olivia ice skating

for the past month d has been driving all of us a little nutty in one isolated area. anytime that it is her turn to select a television show she requests the same one. over and over and over and over and over again. e and i have begun to protest.

i have been thinking about it for the past few days and wondering what her motivation might be. she shows some interest in other shows, but really, she doesn't WATCH any shows. i'll press play on the dvr she'll say: momma, cozy up me! i'll snuggle her onto the couch with her bunny and blanket. she hangs all "cozied up" for about 2.3 minutes and then the girl is off. e covets her limited tv time each day, but d, not so much.

and so it had me perplexed (i realize that the answer to this problem won't end world hunger or anything, but none the less, i was thinking about it).

fast forward to yesterday. i was putting on my makeup in the bathroom with d and we were chatting. she said she wanted to watch "olivia ice skating". shocker. i explained to her that we weren't watching shows right now and that maybe she could try something new next time. she was pretty firm in her reply: no, momma. i love olivia ice skating. (at that moment i considered an "accidental" dvr erase).


i went on with makeup and d was just sort of bouncing, playing, watching me, and looking at herself in the mirror. after a few minutes, she sort of forgot that i was there and she went into her "play mode". she was dancing around, spinning, lifting up her leg etc. (this is all pretty typical behavior for our bouncy little d, so i went on with make-up application.) suddenly she remembered that i was there and she began to talk to me:

olivia good dancer, momma.

olivia wears ice skates.

i like dancing, momma.

daddy take me ice skating, momma.

i fall down. it was silly (and then she threw her head back and laughed with the biggest ear to ear grin).

WOWZA! and then it all came back to me and the mystery obsession with "olivia ice skating" became clear... i'll share.

right after christmas, my car needed an oil change. my husband (who takes incredibly good care of me) scheduled an appointment for a saturday morning. when the day came, he grabbed a kiddo and headed out the door. (i would like to insert that i objected and told him to leave the kiddos with me, but he's good like that and insisted). the kiddo under his arm was delaney.

after d inhaled 3 snacks and a beverage from the vending machine in 6 minutes, scott decided they needed a better plan. he knew that just next door were a few big box shops where he might be able to kill some time and so they took their show in the road. somehow between the door of the dealership and the door of the babies-r-us, scott discovered a temporary ice rink that had been put up for the holidays. and so without any further ado, he took d ice skating. and from what i hear, they had a pretty swell time.

scott didn't have a camera with him, so there are no snaps to commemorate d's first time on skates.

when they arrived home, i was a bit shocked. d told me the story with stars in her eyes for her daddy-love. it was like she had just come home from a first date. for her, this marked the first time that she had a special daddy-daughter bonding day. and this girl was in daddy-daughter heaven. but there was a wee little problem... e has been wanting to go skating for centuries (well, that might be a little exaggeration since she's only 5, but you get the idea). if e knew that d had been treated to skating she just might have gone through the roof. and so we just didn't talk about it. what she didn't know would certainly not kill her. in fact, it would go miles for our household. and so that was that. d mentioned it occasionally a few times in the first few days after the big skate and then never mentioned it again... until yesterday.

and to be honest, her mentioning it made me feel two things:

1.) it made me fall in love with my husband. i mean, i'm already in love with him every day, but occasionally little things will take place and i fall in love with him all over again but for new reasons. as i listened to d babble on and on about her daddy, i saw such a wonderful side of my husband. he was born to be the father of girls. from such an early age, each one of his daughters has "adored" written on their hearts. by design, girls need to feel it this from their daddy. (there is literally gobs of research that indicates this.) i can't explain it, but it is so important. and as i watched d revel in that adoration, my heart swelled for my husband. i feel so "rich"* to have that man as my husband, and i feel even more "rich" to have him as "my baby daddy".

2.) the second thing it made me feel was that we might have done a disservice to our girlies by keeping it a secret in our household. obviously, it was etched into little d's mind. it was special to her and she cherished that moment. we should have let her talk about it and celebrate her special time with daddy. sure, e would have had her feelings a little hurt, but the truth is that she has had many special daddy dates over the years. teaching our girls to share in each other's relationships is going to be so important. i want them to cuddle under the covers and talk about their dating life together (you know, when we let them date at 35). i want them to loan each other their favorite dress for a special event. i anticipate them being sisters that communicate. it such an important skill, but it is certainly learned. the only thing that i taught them by keeping delaney's date a secret is that in our family we hide things. but the truth is, that goes against ever fiber of my being. i believe in openness, even when it is hard. i believe in talking through things and working them out (even if it includes hurt feelings or other less desirable emotions). and so d showed me that in our house, we don't have secrets.

and so later in the afternoon, d asked to watch a show. you don't even have to guess what she picked. we sat together and watched "olivia ice skating" and then we told e about her special date. e was a little bit jealous at first, but i gently reminded her that right around the same time that d and daddy went ice skating e and daddy had gone to the movies together. after that little chat, e asked me for some paper plates... you know, so d could teach her some skating moves on the carpet. priceless.



* i'm using the word "rich" here instead of "blessed". i'm in the process of trying to figure out the place for "blessed" in my vocabulary. maybe when i figure out how i feel about that i'll share in another post. it is becoming so overused and is hard for me to wrap my brain around.

happy birthday, baby!

yesterday was a special day for our schoolgirl, e. her classroom had a big celebration to remember dr. seuss's birthday. they wore pj's to school (which attracted some interesting looks when we arrived at the library AFTER school. hee hee.) each kiddo brought their favorite dr. seuss book to share with the class. they had a guest reader. they painted their own version of the cat in the hat. they rhymed. they wrote stories. they ate special little dr. seuss cakes made for them by their teacher...

overall, it was a really fun day. i loved watching her select her story to bring. it allowed me glimpse into her thought process. her first instinct was to lean towards 1 fish, 2 fish, red fish blue fish (which is the popular choice in her classroom). but as she began to think it through, she went with horton hatches the egg because it is one of HER favorites.

it was so fun to be on the other side of this academic scenario. being the teacher was fun. but being the mom was wonderful. it's fun to see a room full of young minds open up and embrace learning, but it is fascinating to watch YOUR OWN young mind do this before your eyes. i must also say that on the teacher side of things, you didn't get to see the how they took what they learned at school and wove it into their lives. this week, e has really been "seeing" her life through the lens of dr. seuss. because we had to bring a book to school, we now have a huge pile of seuss books out from the garage- e has been reading all week. she has been rhyming and commenting on his illustrations. she has been naming her stuffed animals after characters in his book...

happy birthday, dr. seuss! and thank you mrs. k! this day was a hit.

