when i was in highschool, we had an assembly where they brought in this guitarist/folk singer. he sang songs and told stories and was every bit of amazing. i fell in love with his music almost at first strum. he sang songs like "rusty old american dream", "top of the roller coaster" and "last chance waltz". they are part of the anthem of my teenage years.
while living in chicago, it was brought to my attention that he would be playing on a local stage. weirdly, a dear friend of mine (who grew up in south africa), also loved him. we made arrangements to go see him together, with our husbands and a bunch of my friend's cousins.
while driving into the city to meet the group, scott and i had an epic fight. we were in the middle of that yucky place in marriage where couples can find themselves... disconnected, angry, frustrated, feeling unheard/unloved/underappreciated... the list of adjectives to describe that place is long. too long. but we went to the concert, sat with our friends and listened. i cried through most of the lyrics and resented him for not loving/engaging in my thing.
afterwards we went to dinner and ate stinky cheese. kristy remembers the cheese and has referenced it often over the years (the waitress described it as "smelling like a cow pasture". legit. this happened.). and every time she does, i smile, remember the cheese, and then remember the hard part. the part she didn't know about at the time.
shortly after that concert, scott and i found a therapist. we were in a valley. it sucked.
week after week, we paid a sitter and sat on a couch with a therapist that kept saying, "you guys are funny. you are going to be fine. you've got a handle on this."
i hated that he thought we were awesome, but i also am thankful. his belief in us is part of our success.
and over the course of a few months i learned that scott was in it for the staying. with two sets of divorced parents on our hands, i had a really hard time believing this. i wanted a marriage that could go the distance. i did. but i also didn't believe that it was a guarantee. marriage was hard. really, really hard.
over time, with tools from our therapist, we climbed out of the valley.
and then we went through the birth of another child, a move to california, another bar exam (ugh), a long commute and the stripping of our friends/community/support system.
and we were right back in that place again. the valley. again, it sucked.
one morning my sisters called me and said something to the effect of, "hey, we want to come alongside. we want to just pray for you guys each week. with you. on the phone."
and for several weeks, we began this weekly phone call of prayer. and heather and stacy prayed for my marriage. it was super weird and yet everything that i needed at that time.
as a person who passionately believes in prayer, i had just never wanted to surrender this thing, this marriage to my father god... in spite of the fact that i believed God could glue it back together. i know. weird. but for me, i was raised to be a "can do" girl. my life story was "gonna figure this out"and "fiercely independent". not super congruent with my beliefs in God but also survival strategies that had served me well. until they didn't. because independence and marriage just don't jive.
week after week, i struggled to surrender to God. i failed to yield and get out of the way. my "fix it" and scott's "fix it" would be enough. and then it wasn't.
and ten years after THAT, we found ourselves in a similar hard patch. and in the hard we have learned that marriage therapy is our jam. seriously. every few years, we need someone to affirm our trials and give us tools that will move us forward.
but 17 years into that story, i have learned more about us than i knew at the beginning. scott is here for the long haul. i never really believed that. my dad left. his dad left. i had a failed engagement. his mom never believed we would end up together. so many doubts in my head and i projected them all onto him.
wrongfully.
and as i wrap my head around the fact that the buse is in it for the staying and the stuff beneath the surface- no matter what. i am also aware that this song goes so much deeper.
i try to hide all of this from my father.
the god that knows all of it because he wrote the story. isn't that funny? how interesting that we try to conceal all of our deepest secrets from the one that knows each and every part?
and so as we rock into 2020, i have to reflect and i have to wonder... have you given God the hard part? have you surrendered your deepest crevices? are you willing to let Him heal them? He knows them already, regardless of your posture, and He wants to redeem them.
"go to your darkest place and i will meet you there. you've got a whole heart. give me the hard part. i can love that too."
my life story tells me that this is truth. scott loves me in spite of my hard parts (so many) and my father God loves me in spite of them, too.
the buse and i saw david wilcox in concert a few weeks ago and three songs in, he sang my jam. he sounds just as good now as he did so many years ago. his lyrics are transformative.
i love that Scott and i have a story with "hard parts" and i love that we have navigated them together.
Wednesday, February 19, 2020
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Visual History
my momma has always been an advocate for living with visual history. by that, i (she) mean(s) filling your surroundings with things that remind you of where you came from, what you value, and what brings you joy (cue Marie kondo). as a result, she has spent the better part of the past 20 years gifting my sisters and i with things from our childhood, family history and hometown that have meaning to us.
because of my momma's intentionality, when i walk through my home on the daily, i am flooded with things that are familiar and part of my history. i love this. and as i decorate my adult home, i use this as my compass for what gets space and what needs to go. joy... yes. induces happy memories... of course. reminds me of where i came from... almost always. chatchke crap from target... a hard no (almost always).
ten years ago, on september 11th, i moved with my peeps to p-town.
but let me back up.
when e was born i met this group of mommas. we had babies in the same era. we bonded. our kiddos bonded. we loved Jesus. we navigated breast feeding and sex-after-childbirth and sleep-training strategies together. we talked strollers and preschools and the lures of the suburbs.
eventually, most of us moved to the burbs.
just before my departure from il to ca, my friend veronica hosted a good-by dinner for me. we assembled at her suburban home (which was one town over from my suburban home) and ate brie and lemon pie and all-the-things-tasha loves. it was a table of my people. the ones that know my raw, vulnerable, new momma, ugly cry, "how can i even do this", self.
going into the dinner i knew that even though they thought this dinner was for me, it was also for them. it was an opportunity for me to just show them how much i appreciated the roles they played in my life and thank them for every single second of my "find myself as a new mom" and "grow into myself" as i could. i never felt judged. i always felt loved. i was accepted and appreciated and tolerated for each and every bit of loco-crazy that i brought to the new-momma table. these were my people and i HAD to thank them.
but how do you do that? i went to hobby lobby and i bought them all crystal hearts. i don't know. it's cliche and weird and not super creative. but that is what i did.
at that dinner, we sat around veronica's table and i gave them their hearts. they probably don't even remember it. but i remember it. i told them that they were like crystal to me and they had a special place in my heart. no-one would ever walk through history in the same way that they had with me. and i wouldn't do that with anyone else either. i cherished them and loved them and had grown with them in ways that would never happen again.
and not a minute before i finished giving my toast, my friend brooke stood up and challenged each of the women to pray for me and to pray that God would bless me with friendship each and every time they look at that crystal heart.
fun fact- brooke never specified prayeing for "christ following friends". she simply said "friendships".
this is a nuance that i didn't notice until years later.
i moved to california. we lived in a rental for close to two years. God brought us to the house we live in now (a story for another day) and we unpacked those boxes to create a home for our kiddos.
the crystal heart hangs in my kitchen/family room to this day and the pic from my going-away party is on the shelf in my office.
visual history.
i think of these friendships each and every day. they are a part of me. their influence defined me as a mother. it is my navigation system as a christ-follower. it is my core.
but...
a few years ago, i had a moment. i was all-in with the church i was attending. i was leading this and leading that and teaching this and praying for that... and it was my identity. ugh and beauty collided. when thing and roles become your identity... well... that's never amazeballs.
and one day, God said to me, 'nope. not. stop it. give it up.'
it didn't make a whole lot of sense. really, it didn't. but i listened and obeyed. and thankfully, the buse was on board with God's plan.
and the next few years unfolded into something so beautiful. instead of my time being filled up with service towards the church, my time became richly filled with people. friendships evolved and time cleared up where my heart had nothing to do but love. and this love that i had time for grew and manifested in relationships with individuals and causes and organizations that fostered the heart of Jesus- caring for humanity in tangible ways and being in relationships.
if i am honest, i will say that i missed my role in the church. knowing and loving Jesus was still a strong part of my core- but i had to fight more to hear His voice and maintain direction. i had some epic lows where i questioned the whole thing.
"God- i am for you. why is this so hard? why are you against me? my have you taken me out of community with other people who want to live like i do and why do i give way to gross behavior so easily?"
and then a year ago, my sweet sister started praying that i would make connections with women that loved Jesus. hmmm- brooke never specified that part.
and suddenly, it all transformed. i started to discover these two friendships unfolding with women who loved Christ. and then those friendships unfolded to new people and then another group of people....
and here i am today.
God's funny. His sense of humor is not lost on me.
i needed each part of this journey. each part of his provision. each person he put in my path.
i marvel at how important each heart is to my heart. i love the Jesus loving ones and the ones that don't know him or call him Father all the same. they all have been this amazing answer to prayer- brooke's (and my chicago peeps) prayer and my sister's prayer.
and as i walk through my home, ten years later....
TEN YEARS!
i marvel at the plan. the purpose. the value. the intent. each and every soul that i have encountered is part of a story. my story. significant. of worth. with purpose.
and it all started way before i every knew or imagined. and it started with a spirit of prayer towards the future from veronica who wanted to send me off with encouragement and brooke who invited God into the story.
and then this happened...
my sister heather and i were on the phone. she started telling me about this adorable girl she had met and how she felt so connected to her and as if God had appointed her to that person (I think that is the word she used). her story was exciting and she went on to tell me how this relatively new friend had just won tickets to meet carrie underwood and how excited she was for her. she had helped katie rock out a styling outfit earlier to wear to the concert. in the retelling, heather mentioned that she won the tickets because "katie was a beach-body girl and had lost over 90 pounds."
i heard beach-body and immediately thought of one of my new very prayed for peep, kendra (specifically petitioned for to God by my sister heather). i asked out loud if it was possible that Katie knew Kendra. heather and i giggled and said, "no way". meanwhile i texted kendra.
