Ryan Anderson

when i was a little girl i had a signature song.  every time we would go on a family trip, we would sing through our family song list.  we'd sing a song about the three jolly fishermen, we'd sing about shoo fly pie, we'd sing about the old crow.  sometimes, we'd even sing a made up song about the town where my grandparents lived.  on each of these sing-a-longs, my dad would at some point ask me to sing my song.  i have deep and vivid memories of standing up on the floorboard of our red station wagon and belting out "Jesus Loves Me".  (this was long before the days of seat belt laws for elementary aged kiddos.)  and as i remember this, i can still feel the pride and joy that i would feel in this moment.  i was elated that my daddy would request it and as the third child it meant so much that it was declared as my song.  i didn't get those moments all that often, to be the star or the center, so when they happened they were significant.  what i didn't know at that time was that it was bigger than just being in the center.  it was a moment where i believe that God was using an experience to write a much larger message on my heart.  He was stamping me with a truth that later on in life i would declare as mine.  Jesus loves ME.  He loved me as an itty bitty and He loves me now as a momma, wife, friend, car pool driver, nose wiper, panty poop cleaner (a story for another day).  and as is the case with so many simple truths, they are also quite complex.  this is a perfect example of that.  

for the past three years i have been tucking my sweet p into bed each night.  when she was an itty bitty, i would pray for her and then sing her a song.  in the first year of her life, i would choose the song.  the selection changed from night to night.  but as my birdie grew, so did her preferences.  somewhere around two years ago she started requesting the song that i would sing to her.  from the beginning of this requesting phase the song has remained the same.  each night, after praying for my littlest one, she asks me to sing "Jesus Loves Me" to her.  

for the first few weeks of this routine i didn't think much about it.  i just sort of went through the motions and sang her the song.  after a while, i started suggesting new songs to her (because if i am quite honest, mom grew tired of the same old ditty night after night).  but my p was firm and for the better part of two years, she continues to ask for "Jesus Loves Me".  somewhere deep into this routine, i began to realize that it was bigger than momma singing her a song before bed.  i had a moment where i realized that i was repeating a pattern, one that would hopefully carve a message into her heart much the same way that my childhood singing had carved this truth into my own heart.  it made me smile when i realized this.  i don't know what her walk with Jesus will look like, but i stand in confidence that these little moments will draw her to the one that loves her better than anyone else...  my sweet Jesus.

and while i am writing a message on her little heart, i have also grown to realize that i am also re-declaring a truth in my own heart.  at the end of each day i am reminding myself, my 36 year old self, that Jesus loves me, too.  you'd think i would have that down by now, right?  i do in most ways, but at the end of a tired long day with three little monkeys it lifts my heart a bit and allows this momma to rest on this simple truth.  in the good momma moments, in the challenging momma moments, in the stressful ones...  God's love ripples through me and settles my soul.  i love that about my God.  i love that He gives us the portion of Him that we need right when we need it in such gentle and meaningful ways.  simple yet quite complex.

yesterday, i had a long conversation with my hubs (a proud eagle scout) about the situation dealing with  a local boy, ryan anderson.  if you haven't seen it plastered all over the press and social media sites, ryan is a boy from moraga, ca that earned the rank of eagle scout.  one slight hitch in the giddy-up is that ryan has come out of the closet in recent years.  with that fact being known, he is being denied the title of eagle scout.  it conflicts with the rules and that is that.  the problem lies in the fact that ryan joined scouts as a young boy, long before he was "out".  it has left him feeling somewhat abused- all of his hard work (and becoming an eagle scout is very hard work and years of efforts) are now in vein- because of a recent revelation.

as scott and i talked about this, we both felt somewhat frustrated.  all i could think of was this boy.  i don't know him.  it is likely i never will, and yet i felt angry for him.  what message does he walk away with?  he must be so frustrated.  he must feel so hurt.  he must feel angry.  i imagine he feels betrayed by the very organization he gave so much of his energy to.  my heart hurt for him.

as with many things, i tucked it away and went on with the ins and outs of our day to day life.  but it kept creeping back up.  throughout the day i found myself wondering about him.

fast forward to this evening.  i was laying with p in her bed and saying prayers together.  after we finished our praying i asked her what song she would like to hear.  (i still ask her every night.)  sure enough, "Jesus Loves Me" was her request.  as the words rolled off of my tongue i was struck by a simple truth.  it's not really profound but i felt like i had to write about it.

Jesus loves ryan anderson.  and i'm guessing, that all this media coverage and rejection and speculation might not send THAT message.  but it's true.

while i have no intent on getting into a religious debate on homosexuality, or engaging in accusations against the boy scouts, or pontificating on the rights of each party in this case, i do want to make it clear.  God loves ryan anderson.  He loves me.  He loves my little baby girl.  He loves you.  there is nothing that we can do that can make him not love us.  

but Him loving us isn't the end of the equation.