7 months

a certain popsicle is 7 months old today. and the times they are a changing! this girl is on the fast track to mobility. she sees her sisters moving and shaking and she wants to be in on the action. and so in the past month, she has gone from a slither/slide to a full on crawl. she has also decided that she prefers being vertical to horizontal. in the past week or so she has been standing up, using anything and everything to pull up on. i actual witnessed her pull herself up on her sisters closed bedroom door. really! she heard e in there playing and she wanted to get in. it was a combination of talent and determination that was priceless to watch. as i watch her and e form this little bond, i can only imagine that a certain momma might have done the same as a wee girl on the quest to get in on the action of HER biggest sister.

and e? well, she adores her baby sister. she holds her, plays with her, cuddles her, and sucks thumbs with her. those two, they are kindred spirits. they have so much in common it is silly. i don't know how it will play out in their relationship, but they are bonded in ways that i can't even describe.

our sweet muffin, at 7 months weighs in at 18 pounds. she has grown out of her "bucket" and is now in a regular rear facing car seat. she has mostly outgrown her 6 month clothing, but the 6-12 month stuff is on the big side. she loves to swing at the park and spends a lot of time investigating toys she finds on the floor- you know, by eating them. she is eating all kinds of foods these days- her newest fave is organic o's. she also has a little hobby of crawling under the table after lunch and trying to chomp on d's crumbs. it is an interesting routine as i try to sweep things up as quickly as i can before she eats the leftovers off of the floor. d thinks it's hysterical which might be motivating for her to drop more things on the floor. ahh, our life is, at the very least, interesting with three little girlies under foot.

it has its moments, but we are delighted by our little "sorority".

one thing that i had been hoping would clear up in the past month has not. sleep. while p has the daytime double napping down, she seems to want to eat more and more each night. currently, she is on a three feed night schedule and is waking earlier than either of the other two ever did, in spite of a similar bedtime. i keep saying that i am going to crack down and cut out one of the feeds, but the truth is, in the past month i have been too tired. and i just keep wishing that it happens naturally... but in spite of the tired i've also been using those nighttime feedings to love on her and to pray for people in my life. in some ways, i cherish that time with her and with God. and in other ways, i long for a full nights sleep.

keep growing, sweet p. i am amazed by you and feel like you are such good therapy to this momma's soul.

i heart italy

8 years ago, my hubby took the illinois bar exam. it's funny how time passes and your memories fade of things that were less than pleasant. as we re walked this path, preparing for the california bar exam, some of the memories began to re-enter our minds. suddenly, something that we hadn't thought about in years became very vivid. we had forgotten how hard it had been.

that was before kids and jobs and... well a whole lot of stuff. so naturally, this time it was even harder. i won't try to sugar coat any of it. the past three months have been an incredible challenge. at times, i felt like i was suffocating from the weight of it all.

but today is a new day, sister!

8 years ago, he took the exam in july. the exam ended on thursday and early in the morning on saturday we headed to the airport... for a three week trip to italy and austria. it was heavenly.

i so wish that i had a little envelope with tickets to milan to hand my hubby when he walked in the door yesterday. but as i said, this time we have kiddos, jobs, and a whole different bag of responsibility.

so instead, we had this for dinner last night.

mmmm.... i could almost close my eyes and smell the oil paint from the artists in florence, hear the water from venice and smell the salt of the italian riviera... you know after blocking out the chatter from an infant, the "i do" of a buggy, and the details of the day from a delightful 5 year old.

yes, it was a little different this time. but as i've said before, this is our life and with the good, the bad and the hard, and i wouldn't have it any other way.

yummo

i know that buying produce out of season is totally taboo. but i just couldn't resist. i was at the market and saw this beautiful box of heirloom tomatoes from mexico (it's not that far, i live in california now... or at least that's the rationale i gave myself). i had to have them. right next to them was a bursting pack of basil. my carbon footprint might be way off for the day, but my eyes and tastebuds were in pure caprese heaven.

i promise to try and resist the lure of the tomato for the next few months. sorry world, but it was delish.

welcome!

just pretty, that's all. startling, really. enjoyable. easy on the eye. mesmerizing. smile inducing. spring.

d bug the toddler of the world

today is a new day! d woke up looking and feeling remarkably better and her blood draw proved it. her levels are still lower than normal, but the doctor is confident that we are out of the woods on the dehydration issue. praise God!



we will continue with some tests to check for a bacterial infection that could trigger a seizure if it exists and also follow up with a neurologist for some other testing, but we can breathe a bit easier knowing that a hospitalization is not in our immediate future.



and so today we feel a bit more refreshed. i would also like to point out that our second babe is again a rock star. she went in to her blood draw knowing what to expect and still did not shed a single tear. so long as a lollipop was in her future, she was game for anything. amazing! she was also adamant that she not have a brown band aid like she did yesterday, so this momma was happy to stock her handbag with some barbies and doras to keep a smile on her little face. one dora later and d was all smiles. ah- my sweet, opinionated delaney!

and i was worried about the bewitching hour!?!

just a few short hours ago (really- less than 8) i was enjoying some sweet moments with sweet p and commenting on what our little dinnertime scene might look like. i anticipated a harried afternoon. but who knew what this day had in store for me?

without getting into the nitty gritty details of it all (i know- gasp- tasha, not sharing all the details???) i'll just say that this day has been a doozie.

it began with an early morning wake-up from poppy. as p was going down for her morning nap, d finally woke up. she was in a bad state. from the get-go i could tell something was wrong. within minutes my little babe melted and ended up having a seizure. 911 was called, paramedics spent some time in our living room, we spent quite a bit of time in the doctor's office, blood was drawn, stool samples taken... it was an ordeal. there was talk about admitting her for dehydration- but they were baffled because she was eating and drinking. long story short- we aren't sure what to make of it all.

our little muffin appears "sick" but is absent of a fever. this rules out a febrile seizure. so now we stand with another blood draw tomorrow, a possibility of a delayed hospitalization and an appointment to be scheduled with a neurologist. some of her levels were low and it left our doctor confused. the good news is that our doctor seems to be on top of things and we feel like we are in good hands.