"hey- do you know a Katie ... in mt. pleasant?"
not a second passes and the three little texting dots pop up followed by, "yes! she is one of my best friends. why?"
and i nearly lost it.
and i replied..., "stop it! my sister has been praying with her and connecting with her in mt. pleasant."
you guys! you can't make this stuff up.
i hung up with my sister immediately and told her i had to facetime kendra. i did and she and i sat there on the phone in tears. you see, she told me that she had been praying for some time that katie would meet someone who would walk through the spiritual life with her.
my sister.
kendra had been praying for my sister. and petitioning God for her to come into katie's life. stop it. is that even real?
and heather had been praying for kendra. petitioning God for her to come into my life.
and my super cool God, who weaves the craziest, coolest stories together answered both of those prayers... from mt. pleasant, sc to Pleasanton, ca (seriously- we live in very pleasant towns).
brooke's prayer was heard and i am so every thankful for the women in my life who god has abundantly blessed me with. kendra's prayer was answered and katie and heather are going to rock it out in mt. pleasant. heather's prayer was answered and kendra and i are going to rock it out in pleasanton.
can i get an a-men? i mean, for realz, JC! you knocked it out of the park with this one!
katie- i have no idea what outfit you are going to rock out this weekend at carrie underwood, but have a blast sweet friend. i cannot wait to meet you! already, you have a special place in my heart.
and kendra, brooke and heather- my prayer warriors! thank you. thank you for letting me see a god that loves me so much that he delights me with his creativity and details and passion for connection.
blown away.
i cannot wait to collect the visual history when the 4 of us get together for the first time.
because of my momma's intentionality, when i walk through my home on the daily, i am flooded with things that are familiar and part of my history. i love this. and as i decorate my adult home, i use this as my compass for what gets space and what needs to go. joy... yes. induces happy memories... of course. reminds me of where i came from... almost always. chatchke crap from target... a hard no (almost always).
ten years ago, on september 11th, i moved with my peeps to p-town.
but let me back up.
when e was born i met this group of mommas. we had babies in the same era. we bonded. our kiddos bonded. we loved Jesus. we navigated breast feeding and sex-after-childbirth and sleep-training strategies together. we talked strollers and preschools and the lures of the suburbs.
eventually, most of us moved to the burbs.
just before my departure from il to ca, my friend veronica hosted a good-by dinner for me. we assembled at her suburban home (which was one town over from my suburban home) and ate brie and lemon pie and all-the-things-tasha loves. it was a table of my people. the ones that know my raw, vulnerable, new momma, ugly cry, "how can i even do this", self.
going into the dinner i knew that even though they thought this dinner was for me, it was also for them. it was an opportunity for me to just show them how much i appreciated the roles they played in my life and thank them for every single second of my "find myself as a new mom" and "grow into myself" as i could. i never felt judged. i always felt loved. i was accepted and appreciated and tolerated for each and every bit of loco-crazy that i brought to the new-momma table. these were my people and i HAD to thank them.
but how do you do that? i went to hobby lobby and i bought them all crystal hearts. i don't know. it's cliche and weird and not super creative. but that is what i did.
at that dinner, we sat around veronica's table and i gave them their hearts. they probably don't even remember it. but i remember it. i told them that they were like crystal to me and they had a special place in my heart. no-one would ever walk through history in the same way that they had with me. and i wouldn't do that with anyone else either. i cherished them and loved them and had grown with them in ways that would never happen again.
and not a minute before i finished giving my toast, my friend brooke stood up and challenged each of the women to pray for me and to pray that God would bless me with friendship each and every time they look at that crystal heart.
fun fact- brooke never specified prayeing for "christ following friends". she simply said "friendships".
this is a nuance that i didn't notice until years later.
i moved to california. we lived in a rental for close to two years. God brought us to the house we live in now (a story for another day) and we unpacked those boxes to create a home for our kiddos.
the crystal heart hangs in my kitchen/family room to this day and the pic from my going-away party is on the shelf in my office.
visual history.
i think of these friendships each and every day. they are a part of me. their influence defined me as a mother. it is my navigation system as a christ-follower. it is my core.
but...
a few years ago, i had a moment. i was all-in with the church i was attending. i was leading this and leading that and teaching this and praying for that... and it was my identity. ugh and beauty collided. when thing and roles become your identity... well... that's never amazeballs.
and one day, God said to me, 'nope. not. stop it. give it up.'
it didn't make a whole lot of sense. really, it didn't. but i listened and obeyed. and thankfully, the buse was on board with God's plan.
and the next few years unfolded into something so beautiful. instead of my time being filled up with service towards the church, my time became richly filled with people. friendships evolved and time cleared up where my heart had nothing to do but love. and this love that i had time for grew and manifested in relationships with individuals and causes and organizations that fostered the heart of Jesus- caring for humanity in tangible ways and being in relationships.
if i am honest, i will say that i missed my role in the church. knowing and loving Jesus was still a strong part of my core- but i had to fight more to hear His voice and maintain direction. i had some epic lows where i questioned the whole thing.
"God- i am for you. why is this so hard? why are you against me? my have you taken me out of community with other people who want to live like i do and why do i give way to gross behavior so easily?"
and then a year ago, my sweet sister started praying that i would make connections with women that loved Jesus. hmmm- brooke never specified that part.
and suddenly, it all transformed. i started to discover these two friendships unfolding with women who loved Christ. and then those friendships unfolded to new people and then another group of people....
and here i am today.
God's funny. His sense of humor is not lost on me.
i needed each part of this journey. each part of his provision. each person he put in my path.
i marvel at how important each heart is to my heart. i love the Jesus loving ones and the ones that don't know him or call him Father all the same. they all have been this amazing answer to prayer- brooke's (and my chicago peeps) prayer and my sister's prayer.
and as i walk through my home, ten years later....
TEN YEARS!
i marvel at the plan. the purpose. the value. the intent. each and every soul that i have encountered is part of a story. my story. significant. of worth. with purpose.
and it all started way before i every knew or imagined. and it started with a spirit of prayer towards the future from veronica who wanted to send me off with encouragement and brooke who invited God into the story.
and then this happened...
my sister heather and i were on the phone. she started telling me about this adorable girl she had met and how she felt so connected to her and as if God had appointed her to that person (I think that is the word she used). her story was exciting and she went on to tell me how this relatively new friend had just won tickets to meet carrie underwood and how excited she was for her. she had helped katie rock out a styling outfit earlier to wear to the concert. in the retelling, heather mentioned that she won the tickets because "katie was a beach-body girl and had lost over 90 pounds."
i heard beach-body and immediately thought of one of my new very prayed for peep, kendra (specifically petitioned for to God by my sister heather). i asked out loud if it was possible that Katie knew Kendra. heather and i giggled and said, "no way". meanwhile i texted kendra.
"hey- do you know a Katie ... in mt. pleasant?"
not a second passes and the three little texting dots pop up followed by, "yes! she is one of my best friends. why?"
and i nearly lost it.
and i replied..., "stop it! my sister has been praying with her and connecting with her in mt. pleasant."
you guys! you can't make this stuff up.
i hung up with my sister immediately and told her i had to facetime kendra. i did and she and i sat there on the phone in tears. you see, she told me that she had been praying for some time that katie would meet someone who would walk through the spiritual life with her.
my sister.
kendra had been praying for my sister. and petitioning God for her to come into katie's life. stop it. is that even real?
and heather had been praying for kendra. petitioning God for her to come into my life.
and my super cool God, who weaves the craziest, coolest stories together answered both of those prayers... from mt. pleasant, sc to Pleasanton, ca (seriously- we live in very pleasant towns).
brooke's prayer was heard and i am so every thankful for the women in my life who god has abundantly blessed me with. kendra's prayer was answered and katie and heather are going to rock it out in mt. pleasant. heather's prayer was answered and kendra and i are going to rock it out in pleasanton.
can i get an a-men? i mean, for realz, JC! you knocked it out of the park with this one!
katie- i have no idea what outfit you are going to rock out this weekend at carrie underwood, but have a blast sweet friend. i cannot wait to meet you! already, you have a special place in my heart.
and kendra, brooke and heather- my prayer warriors! thank you. thank you for letting me see a god that loves me so much that he delights me with his creativity and details and passion for connection.
blown away.
i cannot wait to collect the visual history when the 4 of us get together for the first time.
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
good vibes and my girl
in the last few years i have been an observer of some phrasing that has made me go, "hmmmm....". i have observed peeps who have mentioned, "send good vibes for me", and heard peeps say, "fingers crossed" or "peop" (positive energy only please). people talk about karma and joo joo and mallery. it has confused me. not because i don't want to understand, but because i just don't really know where "vibes" go or how "energy" controls things.
a few months ago, d and i were in the car together going somewhere. we were mid-conversation about something and in an effort to express her hopefulness, she said, "knock on wood".
i silently cringed.
d, maybe having sensed my "energy" asked me if i believed in luck.
"no, girlie. not so much. i don't know what luck really means. it feels fake and pie-in-the-sky and placing your hope in something that isn't real or tangible or true."
d, without skipping a beat, said, "mom! i agree! everyone says, good luck and knock on wood and good vibes and all sorts of other things that don't make sense."
