Top 14 of 2014

for the better part of the past 7 years i have done a year end post- recapping the highlights of the year.  this year, (2014) will go down in the memory books as the year i lost my grandmother.  that's not exactly a highlight.  for a while, i considered not marking the year.  and then i thought of my grandmother and all that she stood for.

she stood for family, optimism, finding the light in the midst of the dark, smiling and laughing in the most challenging of times...  and all that was good.  when you think of her and all that she lived for, it is hard not to embrace those things.  she wouldn't want 2014 to go down in anyone's books as the year that they lost their light.  and so tonight i dig deep, i push beyond the ache in my heart and i choose to reflect on the good.  and truly, 2014 was filled with a whole lot of good.

(in no particular order...)

no.1

getting a half marathon under my belt.  with this girl.  she is a pro and she walked (ran) me through so many challenges with encouragement, laughter and tolerance.  i wasn't fast, but i finished.  it is something i never even knew i wanted to do, but having done it makes me feel confident, strong and maybe even a little bit fierce.  i know, running is all the rage, so 13.1 doesn't sound like a lot when you look at iron man races, double doubles, full marathons etc., but to this girl it was huge.  and i couldn't have done it without the amazing lynn by my side.  aside from being an amazing athlete, she is an even more amazing friend.

no. 2

soccer season and our inaugural parade.  i have been hesitant to jump into the sporting life for my girls.  i was reluctant to give over our free time to a hijacked weekend schedule.  i wasn't sure how i would juggle homework, dinner, practices and all the driving to and fro.

it was worth it!  both littles wanted to join and with our fingers crossed, we did.  it was AH-mazing!  the coaches, the kiddos, the goals, the parents...  and yes, even the seven am P-town parade.  we loved every minute.

no. 3

the first graduation of my eldest nephew.  he's an awesome kid.  he marched (or should i say tackled) his way to west point.  not only did he accomplish the skills on the field but he had the grades and determination to land him a spot on a college football team.  i am one proud auntie.  seeing him walk across the stage with my momma and sisters and brother by my side was a cool experience.  it was a fun weekend for so many reasons.

there was also something pretty special about oldest nephew graduating while getting to hand with newest nephew.  little william was the cherry on top of that weekend.

no. 4

watching the sisterhood.  my girls can fight like the rest of the sibs of the world.  but sometimes they don't.  i savor the moments when i catch them in love.  they giggle, they smile, and they live in a world that is uniquely their sisterhood.  it makes my heart happy to see them in full action together.

no. 5

swim season.  i had no idea what this family was about to take on, but take it on we did.  coach brett, the dooley family, the volgraff family, the muise family, the krekorian family...  and so many others made this an out of the park pool experience for the buser 5.  i love everything that i saw my girls accomplish and i love everything that our pool community was to us this summer.  it doesn't get much better than watching your kiddos and their kiddos take on challenges and overcome them.  a high five at the end of the lane, a towel clad gang huddled under a tent playing games, conversations with mommas pool-side during practices.  what can i say?  i am in love.

no. 6

sleep away camp for e was off the charts.  i missed her like crazy but she had a blast.  raising kids is all about preparing them for life outside of your home.  e passed with flying colors.  i was skeptical, but that girl rocked her week away from her comfortable life and took on the great outdoors with flying colors.  i wish i could have seen every moment, but the smile on her face when she told me about it spoke volumes.  

no. 7

what do you say about these peeps?  it's hard to put it into words- but when friends become family...  it makes my heart nearly burst out of my chest.  love.  love.  love.  every minute is filled with adventure and every adventure is filled with joy.

no. 8

i said it last year and i'll say it again.  these girls.  they were the beginning of my 5 year love affair with p-town.  they continue to be part of my core and i just know they will be part of my future.  i cherish our annual adventures and can't wait to see what happens next.

no. 9

the buser family trip to puerta vallarta.  i'll admit, the buse was reluctant to let wifey take on the family trip planning.  thankfully, it was a grand time.  we surfed, we kayaked, we swam with dolphins, and we spent a whole lot of time hanging together and making memories as a family.  loved. every. minute.

no. 10

did someone say "sprint triathlon"?  yep.  they sure did.  the timing wasn't perfect (who knew that training with kids over the summer wasn't going to pan out exactly right?), but none-the-less, we did it.  i might still be nursing an injury but an open water swim, crazy bike ride and run with these mommas was certainly worth it.  