and through it all, our little d kept a smile on her face (for the most part)- she didn't even cry when they drew blood! seriously, she is a trooper.

we are trying not to worry unnecessarily, but we are a little confused. it doesn't all add up.

and so tonight, d is in her bed and all seems fine. just like it did last night at this time. if you are the praying type, would you lift our little d up?

and while you are on your knees, if you wouldn't mind praying for my hubby, the bar exam is tuesday and thursday.

thanks,
t

early riser

less that 12 hours after our household has recovered from the stomach flu, poppy's bottom tooth began to pop through the surface. as a result, my little babe woke up at 5:50 today... and didn't want to go back to sleep. i will be honest, i almost lost it. i felt like i needed sleep so badly and this was not in the plan. can a girl get a break around here? the answer appears to be no. and so instead of loosing it, i decided to embrace it. and so for two hours this morning (while my other two beautiful babes slept in) i loved on sweet p.

isn't she cute? i just adore the little faces she makes. they are unique and wonderful and a teeny tiny glimpse into the girl she will be. and while i woke up without an ounce of gratitude. a few hours later (and a cup or two of coffee), this momma is thankful for an early riser. but don't get any crazy ideas, poppy. let's make this a "once in a while" date.

and just to keep things real... i am not certain that i will feel this same way at around 4:00 this afternoon when she will inevitably be fussy because of her early rising. so i posted these pictures of her cute little mug. you know, to get me through the bewitching hour of the day.

soosie snatching

and on a lighter note...

i introduce p

enjoying

what belongs to d.

difficult

so, two posts ago i mentioned that one of the reasons that people had no idea where my head space was had to do with my difficult in the midst of so many other people's difficult.

let me explain and further those thoughts.

for me, what we are going through is best described as difficult. nothing in our current existence is easy, natural, routine or even totally comfortable for that matter. every day is something new. whether it is something as simple as finding the post office or something as complex as our finding a long term housing plan, one thing rings true. each and everything that we are doing is part of change. and while i am not adverse to change, it is well, difficult. i am no longer just a one man show- we are a five man brigade and with that comes a lot of different responses to this change. and that is difficult.

BUT...

right now, there is a lot of difficult going on the world. there are people loosing jobs, people struggling with their marriage, people dealing with death and illness. i am in the spot where i am surrounded by all of the above (as my guess is, so are you).

when i look at my own circumstances and then i look at other people's circumstances, i find it hard to claim my difficult. i find it hard to talk to someone that is trying to figure out how they will pay their mortgage when it feels like my difficult isn't quite on the same par. somehow, sleep training my baby or being alone every saturday without my husband doesn't feel quite so bad.

"quite so bad"... that's the part that hasn't been sitting well with me.

the conclusion that i am coming to is that, for some reason, we try to quantify our challenges and then line them up in order of easiest to hardest. i have found myself measuring my challenges in relationship to other people's and sort of feeling like i "have no room to complain".

"have no room to complain"- totally true. as i said in my last post, i have been convicted that God longs for each of us to embrace joy. even in the suffering.

BUT (another all caps big 'ol but here)...

he does allow each and every one of us to endure trials (our own version of difficult). it is mentioned in scripture over and over and over again. it's going to happen. and that is true regardless of the God you worship, the friends you have, the town you live in etc. difficult is a part of life.

and so i've been wondering... does it do anybody any good if we just put our heads down and try to power through without "burdening" anybody with our troubles.

i don't think it does. and here is why.

if we act as if we don't want to bother so and so because they are dealing with such and such and keep our problems to ourselves, then the "difficult" isn't really worth it.

you see, i believe that we were called to live in community. and as a member of community, we are called to "do life together". that can look a lot of different ways. but regardless of the image that it creates in your head, i think it means that we are to share our lives together.

well, what does "share our lives" look like? i think that it means we are honest with each other. we tell our community members how we really are. we don't hide our true selves. we verbalize our struggles. we celebrate our accomplishments. we seek advice. we accept appropriate advice. we talk about our difficult. even when we feel like we don't have it "quite so bad". if it is difficult to you, then it is worth sharing and putting out there in the light.

now that doesn't mean complaining and carrying your "difficult" around like a bag of bricks.

in fact, to me, it is just the opposite. by sharing the hard stuff- talking about it we actually can make our loads lighter. we can seek comfort in the fact that those in our community might have pertinent advice on the topic or at the very least, they can encourage you through the "difficult". and you can do the same for them.

i have a friend who is going through the most challenging experience right now and they are not hiding it. they are sharing it. i hope that my words encourage them. i know that by receiving the details i have been more focused in my prayer. i am invested in their challenge and want to walk with them as they walk through this. i know that i may have little to offer, but sometimes just a listening ear is the greatest gift.

at the same time, i am learning so much from them. as they share their hardest challenge, i have seen the most beautiful transformation. i am watching this friend cling to the cross in the most amazing ways. i have watched how Jesus has reached down and kissed them over and over again with His love- even in what seems to be unbearable. it is beautiful and life changing for me to see. it makes me want more of my saviour.

in sharing in the walk with my friend, i am also gleaning so much for my own walk. i am facing my own "difficult" in new ways because of their example (and not because they told me what to do, but because through their "difficult" i saw what to do).

and i'd also like to point out that through the sharing, compassion is born. it is good to be on the giving end of compassion but it is just as valuable to be on the receiving end. if we hide, put on our pretty little face and go out into the world (or our community) and pretend it's all good, then we miss out on what life is really all about.

one of those days cont'd

ok, so my heart was singing a hallelujah. i was rejoicing that God showed up in a REAL way, that was meaningful to ME (totally demonstrating to this momma that the God of my heart is LIVING and PERSONAL- i love it when that happens!) but... that doesn't mean that i was less tired, missing my friends, longing for this bar exam to be over... etc. i need to say that, because i think that so often we think that God will just show up and whisk us out of or troubles. and while i would have loved a pair of ruby red shoes to transport me back to kansas (or in my case, chicago), God doesn't usually work like that.



while my circumstances didn't change, my attitude towards them totally did. and i am near certain that God did that for a reason. He was carefully, intentionally preparing my heart...



for what you may ask?



well, on sunday morning i sat down in the sanctuary of our church. i had a to-do list that was pretty lengthy to prepare for super-bowl company. but i was looking forward to worshiping God.

and then God gave me the message that He was preparing my heart for...