"girlie. this is a hard one. i mean, i get what the intent is. it's to ward off the bad that could be around the bend or to keep the positive rolling. but i don't believe that comes from 'knocking on wood'. i think that is from Jesus. and prayer."
d replied, "i agree mom, but it is a hard habit to break. and everybody else says it. but i don't like saying it because it is silly. from now on, let's just say, 'knock on Jesus'. and it will be like a reminder to pray."
and so for the better part of the summer, every time d would have a hope or anticipation for something good, she'd say, 'knock on Jesus' and then she and i would quickly pray about whatever the situation was.
it might sound just as silly as "knocking on wood" or "sending good vibes" (to whom and why?), but it has reminded d and i to pray. it has been a good moment to declare where our hope comes from and how His plans are made perfect.
because i am a curious person, i looked up some of these phrases with hopes that "knocking on wood" and "fingers crossed" might have a spiritual connection to the cross (fingers crossed... wood... you know related to the cross...).
turns out. they don't
they all have a connection to spirits, and universal energy (that doesn't come from god) and evil spirits.
not a fan.
not who i want in my corner.
not who i believe controls my hope or my future...
and so as for me, d and my peeps... we are going to "knock on jesus". bringing our cares before him and welcoming no others.
d's heart makes me smile. she thinks in such a fun creative way. never ever would i have thought of "knock on jesus" but from this point forward, i will smile every time i am reminded of luck or vibes or good thoughts. and every time, i will turn my thoughts into prayer.
a few months ago, d and i were in the car together going somewhere. we were mid-conversation about something and in an effort to express her hopefulness, she said, "knock on wood".
i silently cringed.
d, maybe having sensed my "energy" asked me if i believed in luck.
"no, girlie. not so much. i don't know what luck really means. it feels fake and pie-in-the-sky and placing your hope in something that isn't real or tangible or true."
d, without skipping a beat, said, "mom! i agree! everyone says, good luck and knock on wood and good vibes and all sorts of other things that don't make sense."
"girlie. this is a hard one. i mean, i get what the intent is. it's to ward off the bad that could be around the bend or to keep the positive rolling. but i don't believe that comes from 'knocking on wood'. i think that is from Jesus. and prayer."
d replied, "i agree mom, but it is a hard habit to break. and everybody else says it. but i don't like saying it because it is silly. from now on, let's just say, 'knock on Jesus'. and it will be like a reminder to pray."
and so for the better part of the summer, every time d would have a hope or anticipation for something good, she'd say, 'knock on Jesus' and then she and i would quickly pray about whatever the situation was.
it might sound just as silly as "knocking on wood" or "sending good vibes" (to whom and why?), but it has reminded d and i to pray. it has been a good moment to declare where our hope comes from and how His plans are made perfect.
because i am a curious person, i looked up some of these phrases with hopes that "knocking on wood" and "fingers crossed" might have a spiritual connection to the cross (fingers crossed... wood... you know related to the cross...).
turns out. they don't
they all have a connection to spirits, and universal energy (that doesn't come from god) and evil spirits.
not a fan.
not who i want in my corner.
not who i believe controls my hope or my future...
and so as for me, d and my peeps... we are going to "knock on jesus". bringing our cares before him and welcoming no others.
d's heart makes me smile. she thinks in such a fun creative way. never ever would i have thought of "knock on jesus" but from this point forward, i will smile every time i am reminded of luck or vibes or good thoughts. and every time, i will turn my thoughts into prayer.
Sunday, July 28, 2019
pops
for the last ten years, the buse and i have been putting pops to bed with a prayer and a song. every. single. night.
the older two had similar routines but started rejecting the song somewhere around kinder. pops, held out strong. she wanted the song.
on most nights, it's jesus loves me. some nights it's a song about the old crow and other nights it's a bubbles song from the gymboree days. occasionally we throw in a song about noah or the three jolly fishermen... but if she has her pick, it's jesus loves me.
pops is my youngest. the baby. she likes her role. i like her role. her sisters give me a hard time for letting her be a baby for so long. as her mom, i am also aware that i have a role in helping to nudge her out of the nest when her inclination is to huddle down in. ultimately, i want her to grow up and be strong and empowered and confident. sometimes you have to give them the push- even when you just want to keep them snug as a bug and safe in the comfort of your own arms.
the nightly tuck-tuck with pops was starting to get out of hand. we'd send her to get ready for bed and tell her we'd be up in five. five minutes later we would get upstairs for the singing and the praying. she would be barely ready. twenty minutes later she'd be situated in bed for the tuck routine. it was getting exhausting. we tried to crack down and she got better. eventually the twenty minute delay became a ten minute delay or on a good day, five. and then it went backwards. we had a chat with her about her timeline and attention to directions and procrastination techniques... we also told her that we were omitting the song.
she nearly lost it.
in an effort to prep her, we told her that part of the reason was because of time constraints and that the other part was that she was getting a little old for the toddler bedtime routine. we gave her six months. at ten, we were going to drop the singing. we'd still tuck. we'd still pray. but momma and daddy were wrapping up their vocal careers and retiring the song.
my heart broke a little bit. but as i said, this was a "nudge from the nest" moment. the time had come.
last night was the last night of her ninth year. we sang all the songs. all of them. not just one. not just bubbles or jesus loves me... but a sampling of the favorites from the years of singing. we giggled and snuggled and loved every minute.
today she is ten. double digits. the end of my nightclub tuck-tuck singing gig.
at ten, my girl is still as silly as ever. she has the greatest group of friends that a momma could hope for, loves swimming and lacrosse and dancing, hates most fruits, refuses to try juice of any sorts, is still as finicky as ever about how her clothing feels, continues to rock the uggs nearly year round, has an artistic passion for clay making. she spends way too many hours a day on her iPad, has the kindest heart towards friend and stranger alike (literally- she nearly cried the other day when on an outing and ran across a homeless man- asking me for whatever money i had on hand to give him), loves to snuggle, loves to read but not when forced upon her, is willing to try new things on her own terms (she surfed for the first time this summer and rocked out a swim with sea turtles- not sure she would have done that a year ago...). she is careful in her decision making process and evaluates all the angles, and has developed a strong passion for soccer (trying out for competitive soccer this season and playing goalie for the first time). she still sometimes hides behind my leg around strangers and loves her sisters and daddy fiercely. i could not be more proud of her and can hardly believe that my "baby" is about to start the fifth grade.
happy birthday, baby bird. momma's not ready for all of this growing up!
the older two had similar routines but started rejecting the song somewhere around kinder. pops, held out strong. she wanted the song.
on most nights, it's jesus loves me. some nights it's a song about the old crow and other nights it's a bubbles song from the gymboree days. occasionally we throw in a song about noah or the three jolly fishermen... but if she has her pick, it's jesus loves me.
pops is my youngest. the baby. she likes her role. i like her role. her sisters give me a hard time for letting her be a baby for so long. as her mom, i am also aware that i have a role in helping to nudge her out of the nest when her inclination is to huddle down in. ultimately, i want her to grow up and be strong and empowered and confident. sometimes you have to give them the push- even when you just want to keep them snug as a bug and safe in the comfort of your own arms.
the nightly tuck-tuck with pops was starting to get out of hand. we'd send her to get ready for bed and tell her we'd be up in five. five minutes later we would get upstairs for the singing and the praying. she would be barely ready. twenty minutes later she'd be situated in bed for the tuck routine. it was getting exhausting. we tried to crack down and she got better. eventually the twenty minute delay became a ten minute delay or on a good day, five. and then it went backwards. we had a chat with her about her timeline and attention to directions and procrastination techniques... we also told her that we were omitting the song.
she nearly lost it.
in an effort to prep her, we told her that part of the reason was because of time constraints and that the other part was that she was getting a little old for the toddler bedtime routine. we gave her six months. at ten, we were going to drop the singing. we'd still tuck. we'd still pray. but momma and daddy were wrapping up their vocal careers and retiring the song.
my heart broke a little bit. but as i said, this was a "nudge from the nest" moment. the time had come.
last night was the last night of her ninth year. we sang all the songs. all of them. not just one. not just bubbles or jesus loves me... but a sampling of the favorites from the years of singing. we giggled and snuggled and loved every minute.
today she is ten. double digits. the end of my nightclub tuck-tuck singing gig. at ten, my girl is still as silly as ever. she has the greatest group of friends that a momma could hope for, loves swimming and lacrosse and dancing, hates most fruits, refuses to try juice of any sorts, is still as finicky as ever about how her clothing feels, continues to rock the uggs nearly year round, has an artistic passion for clay making. she spends way too many hours a day on her iPad, has the kindest heart towards friend and stranger alike (literally- she nearly cried the other day when on an outing and ran across a homeless man- asking me for whatever money i had on hand to give him), loves to snuggle, loves to read but not when forced upon her, is willing to try new things on her own terms (she surfed for the first time this summer and rocked out a swim with sea turtles- not sure she would have done that a year ago...). she is careful in her decision making process and evaluates all the angles, and has developed a strong passion for soccer (trying out for competitive soccer this season and playing goalie for the first time). she still sometimes hides behind my leg around strangers and loves her sisters and daddy fiercely. i could not be more proud of her and can hardly believe that my "baby" is about to start the fifth grade.
happy birthday, baby bird. momma's not ready for all of this growing up!