no. 11

i know.  my love affair with bethany hamilton is becoming tired to some of you, but it isn't loosing mileage with my girls.  listening to her speak, worshiping with other fans from all over the tri-valley and time with the volgraff and dooley besties is never lost on me.  while it was a hectic night- sitting front and center listening to this lovely couple share their journey, will not soon be forgotten by my clan.  

no. 12

surviving a bathroom remodel- diy style with the hubs.  yep.  we didn't plan for it, but tackle it we did.  i played the role of general contractor and scott played the role of manual laborer.  he tiled, he dry walled, he painted and he plumbed (with a tiny bit of outside help).  six months later, the darling daughters have a new and improved leak proof bathroom to call their own.  amen.

no. 13

seeing my girls and their gravitational pull towards besties.  each one of them has found that go-to peep that they mesh with in an amazing way.  we all need that, don't we?  it feels refreshing to have that person with which you can be totally yourself.  e has her norah.  d has her ava.  p has her indy.  i love each of these kiddos so much and watching them be in relationship with my girls is a truly amazing experience.  2014 has held many occurrences of this momma with her ear pressed up against a door, listening in on the friendship, and smiling.

no. 14

while i lost my grandmother in 2014, her memorial will forever stand in my mind as one of the great events of my life.  yes.  it was filled with loss and sadness.  but more prevalent was the feeling of family.  the buser 5 had the opportunity to travel to my grandmother's home town of wellsville, ny and spend a weekend with our entire extended family (and more).  we had a town wide scavenger hunt taking us through the places in town where my family called home, we had an open mic night to share stories of the childhood that my grandmother nurtured, we ate texas hots together and we celebrated an amazing life that was lived to its fullest every moment.  the weekend even ended with a family track race- browning style.  it's hard to explain what that means to me.  my girls had a chance to see what living life with family looks like- if even for just a short weekend.  i dare to bet that it will mark them in a beautiful way for life. 

it's hard to sum up a year in just 14 things!  there are so many people, so many moments, so much joy that has been had in this difficult but amazing year.  dinners with friends, birthday celebrations, time spent on back porches and under the stars, new babies, encounters with God...  so much joy.  so much love.  so much goodness.  thank you for being part of our story.  our family heart spills right over the top and it is because of the people that we get to call friends and have been given as family.

here's to 2015!  i hope yours is filled with amazing!

jealousy

a few years ago in a small group we attended, i was prodded to explore jealously.  "what are you jealous of?"

it rocked me a little bit because i don't find myself to be a jealous person.  but upon exploration of the topic i realized that I DO have jealousy issues.  i am jealous of family.  ick.  i hated the realization but it rang true.  i hated the fact that we didn't have "go to" family members who would pick my kids up in a pinch or give us a date night when our marriage was begging for it.  i longed for the reprieve of handing our kiddos over to someone who "knew" them and would step in on a dime.

i know that i have highlighted my awesomeness on diary of a suburban momma over the years, but this post is about to take the cake!  giggle.  (humbled again by the motherhood...)

suburban momma has been thinking about a lot of things as of late.  the most common theme of reflection has been that the buser clan has been residents of the state of california for FIVE years.  yup.  on september 11th we celebrated our five year anniversary.

and for the past month i have been deep in thought about what that means- where we've come from and where we stand now.  it is an interesting reflection and a smile crosses my face every time i think upon it.  five years is a long time.

but before i can go to the present, i need to reflect on the past.

right before i left chicago, my favorite peeps got together and threw me a non-surprise surprise party. knowing that i am not a huge fan of the unpredictable, they let me know a few days before the event that it was happening.  it was perfect in every way.  veronica hosted and the fete was filled with champagne, cheese, and lemon meringue pie, along with my favorite people.  we mingled, we dined and then we toasted.

during the toasting portion of the evening, i presented each girlie with a crystal heart dangling from a silk ribbon.  i gave it to each person as a "think of me" memento.  my friend, brooke, took it to a new level.  she suggested that when we looked at the heart, each momma would commit to pray for my development of meaningful friendships.

i was in tears.

brooke knows this girly well.  she (and the rest of the peeps around the table) knew that i needed to be circled by special women.  women that are real.  women that don't judge.  women that love well, smile often and bring laughter to my day-to-day life.  she knew that i needed real, solid, in-depth friendship to sustain me.

it was a beautiful send-off as it was exactly the prayer of my heart.