God longs for me to find joy in my suffering.

Ouch.

but this heart, that God had prepared by letting me experience the suffering (the melt down moment HAD to happen), see Him in it (the rainbow in the jack-in-the box), now had to turn and find joy in the fact that God is in fact God. that He is in control. that each moment of my life is part of His plan... and that He wants me to be joyful.

and that brought me to my knees. if the israelites, in the middle of the wilderness could worship their Father under the leadership of moses, than so could i.

and so today. i am joyful. praise God!

and as i embraced joy, i also had to seek forgiveness because the fact of the matter is that my heart has been "barely holding on" rather than "joyful" for quite some time.

one of those days

a friend of mine told me this week how amazed she was at how well we were doing this whole "move to california" thing. man, was she wrong. and it got me thinking- what i am i selling that would lead people to believe that?

for the most part, i've been trying really hard to keep this ship sailing. from the moment that i walked out the door in la grange, i have been very close to the edge. i've wanted to bawl my eyes out, stomp my feet, pound my fists, move my stuff back into my house and take back my life... but it's hard to really embrace that when you KNOW that you are where God wants you. i am also very aware that throwing that tantrum wouldn't do a bit of good.

side bar: i love a lot of things about our new life. i know that God has huge plans for us. but for the most part, the past two years have been really hard. (man, i sound like a broken record!) i also know that this is part of our story. going backwards is not an option.

and so i choose to embrace the present. it is a choice. some days i am better at it than others.

today... not so much.



on friday nights, i have been going to bed with a pit in my stomach. scott has been in class for the past 8 weekends. i know that i am on my own. the kids sense it and each and every friday night has been a bad night for sleeping in our house. this week was no different. each of my girls was up multiple times in the night last night... e had bad dreams, d was coughing and couldn't find her soosie, p needed to nurse an extra time. and so on saturday morning, this momma was tired. after p's early morning feeding, i willed everyone to sleep in late. but that didn't happen. in fact, the opposite happened. each girlie was wide awake and ready to go exceptionally early. and because each of them had not slept well, they were all exceptionally cranky. including me.


we went through our saturday morning ritual, with me trying to muster a smile and turn this day around. we went on our regular saturday morning trip to the doughnut shop (with d whining, e angry because d was bugging her (no pun intended), and p crying to get out of her car seat. it was a mess. again, i willed everyone to just get it together and found myself watching the clock until nap time.


they continued to fight all morning. e and d just couldn't get along and kept exchanging mean remarks to one another. p didn't take a good morning nap, and momma was trying desperately to clean the house for company on sunday. lunchtime wasn't any better... there were crying babes all over the place. one didn't like their lunch. one spilled their drink. one wanted to be held. i was barely hanging on. scott called at his lunch break and i tried my best to put on my happy face... " everything's fine here, honey. how are you holding up?"... very much aware that none of this is any sort of picnic for him (but i'm also pretty certain they won't be calling out my name at the academy awards this year for best actress!).


nap time came and i got the two little babes to bed and e playing with barbies in her room. after finishing some cleaning, i sat down on the couch to breathe. i knew that if the babes took an "average" nap, i would have about 20 minutes to regroup. not really as much time as i thought i needed, but it would have to do. almost immediately, p began to scream and d was shouting for me to come get her. e was already out of her "rest" and playing at the table. not quite what i was going for...


i decided to just load everyone up and head out to the grocery store. i knew that it was in our future, and now was just as good a time as any (although it would have been nice to not need to go at all). here is where i made a decision that i would soon regret...



i decided to take the back roads to the grocery store instead of the highway. i have done this once before and saw a neighborhood that i wanted to check out. today, something went awry. we headed in the direction that i knew, but my navigation system went blank. literally blank. it showed the arrow indicating our car, but it was not on a single road. it was just moving along on a blank white screen. hmmm... i thought it might be the rain interfering with the satellite system. that's happened before and restored itself in a matter of minutes, so i wasn't too worried. but it didn't restore itself. an hour later, almost out of gas, we were totally lost in the middle of horse country. i didn't even know that there was horse country. that is how lost we were. i decided to try my cellular navigation system. but something was wrong with that too. it felt like we were caught in the middle of the bermuda triangle... you know, with horses instead of sharks.


and so there i was, minutes before my gas light was about to turn on, with three babes in my car. lost. this momma pulled to the side of the road, tried a few more attempts at getting technology to work to my advantage and then this momma put her head down on the steering wheel and cried her eyes out. i know it wasn't in the best interest of my girls. but i had reached the end of my rope. this tired, lost momma, trying her best at holding it together just one more day, couldn't do it anymore.


now i don't know how we managed to get back on track, but somehow we did. after pulling myself together, apologising to my girlies (who were silent in the back of the car) we found our way. a gas station appeared out of nowhere (in the nick of time), we got directions, and we headed to whole foods. and somehow a situation that was headed way off track, turned itself around.


the grocery trip wasn't our finest. d dropped a glass jar of baby food on the floor, shattering it and spilling food all over her pants. (yes, that call for "clean up in aisle nine" was for me.) but we made it... in spite of the fact that it was busier than Christmas eve. we loaded up the car, each girl with a treat in hand (for enduring their momma's melt down and grocery trip to boot).


we took the highway home (the way i knew). as i exited the highway, i looked up into the sky. right before me was the most magnificent rainbow. it stretched straight up into the sky without an ache and ended behind the jack-in-the-box restaurant. and this momma beamed at my brilliant sign from God, right into the jack-in-the-box, proclaiming that God was with me.


do you remember that rainbow i saw a while back in chicago?

do you remember that chat that i had with my sweet Jesus and blogged about here and here?

while in that moment as my eyes delighted in the rainbow, those memories and those promises came flooding back. the God of my life is with us on this great big journey. i have known this from the beginning, but at each turn when my very human brain begins to doubt, that wonderful Father of mine just beams down on me and gives me the encouragement that i need.

and as i rounded the corner to our house, certain that i could make it another two hours until daddy was expected to arrive home, praising God for knowing me so well and meeting my needs (in spit of how complicated my needs might be)... i saw my hubby's car in the driveway. apparently, class had let out way early and he had been texting me while i was in the grocery store.