Thursday, February 14, 2019
jealous
on thursday mornings, i have the pleasure of attending a mother's group at my church. today, i had the pleasure of standing at the front door and welcoming each mom with a rose. we thought it would be fun, since our meeting fell on actual valentines day, to greet the mommas with a rose.
confession: my husband spoils me with flowers. fact. i get bouquets on the regular. maybe so regular that the joy of receiving them has sort of worn off. it's not that i don't love flowers. i do. i very much, do! it's just that it has become part of my normal. i forget that this is a special thing and that it is not something that every man does. if i am honest, i might sometimes neglect to appreciate the fact that i am married to a man that shows his love to me through flowers.
but today, as i stood there, greeting mommas with roses, i saw delight in their eyes. it dawned on me, that for many, this was their rose. this was the flower they would get today. and for many, it brought joy. being remembered and "specialed" meant something to them. it made me happy.
i stood just inside the entrance after the program had begun, so that i could be sure to catch the mommas that might arrive late. worship began, and with my fist filled with roses, i began to sing.
He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
i have sung this song many, many, many times. but for some reason, maybe because of the roses in my hand, a memory from my childhood popped into my mind.
he is jealous for me
my grandfather and my grandmother had known one another since elementary school. the story they told me was that my grandmother lacked interest in my grandfather for years. she went off to college and my grandfather went off to college. he was interested in her the whole time, but it wasn't until he came home from college that she began to give in to his relentless pursuit. i can literally still hear her say something to the effect of, "well... i realized he wasn't going to give up, so i decided to give him a chance."
and they lived happily ever after.
i mean it. in spite of the challenges that life is certain to give everyone, they literally loved and cherished one another dearly.
when he would give her roses, which he did frequently, he would given her a dozen red for love and one yellow for jealousy. he always wanted to remind her that he was jealous for her.
literally- he was telling her symbolically that he was so happy that she was his person. he was jealous for her!
and as i sang this song this morning, the memory illuminated my heart and my mind. that... THAT is the kind of love our Father has for US.
HE IS JEALOUS FOR ME.
and when i lack interest or play hard to get or whatever it is that i might do to distance myself from God... he is jealous for me. he longs to be "my person". and just like my grandfather relentlessly pursued my grandmother, God relentlessly pursues us.
He relentlessly pursues YOU. He longs for you to know him, choose him and give your life to him.
and just like i can be prone to take my husband's flower giving for granted... i can often find myself taking that jealous love from a Heavenly Father who pursues me with His hurricane like force love for granted.
with a fist full of roses, a memory of two people who demonstrated love so well in my mind and a heart in the posture of worship, my heart filled up with joy. i am so thankful to be reminded that my Father loves ME like THAT.
seriously- look at the picture of my grandparents. i can't even count the number of times that i saw him look at her like that. his look said it all. he loved her. he cherished her. she was HIS and he could not be more joyful.
God feels that way about you. and about me.
that my friends, is love. and each one of us has the ability to receive love just like that.
Monday, December 31, 2018
top ten of '18
it's been a while since i have rocked out a top ten blog post. in fact, my blogging for the past few years has been spotty, at best. while i still enjoy writing and hearing that click, click, click of the keyboard while my mind processes thoughts, i have less time for it these days. as my kids have grown, i also find that privacy matters a bit more to them. not being a super private person, i try not to let that alter my posts, but i also try to be respectful of their stories. it is an interesting line to walk. but at the end of the day, i cherish the memories and putting pen to paper (so to speak) helps my aging mind remember things as i saw them and felt them in real time. a momma needs that. life goes by quickly and the memories can easily jumble and transform in my mind. writing them down helps me file them accurately.
anywho, on to the matter at hand... here are the moments, events and experiences that stick out to me as my biggest and best of 2018 (in no particular order).
1.). Big Sur or Bust
this fall my sister heather came to visit and hold a cabi show, as she does twice a year. it also happened to be the year she was to turn the big ut-oh! every time she comes we rock out some kind of adventure- they are filled with life lessons, imperfection, giggles, funny phrases and memories to last a life-time. every time we start to plan the adventure (usually the night before we intend to go, h says, "let's go to big sur!" her enthusiasm is great, her desire to explore the coast profound... but also, not possible as big sur isn't exactly a day trip from p-town. the girls and i, knowing that h has been longing to visit big sur, decided to treat auntie heather to a big sur exploration to celebrate her milestone birthday. big sur did not disappoint.
hbd, sister of mine. love you to pieces. love how you invest in your nieces. love your heart for the big guy. love you love for the in-n-out fry.
2.). Date nights with my number one
marriage is hard. don't let anyone tell you differently. it is work and compromise and confusion and yielding. and in spite of all the hard, it is also beautiful and rewarding and life-giving and fulfilling. so many highs. so many lows.
one of the things that i think the buse and i do well is date night. we fight hard for time to connect and be couple outside of our girls. sometimes we go on dates alone and other times it is with friends. each option has its place and value in our lives. it is the thing that binds and reminds us of why this is all worth it. at the end of the day, we actually like each other and enjoy spending time in one another's company. this year was no different.
2018 had some darn good dates. love our time adulting.
3.). Amador and a girl who is rocking out freshman year
my eldest girl has been a challenge for me- not because she is hard, but because she is my first. i give her my all, hold my breath, say some prayers and wait. she usually rises to the occasion. everything before high school has felt like a fair place to fall on our faces. we haven't, but i had some anxiety over high school. "we've" got to nail this but the fact of the matter is it is all her. i am a witness in this story and not a player. the win or the loss is all on her- i can coach, encourage, pray, support, assist... but really we have crossed over into the land where she holds the keys.
and she is killing it. i love her people. i love her enthusiasm. i have mad love for her decision making skills. i super appreciate her passion for excellence without demanding perfection (there is a line and sometimes it is hard to see- it is human specific and she knows where her excellence lies). i could do less of the sass and teenager angst. i have mad respect for her independence and drive.
4.). A long weekend with my momma
this summer i had the opportunity to go "special" my momma for a long weekend. we did it all. we lunched and dinnered, volta'd and nyc'd. we gardened and we cooked bulgarian dishes. we did what makes her happy. and i was along for the ride. my task and mental mojo was to love with abandon. if you know my momma, you know that this can be a challenge. she is particular. she can be demanding. gentle isn't her strong suit. strength has been her middle name. her life has been hard from beginning until end. my goal was to make her laugh, smile, and get whatever it was that she needed.
it was an amazing time. mission accomplished = happy momma = daughter with full heart.
5.). Joining Darby Group
confession: i have been a reluctant stay-at-home momma. i like working. i like being busy. multi-tasking is my jam. using my brain makes me happy.
staying home with my girls for the last 12 years was the right, best decision, but i always knew that i wouldn't stay home forever. i also always knew that i was done teaching. i ended my career being a part of something so life-changing and life-giving and fulfilling- being a part of a start-up charter school in inner city chicago serving the dearborn housing project, which became a part of my soul. i want that to be my fireworks, the end of my teaching story, the grand finale on a career that started in a privileged private school environment and gradually eased its way into the environment where my soul filled because what i was doing mattered- REALLY MATTERED.
shortly after i left the field, my heart knew what my next gig would be. this girl, perhaps oddly, discovered that home would be my jam. helping people find and create and discover their own version of home became a passion.
a few years ago, i had a random chat with my gal-pal about a development proposal in p-town. at the end of our chat she said, "you should really go into real estate". and i told her of my passion. she encouraged me to launch this new version of me.
the timing was not right. my stint as a stay-at-home momma was still very much a necessity (as the hubs was launching his partnership).
this fall she brought it up again. "you should jump in, tasha."
me: i know. it's just so overwhelming and hard to know where and how to start.
her: "with us. jump in and join us."
and so there you have it. momma has slowly eased back into the work place and launched a new career. it has been gradual and slow and exactly perfect for me. we do leasing, property management, buys, sales, flips and construction project management. i love all of it. no pressure- but it you need help with a real estate need, we've got you.
6.). Anyone for Tennis?
last fall, technically 2017, my favorite shannie asked some gals if anyone wanted to take up tennis.
ME✋
since i was in middle school, i have wanted to take up tennis. for realz. i took lessons with carrie kern in 7th(ish) grade. mr. node was our instructor. we were terrible but we had a blast. and that was the end of that. in high school i used to walk my friend heather's dog (ladybug) while wearing a tennis skirt. we would pretend we had just finished a match. it was a farce.
and so with great joy, 2017-2018 from october through may, shannie and i would meet our instructor ken, and rock out some tennis. shannie is good. i am mediocre. but for the duration of a school year, we learned how to play. i love it. i miss it. i might make time for it again real soon.
7.). Tango
i didn't plan on getting a cat. really, i didn't. but one thing led to another and now we have a cat. i thought she would be an outdoor cat and kill the backyard rodents. but as soon as i met her, i just couldn't, i just wouldn't let her become a street cat. the buser fam is smitten with our (not quite) kitten.
8.). My Peeps
this year has been filled with SO MUCH FUN! i adore the people that i get to do life with. for realz- not a day goes by that i don't feel an abundance of gratitude for those that walk this story with me. from the peeps that i hang with on the daily to those that i have less frequent shenanigans with- each one of you rocks. you know who you are. love. love. mad love. for you.
9.). Mom2Mom
in june, my friend sally, asked me if i was up for joining her in a leadership adventure of the mom's group at our church. funny thing was that i had already felt god speaking this "YES" into my heart and soul. i didn't hesitate and jumped right in. i am so thankful that i did. obedience is always a good thing. and it is typically followed by blessings you didn't know you needed. so thankful for these girls that i get to walk this story out with. and for those attending- i am loving to get to know each and every one of you. heart bursting.
insert drum roll here... my favorite part of 2018...