He wants us to love Him back.

in john 13 Jesus says this:

a new command i give you; Love one another.  as i have loved you, so you must love one another.  by this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

a few verses later in john chapter 14 Jesus says this:

if you love me, you will obey what i command.  and i will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever- the Spirit of Truth.

and so for me, i think of ryan.  does he know that this same God and this same Jesus loves HIM?  does he know that God wants ryan to love him back?

and i think this is a perfect example of an instance where man messes with biblical principal to make it harder for those that God loves to get the message.  you see, ryan might have figured that out on his own (and i pray he still does) but man has stepped in and decided to interfere.  now, i wonder if ryan starts to associate the pain inflicted by this situation with God...  and he chooses to look the other way.  it is possible, likely even, that ryan will go in the exact opposite direction of the Truth because man has misrepresented the message of our Father.

i pray that is not the case.  i pray that ryan finds his way into the arms of a loving God, a God that guide him through this pain and help him navigate life.

it's odd that months of blogging silence get opened up with this.  i couldn't get it off of my heart.  i prayed.  i considered.  i tried to push it down.  but it was just too big.  

jesus loves me, this i know.  for the bible tells me so.  little ones to him belong, they are weak but he is strong.  yes!  Jesus loves me.  YES!  Jesus loves me.  yes, Jesus loves me.  the bible tells me so.

for mason, kippsters and everyone else

in february we had the joy of  spending a week with three of our favorite people on the planet.  e's bff (payton) and her momma came to visit.  they brought with them a treat that i couldn't have conjured up.  that treat was their new addition, a little man named mason, who is sweeter than cotton candy.  i prayed for mason for many years- prayed that their family would become larger and that the desire of jen's heart would be met by a loving and gracious God.  it was. and while i wish he had been born earlier so that i would know him more, i can tell you with certainty, mason was worth the wait.  he is precious.

during his stay we got to know some of his favorites.  above is one of his favorite you tubes that he watches on his momma's phone from time to time.  you can't go wrong when you marry will.i.am and sesame street.  i mean really!  it is a perfect combination (at least for mommas of the toddler sect).

go ahead and take a listen.  (remember to pause the music player in the sidebar.)

pops fell in love with mason's youtube play list and so we have been listening to a wee bit of will.i.am.  i sort of fell in love with it, too.  it's catchy and it sits in your head after you have heard it (especially if you have heard it over and over and over and .... you get the picture). 

anyways, every time i hear it the same series of thoughts play through my mind.  it has happened so many times that i finally thought i would share.  (yes, i am emerging from the blogging graveyard with my two cents on will.i.am.  ah, the realities of a stay at home mom.  but as usual, i digress.)

the lyrics of this song take me to two places.

the first place is to that of my kippsters (the word that is coined for kids who attend school with knowledge is power program).  i think of these kids often.  while our branch of kipp didn't last long, those kids hold a dear spot in my heart.  i think of their potential and i think of the impact that we hoped would last on their lives.  each one of those kids was from a difficult background.  their lives held challenges that were unique.  we each hold challenges that are unique, if we think about it.  and each of us was made for something great.  i hope those kids know that.  i hope that as they are graduating they have the messages from this song engraved on their hearts.  each of them needs to keep reaching high.  each of them needs to know that they can never quit.  they can keep getting stronger.  and they are all the adjectives that the song spells out for them...  thoughtful, musical, smart, brave, helpful, special....  and on and on.  i miss them and hope for them to find their best selves yet. 

the second place that these lyrics take me to is who i am created to be.  as i listen to the words i picture my maker (Father God) picking up a portion of each of these traits and placing them purposefully into me.  i imagine him being intentional and i liken it to cooking.  you see, when i cook these days, i tend to care less about the actual recipe and take more of a "pinch of this" and a "dash of that" sort of approach.  but i don't think God created me (or you) like that at all.  i think he followed a recipe for each one of us very intentionally.  He used precision.  as we were each given a portion of attributes, He carefully measured each and every one.  He did this for His purpose and plan that He has for each one of us. 

as i hear the line, "there's nothing i can't achieve because in myself i believe in..."  i think about that.  not because i am self-reliant and that i can achieve greatness on my own, but because God created me.  i am called to believe in the me He made.  and while i don't walk this life on my own (i call on Him for all things), i can have faith that He has equipped me to "keep on reaching high" and that while walking with Him by my side "i'll keep getting stronger".

life sends us messages of inadequacy.  daily we are told that we aren't enough, but that is the message of satan not the message of Father God. 

and so, as this momma listens to youtube clips with her girlies (sometimes at a level of nausea) i am reminded of what i am. 

and as my fingers hit the keyboard and the words flow from my head to the page, i am giggling for just a moment.  why?  because as i ask myself if any of this is worth hitting the "publish post" button, i am reminded that the meaning of the word Jehovah is "i am".  it always makes me smile and giggle a bit to see a glimpse of God's sense of humor.  even in a little blog post, my God shows up and reminds me that He made me (tasha) to be the me that i am.  He reminds me that while sometimes my thoughts may seem simplistic or elementary, He gave them to me and that with them i can click "publish post" knowing that they are worth sharing.  gotta love a God who knows me that well!

and so to mason, i can't wait to see the me you were designed to be.  thank you for this little life lesson and huge reminder that I Am created me to be special.  to my kippsters, don't quit dear ones.  you have a bright future ahead of you, if only you grab it.  and to everyone else, with I AM by your side, the you that you were created to be is waiting to be revealed.