and my heart let out a hallelujah, to the God that knows me, loves me, and exceeds my expectations!

and then a few hours later, i revisited that initial question... why is it that my friend (and probably quite a few others are under a total different understanding of my head space... how have i continued to convince people that i've got "move to california" taken care of a wrapped with a bow?

i think it is because i am very aware that my "difficult" comes in the midst of a lot of peoples "difficult"... and i'll be writing more about that soon.

a friday night ritual

many years ago, my dear college friend came to the chicago area to visit her brother, sister-in-law and nieces. to make a get-together easier, i drove the short drive from the city to visit her. at the time, this city slicker did not have suburban living on the brain and had no clue about any of the chicago burbs. but upon arrival, i fell in love. we lunched at this adorable beer garden covered with brightly colored patio umbrellas on a beautiful sunny day. we got coffee on main street and we shoe shopped at a cute little boutique. i went home singing my praises.

several years, a condo and one baby girl later we began to yearn for good schools, grass and a place to teach above mentioned girlie a place to ride a bike. yes, folks, we began to search for a little plot of grass in the burbs. and this my friends is how we came to live in la grange... you know that little town with boutiques on main street (a short walk away from our front door), a coffee shop, and cute shoes to boot.

and to keep the love alive with how i fell in love with our town, we dined at that cute little beer garden every friday night. well, not ever friday night... because there are a handful of months where that sweet little garden is covered in snow... but you get the point.



i loved the ritual. each friday e and i (and then eventually e, d and i) would meet daddy at the train and then go to palmer's for dinner. the fare is less than fancy, but it was always enjoyable. it was a nice ritual. it was predictable. it allowed me to have one day where having no plan for dinner was the norm and it allowed us to start the weekend off with a little bit of good family relaxation.

and on our last trip to palmer's, my heart was nostalgic. i knew i would miss this little life ritual.

of course, we couldn't just let the ritual die- so we reinvented it. now, our new calli ritual is to get sushi take-out from a little spot around the corner. we don't dine out much with three babes under the age of 6 (you remember the thanksgiving "i do" incident, don't you???)... so this works for us right now. and then there's the fact that it is delish!

so tonight, this is what we'll be having for dinner...

our light at the end of the tunnel

a few days ago, my popadoodle turned 6 months old. i know i say this each and every month, but where oh where is the time going? i don't know- i'm too tired to tell you. for the love of pete, i've been saying that she's almost five months all month and then suddenly realized i somehow was a month off. i suppose it is because i want to keep her little forever and ever. but that is not possible, so i shall embrace my big 6 month old muffin.

quite a bit of changes have been going on in the month of january. sweet poppy is officially "crawling". she has her own style of army/crawl/jump on her elbows while pushing with her toes- but move she does. she puts anything and everything into her mouth and is in pure delight as she explores the textures and tastes around her.

speaking of "tastes"- sweet p is now eating food. she eats peas, sweet potatoes, bananas, peaches, strawberries, yogurt, squash and puffs. the eating of puffs has changed my life. sweet p will sit in her highchair and eat puffs for a real long time. she loves them. her "pincher" isn't quite perfected but that girlie knows how to get food to mouth- showing she has a bit of determination in her. making lunch and dinner has become way more enjoyable now that she has discovered this new skill (thank God- it was pretty hairy around here at mealtime).

poppy has also discovered her vocal chords. she is a big fan of practicing her "dadadadadada" sounds (which she sometime does in the direction of her father, making him feel very good) and likes to grunt and yelp to get your attention (as in: "momma, more puffs please. didn't you see i'm all out again?." she also has an abundant supply of giggles and smiles, but usually dons her serious/observant side (much like big sister ellie did at the same age).

also like big sister ellie, she is a thumb sucker (or pointer finger) and has rejected the pacifier completely (although she does get quite delighted upon discovering d's soosies temporarily neglected on the floor). poppy is currently taking 2-3 naps per day and wakes twice to be fed in the night/early morning (but does have some bad nights mixed in). overall, momma is fine with the schedule as it is very typical for a 6 month old girlie. but i won't lie- i am looking forward to "sleeping through the night" (we'll save sleep training for after the bar exam, thank you very much).

another fun part about sweet p is her curiosity. she wants to see anything and everything that is going on around her. if daddy is in the room, she want to know what he is doing. if e and d are playing with something, poppy is right there checking it out.

she is still very much a momma's girl- if momma is in the room, she wants to be near me. but she is also fine for me to leave the room. she has recently transitioned to the infant room at mops, the nursery at church and stays with our wonderful new sitters jackie and laura for a few hours each week. this is a nice break for momma as we have been glued together for the better part of the past six months.

and that's our summary- still no teeth (but lots of signs that they are coming), still no bottle (and lots of signs that she'll never take one), still lots of spit-up... but mostly, lots of smiles.

and here is our little light at the end of the tunnel. happy six months, sweet p, we love you!

typically seen by my eyes in april

california, you continue to amaze and surprise me!

today, while getting into my car i stopped dead in my tracks... could it be, was it possibly...

daffodils?

on january 31st?

bright beautiful flowers poking their noses through the soil of the earth and announcing the arrival of springtime?

a little flashback to my grammar teaching years

the word why can be used as an adverb, like in this sentence:

why, momma?

or a conjunction such as this one:

no why hit momma! (translation: i don't know why i hit momma)

as a noun like this fine example:

d's whys all day long are causing me to feel like i am going to jump off of a cliff.

why can also be used as an interjection:

why, the litany of whys being thrown at me all day long is leading me to the brink of insanity!

and why can also be part of the contraction why is:

why's momma so crazy today?

because you have been asking why (as an adverb) for the past three weeks non-stop!

eating organic

a friend of mine, who is considering the switch to eating organic, polled some friends for some advice. essentially, she wanted to know why we made the switch. after thinking about it, i thought i'd dive into that question right here.

and so, here is why we eat organic (and the details on how we do it)...

on the day that we discovered that we were preggers with baby girl e, we switched to organic. just like that- without asking a single question or really knowing why- just because we figured it was "better". we didn't go to the library to check out a book, we didn't have friends that were talking it up, we didn't google it or read about it in what to expect when you're expecting... for us it was a sort of flippant decision that didn't gain real momentum until later.