10.). Quality time with the Fam Bam
my three little people and hubs can make this momma a smidge cray from time to time, but that doesn't change the mad love that i have for them. and let's be honest, i am certain fairly certain that i drive them just as nutty.
they make my heart beat. they give me purpose. they are joy and love and growth and challenges and hope wrapped up in humans. i adore us. we are far (very far) from perfect, but we are family. my family. and this life would not. could not. be the same without them.
we had a lot of fun in 2018.
some family you are born into. some family you choose. i am thankful for all of it.
nothing is promised to us, and so today i will celebrate the year behind me. cheers to 2018. thankful. blessed. wishing you and yours an adventurous fun-filled 2019.
anywho, on to the matter at hand... here are the moments, events and experiences that stick out to me as my biggest and best of 2018 (in no particular order).
1.). Big Sur or Bust
this fall my sister heather came to visit and hold a cabi show, as she does twice a year. it also happened to be the year she was to turn the big ut-oh! every time she comes we rock out some kind of adventure- they are filled with life lessons, imperfection, giggles, funny phrases and memories to last a life-time. every time we start to plan the adventure (usually the night before we intend to go, h says, "let's go to big sur!" her enthusiasm is great, her desire to explore the coast profound... but also, not possible as big sur isn't exactly a day trip from p-town. the girls and i, knowing that h has been longing to visit big sur, decided to treat auntie heather to a big sur exploration to celebrate her milestone birthday. big sur did not disappoint.
hbd, sister of mine. love you to pieces. love how you invest in your nieces. love your heart for the big guy. love you love for the in-n-out fry.
2.). Date nights with my number one
marriage is hard. don't let anyone tell you differently. it is work and compromise and confusion and yielding. and in spite of all the hard, it is also beautiful and rewarding and life-giving and fulfilling. so many highs. so many lows.
one of the things that i think the buse and i do well is date night. we fight hard for time to connect and be couple outside of our girls. sometimes we go on dates alone and other times it is with friends. each option has its place and value in our lives. it is the thing that binds and reminds us of why this is all worth it. at the end of the day, we actually like each other and enjoy spending time in one another's company. this year was no different.
3.). Amador and a girl who is rocking out freshman year
my eldest girl has been a challenge for me- not because she is hard, but because she is my first. i give her my all, hold my breath, say some prayers and wait. she usually rises to the occasion. everything before high school has felt like a fair place to fall on our faces. we haven't, but i had some anxiety over high school. "we've" got to nail this but the fact of the matter is it is all her. i am a witness in this story and not a player. the win or the loss is all on her- i can coach, encourage, pray, support, assist... but really we have crossed over into the land where she holds the keys.
and she is killing it. i love her people. i love her enthusiasm. i have mad love for her decision making skills. i super appreciate her passion for excellence without demanding perfection (there is a line and sometimes it is hard to see- it is human specific and she knows where her excellence lies). i could do less of the sass and teenager angst. i have mad respect for her independence and drive.
currently, she is rocking the freshman scene at her local high school and this momma could not feel more proud.
4.). A long weekend with my momma
this summer i had the opportunity to go "special" my momma for a long weekend. we did it all. we lunched and dinnered, volta'd and nyc'd. we gardened and we cooked bulgarian dishes. we did what makes her happy. and i was along for the ride. my task and mental mojo was to love with abandon. if you know my momma, you know that this can be a challenge. she is particular. she can be demanding. gentle isn't her strong suit. strength has been her middle name. her life has been hard from beginning until end. my goal was to make her laugh, smile, and get whatever it was that she needed.
it was an amazing time. mission accomplished = happy momma = daughter with full heart.
5.). Joining Darby Group
confession: i have been a reluctant stay-at-home momma. i like working. i like being busy. multi-tasking is my jam. using my brain makes me happy.
staying home with my girls for the last 12 years was the right, best decision, but i always knew that i wouldn't stay home forever. i also always knew that i was done teaching. i ended my career being a part of something so life-changing and life-giving and fulfilling- being a part of a start-up charter school in inner city chicago serving the dearborn housing project, which became a part of my soul. i want that to be my fireworks, the end of my teaching story, the grand finale on a career that started in a privileged private school environment and gradually eased its way into the environment where my soul filled because what i was doing mattered- REALLY MATTERED.
shortly after i left the field, my heart knew what my next gig would be. this girl, perhaps oddly, discovered that home would be my jam. helping people find and create and discover their own version of home became a passion.
a few years ago, i had a random chat with my gal-pal about a development proposal in p-town. at the end of our chat she said, "you should really go into real estate". and i told her of my passion. she encouraged me to launch this new version of me.
the timing was not right. my stint as a stay-at-home momma was still very much a necessity (as the hubs was launching his partnership).
this fall she brought it up again. "you should jump in, tasha."
me: i know. it's just so overwhelming and hard to know where and how to start.
her: "with us. jump in and join us."
and so there you have it. momma has slowly eased back into the work place and launched a new career. it has been gradual and slow and exactly perfect for me. we do leasing, property management, buys, sales, flips and construction project management. i love all of it. no pressure- but it you need help with a real estate need, we've got you.
6.). Anyone for Tennis?
last fall, technically 2017, my favorite shannie asked some gals if anyone wanted to take up tennis.
ME✋
since i was in middle school, i have wanted to take up tennis. for realz. i took lessons with carrie kern in 7th(ish) grade. mr. node was our instructor. we were terrible but we had a blast. and that was the end of that. in high school i used to walk my friend heather's dog (ladybug) while wearing a tennis skirt. we would pretend we had just finished a match. it was a farce.
and so with great joy, 2017-2018 from october through may, shannie and i would meet our instructor ken, and rock out some tennis. shannie is good. i am mediocre. but for the duration of a school year, we learned how to play. i love it. i miss it. i might make time for it again real soon.
7.). Tango
i didn't plan on getting a cat. really, i didn't. but one thing led to another and now we have a cat. i thought she would be an outdoor cat and kill the backyard rodents. but as soon as i met her, i just couldn't, i just wouldn't let her become a street cat. the buser fam is smitten with our (not quite) kitten.
8.). My Peeps
this year has been filled with SO MUCH FUN! i adore the people that i get to do life with. for realz- not a day goes by that i don't feel an abundance of gratitude for those that walk this story with me. from the peeps that i hang with on the daily to those that i have less frequent shenanigans with- each one of you rocks. you know who you are. love. love. mad love. for you.
9.). Mom2Mom
in june, my friend sally, asked me if i was up for joining her in a leadership adventure of the mom's group at our church. funny thing was that i had already felt god speaking this "YES" into my heart and soul. i didn't hesitate and jumped right in. i am so thankful that i did. obedience is always a good thing. and it is typically followed by blessings you didn't know you needed. so thankful for these girls that i get to walk this story out with. and for those attending- i am loving to get to know each and every one of you. heart bursting.
insert drum roll here... my favorite part of 2018...
10.). Quality time with the Fam Bam
my three little people and hubs can make this momma a smidge cray from time to time, but that doesn't change the mad love that i have for them. and let's be honest, i am certain fairly certain that i drive them just as nutty.
they make my heart beat. they give me purpose. they are joy and love and growth and challenges and hope wrapped up in humans. i adore us. we are far (very far) from perfect, but we are family. my family. and this life would not. could not. be the same without them.
we had a lot of fun in 2018.
some family you are born into. some family you choose. i am thankful for all of it.
nothing is promised to us, and so today i will celebrate the year behind me. cheers to 2018. thankful. blessed. wishing you and yours an adventurous fun-filled 2019.
Friday, November 2, 2018
beautiful, beautiful!
Watch this!
this is difficult to put into words.
but... i am going to give it a try.
a few things to note: when scott and i prayed about moving here, we begged God to not let this move be about a job. while we needed a vehicle, we didn't feel good about making a huge life change for something that wasn't kingdom centered.
at my going away dinner with my coveted friends, my friend brooke asked the table to join me in praying for friendships. she intentionally chose to ask my closest christian women, who knew all the parts of little old me, to pray that i would be blessed with friendship.
that felt good. in the lonely and hard of that first year, i clung to the fact that brooke and the rest of my people were praying for me. specifically. to have friends.
I rested in those prayers.
this girl is an extrovert. she is people people. i don't do alone well. i don't do internal processing at all. i thrive and grow from the outward. i need people to sharpen me, grow me, reflect me, fill me, fill me some more, and add value to my life.
in our first few years of living in this lovely land of goodness, god stretched me in my church home. i led this and was asked to do that and serve here and teach there... and for a while it was very good. i had oodles of friends (in and out of the church). i grew as a christ follower and felt very much like our "not for a job" mission was being fulfilled by a very generous and loving Father.
and then there was that day... where God said, "nope. tasha, i need you to step down from all of it."
"all of it?"
"yep. all of it."
"are you sure?"
