Visual History

my momma has always been an advocate for living with visual history.  by that, i (she) mean(s) filling your surroundings with things that remind you of where you came from, what you value, and what brings you joy (cue Marie kondo).  as a result, she has spent the better part of the past 20 years gifting my sisters and i with things from our childhood, family history and hometown that have meaning to us.

because of my momma's intentionality, when i walk through my home on the daily, i am flooded with things that are familiar and part of my history.  i love this.  and as i decorate my adult home, i use this as my compass for what gets space and what needs to go.  joy...  yes.  induces happy memories...  of course.  reminds me of where i came from... almost always.  chatchke crap from target...  a hard no (almost always).

ten years ago, on september 11th, i moved with my peeps to p-town.

but let me back up.

when e was born i met this group of mommas.  we had babies in the same era.  we bonded.  our kiddos bonded.  we loved Jesus.  we navigated breast feeding and sex-after-childbirth and sleep-training strategies together. we talked strollers and preschools and the lures of the suburbs.

eventually, most of us moved to the burbs.

just before my departure from il to ca, my friend veronica hosted a good-by dinner for me.  we assembled at her suburban home (which was one town over from my suburban home) and ate brie and lemon pie and all-the-things-tasha loves.  it was a table of my people.  the ones that know my raw, vulnerable, new momma, ugly cry, "how can i even do this", self.

going into the dinner i knew that even though they thought this dinner was for me, it was also for them.  it was an opportunity for me to just show them how much i appreciated the roles they played in my life and thank them for every single second of my "find myself as a new mom" and "grow into myself" as i could.  i never felt judged.  i always felt loved.  i was accepted and appreciated and tolerated for each and every bit of loco-crazy that i brought to the new-momma table.  these were my people and i HAD to thank them.

but how do you do that?  i went to hobby lobby and i bought them all crystal hearts.  i don't know.  it's  cliche and weird and not super creative.  but that is what i did.

at that dinner, we sat around veronica's table and i gave them their hearts.  they probably don't even remember it.  but i remember it.  i told them that they were like crystal to me and they had a special place in my heart. no-one would ever walk through history in the same way that they had with me. and i wouldn't do that with anyone else either.  i cherished them and loved them and had grown with them in ways that would never happen again.

and not a minute before i finished giving my toast, my friend brooke stood up and challenged each of the women to pray for me and to pray that God would bless me with friendship each and every time they look at that crystal heart.

fun fact- brooke never specified  prayeing for "christ following friends".  she simply said "friendships".

this is a nuance that i didn't notice until years later.

i moved to california.  we lived in a rental for close to two years.  God brought us to the house we live in now (a story for another day) and we unpacked those boxes to create a home for our kiddos.

the crystal heart hangs in my kitchen/family room to this day and the pic from my going-away party is on the shelf in my office.

visual history.

i think of these friendships each and every day.  they are a part of me.  their influence defined me as a mother.  it is my navigation system as a christ-follower.  it is my core.

but...

a few years ago, i had a moment.  i was all-in with the church i was attending.  i was leading this and leading that and teaching this and praying for that...  and it was my identity.  ugh and beauty collided.  when thing and roles become your identity...  well... that's never amazeballs.

and one day, God said to me, 'nope.  not.  stop it.  give it up.'

it didn't make a whole lot of sense.  really, it didn't.  but i listened and obeyed. and thankfully, the buse was on board with God's plan.

and the next few years unfolded into something so beautiful.  instead of my time being filled up with service towards the church, my time became richly filled with people.  friendships evolved and time cleared up where my heart had nothing to do but love.  and this love that i had time for grew and manifested in relationships with individuals and causes and organizations that fostered the heart of Jesus- caring for humanity in tangible ways and being in relationships.

if i am honest, i will say that i missed my role in the church.  knowing and loving Jesus was still a strong part of my core- but i had to fight more to hear His voice and maintain direction.  i had some epic lows where i questioned the whole thing.

"God- i am for you. why is this so hard?  why are you against me?  my have you taken me out of community with other people who want to live like i do and why do i give way to gross behavior so easily?"

and then a year ago, my sweet sister started praying that i would make connections with women that loved Jesus.  hmmm- brooke never specified that part.

and suddenly, it all transformed.  i started to discover these two friendships unfolding with women who loved Christ.  and then those friendships unfolded to new people and then another group of people....

and here i am today.

God's funny.  His sense of humor is not lost on me.

i needed each part of this journey.  each part of his provision.  each person he put in my path.

i marvel at how important each heart is to my heart. i love the Jesus loving ones and the ones that don't know him or call him Father all the same.  they all have been this amazing answer to prayer- brooke's (and my chicago peeps) prayer and my sister's prayer.

and as i walk through my home, ten years later....