those first few months of eating "organic" really meant shopping at whole foods (or as my friend refers to it- whole paycheck). if it was at whole paycheck, then we deemed it good. and that was that... for the time.

when e was a baby, i went to visit my sister stacy. while there, we joined her on a run to pick up her csa (community supported agriculture) box. we also observed how her family was doing organic and it got little old me asking some questions.

and that is when i started doing some research. as i read articles and dug deeper i realized that this was something that i really cared about. i learned about pesticides and toxins, about sustainable farming, about antibiotics given to animals and about diseases that are now becoming more and more prevalent in the human body. from what i could see, there were direct links between the changes in farming practices and the health of our bodies.

pesticides are causing our bodies to react differently to the foods we eat. they are also causing natural foods (think broccoli) to be less nutritious for us because as the foods absorb the pesticides they chemically change the value of the food. the nutrients that we think we are getting from fruits and veggies are no longer being processed by our bodies in the same way. essentially, the vitamins that go into our bodies aren't being absorbed in the same quantities. so while we think we are getting x amount of vitamins c, k, a, folate and fiber (to name a few), our bodies absorb less. again, from what i could tell, it looked like the use of pesticides threw the entire food pyramid out of whack.

next was toxins. food dyes contain them. medicines contain them as do sodas, junk food, artificial sweeteners and meat. there are direct links between these toxins and a whole slew of cancers (kidney, stomach, bladder and brain... just to name a few). there are also a huge slew of connections between these toxins and reproductive health.

and then there is the dreaded antibiotic and growth hormones. in an effort to speed up the process from birth to slaughter- lots of cattle and poultry farmers are beefing up their animals to allow them to get bigger faster. they also don't have time to care for each animal individually, so they inject them with antibiotics to keep the livestock "healthy". rather than treating just the sick animals, they give them routinely to all their animals... you know, just in case. the problem is that growth hormones and antibiotics, while being helpful to the farmers bottom line (more milk from cows, more cows at the slaughter table and bigger animals) aren't helpful to humans. growth hormones are linked to reproductive health issues and early on-set puberty. they are also linked to a several different kinds of cancer. antibiotics are linked to antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria. this means that when we really are sick and need to be treated with antibiotics, our bodies don't respond to the medicine.

in my research i also learned that lots of other countries have banned some of the things we deem safe in the united states. there are many countries that refuse to import american beef because of this, as the don't stand behind our farming practices. this always gets me going- as i would rather the government agencies ere on the side of caution. unfortunately, farming and government have a difficult time being separate in the usa- there is a lot to be gained by both sides by being in sync.

then there is the waste issue. as animals ingest all of these things (pesticides, toxins, growth hormones and antibiotics) they also excrete all of these things. as they do so, they contaminate the soil. future crops grown with the manure becomes less rich in nutrients... it's a vicious cycle.

and for me, that was about all i needed to know. and so we found a csa in chicago, began to scrutinize our whole paycheck purchases (to really get down to the health of it) and we became more convicted about some other decisions that we had made for our family (alternative medicine and vaccinations- both issues for another post).

over the years, we've had ups and downs with all of this. sometimes i am diligent in aligning my shopping habits with our beliefs, and at other times i am less rigid. but overall, we try to be as organic as possible. if i'm at your house for dinner, i don't think twice about eating what you serve me and don't fret or judge. life is about moderation. i figure that if i do my best to limit our intake of foods containing the above "stuff", than i figure we are that much less at risk. if i'm in a hurry and don't have time for a run to whole foods, i do my best at the local grocery store. if we are in a hurry, we eat fast food. we also dine out at restaurants.

and most importantly, i try to remember that there are a lot of variables. our health is out of my control. i can do what i think is best, but that doesn't mean that we won't get cancer, be resistant to needed antibiotics or have other health concerns.

is it a sacrifice? does it take the whole paycheck? is it difficult?

well, yes it's a sacrifice. we allocate more for food than we would if we shopped at the local chain (although it does all depend on how you shop- i've compared budgets with a friend who doesn't eat organic and has the same family size and found that we actually spend less). i don't really think of it as "whole paycheck" so much, but more of "whole health". my kids are living proof of that- with three children we have administered antibiotics twice over our years of parenting.

the difficulty question is harder for me to answer- i kind of like grocery shopping (i know that might be considered a little weird). i also kind of like taking the road less traveled, so to speak. figuring it all out- finding the csa, cheapest place to buy organic meat, on-line sources of organic goodness- kind of gets me jazzed. i'll admit, since having three kids and moving to a new community, it has had its moments. i've been fed up with the challenge at times and then at other times, i've found it to be easy.

and there you have it... our journey to organic eating. and as an added bonus, it's good for the environment, too. (wow- this post might have spurred on a whole slew of other posts! stay tuned...)

kids are punny

things said recently by e:


we were watching a snow storm on the news in lake tahoe... "look at that blister mom!"

i gave her the clothing that i desired for her to put on. after scrutiny of my selection... "i'm ashamed of jeans!" (it was clear that the word she wanted to use was "hate" but i have told her there are more articulate ways to express dislike.)

we were waiting for scott to come home one day and traffic from palo alto tends to be bad later in the week...

i said: i wonder how daddy is doing.

e said: i think your husband is lost.

upon learning that one of her new goldfish had died... "he must have gotten swine flu."

and then there's this...
i had just tucked ellie into bed and was turning the door knob to exit her room. ellie stopped me and asked me if i had locked the front door. after telling her that we keep the front door locked all the time, she asked me to double check. of course i had to ask her why (as any momma would). she then proceeded to tell me that it was because of the raccoons. apparently, if i didn't lock the door then they might come in... you know, because it's been raining a lot lately. after explaining to her that raccoons (and any other animal for that matter) couldn't turn door knobs... because they don't have thumbs, don't have fingers, are scared of people, aren't tall enough to reach... i had satisfied her litany of questions and seemed to have calmed her fears.

the next day, i discovered her standing at her bedroom door, kneeling and reaching up to the door knob making a "paw" with her hand.

me: what cha doin'?

e: seeing if raccoons can open doors. i think you are wrong.