it spoke to my need for "family".

five years later, i can say with confidence, that God has heard that prayer.  and it hasn't just been for me, but it has been for the whole buser bunch.  each of us has that solid "family" in our lives from the people that we have been surrounded with in p-town.  but it wasn't until very recently that i realized the fullness of the answer.

for the better part of the past five years, suburban momma has found herself in an interesting place.  at the start of each school year i get that "emergency contact" form and i have to decide who is best suited to be our go-to peeps.  we have no family that would constitute a quick "go-to" to fill the bill.  my phone has been scheduled for years with alarms to remind me of when to leave the house to pick up each kiddo and my biggest fear is the "what if" surrounding me...  what if i don't make it?  what will happen then?  the california buser family doesn't have a back-up plan.  this momma is it.  aside from me there hasn't been a sure bet for who would pick up the pieces if something fell out of place.

God is good.

this past week, that need for "family" was highlighted and an answer to the question i never wanted to ask came to light...

one morning as momma was giving the girls breakfast, i got a text from d's bestie's mom asking for a play date.

yes, please.  d would love it.

after school i picked up p and headed towards the mall in search of "mustache day" gear (the following day was supposed to be mustache day at our elementary school- and a girl has GOT to have  the appropriate gear when the need presents itself).

i was in a bit of hurry because i knew i needed to head back to school to pick up d in an hour.  p and i scoured a few stores and couldn't find what we needed.  apparently, there were bunches of other mommas on the hunt as well.

i was about to hustle her out of the mall empty handed to pick up d when i realized that d was getting picked up by her friend's mom.  the gift of time had presented itself.  hooray!  mustache hunt back on!

p and i headed into another store.  we found some stache gear and realized we even had some extra time.

"pops, do you want to grab lunch at nerdy cafe for a special "you and me kid" treat?"

yes!!!!  yes, i would!

and so we headed into the restaurant to grab an unexpected late lunch.

as we were sitting at the table waiting for out meals to be presented (and playing a high stakes game of tic-tac-toe), a text came in from a friend of mine...

"...i've got d"

my mind started racing and panic eclipsed my heart.

"why does she have d?"

and then it hit me- d's bestie is a later gator and d is an early bird (this is way too confusing to explain to the rest of the free world- but let me sum it up by saying that every kid in p-town is on a unique pick-up/drop-off schedule and this week was the first week of that unique timing situation.  i had known that d's friend was on a different dismissal schedule and somehow with my three kiddos and their own unique dismissal schedule (5 pick-ups and drop-offs to one school), i had gotten confused.

d was alone in front of the school and i was not there to receive her.

dread and shame and "how in the heck did this happen" crashed over me... and i was sitting in NORDY CAFE having lunch with my third.  this was so unnecessary and insane and i kept picturing my d sobbing her eyes out thinking that i had abandoned her.

the hit to my motherhood stung.

i was texting back and forth with my friend who had d (who seemed VERY un-phased by this), grabbing to-go boxes and busting-a-move to the car.  the entire way to school (a few miles away) i was speeding and near hysterics.

and then as i sat at the last RED LIGHT (they were ALL red that day), a thought crossed over me...

i have so much to be THANKFUL for!  here i was, confused with a schedule and i had someone that covered me.

she didn't hesitate.

she didn't even seemed fussed by any of it (in spite of her own motherhood of three girls)...

she just jumped right in and served as "family".

it was exactly what i had always hoped for, right there in front of my eyes.

i pulled up to school and sweet becky had my girl and two of her girls playing tag on the front lawn of school.  and d was happy.  when i hugged her and told her how sorry i was (explaining the mix-up), she said simply, "it wasn't a big deal, mom."


and really, it wasn't.  my d was with someone that was safe, warm and comfortable.

was it an "awesome mom moment"?  not for me.  i forgot to pick up my girl from school.  sigh.  but it WAS an awesome moment.  it was a moment where i realized how rich our lives are.

and for me- it was even bigger than that.  it was a moment where i realized that God is in the details.  God has given me local "family".  i can "forget" a kid but our world is filled with people who step in and serve as "my peeps" who tend to my needs, love on my girls and make sure we are cared for.  d knew where to go.  she knew what was safe.  and that person responded in a loving, kind familial sort of way.

california is our home now.

and five years later, my heart is so full of bursting for these people that care for us in ways that i never could have anticipated.  the friendships that each of us have formed are AMAZING.  we are surrounded by people that love on us exactly how we need to be loved and fill our void of "family".

