it rocked me a little bit because i don't find myself to be a jealous person. but upon exploration of the topic i realized that I DO have jealousy issues. i am jealous of family. ick. i hated the realization but it rang true. i hated the fact that we didn't have "go to" family members who would pick my kids up in a pinch or give us a date night when our marriage was begging for it. i longed for the reprieve of handing our kiddos over to someone who "knew" them and would step in on a dime.
i know that i have highlighted my awesomeness on diary of a suburban momma over the years, but this post is about to take the cake! giggle. (humbled again by the motherhood...)
suburban momma has been thinking about a lot of things as of late. the most common theme of reflection has been that the buser clan has been residents of the state of california for FIVE years. yup. on september 11th we celebrated our five year anniversary.
and for the past month i have been deep in thought about what that means- where we've come from and where we stand now. it is an interesting reflection and a smile crosses my face every time i think upon it. five years is a long time.
but before i can go to the present, i need to reflect on the past.
right before i left chicago, my favorite peeps got together and threw me a non-surprise surprise party. knowing that i am not a huge fan of the unpredictable, they let me know a few days before the event that it was happening. it was perfect in every way. veronica hosted and the fete was filled with champagne, cheese, and lemon meringue pie, along with my favorite people. we mingled, we dined and then we toasted.
during the toasting portion of the evening, i presented each girlie with a crystal heart dangling from a silk ribbon. i gave it to each person as a "think of me" memento. my friend, brooke, took it to a new level. she suggested that when we looked at the heart, each momma would commit to pray for my development of meaningful friendships.
i was in tears.
brooke knows this girly well. she (and the rest of the peeps around the table) knew that i needed to be circled by special women. women that are real. women that don't judge. women that love well, smile often and bring laughter to my day-to-day life. she knew that i needed real, solid, in-depth friendship to sustain me.
it was a beautiful send-off as it was exactly the prayer of my heart.
it spoke to my need for "family".
five years later, i can say with confidence, that God has heard that prayer. and it hasn't just been for me, but it has been for the whole buser bunch. each of us has that solid "family" in our lives from the people that we have been surrounded with in p-town. but it wasn't until very recently that i realized the fullness of the answer.
for the better part of the past five years, suburban momma has found herself in an interesting place. at the start of each school year i get that "emergency contact" form and i have to decide who is best suited to be our go-to peeps. we have no family that would constitute a quick "go-to" to fill the bill. my phone has been scheduled for years with alarms to remind me of when to leave the house to pick up each kiddo and my biggest fear is the "what if" surrounding me... what if i don't make it? what will happen then? the california buser family doesn't have a back-up plan. this momma is it. aside from me there hasn't been a sure bet for who would pick up the pieces if something fell out of place.
God is good.
this past week, that need for "family" was highlighted and an answer to the question i never wanted to ask came to light...
one morning as momma was giving the girls breakfast, i got a text from d's bestie's mom asking for a play date.
yes, please. d would love it.
after school i picked up p and headed towards the mall in search of "mustache day" gear (the following day was supposed to be mustache day at our elementary school- and a girl has GOT to have the appropriate gear when the need presents itself).
i was in a bit of hurry because i knew i needed to head back to school to pick up d in an hour. p and i scoured a few stores and couldn't find what we needed. apparently, there were bunches of other mommas on the hunt as well.
i was about to hustle her out of the mall empty handed to pick up d when i realized that d was getting picked up by her friend's mom. the gift of time had presented itself. hooray! mustache hunt back on!
p and i headed into another store. we found some stache gear and realized we even had some extra time.
"pops, do you want to grab lunch at nerdy cafe for a special "you and me kid" treat?"
yes!!!! yes, i would!
and so we headed into the restaurant to grab an unexpected late lunch.
as we were sitting at the table waiting for out meals to be presented (and playing a high stakes game of tic-tac-toe), a text came in from a friend of mine...
"...i've got d"
my mind started racing and panic eclipsed my heart.
"why does she have d?"
and then it hit me- d's bestie is a later gator and d is an early bird (this is way too confusing to explain to the rest of the free world- but let me sum it up by saying that every kid in p-town is on a unique pick-up/drop-off schedule and this week was the first week of that unique timing situation. i had known that d's friend was on a different dismissal schedule and somehow with my three kiddos and their own unique dismissal schedule (5 pick-ups and drop-offs to one school), i had gotten confused.
d was alone in front of the school and i was not there to receive her.
dread and shame and "how in the heck did this happen" crashed over me... and i was sitting in NORDY CAFE having lunch with my third. this was so unnecessary and insane and i kept picturing my d sobbing her eyes out thinking that i had abandoned her.
the hit to my motherhood stung.
i was texting back and forth with my friend who had d (who seemed VERY un-phased by this), grabbing to-go boxes and busting-a-move to the car. the entire way to school (a few miles away) i was speeding and near hysterics.
and then as i sat at the last RED LIGHT (they were ALL red that day), a thought crossed over me...
i have so much to be THANKFUL for! here i was, confused with a schedule and i had someone that covered me.
she didn't hesitate.
she didn't even seemed fussed by any of it (in spite of her own motherhood of three girls)...
she just jumped right in and served as "family".
it was exactly what i had always hoped for, right there in front of my eyes.
i pulled up to school and sweet becky had my girl and two of her girls playing tag on the front lawn of school. and d was happy. when i hugged her and told her how sorry i was (explaining the mix-up), she said simply, "it wasn't a big deal, mom."
and really, it wasn't. my d was with someone that was safe, warm and comfortable.
was it an "awesome mom moment"? not for me. i forgot to pick up my girl from school. sigh. but it WAS an awesome moment. it was a moment where i realized how rich our lives are.
and for me- it was even bigger than that. it was a moment where i realized that God is in the details. God has given me local "family". i can "forget" a kid but our world is filled with people who step in and serve as "my peeps" who tend to my needs, love on my girls and make sure we are cared for. d knew where to go. she knew what was safe. and that person responded in a loving, kind familial sort of way.
california is our home now.
and five years later, my heart is so full of bursting for these people that care for us in ways that i never could have anticipated. the friendships that each of us have formed are AMAZING. we are surrounded by people that love on us exactly how we need to be loved and fill our void of "family".
i am beyond thankful for the women that prayed for us. brooke had insight into our needs far beyond what i could have known to ask for. and the women that have stepped in and responded to those needs- you fill my heart.
words cannot express what it feels like to know that you aren't alone in the world.
i didn't know what i would need when we began this journey, but God did. and he has filled that need on both sides- in giving me people that would be my prayer warriors and giving me people that would be my answer to prayer.
and tonight, five years later, i have a very full heart.
it is a happy anniversary, indeed! jealous? with God, there is no place for that! He meets our needs and then exceeds them beyond expectation.