no shame

last march i went to virginia with my sisters to pack up my mom's house. it was a grueling task as my mom wasn't really down with leaving her home and we also knew that a huge downsize was in her future. i can remember my sister taking all of the art off of the walls and then trying to sort through it with my mom- liquidating the things she didn't need and trying to carefully select the best pieces. the problem lied in the fact that, to my mom, they were all "the best pieces" and each one of them had significance to her. she didn't want to part with any. this same exchange happened with her nick-knacks, with her clothes, with her dishes... etc.




it was so strange for me to watch. i have always considered myself to be one that wasn't a "hoarder", one that didn't really cling to stuff, one that could throw out just about anything and not really give it much of a second thought.





until recently.





i am learning through blogging that i have no shame. seriously. so if you are a tidy tim or tina, hold onto your britches before looking at this photo (veronica, i'm serious. this picture could cause you heart failure!).






i'm not kidding... don't scroll down unless you really want to see some serious mess.


















this, friends, is my glorious garage.


why in the blazes are you showing us that, you might be asking and what in the heck has happened to you since moving to california... very valid questions from my peeps that know me as "the girl who labels her toy bins" (yes, i still have small miscellaneous).


i used to be mostly neat and tidy (mother and college friends, i can hear your gasp from here! it began sometime AFTER college and sometime before parenthood.). i used to have all my stuff organized. two years ago on mother's day my "gift" from my hubby (requested by moi) was time... time to go down to the basement and label and organize all our storage items. i literally spent 8 hours, on the day designated for me, putting crap (i mean, our valuable possessions) into bins and labeling them. and i LOVED it. on days when my kiddos had destroyed our playroom, i used to think "at least i have the basement".


but our current existence is a wee bit different. since we are in housing limbo and since we live in the great state of california (bountiful with sunshine and lacking in storage), our garage is a giant endless pool of "stuff". and so up until now, i have closed the door and pretended that it just didn't exist. if i needed something that was buried in that pile, i would send my less organized (but totally fabulous) hubby out into the great abyss in search of whatever.


last weekend, though, i started thinking about it. i began to wonder how we could possibly have so much stuff--- what could we possibly have in that garage that we really needed if our entire house was filled? sure, we still have stuff in storage that will eventually get unpacked when we reach our final destination (think fine china), and sure we have some bins of items that belong in storage for certain periods of time (think Christmas decorations and size 3t clothing items)... but what about the rest of it? a pile that big couldn't possibly be filled with only things that fall into the "need" category. beginning to embrace that i might have a little "hoarder" in me- i decided to open the door and get to the bottom of that mess.


in just a few hours, i had literally emptied three storage bins of things that fall into the "don't need" category. first, i listed them on a local mothers club message board "for sale" and then the things that didn't sell were placed into a box for donation to the big MOPS annual garage sale.


and i'm still going. i currently have all of my outgrown infant clothing listed for sale on ebay (and to date am making enough dough to fund e's spring and fall wardrobe).


but those were the kids bins. true to my belief about myself, i had no issue getting rid of anything we no longer need. the problem lied in what i found in my bins. as i began to go through them, suddenly the "sell" pile and the "donate" pile stopped increasing and the "keep" pile seemed to be growing.


p had fun rolling around with a rectangle that represents my first experience with knitting. my sister was into it and showed me how to do it. i then went to town practicing. i made the piece you see below and a scarf. after that, i wasn't really digging it anymore. i could check "learn to knit" off of goals but that's where the hobby ended for me. but i didn't feel like i wanted to part with my evidence. and so now stashed in my garage was the little rectangle, the scarf, and the needles... doing not a bit of good but taking up room in a bin.





and while i could justify that little stash, the problem lied in the fact that i have LOTS of little stashes like that. things that i want to "save" while really having little to no purpose. and when you add a lifetime of those things together, you get a whole lot of junk. to me, those things have value. as i peruse through them, i am reminded of my accomplishments, favorite moments, former hobbies, hobbies i wish i still had time for...

things my mom has given me from my childhood (seriously- she brought the above puppet to me a few years ago... i don't remember playing with it, or the nightmares that playing with it would certainly induce. heather, stacy, help me out here! where in carnation did that thing come from?). and yet i save them.

and of course, THAT really got me thinking. why do we save stuff? what are we trying to accomplish? do we meet our goal? or does saving stuff just turn into trouble down the line?

and while i could certainly justify keeping lots of things, i realized that by doing so i was embracing something that was so wrong- i was finding personal value in stuff. i admit it, even though i know that my value lies in Truth, my save pile told a very different story.

it showed that if i'm not careful, i find value in all the wrong places.

and so in that moment, i decided to apply the same "get rid of it" mentality that i seem to embrace so easily with other people's stuff to my own stuff.

and it was liberating.

and i don't think i could write this post without referencing mathew 6:19-21

don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or- worse! - stolen by burglars. stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth, rust and burglars.it's obvious, isn't it? the place where your treasure is, is the place you'll most want to be, and end up being.

because the truth of the matter is that my motive isn't recycling (which is good) or helping others (also good)- my motive, in that moment was in being aligned with my maker and living out the life i am called to live.

i'm human, so i'm pretty sure i'll deal with this issue again. i'm pretty sure that i will find myself collecting items that don't have value- but today i want to embrace my "treasure in heaven" rather than my "treasure on earth".

and i ask you to call me out on it if you see it happening again- because the truth is that is also what we are called to do. we should do it gently, we should do it in love, but we should do it.

my sisters and i had to have that chat with my mom back in march- and again this past weekend when she moved into her new apartment (my sisters garage has finally been renovated into a three room suite for my mother). it wasn't a conversation that i really ever wanted to have with my mom- but let me tell you, she's working on embracing it.

and because of her, i am too.

downward dog

so, apparently p is into yoga. my friend heather posted the comment, "this is the table position in yoga... right? " on the name the photo post and then p went and did this today. in fact, she's been doing it all weekend. i am terrified that she has "walking envy" and that she recognizes that she is the only one doing the army crawl around here. it makes me nervous...

name this photo

a blog that i follow occasionally posts a "name that photo" entry. people usually come up with funny titles or captions to go along with the picture that she shows. i took this picture of poppy this week...

so i thought i'd try it. go ahead. don't be shy... name this photo!

life with three

i have been asked a lot lately about how life has changed going from two babes to three babes. if you are a mom with more than three kids, go ahead and stop reading this post (you are super human and you'll only think that i'm whining). but for the rest of you, here are my current observations:

1.) getting three kids to smile for the camera has become nearly impossible. i'm serious, if you see a picture where all three of them are looking at the camera and smiling it is evidence that bribery works. i shudder to think what our next holiday photo might look like because it is a pretty sure bet that when two of them are "on" the other one isn't feeling the photo op vibe. (evidence below... poppy was literally writhing out of her sisters arms in this photo and when she eventually surrendered to their crazy momma snapping pictures, delaney went bongos. ellie was happy to pose provided a chocolate chip cookie was in her near future.)