i am beyond thankful for the women that prayed for us.  brooke had insight into our needs far beyond what i could have known to ask for.  and the women that have stepped in and responded to those needs- you fill my heart.

words cannot express what it feels like to know that you aren't alone in the world.

i didn't know what i would need when we began this journey, but God did.  and he has filled that need on both sides- in giving me people that would be my prayer warriors and giving me people that would be my answer to prayer.

and tonight, five years later, i have a very full heart.

it is a happy anniversary, indeed!  jealous?  with God, there is no place for that!  He meets our needs and then exceeds them beyond expectation.

Popsie

this girl!  my sweet p!  she has kissed 4 goodbye and is running full throttle into 5.  how in the world did that happen?  

4 has been such a fun year with my popsie!  it has been a year of watching her come into herself in so many beautiful ways.

i was putting together some pictures for this post and just couldn't choose.  my heart is nostalgic as this little birdie is changing from baby to girl way too fast!

many months back, pops walked into my room in the morning.  i was still sound asleep.  she stood next to my face (like right there!) and declared, "momma!  i want to sing you a song."

i was asleep, mind you, so it took a few moments to open my eyes and register what was going on.  she repeated her intentions.  when i finally got on her page and realized that it was time to open my eyes, i asked her to sing.

"wait, mom.  i need to crawl up in your bed and sing it in your ear.  i want to be close to you!"

and with that she climbed up on the bed, curled up next to me with her sweet little mouth a few inches from my ear.  

and she began to sing in the sweetest, softest voice.

a little bit of love goes a long, long way.  a little bit of love goes a long, long way!

over the sea of galilee there gathered a big crowd.  

the food ran out without a doubt and the boy said out loud.  

i'll share my 2 fish and my five loaves of bread.  

so jesus took them in his hand and the multitudes were fed.

a little bit of love goes a long, long way.

a little bit of love goes a long, long, way.

oooo oooo

a little bit of love.

and then she kissed me on the forehead and hopped down off the bed.  "come on, mom.  it's time to get up."

and my heart nearly burst with love for this girl, once again.  

later in the day, when she will willing to divulge more information, she informed me that she had learned the song at school.  

having been a sunday school attendee since birth, i was slightly shocked that this song existed and that i had never heard it before...  but i think that made it even more special.  it was her song.

and for the better part of the year, she has shared that song with me (and countless others) at random. the song is a perfect match for my sweet p.  one of the brightest parts of penelope is her heart.  it FEELS.  she has a keen sense of the hearts around her and at just the right moments, the moments when you need it the most, she gives you a dose of love.  her love is always pure and without restraint.  it is a healing love.  it is a sincere love.  it is filled with compassion and it is flawlessly timed.

and it is the perfect balance to so many OTHER parts of poppy...  (giggle)

this girl has taken my parenting patience to a whole new level.  she tests me and pushes me and challenges me.  she makes me pull lose my mind and then she brings it right back to this...

a little bit of love.

at five, she is still rocking her uggs.

her favorite food is dessert.

she has added apple slices to her "acceptable cuisine" list- making it THE ONLY fruit that girlie will eat.  sigh.  she has also added carrots and ranch to her very small list of vegetables that she will nibble (topping the list are roasted broccoli and asparagus).  her favorite book is vader's little princess (yup.  a star wars story).

she sneaks the ipad whenever momma is distracted and maxes out her screen time daily.  double sigh.  she loves playing with her sisters, alone time with mom or dad, and cuddles.  she makes friends easily but can also play by herself with full contentment.  she is sarcastic, emotional and slightly sassy.

she still hides behind my leg when addressed by someone new, but sheds her "shy" quickly.  she likes art projects and being read books.  she loves swimming and has taught herself freestyle and backstroke while watching her sisters swim this season.  she also taught herself to dive.  she is determined and independent at times, and then there are the moments when she pulls out the "baby of the family" card and does the exact opposite.

and she is funny.  really, really funny.  she has got some one liners that will move you to full belly laugh in a heartbeat.  and she knows comedic timing.  she lets her sillies fly at just the right moments.

happy birthday, penelope!  

yup.  that's a christmas dress.  the top is velvet.  she wore it to the fireworks.  in july.

with her uggs...  because?...  well, that's easy.  because she's poppy and THAT is exactly how she rolls.