"yep. super sure."
and so i did. i remember talking to scott about the details and breaking inside because our lives were sort of built around all of the kingdom things we were doing. i was fearful that this act of obedience that i had been called to wouldn't make sense for my family. i brought it all to scott and scott didn't hesitate. he just supported. it was a weird and beautiful era.
as we stepped down from our church obligations and began to create this divide, i remember feeling lonely. i longed for the relationships that i was deliberately separating myself from. it was weird. obedience felt so right and yet so hard and yucky at all the same moments.
and very quickly, the people that had been my people for several years, were not my people. and quickly, space opened up in my life for new people and my social calendar began to fill with people... not affiliated or associated with a church or a love of Jesus or a mutual religion... but because of heart connections and a mutual love/respect for each other.
and while i was full because of these new emerging friendships, i also felt lonely and empty because the ones i had cultivated for so long and served with and poured into had forgotten me so quickly.
yikes.
yuck.
and so for many years, i cultivated new relationships and filled my time with people. not for any reason other than the fact that they were people. and we had connectivity. and i loved them. and we had fun together. and it was good. very good.
but it also brought me back to that thing... "God, don't take us to california for a job. make it be about kingdom stuff." and my friend brooke praying for friendship.
and it left me unsettled. i love my people. each and every one of them. right there. for who they are. for where they stand. for what they add to my life. for what i can add to theirs. for laughter. for tears. for honesty. for realness.
ALL OF IT.
and yet there was this piece in me that felt like something was lacking. my service heart wasn't doing what it was called to do. the piece of me that was cultivated to teach about Jesus was stagnant. and yet i was terrified... terrified of falling into an identity crisis where my self-worth had something to do with how much i served. and i was paralyzed by the rejection and the fractured friendships that occurred when we chose to obey Jesus and follow a new path. i had lost a whole circle of my life who clearly only wanted me in my life if i gave to them, served for them, volunteered in their circles and met their needs. it left me dead in my tracks.
and yet Jesus is more powerful than me.
and the prayers of brooke and my friends were heard.
and answered.
and then this summer, after bearing my whole bag of trash to a new friend who loved Jesus, asked me to be part of the leadership for a mom's group (my whole heart on my sleeve) and i had no choice but to say "yes? Yes. YES!" because God had prepared me for the ask and pushed me into the uncomfortable place of awkward, and serving, and vulnerability and obedience. ick.
AND THEN...
are you ready for this?
this girl posts the registration link to the mom's (Jesus) group on facebook and a few friends REGISTER. HUH? what you talking 'bout willis? my non-Jesus talking peeps are registering for the Jesus group? at a church? where we are going to fo sizzle, one hundy, talk about God and how he loves us and how to live intentionally for him?
Yep.
that happened.
and then....
my sister comes to town and has a cabi party and people get talking to people and suddenly ten-ish friends register for the Jesus loving mom's group.
and they come week after week.
and week after week, i walk into that room and see them, and hear them, and celebrate
that THIS
is
what brooke
prayed for.
beautiful, beautiful.
"Now there's a joy inside I can't contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it's pouring down, I see You through the clouds shining on my face"
and with perfect vision i can look back and see the plan. i can see how each and every person was part of god's perfect plan. each and every one of them were an answer to prayer.
there has been a lot of rain in my heart- hurts, rejection, loss and confusion, but i promise you, the joy in uncontainable.
and my heart is full, and bursting, and celebratory at each and every heart interaction that has been brought forth by a friendship circle that prayed for this girl to have people and a god that turned those people into HIS people.
this is difficult to put into words.
but... i am going to give it a try.
a few things to note: when scott and i prayed about moving here, we begged God to not let this move be about a job. while we needed a vehicle, we didn't feel good about making a huge life change for something that wasn't kingdom centered.
at my going away dinner with my coveted friends, my friend brooke asked the table to join me in praying for friendships. she intentionally chose to ask my closest christian women, who knew all the parts of little old me, to pray that i would be blessed with friendship.
that felt good. in the lonely and hard of that first year, i clung to the fact that brooke and the rest of my people were praying for me. specifically. to have friends.
I rested in those prayers.
this girl is an extrovert. she is people people. i don't do alone well. i don't do internal processing at all. i thrive and grow from the outward. i need people to sharpen me, grow me, reflect me, fill me, fill me some more, and add value to my life.
in our first few years of living in this lovely land of goodness, god stretched me in my church home. i led this and was asked to do that and serve here and teach there... and for a while it was very good. i had oodles of friends (in and out of the church). i grew as a christ follower and felt very much like our "not for a job" mission was being fulfilled by a very generous and loving Father.
and then there was that day... where God said, "nope. tasha, i need you to step down from all of it."
"all of it?"
"yep. all of it."
"are you sure?"
"yep. super sure."
and so i did. i remember talking to scott about the details and breaking inside because our lives were sort of built around all of the kingdom things we were doing. i was fearful that this act of obedience that i had been called to wouldn't make sense for my family. i brought it all to scott and scott didn't hesitate. he just supported. it was a weird and beautiful era.
as we stepped down from our church obligations and began to create this divide, i remember feeling lonely. i longed for the relationships that i was deliberately separating myself from. it was weird. obedience felt so right and yet so hard and yucky at all the same moments.
and very quickly, the people that had been my people for several years, were not my people. and quickly, space opened up in my life for new people and my social calendar began to fill with people... not affiliated or associated with a church or a love of Jesus or a mutual religion... but because of heart connections and a mutual love/respect for each other.
and while i was full because of these new emerging friendships, i also felt lonely and empty because the ones i had cultivated for so long and served with and poured into had forgotten me so quickly.
yikes.
yuck.
and so for many years, i cultivated new relationships and filled my time with people. not for any reason other than the fact that they were people. and we had connectivity. and i loved them. and we had fun together. and it was good. very good.
but it also brought me back to that thing... "God, don't take us to california for a job. make it be about kingdom stuff." and my friend brooke praying for friendship.
and it left me unsettled. i love my people. each and every one of them. right there. for who they are. for where they stand. for what they add to my life. for what i can add to theirs. for laughter. for tears. for honesty. for realness.
ALL OF IT.
and yet there was this piece in me that felt like something was lacking. my service heart wasn't doing what it was called to do. the piece of me that was cultivated to teach about Jesus was stagnant. and yet i was terrified... terrified of falling into an identity crisis where my self-worth had something to do with how much i served. and i was paralyzed by the rejection and the fractured friendships that occurred when we chose to obey Jesus and follow a new path. i had lost a whole circle of my life who clearly only wanted me in my life if i gave to them, served for them, volunteered in their circles and met their needs. it left me dead in my tracks.
and yet Jesus is more powerful than me.
and the prayers of brooke and my friends were heard.
and answered.
and then this summer, after bearing my whole bag of trash to a new friend who loved Jesus, asked me to be part of the leadership for a mom's group (my whole heart on my sleeve) and i had no choice but to say "yes? Yes. YES!" because God had prepared me for the ask and pushed me into the uncomfortable place of awkward, and serving, and vulnerability and obedience. ick.
AND THEN...
are you ready for this?
this girl posts the registration link to the mom's (Jesus) group on facebook and a few friends REGISTER. HUH? what you talking 'bout willis? my non-Jesus talking peeps are registering for the Jesus group? at a church? where we are going to fo sizzle, one hundy, talk about God and how he loves us and how to live intentionally for him?
Yep.
that happened.
and then....
my sister comes to town and has a cabi party and people get talking to people and suddenly ten-ish friends register for the Jesus loving mom's group.
and they come week after week.
and week after week, i walk into that room and see them, and hear them, and celebrate
that THIS
is
what brooke
prayed for.
beautiful, beautiful.
"Now there's a joy inside I can't contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it's pouring down, I see You through the clouds shining on my face"
and with perfect vision i can look back and see the plan. i can see how each and every person was part of god's perfect plan. each and every one of them were an answer to prayer.
there has been a lot of rain in my heart- hurts, rejection, loss and confusion, but i promise you, the joy in uncontainable.
and my heart is full, and bursting, and celebratory at each and every heart interaction that has been brought forth by a friendship circle that prayed for this girl to have people and a god that turned those people into HIS people.
Tuesday, July 3, 2018
This is ME
when i was in seventh grade, my mom and i moved from marcellus, ny to winchester, va. just she and i. it was the right move for us, but at the time it sure didn't feel like it. i hated leaving behind the town that knew my family and i. i hated leaving behind my family. at the same time, my eldest sister had just started college. i went from living with my mom and sister in a town where i knew everyone, seeing my dad and siblings once a week and my extended family about every six weeks... to being suddenly very alone.
at the same time i learned some other new things about myself. i had never known it before, but it turns out i was poor.
who knew? not me. my dad was middle class, but my momma was poor. somehow, for the first half of my childhood, i had been fully fooled. i thought that our financial story was just like everybody else's. turns out, i was way off.
i was, in fact, very poor. i had a handicapped mother who didn't drive and couldn't work. while in marcellus, that is not how i was viewed. you see, my small town knew my momma before she became poor, before she could no longer work, before she couldn't drive. and they saw her with those eyes. they remembered her from her teaching, tennis playing, library visiting, volunteering at the school, dinner party-hosting, craft-club member, church- going, study-clubber, vbs-leader etc. days. and when her life changed and her financial story slid on its heals, they jumped in on the ready to help her. there was the family that took us to church, the family that picked her up for a once-a-month grocery trip, the friend who took her to town for errand day, the teacher that picked her up so she could volunteer at the school etc. my mom had accrued so much love and equity from an era no longer, that the community willingly paid it forward. she sometimes had to ask for help, but often help just showed up. in addition to having a super fab community of friends, she was also a super fab financial guru. she knew how to scrimp and save in ways that blow my adult mind. she took the wee bit of funds in front of her and maximized every single cent. (and she did it all while being faithful with her finances to God... more on that in a post to come soon.)
as for me, i was seen the same way by my community as my momma. i was loved, cared for, and provided for by a very compassionate network of the kindest humans a person could ask to be surrounded by. i had peeps on the ready to volunteer to pick me up for soccer, skating lessons, girl scouts meetings, music lessons, etc. people didn't see me as the poor girl from the broken home with the handicapped mother. they just saw me as tasha. i was loved and accepted for just being me.