2.) since arriving in california there has either been a.) a totally full hamper of kids clothing b.) a totally full hamper of parental laundry c.) a laundry basket of clean kids clothing d.) a laundry basket of clean parental laundry e.) an overflowing pile of dry cleaning to be taken in f.) a guest room bed piled with laundry to be folded and an additional basket of laundry to be folded sitting next to the bed or g.) all of the above

i am figuring that at this rate, the baskets will all be empty and put away in 18 years.


3.) our dishwasher is always full. sometimes it's clean, sometimes it's dirty, but it is always FULL.

4.) at almost any given moment you can find someone crying and/or whining at our house. sometimes that someone is me (just kidding).

5.) we are at all moments just a short breath away from an emergency room visit. see exhibit below. momma was attempting to fold the above mentioned laundry. e and d were sweetly playing polly pocket. p was across the room sucking on some appropriate baby rattles and such. after turning my back and folding one single shirt, p had scooted across the floor and was attempting to examine the microscopic polly pocket shoes. i though it was cute (in a "oh no, look at the newest challenge that i now face" kind of way) and grabbed the camera. while taking a quick snap, p bonked herself in the head with polly's cruise ship. awesome. she didn't need a doctor evaluation for ingestion of toxic plastic polly shoe, but she did in fact end up with a bump on the noggin from turbulence on the ocean liner.

oh, and there is one more...

6.) if e grows a single millimeter, i can kiss my girlies matching outfit possibilities goodbye.

and as i've said before, i wouldn't have it any other way. life with three is tiring. i will probably need to hibernate for a long winter's snooze when our p leaves for college and will never be able to successfully hide the circles under my eyes, but these babes are the source of joy that resides in this momma's heart. yes, three are a handful, but i can't think of a better combination to have my hands full of!

off to unload the dishwasher. catch you later. sigh.

boot scootin' boogie

just when d became old enough for me to not have a seizure upon seeing a polly pocket boot, barbie bracelet, calico critter accessory on the floor... poppy went and did this.

no title needed

the thinking cap

back in august my father-in-law came to chicago to visit. he came to help us celebrate sweet e turning 5 and to help scott unload our basement, attic and garage before the big move. it was a huge job and those two worked their tails off for the entire weekend. we took a little break on saturday morning to host a birthday party at a ballet studio for e and 15 of her friends. tom jumped right in and was very hands on the entire weekend. it is a weekend that i will savor for years to come and it is a weekend that ellie remembers fondly.

at some point my father-in-law noticed that the foot pedal on our kitchen trash can was broken. i mentioned to him that we were going to throw it out before the move, but that i have a thing about spending money on trash cans. it feels so wasteful and so we were going to use it in its broken state until the move. tom took this on as a challenge. in an effort to save me some bucks (trash cans are pricey!), he took on the task of repairing the foot pedal. and he decided to invite e in on the repair action.

the two of them sat there in our family room investigating the root of the problem. when it became clear that the break was in a plastic mechanism, tom determined that they would have to design something from scratch in order to make the repair. he sat there showing ellie the problem. it was adorable watching these two put their brains on the problem. after a few minutes, tom asked her for her ideas. sweet e, not sure of what the solution should be, told him to wait a minute while she went to get something. after a few minutes of digging in the toy bin, she reappeared with a bucket on her head. she told him it was her "thinking cap".



and so donning her thinking cap, sitting alongside her beloved grandpa, they fixed the foot pedal. using some screws and some balsa wood, they bridged the broken plastic piece and made the broken trash can operable once again.

this moment was special for her. she felt empowered by her grandfather asking for her input and she didn't want to come to the table empty handed. his confidence in her spurred on her own confidence in herself. and together, side by side, they made the repair. it was a beautiful moment to watch. grandpa brought her into a real life problem and then included her in each step of the way. she was part of the research team, she was part of the repair team, and she benefited from the solution.

watching them made me think of my own grandfather. he was the world to me. i can remember him doing exactly the same type of thing --- he'd bring me along as he repaired something in the shed for my grandmother, or he'd take me out to his workshop to see a piece of furniture he was restoring for his antique business and let me help out in some way. they are memories that have stuck with me and make me smile years later as i think of the wonderful man that he was. and it was in those moments in the workshop that that a little girl realized that she was smart, valuable, had an important voice and could be resourceful with what was in front of me.

years later, i moved to atlanta. in an effort to spare you another long winded story, i'll simply say that my roommate and i were in desperate need of certain pieces of furniture. being newly employed and fresh out of college, my change purse was... well, it was totally empty. and i remembered my grandfather. i remembered the skills he had shared with me and the confidence he had placed in my soul. and so i went to work. i made a trip to home depot and built an entertainment center, a headboard, a coffee table and some shelves. they weren't fancy, but they fit the needs of our apartment. and it was better than a tv on the floor.

as i watched e and her grandfather, i couldn't help but remember that. while they both might have believed that they were simply fixing a trashcan, i know that it was much more. and with excitement, i can't wait to see how this fleshes out in little e's life. i can't wait to see how being empowered by a man she cherishes will impact her in the years to come. maybe she'll make a coffee table one day, or maybe she'll have a greater confidence in her intellectual value, but whatever it is i am certain that she'll think back to tinkering with her grandfather and smile knowing that he was part of her process.

relationships are like that. the investment that we make today may seem little or insignificant, but i'm finding that usually somewhere down the road, those investments pay out dividends that we could never have imagined. those investments in people mold lives and transform us.

so here's to e--- may you always wear your "thinking cap".

a flaw in the advertising campaign

weebles

wobble

and then they DO

fall down

and don't let a ring

get in the way of sucking their thumb.

(is it wrong that i was hoping she'd fall for the photo shoot?)