't had much success at california gardening. but here's to hoping!

d and i planted them straight away into my pathetic containers from home depot. i'll keep you posted. but even as i write this, my taste buds are dreaming of the tasty globes that could possibly come from my own backyard.