and then i moved. winchester didn't know me. they didn't know my momma. they didn't know our story or history. it was a town with a racial divide and a socioeconomic divide. the "haves" had a lot. the "have nots" did not have much.
i moved to winchester in the beginning of november, on the monday of my birthday week in seventh grade. my birthday was on thursday. i remember walking into school that monday and feeling confident and excited and eager to meet new people, while also being slightly timid and unsure. i knew nothing of this new town or the people who called it home. i made friends that first day and was even invited to a party at kelly pott's house for the following week. i was so excited. as i fell into these new surroundings, i started to notice some differences. the people that i found myself becoming friends with were lovely humans, but they were different from me. they were well-connected, wealthy, and part of the fabric of the comunity. for the first time in my life, i noticed strait away that i was not the same.
i remember that first week oddly well. i couldn't wait for my birthday on thursday because i had only asked for one thing. i coveted, longed for, needed... even before landing in this prestigous town, GUESS JEANS. when i was invited to that first party, just a few days shy of my birthday, i had my outfit planned. i was going to wear my sassy new jeans (that i was for sure going to get) and this amazeballs shirt my sister had given me before leaving for college. it was from panama jack. nailed it. for sure i would be a "cool kid".
and then my birthday came... and there were no guess jeans. in fact, my birthday was mostly forgotten. worst. day. ever.
i was devastated. it was as if my entire life was defined by that moment. i couldn't fathom going forward without the jeans. i had no idea how i would survive the party. for this teenage girl, it was everything. it was the end of the end of the end.
i went to the party in spite of my personal tragedy. i had fun. we danced to mony mony, drank some coca-cola, and i made friends with peeps that would later become "MY peeps". even without the jeans, it was good.
several days following the party i encountered a pair of moms mommas to the kids that i had just bonded with. the peeps that would be my peeps in the years to come. the moms didn't see me, but I saw them. and i overheard a conversation that was not meant for my ears.
"have you met that new girl?'"
"briefly. her parents are divorced! and her mom is handicapped!"
"they live on Shawnee! i am not sure she is good for our girls."
and they went on to discuss all the reasons why, on first glimpse, i was not their person (having never even met me).
SAY WHAT????
can you imagine my 7th grade ears hearing this? it was terrible. they never knew. i ended up being tight with their daughters. BUT! in our beginning my ears heard those words. suddenly, i learned what it meant to be "less than" and a "have not" and being "from the wrong side of the tracks".
my eyes opened up to what it meant to be poor. before this moment, my mom had sheltered me from that. and because my father had a certain level of middle class means, i was exposed to things like nice dinners and fancy family vacations. with my early childhood eyes, i simply never saw what was real. and then suddenly, my reality shifted after accidentally eavesdropping on my new friends parents.
yikes!
i tend to reject what i do not like. and so in true fashion, my personality rejected this entire story. i tried as best i could to just live out "me".
i had an amazing high school experience and there were certainly moments of my identity being altered by lacking history and being judged because my story wasn't understood. but mostly, it was good.
later in my life, i dated someone whose parents COULD. NOT. wrap their heads around the fact that
that i was from a broken home. my parent's divorce difined me. i was damaged goods. i could never be their son's person. in spite of the fact that i was.
a few months ago, the fam and i watched "the greatest showman". SO GOOD! i love me almost any a musical, but THIS musical resonated in so many peculiar ways.
i was hooked from lyric one.
and then i got to THIS IS ME. if you haven't heard it, speed on over to youtube and give it a listen. i'll be right here when you get back.
ok. everyone on the same page now?
at the same time i learned some other new things about myself. i had never known it before, but it turns out i was poor.
who knew? not me. my dad was middle class, but my momma was poor. somehow, for the first half of my childhood, i had been fully fooled. i thought that our financial story was just like everybody else's. turns out, i was way off.
i was, in fact, very poor. i had a handicapped mother who didn't drive and couldn't work. while in marcellus, that is not how i was viewed. you see, my small town knew my momma before she became poor, before she could no longer work, before she couldn't drive. and they saw her with those eyes. they remembered her from her teaching, tennis playing, library visiting, volunteering at the school, dinner party-hosting, craft-club member, church- going, study-clubber, vbs-leader etc. days. and when her life changed and her financial story slid on its heals, they jumped in on the ready to help her. there was the family that took us to church, the family that picked her up for a once-a-month grocery trip, the friend who took her to town for errand day, the teacher that picked her up so she could volunteer at the school etc. my mom had accrued so much love and equity from an era no longer, that the community willingly paid it forward. she sometimes had to ask for help, but often help just showed up. in addition to having a super fab community of friends, she was also a super fab financial guru. she knew how to scrimp and save in ways that blow my adult mind. she took the wee bit of funds in front of her and maximized every single cent. (and she did it all while being faithful with her finances to God... more on that in a post to come soon.)
as for me, i was seen the same way by my community as my momma. i was loved, cared for, and provided for by a very compassionate network of the kindest humans a person could ask to be surrounded by. i had peeps on the ready to volunteer to pick me up for soccer, skating lessons, girl scouts meetings, music lessons, etc. people didn't see me as the poor girl from the broken home with the handicapped mother. they just saw me as tasha. i was loved and accepted for just being me.
and then i moved. winchester didn't know me. they didn't know my momma. they didn't know our story or history. it was a town with a racial divide and a socioeconomic divide. the "haves" had a lot. the "have nots" did not have much.
i moved to winchester in the beginning of november, on the monday of my birthday week in seventh grade. my birthday was on thursday. i remember walking into school that monday and feeling confident and excited and eager to meet new people, while also being slightly timid and unsure. i knew nothing of this new town or the people who called it home. i made friends that first day and was even invited to a party at kelly pott's house for the following week. i was so excited. as i fell into these new surroundings, i started to notice some differences. the people that i found myself becoming friends with were lovely humans, but they were different from me. they were well-connected, wealthy, and part of the fabric of the comunity. for the first time in my life, i noticed strait away that i was not the same.
i remember that first week oddly well. i couldn't wait for my birthday on thursday because i had only asked for one thing. i coveted, longed for, needed... even before landing in this prestigous town, GUESS JEANS. when i was invited to that first party, just a few days shy of my birthday, i had my outfit planned. i was going to wear my sassy new jeans (that i was for sure going to get) and this amazeballs shirt my sister had given me before leaving for college. it was from panama jack. nailed it. for sure i would be a "cool kid".
and then my birthday came... and there were no guess jeans. in fact, my birthday was mostly forgotten. worst. day. ever.
i was devastated. it was as if my entire life was defined by that moment. i couldn't fathom going forward without the jeans. i had no idea how i would survive the party. for this teenage girl, it was everything. it was the end of the end of the end.
i went to the party in spite of my personal tragedy. i had fun. we danced to mony mony, drank some coca-cola, and i made friends with peeps that would later become "MY peeps". even without the jeans, it was good.
several days following the party i encountered a pair of moms mommas to the kids that i had just bonded with. the peeps that would be my peeps in the years to come. the moms didn't see me, but I saw them. and i overheard a conversation that was not meant for my ears.
"have you met that new girl?'"
"briefly. her parents are divorced! and her mom is handicapped!"
"they live on Shawnee! i am not sure she is good for our girls."
and they went on to discuss all the reasons why, on first glimpse, i was not their person (having never even met me).
SAY WHAT????
can you imagine my 7th grade ears hearing this? it was terrible. they never knew. i ended up being tight with their daughters. BUT! in our beginning my ears heard those words. suddenly, i learned what it meant to be "less than" and a "have not" and being "from the wrong side of the tracks".
my eyes opened up to what it meant to be poor. before this moment, my mom had sheltered me from that. and because my father had a certain level of middle class means, i was exposed to things like nice dinners and fancy family vacations. with my early childhood eyes, i simply never saw what was real. and then suddenly, my reality shifted after accidentally eavesdropping on my new friends parents.
yikes!
i tend to reject what i do not like. and so in true fashion, my personality rejected this entire story. i tried as best i could to just live out "me".
i had an amazing high school experience and there were certainly moments of my identity being altered by lacking history and being judged because my story wasn't understood. but mostly, it was good.
later in my life, i dated someone whose parents COULD. NOT. wrap their heads around the fact that
that i was from a broken home. my parent's divorce difined me. i was damaged goods. i could never be their son's person. in spite of the fact that i was.
a few months ago, the fam and i watched "the greatest showman". SO GOOD! i love me almost any a musical, but THIS musical resonated in so many peculiar ways.
i was hooked from lyric one.
and then i got to THIS IS ME. if you haven't heard it, speed on over to youtube and give it a listen. i'll be right here when you get back.
ok. everyone on the same page now?
stop it. it is simply just TOO GOOD!
it is my jam. i cannot stop listening to it. and now pops has caught the bug and it is pretty much playing some speaker at my house at just about any given moment. and in the car! you should see the jam session. (you might have already at a red light. it's totally cool. don't judge. i was just expressing myself.)
it is my story. it is exactly what i know i am created for/called to .... being my super broken self in this super broken world. claiming a story that is broken but beautiful because of a redemption through christ.
unlovable.
from the wrong side of the tracks.
broken.
sinful.
rejected.
but loved.
accepted.
redeemed.
embraced.
by a god.
who made me for exactly this.
and every one of my broken parts, scars and moments of shame are for a purpose.