TEN YEARS!

i marvel at the plan.  the purpose.  the value.  the intent. each and every soul that i have encountered is part of a story.  my story.  significant.  of worth.  with purpose.

and it all started way before i every knew or imagined.  and it started with a spirit of prayer towards the future from veronica who wanted to send me off with encouragement and brooke who invited God into the story.






and then this happened...

my sister heather and i were on the phone.  she started telling me about this adorable girl she had met and how she felt so connected to her and as if God had appointed her to that person (I think that is the word she used).  her story was exciting and she went on to tell me how this relatively new friend had just won tickets to meet carrie underwood and how excited she was for her.  she had helped katie rock out a styling outfit earlier to wear to the concert. in the retelling, heather mentioned that she won the tickets because "katie was a beach-body girl and had lost over 90 pounds."

i heard beach-body and immediately thought of one of my new very prayed for peep, kendra (specifically petitioned for to God by my sister heather).  i asked out loud if it was possible that Katie knew Kendra.  heather and i giggled and said, "no way".  meanwhile i texted kendra.

"hey- do you know a Katie ... in mt. pleasant?"

not a second passes and the three little texting dots pop up followed by, "yes! she is one of my best friends.  why?"

and i nearly lost it.

and i replied..., "stop it!  my sister has been praying with her and connecting with her in mt. pleasant."

you guys!  you can't make this stuff up.

i hung up with my sister immediately and told her i had to facetime kendra.  i did and she and i sat there on the phone in tears.  you see, she told me that she had been praying for some time that katie would meet someone who would walk through the spiritual life with her.

my sister.

kendra had been praying for my sister.  and petitioning God for her to come into katie's life.  stop it.  is that even real?

and heather had been praying for kendra.  petitioning God for her to come into my life.

and my super cool God, who weaves the craziest, coolest stories together answered both of those prayers... from mt. pleasant, sc to Pleasanton, ca (seriously- we live in very pleasant towns).

brooke's prayer was heard and i am so every thankful for the women in my life who god has abundantly blessed me with.  kendra's prayer was answered and katie and heather are going to rock it out in mt. pleasant.  heather's prayer was answered and kendra and i are going to rock it out in pleasanton.

can i get an a-men?  i mean, for realz, JC!  you knocked it out of the park with this one!

katie- i have no idea what outfit you are going to rock out this weekend at carrie underwood, but have a blast sweet friend.  i cannot wait to meet you!  already, you have a special place in my heart.

and kendra, brooke and heather- my prayer warriors!  thank you.  thank you for letting me see a god that loves me so much that he delights me with his creativity and details and passion for connection.

blown away.

i cannot wait to collect the visual history when the 4 of us get together for the first time.

good vibes and my girl

in the last few years i have been an observer of some phrasing that has made me go, "hmmmm....".  i have observed peeps who have mentioned, "send good vibes for me", and heard peeps say, "fingers crossed" or "peop" (positive energy only please).  people talk about karma and joo joo and mallery.  it has confused me.  not because i don't want to understand, but because i just don't really know where "vibes" go or how "energy" controls things.

a few months ago, d and i were in the car together going somewhere.  we were mid-conversation about something and in an effort to express her hopefulness, she said, "knock on wood".

i silently cringed.

d, maybe having sensed my "energy" asked me if i believed in luck.

"no, girlie.  not so much.  i don't know what luck really means.  it feels fake and pie-in-the-sky and placing your hope in something that isn't real or tangible or true."

d, without skipping a beat, said, "mom!  i agree!  everyone says, good luck and knock on wood and good vibes and all sorts of other things that don't make sense."

"girlie.  this is a hard one.  i mean, i get what the intent is.  it's to ward off the bad that could be around the bend or to keep the positive rolling.  but i don't believe that comes from 'knocking on wood'.  i think that is from Jesus. and prayer."

d replied, "i agree mom, but it is a hard habit to break. and everybody else says it.  but i don't like saying it because it is silly.  from now on, let's just say, 'knock on Jesus'.  and it will be like a reminder to pray."

and so for the better part of the summer, every time d would have a hope or anticipation for something good, she'd say, 'knock on Jesus' and then she and i would quickly pray about whatever the situation was.

it might sound just as silly as "knocking on wood" or "sending good vibes" (to whom and why?), but it has reminded d and i to pray.  it has been a good moment to declare where our hope comes from and how His plans are made perfect.

because i am a curious person, i looked up some of these phrases with hopes that "knocking on wood" and "fingers crossed" might have a spiritual connection to the cross (fingers crossed...  wood... you know related to the cross...).

turns out.  they don't

they all have a connection to spirits, and universal energy (that doesn't come from god) and evil spirits.

not a fan.

not who i want in my corner.

not who i believe controls my hope or my future...

and so as for me, d and my peeps... we are going to "knock on jesus".  bringing our cares before him and welcoming no others.

d's heart makes me smile.  she thinks in such a fun creative way.  never ever would  i have thought of "knock on jesus" but from this point forward, i will smile every time i am reminded of luck or vibes or good thoughts.  and every time, i will turn my thoughts into prayer.