on the 15th the girls and i drove auntie to the airport. after we droped her off, we had a sweet little lunch on the peninsula. i remember sitting there and thinking that it was a lovely little moment. seeing my sister, lunch with my girlies... the little things. we arrived home at nap time and i will admit i was happy to have a little bit of time to myself while the younger girlies rested. moments after putting them down, i heard d call from the top of the stairs. it was game on.
my d informed me that she was sick. she had the stomach bug. ick. and it left its mark on multiple surfaces in our home, multiple times. i played nurse for the afternoon.
clearly, our dinner plans to celebrate my birthday were cancelled and while i felt a twinge of disappointment, i was too busy with laundry and nurse duties to dwell on it too much. scott arrived home with some take out and after dinner we put the kiddos to bed. i crossed my fingers hoping that this was the end to a long day. i thought for a moment about how funny it was that a sweet day had turned sour so quickly. and yet the joy of the morning with my sister lingered. the time with my girls at lunch had still left their mark. if i hadn't thought about it for a moment, i am certain that the day would have only been remembered for the bad and that the good would have dissolved into the air. but i grabbed for those moments of joy and tucked them into my heart. i wanted to savor them.
moments after my sweet p went down, she was up again. the sickness that had hit d a few hours early had now descended upon her. we changed her. we changed her bedding. we changed her again. and so it went for a few rounds.
somewhere in the midst of all this flu chaos, my husband stopped me.
"tash, i have to tell you something. i found out today that i made partner."
i stopped in my tracks. this was beautiful, glorious news. this was the hand of God in ways that this post cannot explain. it is the cherry on the top of our leaving chicago and our move to california.
i must admit that it was also a very odd juxtaposition. here i was cleaning up vomit, while praising God for this beautiful blessing. mess in the midst of joy. it actually made me laugh out loud as it is so not how i pictured this day. it was this moment where joy and real life collided. would i choose joy? or would i let the day be tainted by the mess? i'll admit, it was hard to choose the joy, but in my heart i knew that was more powerful and more meaningful and more true than any of the other white noise in the background.
the week continued with the three remaining family members falling. shortly after d, e joined the sick party and by the end of the week both scott and i were men down.
less than 24 hours after my recovery, we loaded up the car and headed for disneyland. as we drove south through the state i marvelled at how this is never something that i had thought of for my life, the hills were breathtaking, the rows and rows of orchards were beyond my imagination. i know that i have said all of this before, but somehow the landscape of california connects me to my maker. it filled me with joy and awe at a God with such creativity, imagination and enthusiasm for His creation.
we arrived at disney and began to take in the park. if i am totally honest, it was filled with ebbs and flows, highs and lows, positives and negatives.
i am not really a disney girl. it sort of goes against the grain of who i believe God designed woman to be... but i also tend to make things larger than they need to be. i will confess, i left this portion of our vacation a converted disney fan. what can i say? i love me some roller coasters!
we then headed to the santa monica. the tired of disney quickly washed away with the waves and i relished in the joy of watching my girlies on the beach. we watched surfers. we flew a kite. we took in the hollywood stars. we did dined at the american girl cafe in the grove. again, i found my cup running over. joy eclipsed my heart.
we arrived home and a day later headed to church. while i worshiped that day, i found that my heart was so full. it was the beginning of the advent season and i realized that i had much to be thankful for. there was precious time with my children, beautiful accomplishments for my husband, memories with my sister and a peace about this lovely place on the planet where we have landed. joy. joy. joy.
later that evening my joy bubble was burst. conflict with a family member exploded and i found myself in tears. quickly slipping from my grasp was this joy and i felt my heart turn to pain. in an instant it all began to switch.
i declared in that moment to grasp for the joy. but it was easier said than done. you see, conflict tends to do that. it seeps in and starts to spread deep into the recesses of the mind. it became a battlefield for me and i found that i joy wasn't winning.
later that week i headed to mops. the speaker that day was one that i had heard before. i was hoping that there would be something new to grasp onto but i found her telling the same story that i had heard the previous year. a little background on the speaker is that she lost a child to trisomy. as she told her story again, she got to a part that i had forgotten. basically, she tells of sitting before a doctor during her pregnancy. the doctor had looked at her and said (in a nigerian accent)...
"you believe in Jesus?"
she answered yes
"the debil... he try to rob you o yo joy."
in that moment tears began to stream down my cheeks. here i was poo pooing this story that i had heard before, and she was giving me this nugget that was exactly what Christ wanted me to hear. the debil (nigerian accent) was doing the very same thing to me.
and i realized that i had a choice. i could let the puke and the tired and the conflict steal my joy, or i could claim it. i chose in that moment to claim it.
later that week, i was moving furniture around the living room to make room for our christmas tree. as i moved my beloved antique desk, it began to topple over. the glass door that holds a large number of my coveted trinkets slung open and out poured a ton of breakables. they landed in a pile of broken pieces on the floor. in the midst of the chards were these little angel cards that i have held onto for years. each card holds a word. peace. obedience. love. strength. beauty. understanding.
and joy.
as i sat there on the floor picking up the broken pieces of my treasures i began to cry again. how was it possible that joy could just continue to slip through my fingers?
and then the woman from mops hit my heart again.
the debil... he try to rob you o yo peace, obedience, strength, beauty, understanding... and yes, my joy.
once again, i claimed the joy.
you see, i believe that the bible is the true word of God. and while the God that i love is all things good and beautiful and perfect, the bible also is clear on this other force out there that wants nothing more than to steal my joy. i am not going to let evil win.
and so today, i claim joy. i claim the goodness and the promise of God's role in my life. i see His hand in each of these beautiful elements of my past month and i choose to claim them and give Him the glory for the richness and beauty that they add to my life. i praise Him for the gift of His son and the reason that we celebrate this season. for me, this month is about that. it is about a Christ child that was sent to save the world and about the power of His hand in my life.
for me, this season is going to be about joy.
forgive me for this really long drawn out story. i share it because my guess is that the debil isn't just trying to press in on my life. he may be trying to do the same to you. my prayer is that if that is true for, you read this and claim joy alongside of me. my hope is that in the midst of the chaos, you see the star. and that you hold onto it tightly, knowing the promise was given will come to pass and that through this baby, we can know joy.