EVEN WITHOUT THE JEANS.
you see, the jeans could not, in spite of what i believed in that moment, define me. they had no value. they had no currency on who i was.
i have spent the better part of my adult life learning that i am lovable and good and with purpose. my beautiful father God matched me perfectly with a husband that has spent the better part of the past 16 years showing me that my broken parts are with purpose and being used for good. he has taught me that running away (while very much my nature) doesn't accomplish much and that he loves me exactly as i am. and while my scott has modeled this, i have also learned that it is how God sees me. he sees all my parts. and when He looks at me He sees His glorious creation.
can i get an amen? i mean, for realz. THAT is MY God!
Saturday, June 23, 2018
sweet caroline
dance season 2017-18 is coming to a close this year. today d is rocking out her final performances at her end of year recital.
it never disappoints to see my girl on stage. she shines. she displays a confidence that i didn't know she had. she puts her sass into her hip-hop, her elegance into her ballet, and her eyes and smile radiate when she dances her lyrical number. jumping into the competitive dance arena was a weird one. i am not exactly savvy in this department.
but sometimes, you don't have to be savvy. sometimes you just need a friend by your side as you figure it all out.
when d and i jumped into this dance story, a friend emerged. the momma held my hand as i learned about sock buns and fake eyelashes. we laughed at the comedy that ensued as i took on these new tasks. she showed me the ropes to managing dance costume bags and rolled eyes together as we paid the bill for this sport that our daughters adore. she was my person.
her daughter is d's person. and ironically, also p's person.
you see, sweet caroline dances with d and was in the same class (a while back) with p. and this precious friendship emerged. as sisters, my girls learned how to navigate sharing a friend. i knew when p was born just a year after her sister that there would come a time when the friendship circles might overlap. c was the perfect person to learn to navigate this with. she just fell into place. she is such a special girl. for the last two years she has been d's go-to concerning all things dance. they hang together between dances at competitions, make up dances when they have play dates, rehearse together and critic each others dance moves. at the same time, she is still super tight with p. pops knows that she can share her with her sister and has never once felt like her toes were being stepped on or her feelings were not considered. it has been lovely to watch and has made me pause multiple times over the year to celebrate how sweetly they have all handled this.
today we say goodbye to them as their family moves onto their next chapter. they will love their next adventure and we will be fine. i know. but today it stings just a wee bit. my heart nearly burst as they danced their final number together. it was too much for this momma's heart.
the song that these girls danced together to for lyrical had me from listen one. it is a remake of an r. kelly song and oh so very beautiful. it is a good send off message for our sweet caroline. i know she will rock boise with all of her sass, but if she is ever feeling even a bit overwhelmed or scared, i hope she remembers these lyrics.
it never disappoints to see my girl on stage. she shines. she displays a confidence that i didn't know she had. she puts her sass into her hip-hop, her elegance into her ballet, and her eyes and smile radiate when she dances her lyrical number. jumping into the competitive dance arena was a weird one. i am not exactly savvy in this department.
but sometimes, you don't have to be savvy. sometimes you just need a friend by your side as you figure it all out.
when d and i jumped into this dance story, a friend emerged. the momma held my hand as i learned about sock buns and fake eyelashes. we laughed at the comedy that ensued as i took on these new tasks. she showed me the ropes to managing dance costume bags and rolled eyes together as we paid the bill for this sport that our daughters adore. she was my person.
her daughter is d's person. and ironically, also p's person.
you see, sweet caroline dances with d and was in the same class (a while back) with p. and this precious friendship emerged. as sisters, my girls learned how to navigate sharing a friend. i knew when p was born just a year after her sister that there would come a time when the friendship circles might overlap. c was the perfect person to learn to navigate this with. she just fell into place. she is such a special girl. for the last two years she has been d's go-to concerning all things dance. they hang together between dances at competitions, make up dances when they have play dates, rehearse together and critic each others dance moves. at the same time, she is still super tight with p. pops knows that she can share her with her sister and has never once felt like her toes were being stepped on or her feelings were not considered. it has been lovely to watch and has made me pause multiple times over the year to celebrate how sweetly they have all handled this.
today we say goodbye to them as their family moves onto their next chapter. they will love their next adventure and we will be fine. i know. but today it stings just a wee bit. my heart nearly burst as they danced their final number together. it was too much for this momma's heart.
the song that these girls danced together to for lyrical had me from listen one. it is a remake of an r. kelly song and oh so very beautiful. it is a good send off message for our sweet caroline. i know she will rock boise with all of her sass, but if she is ever feeling even a bit overwhelmed or scared, i hope she remembers these lyrics.
I am a mountain,
I am a tall tree, oh
I am a swift wind
Sweeping the country
I am a tall tree, oh
I am a swift wind
Sweeping the country
I am a river,
Down in the valley, oh
I am a vision
And I can see clearly
Down in the valley, oh
I am a vision
And I can see clearly
If anybody asks you who I am, just stand up tall, look 'em in the face and say
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey I made it, hmm
I'm the worlds greatest
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey I made it, hmm
I'm the worlds greatest
I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it, hmm
I'm the worlds greatest
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it, hmm
I'm the worlds greatest
I am a giant
I am an Eagle oh
I am a lion
Down in the jungle
I am a marching band
I am the people oh
I am a helping hand
I am a hero
I am an Eagle oh
I am a lion
Down in the jungle
I am a marching band
I am the people oh
I am a helping hand
I am a hero
it is a song about confidence and knowing who you are and belief and overcoming obstacles and something that matters to me so very much... strength.
we are so thankful for the time that we were able to spend with them, know them and dance on the same stage together. it is a hard chapter for me to close, but one that d, p and i will remember forever.
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
swim team 2018- Pop-a-licious and her coach
my girls swam their first swim meet of the season this past week. pops, who tends to be a freestyler, hadn't quite found her focus. she was swimming fine, but not quite digging deep.
i, as a mom am cool with her jumping into the water and having fun, have met my match with our coach who taps into her full potential. he pushes her in a beautiful way, to find her best.
this past saturday, we arrived at the pool a smidge early. upon hitting the pool deck, the amazing coach brett approached my fam. as per his usual, he gave fist bumps and encouragement to the family buser. and then he paused. he looked at pops and said, "girl! if you give me a one breather today, i will give you a baby bottle pop from the snack shack." she was IN.
her event arrived and baby girl approached the blocks. i grabbed her towel and headed towards the other end of the pool prepared to warm her up post event. i had forgotten about the deal. i was just worried on keeping her motivated for the remainder of the day. warmth goes a long way.
rewind for a minute.
a few weeks ago, baby girl was fitted for a roof expander at our local orthodontist. pops, who tends to be emotional and dramatic, has rocked the new appliance in her mouth. she shows up every other day for "expanding". she has been easy breezy... which is unlike her.
the night before the swim meet, baby girl reclined on the couch for the expansion "crank" that momma has been implementing. when i went in for the expansion, i noticed a roof full of food.
"pops! do you want me to get that out for you?"
pops- "nope. i'm all good. it's just a carrot."
"pops! are you sure? i have a tool that can pull that right out!"
pops- "nope. i'm all good. it will come out eventually."
fast forward to the swim meet.
pops hits the other side of the pool and kills her time and knocks out a one breather. after the ceremonial hand-shake with her lane neighbors, she exited the pool to be met by her momma with warm towel in hand.
"pops! that was awesome! did you just do a one breather?"
pops- "yep!"
"yay! i am so proud of you!"
pops- "where is coach brett? i need my baby bottle pop!"
momma remembering the bet, "let's go find him!"
pops- "oh, and the carrot came out."
"while you were smimming?"
pops- "yep. i told you it would come out."
and off she went.
i, as a mom am cool with her jumping into the water and having fun, have met my match with our coach who taps into her full potential. he pushes her in a beautiful way, to find her best.
this past saturday, we arrived at the pool a smidge early. upon hitting the pool deck, the amazing coach brett approached my fam. as per his usual, he gave fist bumps and encouragement to the family buser. and then he paused. he looked at pops and said, "girl! if you give me a one breather today, i will give you a baby bottle pop from the snack shack." she was IN.
her event arrived and baby girl approached the blocks. i grabbed her towel and headed towards the other end of the pool prepared to warm her up post event. i had forgotten about the deal. i was just worried on keeping her motivated for the remainder of the day. warmth goes a long way.
rewind for a minute.
a few weeks ago, baby girl was fitted for a roof expander at our local orthodontist. pops, who tends to be emotional and dramatic, has rocked the new appliance in her mouth. she shows up every other day for "expanding". she has been easy breezy... which is unlike her.
the night before the swim meet, baby girl reclined on the couch for the expansion "crank" that momma has been implementing. when i went in for the expansion, i noticed a roof full of food.
"pops! do you want me to get that out for you?"
pops- "nope. i'm all good. it's just a carrot."
"pops! are you sure? i have a tool that can pull that right out!"
pops- "nope. i'm all good. it will come out eventually."
fast forward to the swim meet.
pops hits the other side of the pool and kills her time and knocks out a one breather. after the ceremonial hand-shake with her lane neighbors, she exited the pool to be met by her momma with warm towel in hand.
"pops! that was awesome! did you just do a one breather?"
pops- "yep!"
"yay! i am so proud of you!"
pops- "where is coach brett? i need my baby bottle pop!"
momma remembering the bet, "let's go find him!"
pops- "oh, and the carrot came out."
"while you were smimming?"
pops- "yep. i told you it would come out."
and off she went.
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